Now Until Forever

by Karen White-Owens

  “You know exactly what I’m saying. Together we’re whole. Complete. Separately, we flounder like fish washed up on the beach.”

  “Sex. You’re talking about sex. Of course, we’re better together. I don’t have a lot of fun alone when it comes to sex.”

  “That’s part of it. But there’s more. In bed, out of bed. You and I function great together. We complete each other. I felt it almost immediately after we met. Didn’t you?”

  Yes, she did. Honestly, those feelings had been so strong that they’d frightened her, made her shy away from them. But Ryan didn’t intend to tell him that.

  Using her fingers to create quote marks, she said, “You’re trying to play on the ‘we belong together crap.’ Let me tell you, it’s not going to work.”

  Ryan was lying. She understood exactly what he was saying. There was a special something about them. They fit perfectly together, in a way she’d never felt with any man, including her husband.

  Folding her arms around the clipboard, Ryan stood, with a sour expression on her face, hoping he couldn’t see the hope in her eyes. “I think you’re trying to sell me a boatload of used goods. But, I’m going to give you a chance to convince me. Make me understand,” she challenged. “You’re not God, Keir. It’s not your job to make decisions for the people you care about.”

  “That wasn’t my intention. I want to protect you.” Unconsciously, he placed his hands on her shoulders. After a week of no contact, it felt heavenly to feel the warmth of his touch. “I wanted to cut through the bull and do something special for you. What good is being the head of a studio if I can’t help and protect the people I care about?”

  “You can’t control everything.”

  “That wasn’t my plan. All I wanted to do was go on vacation with you. Spend time with you and enjoy your company. I repeat, what’s the point in being the head of a company if you can’t offer the people you care about a few perks?”

  “Keir, why are you so intent on running things?” Ryan touched his arm. “You can’t make our lives perfect. It just isn’t possible. We’re human beings, who make mistakes. What’s really going on in your head?”

  He rubbed fingers back and forth across his forehead and then admitted in a soft tone, “I don’t want us to end up like Shannon and me.”

  Confused, Ryan opened her mouth to ask for more info but instantly shut it.

  Keir continued. “When I married my wife, I planned to be with her until one of us died.”

  Ryan moved closer, sensing Keir wanted to reveal the truth. “Why aren’t you together?”

  “Most people believe we split because of some issues with infidelity. That’s the last problem we had. I never cheated on my wife, and I never would. What really happened is I got so wrapped up in my work that I forgot to take time out and be with my family. I let them slip away.”

  She gnawed on her bottom lip before asking, “When you finally realized what was going on, did you try to change things?”

  “It was too late.” Shaking his head, Keir let out a shaky breath. “Shannon couldn’t handle the stress of the Hollywood lifestyle. We’d get dressed up like dolls and attended premieres of movies she didn’t know anything about. It was all too much for her. Stand here; smile pretty. Shannon hated it. Once the fighting started, it seemed as if we couldn’t stop.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Nothing. Worked more hours. Stayed at the office longer so that I didn’t have to hear her mouth.”

  Ryan gently stroked Keir’s arm. “It’s not your fault. There were two people in your marriage.”

  “It was. I should have been more aware of what was happening in my household. We should have talked more. I should have been more available so Shannon wouldn’t feel so isolated or alone. That’s what really broke up our marriage.”

  “So you want to make sure we don’t end up the same way? Am I correct?”

  Keir nodded. “It’s difficult to have this kind of career and maintain a family life. So much of my time is spent looking for production dollars, promoting a new idea or movie. I don’t want you to think you are a second-class citizen in this relationship. We should be happy and spend time together. That’s why I tried to smooth the way. Make things come out right for us.”

  “Honey”—she held his hand—“you can’t control every aspect of our lives. You’ve got to go with the flow. There’s only one way to do that. Talk to me. Offer your help honestly. Don’t go behind my back. I’ve worked too hard to maintain a clean reputation. It’s pretty much shot now.”

  “I was only trying to help.”

