by Lila Younger
“So,” he says. “What’s the big news that you wanted to share with us?”
I freeze. I was hoping that maybe we’d be able to finish our dinner before we’d get to it. Andrew glances over at me, waiting for my cue, but I can’t decide on what to do or say. My mom sees his gaze and looks at me quizzically. I look at Andrew, helpless. Should I lie? Should I say it now? He decides to make the decision for us. He reaches out his hand and closes it over mine.
My parents’ smiles freeze.
“Andrew...?” my dad asks.
“Honey?” my mom questions.
“Noelle and I have an announcement to make,” Andrew says, his gaze steady upon me. “And I hope that you’ll be very happy with us.”
“What announcement? What’s going on?” my dad says sharply. His caterpillar brows draw together, and thats when I know this is not going to turn out well.
“I...” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry dad. Mom. Andrew and I have been seeing each other.”
“We’re planning on getting married,” Andrew adds.
My dad falls back onto the leather seat as if I punched his gut. My mom’s expression is uncomprehending, as though I’d started spouting French at her.
“This is a joke,” my dad finally says weakly. “A joke, right? I mean, where...? How...? What are you trying to say?”
This was going terribly, but now that it’s out I know we have to just plow though. I reach into my purse and pull out my engagement ring. It’s dazzling in the candlelight. I put it on, and my dad’s face turns greyish. My mom places a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it off.
“David-” Andrew starts to say.
“No. Stop. Not another word.” My dad holds up his hand. His mouth is set, and I know what’s about to come is anger.
“I can’t believe this. You, the one man who I thought would be safe around my daughter. And now I hear that you’ve been sneaking around behind my back?! What kind of a lousy, backstabbing asshole are you?!”
My mom tries to put a calming hand on my dad again, but he swats it away. She holds it to her chest, stunned. I can’t believe it either. My dad stands up, throwing the cloth napkin onto the table. I try to say something, anything, but he cuts me off.
“I can’t believe you’re just sitting there, expecting me to be happy for you!” he roars. He points a shaking finger at Andrew. “You’re dead to me.”
“Dad-”
“And you!” he says, rounding on me. “Noelle! I can’t believe you’d hide this from me. How long has this been going on?”
“Since I moved out,” I say quietly.
“I thought you were living with Lana,” my mom murmurs. She’s torn. I know she feels that she should stand by my father, but she also doesn’t want to lose me.
“I’m sorry. I just, I know that this is hard to take, and we weren’t sure how it was going to be. We wanted to be sure of how we felt before we told you guys.”
“And now you’re getting married?” my father said incredulously. “In the span of just a few months? You’re young Noelle. You’ve got your life ahead of you.”
He pauses for a moment, fighting with something in his mind.
“Is this because he’s knocked you up?”
Andrew rises to his feet.
“This isn’t a fling for me David,” he says as calm as he can. “I love Noelle.”
My dad shudders at this but Andrew continues on anyways.
“I love her. She isn’t your little girl anymore. She’s her own woman. And we’ve chosen each other.”
There’s pain in my dad’s eyes, and I think this is the hardest part for him. I’m growing up, and even though he’s known it, he’s tried to deny it until now. For just a moment I think that maybe he’ll come around, that maybe he’ll sit down and we can talk things out and mend things, but he shakes his head and storms out. My mom slides out of the booth.
“Honestly Noelle,” she chastises. “You know that your dad’s heart isn’t good these days. Why on earth would you try to do this to him?”
With that, she too gets up and goes after my father. I sit there, stunned. What’s going to happen to my family? Andrew sits back down in the booth too, and I turn into his chest and cry. I feel his arms wrap around me tightly, but even he can’t keep the pain from reaching my heart. The tears are coming fast, and my shoulders heave with every sob. I hear him say something to someone, and then he gently guides me up and out of the restaurant, his body shielding me from all the curious stares. I’m so glad he insisted on coming with me, because I don’t know if I could have managed all by myself.
