Again, Alabama

by Susan Sands

  It wasn’t something she felt comfortable doing over the phone, but keeping Jason in limbo wasn’t fair either. They’d been good together, but suddenly, good wasn’t enough.

  She and Grey had left things exactly as they were—uncertain what their next step would be. He had no idea of her definitive decision to end things with Jason. No matter the outcome with Grey, Jason wasn’t her future. Heading to the lake with her siblings looked more and more appealing to Cammie now. She needed to get away and clear her head. But all she really wanted was to drag Grey back here and hold him captive in her bed.

  She was pulled from her steamy thoughts by her phone’s vibrating. She noticed Jason’s number on the display. Her stomach clenched, and guilt overwhelmed her. “Hello?”

  “Hey there, stranger. How are you?” His voice was warm, but different.

  “I’m doing well, you?” This was so awkward.

  “Do you think it’s time we talk about our situation?” He asked.

  Relief and dread in equal parts flooded in. “Yes, Jason, I do.”

  “You know, I’m not as naïve as you seem to think.”

  “What does that mean?” She was hedging and knew it.

  “What’s his name? You stopped being mine the minute you landed there. He must have been waiting for you the day you arrived.” He sounded a little bitter.

  That definitely caught her off guard. “What does that mean?”

  “The guy from your past. Has he been there the whole time? He’s the reason you couldn’t commit to me or set a wedding date isn’t he?”

  She was busted. “His name is Grey Harrison. How did you know?” She’d never said anything specifically.

  “He was the one who hurt you back then, wasn’t he?”

  “Yes; he married my best friend, they had a daughter and she died awhile back.”

  He whistled softly.

  “He and I have quite a past.”

  “I’ll say. Do you trust him now?” He asked.

  “Yes. He’s not the issue. I’m the one with all the screwy problems.” She ran a hand through her hair.

  “Because of him?” His tone lacked heat as he pointed out the obvious.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Sounds like a reality television show.” He said.

  “You’re right, it does. But we were all really young and stupid. Deb worked him over. Not that I don’t blame him for some of what happened, but I understand things better now than I did then.”

  He let it drop. “Are you keeping your house here?”

  “I’m not sure, yet.” Jason lived only minutes away down the beach. He was her neighbor, which is how they met originally.

  “So, what are your plans with Grey?”

  “I really don’t know.”

  “I’ve met someone, Cammie.”

  This surprised her. “Oh? I—I guess congratulations are in order.”

  “Not yet. We’re taking it very slow. For now, we’re friends, and I didn’t want to lead her on if you and I had anything left dangling between us.” He sounded sad.

  “I’m sorry, Jason. I really wanted it to work out between us. My past has had me strangled for too many years. I’ve got to see this through, whether it works out with Grey or I end up alone. At least I’ll be free of the awful anger and regret.”

  Jason sighed. “Good luck, Cammie. I’ve missed you. I want you to be happy. Let me know what you plan to do with the house. I might have a buyer if you decide to sell.”

  She smiled into the phone. “Thanks, Jason. Take care of yourself.”

  They hung up. No matter where she went from here, at least she knew Jason was okay.

  *

  Grey was greeted at the door by Samantha and his father when he arrived home. “Hey, what’s up?”

  Both Samantha and his father’s expressions were quite comical and dramatic, but Samantha said, “Grandma called.”

  He’d planned to set up a supervised visit soon, but hadn’t gotten around to it. Truth be told, he’d been avoiding Deb’s mother like the plague.

  A couple weeks after they’d arrived back in town, Grey had given in and stopped by with Samantha at Trudy’s house for a short visit. It hadn’t gone especially well. Trudy had chained smoked the entire time and barreled through three neat scotches. He really hadn’t meant for this much time to go by without another visit, but no time had seemed like a good time.

  Norman asked, “What do you think about having her over?”

  Grey watched his father make a face as he said this. She was one of the few people he’d like to push off a cliff. Grey stifled a smile.