  “I know. But, Keir, you can’t run my life or make choices for me. I won’t live that way.”

  Frowning down at Ryan, he asked, “What are you saying?”

  “Unless I come to you, don’t step in. Let me sort things out for myself.”

  Keir removed the clipboard from her grasp and tossed it on a sofa, taking her hands between his. “Let’s try again. I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

  “I don’t know. You put my career in jeopardy. Ignored my wishes. How can I trust you?”

  “That’s a good question. I think the only way you’ll know for sure is to let me prove it to you. I admit, it’s hard to let things happen without my guiding hand. But I’m willing to try, if you are.”

  Keir kissed her lips, touching her gently before stepping back. When she didn’t protest, he moved closer, wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her against him. Ryan let out a contented sigh. She loved being near him, taking in his cologne and unique scent.

  Should she give them a second try? She’d already risked so much to be in this relationship. Did they deserve a little more time to see if it would work between them? Ryan wanted to. She missed him deeply.

  Stepping away from the warmth of his body, she wagged a finger at him, threatening, “No more going behind my back. If you do, I swear, I’ll end it with you, quit, and find myself another job.”

  He pulled her close and muttered into her hair, “We’ll make it work. I promise.”

  Chapter 21

  The sky was ablaze with a rainbow of bright colors as Ryan, Keir, and his children cruised along the highway on their way to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. Sunglasses perched on her nose, Ryan sank deeper into the Hummer’s front passenger seat, fighting valiantly to ignore the bickering children in the backseat. From the scowl etched into Keir’s face, it was clear that his tolerance level bordered near critical mass. If Adam and Emily didn’t settle down real quick, they were headed for a severe reprimand.

  After taking a quick peek at the pair, Ryan shuddered, wondering how Keir had persuaded her to accompany the trio this evening. The word “relationship” popped into her head, flashing in bold, neon letters. That was why she’d agreed to this evening. The need to develop a place for herself in Adam and Emily’s lives was imperative.

  Generally, unless Glo scheduled her for the weekend shift, Ryan reserved Friday nights to kick back and relax after the hectic pace of the week. She took a second peek at the pair and caught Adam snatching a handheld electronic game from Emily. The little girl let out a piercing howl of outrage, which vibrated throughout the Hummer, and then repeated her older sibling’s gesture before scooting as far away from Adam as her seat belt allowed. Silently, Ryan admitted it might have been a good idea to pass on dinner, stay home, call for a pizza, and then finish off her evening with a chilled glass of wine.

  So why had she agreed? The simple truth remained: if she planned to stay in this relationship, she must establish some level of friendship with the kids. That wouldn’t happen if she didn’t go on outings like this one. So here she sat, listening to Keir’s children snipe at each other.

  “Dad-dee.” Emily shifted between the bucket seats to moan close to her father’s ear.

  “Sit back and snap your seat belt,” Keir commanded.

  Emily brought her hand to her mouth and whispered, “I got to go.”

  “Go where?” the
clueless father asked, while keeping his eyes on the road. He expertly maneuvered the Hummer through the rush-hour traffic.

  The five-year-old looked in Ryan’s direction, and then she lowered her voice a notch. “You know. To the bathroom.”

  Keir flinched, and then a frown spread across his face. “Why didn’t you go before we left Ryan’s?”

  Emily sighed and then replied, as if she were speaking to the town idiot, “I didn’t have to go then.”

  Adam poked a finger in his sister’s rib cage. “That’s what you get for stealing my soda.”

  Emily used both hands to shove back, answering in a tone fit for a queen addressing an underling. “I did not.”

  “Yes, you did,” exclaimed Adam.

  Ryan rolled her eyes, feeling the first pulse of a headache forming between them. Hopefully, this wouldn’t be the extent of adult conversation for the evening. Her gaze slid over the pair an additional time and then landed on Adam. Although the boy’s attitude toward the new woman in his father’s life had thawed, going from frosty to tepid, Adam and Emily remained a united team against Ryan.