Chapter 8
I try over the next few days to contact home, but they don’t pick up. When I try my dad’s cell phone, it goes straight to voice mail, as does my mom’s. I’m not one of those people who can wait around when there’s conflict. I want to hash it all out and get all the shouting and arguments over with so that we can all get along again. It’s the impatience in me. Every time I think about the situation, my stomach churns and I get all worked up again. But my parents made it clear they needed their space. Short of going over there in person and banging on their door (which might not get a response anyways), I have to wait it out.
My mom finally calls me back about a week later. I’m in the middle of trying to organize everything needed for a big wedding in a couple of months. Andrew’s incredibly busy at work right now, so he’s taken to saying ‘I’m fine with whatever you want’, which sounds good in theory, but in reality means that I’ve got nobody to agonize over the important decisions like who to invite and whether we should have a buffet style meal or a fixed menu.
“Mom,” I say with relief. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
“Noelle, I think you need to give your father some space,” she says, getting straight to the point as always. “I’m not sure all these calls are doing any good.”
“But what else am I supposed to do? I can’t just not do anything. I can’t just give up.”
I love both my parents, but I am a daddy’s girl through and through. I couldn’t imagine not being able to call my dad when I had a problem come up at school or at work. I trust his judgment, and his opinion matters so much to me. I just want a chance to be able to explain things properly. Then he’d understand, I’m sure of it. Plus with all this wedding planning, I’m thinking a lot about how my dad is supposed to give me away. I don’t want to walk down the aisle alone.
“Your dad is a stubborn man Noelle. That’s one thing you got from him too. When he decides on something, that’s that. Nobody, not even me, can change his mind until he is ready to. You’re always both so sure of yourselves. It made him a great soldier, and it’s made you into such a strong woman, but in times like these, it’s a big pain in the butt.”
I throw down the wedding magazine I bought when I went grocery shopping this afternoon.
“But if you can just convince him to listen I know-”
“See, that’s just what I’m talking about,” my mom said wryly. “But Noelle, you just need to give him time. Your father loves you so much. So, so much. He just needs his time to figure it out and come to terms with it in his head and he’ll come around. You’ll see.”
I sigh. She has a point. It was difficult, but if this was the best way, so be it. I just hope that my dad will come around in time to walk me down the aisle. In the meantime, I still have my mom in my corner at least. I know she’ll keep trying to work on him for me.
“So tell me Noelle: what sort of things have you got planned for your wedding so far?”
I tell her that so far we’d tentatively picked out a location (a ski lodge in Andrew’s favorite national park), a date (late March, when the weather won’t be too hot or too cold), and the music (Andrew’s army buddy has a band). It’s a start, but there’s a lot to go through, and I could really use her help. Luckily my mom is a natural at planning big events. She was head of the PTA when I was a kid.
“Let’s go look at dresses
,” she says. “Not only is it fun, but it’s going to be the centerpiece of your theme. Once we’ve got that chosen, I’m sure the rest of it will fall into place. How many bridesmaids have you got?”
To be honest, I didn’t have many. There is Lana, but once I’d dropped the sorority I was in, I lost a lot of my so-called friends too. That was fine by me. Aside from drinking, we didn’t have much in common. I had a few high school friends, but I’d lost touch with most of them. There was Sarah I suppose.
“I haven’t asked anyone yet,” I opt to say. “But we could just go and look. See what’s out there first.”
“Sounds good,” my mom says. “I’ll make an appointment for us for Friday morning then. You don’t have class right?”
“Right. I’ll see you then.”
I hang up and sigh. A wedding is supposed to be a happy event, but this was turning out to be just the opposite. Hopefully I’d feel a bit more optimistic after I see my mom.