  Trudy believed they’d intentionally kept her from Samantha.

  It was true she’d called repeatedly and Grey had found a multitude of reasons for not returning her call or setting up a visit. He just hadn’t been ready for Trudy and her over imposing accusations and unpredictable behavior.

  He supposed he’d have to break down and have her over. “It’s your call, Sam. We’ll do what you’re okay with.”

  This woman had caused unnamed issues and exacerbated conflict at every turn between him and Deb during their marriage, especially after Samantha was born. That was specifically what she thrived on—conflict.

  He wouldn’t allow her to get under his skin any longer. And he knew she set Samantha on edge, but there wasn’t any way around their spending small amounts of time together.

  “I guess we could have her over soon,” Sam said. She really was a good sport. Or maybe she wanted her grandmother’s company. Either way, it was unfair to keep Trudy away indefinitely.

  “That sounds like a good plan. You can give her a call back and invite her to dinner this weekend.”

  “What if she wants me to go someplace with her or go to her house? I don’t think I want to do that,” Sam said.

  “You only have to do what you’re ready to do. If she asks for something else, I’ll get on the phone and work out the details so you don’t have to have any conflict with Grandma Trudy.”

  Sam appeared relieved. “Okay. I’ll call her back.”

  Grey’s parent radar warned him that Trudy was bound to upset their tentative balance if allowed.

  Sabine might have some good advice in dealing with Trudy. The sad truth was that she was Samantha’s only living grandmother and she was part of Sam’s life, like it or not.

  Grey poked his head inside Samantha’s room after a quick knock.

  “You okay?”

  She was sitting on her bed with schoolbooks spread around.

  “I guess. She said she could come over Saturday night and that she wants Grandpa’s chicken and dumplings. Why is Grandma Trudy so strange?” She asked.

  Grey didn’t want to impose his own prejudices on her, so her tried to appear nonchalant, “I think she’s still sad from losing your Mom, so to her, you’re the next best thing. Spending time with you makes her feel closer to her own daughter. Plus, she loves you, sweetheart. You’re her only granddaughter.” He cleared a space just large enough to sit beside her.

  “I guess. But I don’t feel normal around her. She said she wants to take me shopping. Do I have to go?”

  “No, you don’t. You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable doing. I would prefer she visit you here as well. And you should always tell me if anything she says or does confuses or upsets you, okay?” He laid his arm across her slim shoulders.

  “Okay, I promise.” Sam leaned her head on his chest and he gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head.

  “I love you, kiddo, and I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

  “I know, Daddy.”

  “You need any help in here?” He stood and motioned to the books.

  “No, I’ve got it.” But she yawned as she said it.

  “Don’t stay up too late, you hear?”

  “I won’t. I didn’t have quite as much to finish tonight as I told Grandma. I just didn’t feel like having a long talk on the phone. I’m sorry for ly
ing.”

  “You know I don’t like dishonesty, but I understand why you stretched the truth just this once. Goodnight, honey.”

  He shut her door, glad they were communicating so well again, and hoping like everything she was back on the road to healthy and positive emotional development.

  He just wanted her to grow up to be a happy, well-adjusted child despite all the bad things she’d been dealt.

  Grey double-checked all the locks throughout the old house, making certain even the windows were secure.

  He showered quickly, and then climbed into his bed, realizing he hadn’t had a moment to reflect on what had happened earlier with Cammie. All the emotions and sensations flooded back the instant he began to relax and allow himself to remember. It was like a dream, one he hadn’t dared allow himself to believe would ever come true.

  He fell asleep with a hard-on and a smile.

  Chapter Fifteen

  ‡

  Maureen sent Howard away after they’d spent a couple hours reminiscing, both lost in shared memories. They’d laughed, and even cried just a little. It had been such a long time ago. But his coming here had erased the years, bringing back poignant reminders of what might have been. Difficult as it was, she had to reject his loving offer of spending time together and, maybe, just maybe, the possibility of rediscovering someone with whom to share the rest of her years. Yet, she’d made the right decision for everyone else.