  “Can you hold it until we get to the restaurant?” Keir asked as he took his eyes off the road for a minute to study the child’s face.

  “No,” Emily groaned. “I got to go now.”

  Sighing, Ryan pointed at the green highway sign, instructing, “Take this exit and loop around. We’re not that far from my house.”

  “No,” Keir stated. “Let her wait until we get to Outback.”

  “Please, dad-dee!” Emily begged like a child dying of thirst. “I need to go now.”

  Ryan gazed at the child’s contorted face and wiggling little body and took pity on the girl. She placed an encouraging hand on Keir’s arm, suggesting, “There’s no point in making her wait. It’s easier to go back to my place. We should still be able to make our reservation.”

  “Damn!” Keir hit the right turn signal and merged into the exit lane. “You’re probably right.”

  Seven minutes later the Hummer rolled to a stop in Ryan’s driveway. The little girl hopped out of the car once her father shifted the transmission into neutral and ran toward the porch. Ryan followed at a slower pace, digging in her purse for her keys.

  Once Ryan turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, Emily slipped into the house and stood dancing from foot to foot in the hallway as she waited for Ryan to give her permission to go to the second floor.

  Ryan pointed at the stairs and directed, “Go on up.”

  Without a comment, Emily raced up the stairs. Seconds later a door slammed shut.

  With nothing to do, Ryan took a seat on the sofa and thumbed through a copy of Good Housekeeping until an article about growing perfect roses caught her eye. Ryan forgot everything around her, focusing on the information. Once she read the final paragraph, she shut the magazine and glanced at the clock. It had been a few minutes since Emily went upstairs. What was going on? Chuckling softly, Ryan wondered if the girl had fallen into the toilet. Curious, Ryan dropped the magazine on the coffee table and headed to the staircase.

  Some instinct cautioned her against calling out once she reached the second floor. Quietly easing down the hallway, Ryan halted at the open bathroom door. Emily was not in the bathroom. Puzzled, she started down the hall and stopped at an open bedroom door.

  Emily stood before one of four curio cabinets, admiring the lit cases full of dolls. Slowly pushing the door open farther, Ryan stepped inside. “Hi.”

  Embarrassed, the girl whipped around to face the adult. Her eyes were as large as soccer balls. “I-I-I ...”

  Smiling reassuringly, Ryan moved into the room and stopped next to Keir’s daughter. “Don’t be scared. You’re fine.”

  “Whose room is this?”

  “My mother’s.”

  “Are these her dolls?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “This was my family’s hobby.”

  “How come there’s so many?”

  Wetting her lips with her tongue, Ryan said, “Collecting dolls was something we shared. Mom collected toys long before I was born. After a while, her interest turned to dolls. Once I got old enough, I joined in.”

  This had been her mother’s passion and their hobby. Ryan stood directly behind Emily and took a look around the room. Dolls of every size, shape, and variety dominated the room. Barbie and Ken dolls through the ages filled two wooden curio cabinets. The third and fourth curio cabinets held dolls from around the world, and a series of Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls found a home on the bed, while the two windowsills were lined with Cabbage Patch dolls. All were perfectly cared for, maintained, and preserved.

  “These were my sister’s,” Ryan said as she pointed at the Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls.

  “You’ve got a sister?”

  Ryan nodded. “And an older brother, just like you.”

  Emily moved to the bed and fingered the white lace on Raggedy Ann’s pink dress. She smoothed the hair made of yarn and asked, “Does your sister live here?”

  “No. She’s got her own home and family.”

  Horror spread across Emily’s young face. “Your sister left her dolls?”

  Ryan wanted to laugh. But the child found this situation very disturbing. Nodding, Ryan picked up one of the Cabbage Patch dolls and straightened the blue jean overalls. “When she went away to college, Helen took her bears but left the dolls for me and Ma to take care of. I was so proud. My big sister left me in charge of her collection.”

  “They’re all yours?”

  Ryan considered Emily’s question. “No. They belong to both of us.”