**********
The week gets worse. I come down sick with a stomach bug and I spend most of my day sleeping when I’m not at school or at work. I probably should go to the doctor, but it’s just such a hassle to call, and then I would have to spend hours waiting in the room with other sick people. Then he’d probably send me home with a bottle of Tylenol anyways. No thanks. And then Andrew has a work emergency that has him flying to California for a few days too. By the time Friday rolls around, I almost want to cancel on my mom and spend my whole day at home eating a carton of ice cream. But I don’t because I want to know if my dad has softened up yet. I get up early to take a long shower, then put on a strapless bra and some comfy clothes. I tuck a pair of heels into my purse just in case, and out I go.
We meet outside of the bridal shop. She has a venti Starbucks cup in her hand, but the idea of coffee makes my stomach churn. I shouldn’t have skipped breakfast this morning, but everything sounded completely unappealing. She comes in for a hug, but I stop her.
“I’m sick mom,” I say. “You better not get too close.”
She frowns.
“Is that why you’re looking so sallow?” she asks. “Maybe we should reschedule.”
“No,” I say shaking my head. “I’ve just finished my midterms. Now’s the best time to do it before I get swamped with schoolwork again. And it’ll be one less thing to worry about.”
“Alright.”
Mom looks dubious, but opens the door to the boutique anyways. The space is modern and airy, with exposed ductwork and pipes painted black. The walls of the store are painted cream, and there’s a cozy sitting area with magazines and a coffee bar.
“Hi,” a pretty brunette says at the counter. It’s made of glass and filled with different types of jewelry for the bride. It’s all a little too flashy for me. I’ve always been a pretty simple person, and I hope that we’ve come to the right place.
“We’re here to find a dress for my daughter Noelle,” my mom says. She gestures to me with a hand. “I think our appointment is with Alexandra. She’s going to be a bride in March and we’re in dire need of a dress.”
“I’m Alexandra,” she says. She’s wearing a neat black pantsuit, and her makeup is understated. Her hair is tied back in a sleek ponytail. I hope that means she’ll understand my style too. She comes around the counter and shakes our hands, then looks up and down at me critically.
“Well it’s definitely cutting it close, but I think you’ll fit into most of our sample sizes. That’ll definitely help. Do you have any pictures or a Pinterest page with what you’re looking for?”
“I only know what I don’t want,” I say with a shake of my head. “Nothing princess-y. No long sleeves. And I don’t think I want anything that’s too glittery. Something unique would be nice too.”
“You’ve come to the right place,” she replies with a big smile. “I’ve been in this industry for almost fifteen years and I’ve never had a disappointed bride. Why don’t you come this way and we’ll get you settled in while I pull some dresses to start.”
We walk deeper into the store. Today it’s quiet, but I see that there are at least 4 changing rooms for brides-to-be. A girl stops sweeping up when she sees us and asks us if we want champagne or something to drink. I can’t even imagine drinking alcohol right now. Alexandra returns a few minutes later trailing a bunch of gowns.
“Ready?” she says, opening up one of the changing rooms.
I take a deep breath and follow her. I’m already tired just looking at all the gowns I’m going to try. And there are a lot: A-lines, mermaids, ballgowns, sheaths. Rhinestones, pearls, lace and beading. My head spins with all of the choices. But all of them feel just too much for our outdoor wedding. It is almost one o’clock now and we aren’t even close to finding what I want. I’m ready to give up. Poor Alexandra wilts from the effort of tying up and pulling down a million gowns. My stomach growls, and I know that I need to eat something because I’m feeling faint.
“Just one more,” she tries. “I think you’ll find it perfect.”
I’m doubtful, but I agree to try one last one. She pulls it out of the protective cover. It’s a gorgeous column of ivory silk, flowy and simple. There are two delicate spaghetti straps that hold it up, with just the tiniest amount of beading on them. I pull it on and let it drop down. The fabric skims my breasts and hips, hugging in all the right places, and draping delicately across my chest. I turn and gasp. The back is low, almost non-existant, and the straps gather together beautifully in a bow. I already know Andrew will love to tug it loose and let the dress fall. It’s definitely too long by almost a foot even in my heels, but nothing that an alteration can’t easily fix.