  He’d been hurt, and hadn’t quite understood why she wouldn’t even entertain the idea. She’d told him a partial truth; that she hadn’t wanted her family to figure out the nature of their past relationship, and somehow change their opinion of her at this stage in their lives—in her life.

  Hopefully, he would take her at her word and not try again. She’d gone for closure with their meeting, but she was left feeling guilty, deeply guilty. She envisioned the kind of loneliness he must live every day, and couldn’t imagine it. No family, none. If she were to expose her secrets and open her heart to him, his world would expand exponentially. Hers would implode.

  She must spend her time soul-searching, praying, and hoping for divine guidance in this matter. Never had she been so conflicted. Well, almost never.

  And she simply couldn’t allow herself another opportunity for that kind of pain. Which made her think of Cammie’s current situation. She realized there might have been a possibility of a different ending with Grey had Maureen turned over the letter that he’d left for Cammie during all the mess with Deb.

  Maureen still held the letter—and the guilt. She’d never given it to Cammie, and even now Maureen believed that, at the time, it had been best for her daughter. Maureen also realized her decision had been colored by her own fear of abandonment after what she’d experienced with Howard. But that was water under the bridge, and Cammie was all good now—well, she seemed to be.

  *

  Cammie and Grey avoided each other until the end of his workday, but when she showed up, hair unbound with a cold beer in her hand, in a robe without a stitch on underneath, Grey forgot all about his tools and the beer.

  “You are driving me crazy, woman,” he was nearly wild with lust by the time they reached her bedroom. He could hardly take the time to wrestle himself out of his jeans and boots before they were tangled together and sweat-slickened, making passionate love on her big bed.

  She couldn’t seem to get enough of him, which thrilled his ego and his heart equally. At some point they would sit down and talk about feelings, but right now he planned to enjoy the ride—literally.

  *

  Another day passed like the last; only yesterday, neither of them had managed to accomplish much. How long had this been going on now? Two, three days? She’d waited as long as possible before heading in where Grey was working. What the hell was wrong with her? She was like a female dog in heat. He was all she could think about. Correction—having sex with him was all she could think about. Maybe they were making up for the ten years of not having each other. It was like the movies. The naughty ones.

  She’d vowed after their first encounter to stay away from him and work at sorting out her emotions. Screw that. Maybe working him out of her system physically first would clear her head so she could think a single rational thought.

  Thank goodness she was heading to the lake tomorrow with her siblings. They’d been like animals for three days straight.

  “You know I’m leaving for the cabin with my sisters and brother tomorrow morning for the day.” She traced the curve of his shoulder with her forefinger.

  “Uh-huh.” His eyes were closed, their foreheads touching.

  “Maybe you’ll miss me?”

  He kissed the top of her head; “I’ve missed you since I was twenty-one years old, Cammie Laroux. The past three days have been like nonstop Christmas to a little kid for me.”

  “Why did you sleep with Deb all those years ago?” The question crossed her lips before she could retract it.

  He stiffened. “You want to do this now?”

  “Why not?” Yes, why not? Now was as good a time as any.

  “Okay, I guess this is long overdue,” he agreed, without enthusiasm. “I’d hoped my letter would have helped back then.”

  “What letter?” Curious, Cammie pulled away and sat back against the pillows.

  “The letter I left for you. My feeble attempt at an explanation of everything that had happened. I gave it to your mother and got her word that she would make sure she gave it to you as soon as she saw you.”

  Cammie frowned. “There was no letter. I asked over and over when I spoke with her if you’d tried to contact me, and she said you hadn’t.” Shocked and angry at the time, she’d run as far and as fast as she could the moment she’d heard about Deb’s pregnancy. But then she’d returned and wanted answers. By then, it had been too late. They’d already gotten married.