  Cautiously sitting on the edge of the bed, Emily grabbed one of the Cabbage Patch dolls and rocked it back and forth. “Does you sister come and see them?”

  “Sometimes. We’ll come up here and sit and talk while we comb the dolls’ hair and fix their clothes. There are days where we gather them all together and take off their clothes so that we can wash them. And then we spend the rest of the day dressing and arranging them.”

  “What about your mom?”

  Ryan rose from the bed, moved across the floor to one of the curios. After opening the wooden door, she removed a classic Barbie doll. “My mother and I use to hunt for new Barbies. Every couple of months or so, we’d take the bus downtown and spend the day in the toy stores. It was our special treat. On the way home, we’d stop for waffle ice cream sandwiches. That was the best part.”

  She handed the doll to the little girl and returned to her spot on the bed. Emily followed, sitting next to Ryan. “Where’s your mom now?”

  “She died a few years ago.”

  “Do you miss her?”

  The pain of loss still weighed heavily in Ryan’s heart, and she never denied her feelings. “Mm-hmm. Yeah. A lot.”

  “I don’t want my mom to go away.”

  “She won’t,” Ryan assured Emily. “Your mother loves you, and she’ll be here for you.” Time for a distraction. “What about you? Does your mother take you shopping to buy toys?”

  “Sometimes. Not like what you do.”

  Ryan didn’t know how long the little truce would last. She decided to make the most of it. She rose from the bed and removed the Bratz doll from the dresser drawer and placed the doll between them.

  Emily was embarrassed, and her eyes grew large and round. Her gaze darted away, as she was looking at anything but the doll.

  “I think you left this by mistake,” said Ryan. She had decided to forgive her. Accusations would only put the child back on the defensive. She wanted to mend fences and develop a relationship with Emily.

  Realizing Ryan had given her an easy way out, Emily picked up the doll. “I forgot.”

  “That’s what I thought,” Ryan offered in an understanding voice. “I kept it for you. I knew I’d see you again.”

  “Thank you,” Emily said.

  The pair sat quietly for several minutes, engrossed in th
eir own thoughts. Ryan rose. “Your dad’s waiting. We should probably go.”

  Emily rose from the bed and glanced in Ryan’s direction. The kid’s face creased into a frown as she contemplated something very serious. Leaving her to it, Ryan headed for the door.

  “My mommy says you want to take my dad-dee from us. That you want your own family, not us.”

  This was a very touchy situation. The Southhall clan still considered her an interloper in many ways. Normally, little girls loved their fathers and didn’t like any woman coming between them.

  She didn’t want to isolate the little girl any more than she already had. If Ryan said the wrong thing, she’d be calling Emily’s mother a liar. Ryan didn’t want to find herself in the center of a controversy with the Southhall family.

  Ryan suspected that Keir’s ex-wife felt threatened by Ryan and kept feeding her children this crap. The last thing Ryan wanted to do was compete with Keir’s kids for his affections or fight with their mother.

  “No. I don’t want to do that,” said Ryan.

  “He’s not the same when you’re around. Dad-dee thinks about you, not us.”

  This is one perceptive child, Ryan thought, gnawing on her bottom lip. How could she put her mind at ease? “You and Adam are the most important people in your dad’s life. You come first with him. But he also wants everyone to be happy.”

  Emily listened but didn’t comment.

  “I want to be friends with you and your brother,” Ryan continued. She hoped her honesty would win the child over.

  Shrugging, the girl remained silent.

  “I’m not trying to come between you and your mother or your dad,” said Ryan. “You can be friends with me and still love your mother. You’re not doing anything wrong. I promise. Ask your parents. They’ll tell you. We can do things together or not. All I know for certain is I want to be your friend.”

  “Why?”

  This kid was a hard sell. “Partly because of your father. He’d want us to be friends. And I’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  Emily plucked at the ribbon in the Bratz doll’s hair.

  Ryan probed. “Do you think we can be friends?”