“It’s lovely,” I breathe, twirling around in the mirror.
Alexandra opens the door of the changing room and I follow her out. The material swishes around my legs as I step up onto the pedestal. I look beautiful. I turn towards my mom and I can see there are tears shimmering in her eyes.
“What do you think mom?” I ask.
“It’s the one,” she says, standing up from the sofa. “It’s the one.”
“There’s a sash here too if you’d like. Let me get that, and maybe a veil,” Alexandra says cheerfully. She scurries off to grab things and my mom and I smile at each other.
“Noelle,” she says quietly. “You look like a bride.”
“I do. I think this is the dress for me. Do you think... Do you think that dad will have forgiven me by then?”
She pauses, thinking hard. Finally she takes my hands.
“I want to tell you something Noelle. Back when I was young, when I first met your dad, my parents didn’t approve of him either. He was a soldier, and the Gulf War wasn’t all that long ago at the time. He could get deployed and I’d be all alone. We would have to move around to various bases if we wanted to be together. It wouldn’t be, and still isn’t these days, easy to be a military wife. My parents thought that I could do better. But you know, your father made me happy. We were in love. And over time, my parents understood.”
My mom sweeps a lock of hair away from my face.
“I’ve seen how happy you’ve been these past few months. It’s like something bloomed inside of you. I guess that’s what love does. And if Andrew is the reason for that, then I want you to go for it. Get married. Be with him. Don’t let you dad keep you from that happiness. One day he’ll see and understand, just like my parents did.”
I’m crying now, tears that are happy and sad all at once. I have never been close to my mom, but she chose the perfect thing to say. I was carrying around all this guilt, wondering if maybe I made a mistake. I am just about to say that I love her, when Alexandra pops back up with a handful of accessories. I just smile at my mom, and the smile she gives back tells me she knows.
Another hour goes by before we are finally done. I decide that I’ll pin my hair up in a simple bun, and put a crystal comb in my hair. My understated dress means that I won’t need more than a short little veil attached to the comb. It’s
not too fussy, and I know that’s just how Andrew likes it. He wants to see me after all, not the dress.
When I come out of the changing room, my mom is already standing at the counter. I go over to her and try to stop her.
“Mom, wait. Andrew has a credit card for me to put all the-”
She waves me away. Alexandra’s paused midswipe.
“Don’t worry about it Noelle. You’re my only daughter. What kind of mom would I be if I didn’t buy you your wedding dress?”
“How much is it?” I ask. I hadn’t looked because Andrew told me that I could spend whatever I wanted. But I know my parents can’t afford to just splurge a thousand dollars for a dress.
“It’s actually on sale,” Alexandra says. “There’s a small stain along the bottom hem.”
“Don’t worry though Noelle,” my mom says. “Patricia can fix it right up for you. You were going to have to cut off the bottom anyways.”
“Well, okay mom. Thank you!”
I pay for the veil and comb, and then we leave the store at last. My mom takes the dress and carefully puts it in her back seat, and then she drives me home. I’m overcome with exhaustion along the way and I decide I’m going to skip class and take a nap instead. Maybe then I’ll start to feel like myself again. My mom offers to take me to the doctor, but I’ve got some Tylenol at home still. She’s doubtful, but agrees when I promise to go to the doctor tomorrow if nothing improves.
Andrew is already home for the day, which surprises me. I knew that he had flown back this morning, but usually when he leaves the office for a trip he has a lot of things to take care of once he gets back. He smiles from the couch and pats the space beside him. I sink down gratefully and put up my feet for him to massage.
“You’re home,” I say happily. “I can’t believe it.”
“Mhm. How was shopping with your mom?” His calloused fingers dig into my poor feet, and it’s both painful and oddly relaxing.
“Good. It took forever, but we managed to pick out something. I was fighting nausea the whole time though. I think I should have eaten something, even though that usually makes me feel sick too. Hey, why are you stopping?”