  “I can’t believe that. Your mother wouldn’t have broken her word.”

  “No. I can’t imagine she would.” Cammie shook head.

  Grey snorted. “It was the night you called the fraternity house at Auburn and heard that silly, drunk girl in the background. You broke up with me because I wanted to stay for the big game and you thought it was because I was cheating on you.”

  “I did think that. I was so young and jealous that you would rather do something besides be with me.” It had been an awful gut-ripping feeling, believing he stayed at school to be with another girl.

  “Well, as soon as you hung up, I grabbed my things and drove like a maniac back to Ministry. Your mom told me you didn’t want to see me. So I went out to my dad’s barn with a couple bottles of Boone’s Farm and figured you’d cool down by the next morning. But I was pretty torn up, and angry.”

  “I never knew you were there. Mom must have thought I wouldn’t want you around after she’d overheard our argument.”

  “I’m assuming you called your good friend, Deb, and poured your heart out?” He cocked up an eyebrow.

  “Yes. I was so upset and I needed a sympathetic ear.”

  “She must have tried to call me at the frat house, or driven by my house and seen my truck, because she came out to the barn bent on seduction and I was ripe for some tender lovin’ that night.” Grey’s expression of self-loathing made her sad.

  Cammie could picture a despondent, young Grey drinking in his daddy’s barn approached by a sexy, sweetly accommodating Deb. And young Deb knew how to work it.

  “The two of you were not fifty yards away in the barn while I was up here crying my eyes out.” She teared up for a moment, and then shook her head to clear it. “I don’t blame you, Grey, I really don’t. Deb was a vixen when she set her mind to something or someone.” Cammie took a breath, trying to remain calm. She couldn’t be angry at a dead person.

  “How could you say that? I loved you—I was weak and frustrated, but it wasn’t an excuse for betraying your trust. I hated myself afterward. You were right; Deb wasn’t one of my favorite people. She sens
ed it, I think, and it motivated her even more.” He tried to smile, but was unsuccessful.

  She moved closer to him. “Deb figured out how to accomplish her goal and took the opportunity she’d been waiting for. I see that now. It was a jealousy thing. My family had more money, more respectability. I had the football quarterback. She wanted what I had.”

  “She got it, too. But she wasn’t sane, Cammie. As truly mean-spirited as it all sounds, she was mentally ill. I married her because she threatened suicide, and she accused me of ruining her life. Looking back, I see it wasn’t completely my fault, but at twenty-one, I played right in to it.”

  “Oh, Grey, I’m sorry you had to sacrifice so much time to someone who made you so miserable.” Cammie had spent years nurturing hurt, angry feelings, but now, she was beginning to understand what a difficult position he’d been in at the time.

  “I wasn’t blameless, so don’t think I believe it. It’s been a tough road, but I have my daughter.” He sighed deeply, “Deb approached me about six weeks after—the barn, after you and I were back together. I kept silent about what had happened between the two us in the barn until she told me about the baby and demanded we get married right away. I should have told you about sleeping with her, but I was so scared you’d never forgive me.”

  “I really don’t know what I’d have done back then if you’d confessed to sleeping with her. I likely would have broken up with you; maybe I’d never have trusted you again. I guess the ending could have been the same, except you wouldn’t have married her and you wouldn’t have had Samantha.” This was part of why she was so confused right now.

  “I tried to find you before you heard about the baby. I wanted you to understand how everything had gone so wrong, what had led up to it. But she’d gotten to you first—even before she came to me. Then she had a miscarriage before we married. I thought I was home free.”

  Cammie sat up. “Deb came to me and told me the two of you had slept together, that you’d taken advantage of her when she was drunk one night, and she was pregnant with your baby. But, why did you marry her after the miscarriage?” Cammie wouldn’t ever forget Deb’s tearful dramatic performance. She’d twisted things like she’d done Cammie a favor for discovering his true colors.