“Take as much time as you need. I’ll be in the waiting room.”
Tessa
In all the years I’ve known Matthew, I’ve never seen him look so unsure of himself.
He doesn’t move from his spot next to the door Hawk just left from, and he doesn’t make eye contact with me. “Matthew?” I call his name which makes his shoulders tense. “You all right?”
When he finally brings his eyes to mine, they’re full of regret. “Look, Tessa…” He clears his throat. “I need to apologize to you–”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing to apologize for.” I know he’s been dealing with a lot, and I have no expectations when it comes to him of Cut. How can I? I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to see them as my brothers, so why should I expect them to see me as their sister? And I will never replace Sienna. I wouldn’t want to.
“Yeah, I’ve been a total dick towards you since you came back. I was holding on to some lingering resentment that I had no business holding on to, and I was a complete ass. I need you to forgive me for the way I’ve been acting towards you.”
From what Hawk has told me of what Matthew has gone through since I’ve been gone, I know that he has blamed himself for many of the tragedies that have happened in his life. He blames himself for the loss of his men while he was fighting for our country in the middle east. Then, when he was recovering from his injuries he suffered because of the attack that took his men, the most horrible thing happened. Sienna was kidnapped, tortured, and killed. All while he was lying on his families couch unable to do anything. I can tell that he’s going to find fault in himself when it comes to me and I can’t let that happen.
I scoot over more and pat the bed next to me. His brows knit together, unsure of what he should do. “Come on, Matthew, don’t be afraid now. Have a seat. I think you and I need to have a talk.”
He grabs the back of his neck before dropping his hand. He takes a deep breath then makes his way into the room and sits on the bed towards the foot.
“This is all crazy, right?” I give a little laugh, hoping to ease the tension that I feel starting to build in the room. I was never close to Matthew, but I was never uncomfortable, and I’m not going to start now.
“Yeah, you can say that.” His lips tug up slightly.
I take a deep breath. “I don’t expect anything from you or Cut, or anyone. I need you to know that.”
“You’re family–”
“We know blood doesn’t make a family, Matthew.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” He clears his throat, leans over and pulls out a picture from his pocket. He hands it to me. It’s a picture of me, Sienna, and Matthew. He’s in the middle, with his arms around both of us, and the three of us are laughing at something. I can’t remember when this was taken, but in the background, I see Devin looking at us. The look on his face is one of pure joy. I run my fingers over the picture. It represents a time before tragedy struck our group, our family when we had nothing but hope in our hearts. The future was ours for the taking.
“In my eyes, you’ve always been my sister just as Hawk has always been my brother. When I found out that you had taken off I was so mad, but not just at you, but at myself for not realizing what the death of Sienna must have done to you too. Of course, I didn’t know at the time the real reason you left.” When he clears his throat again, I look up from the picture.
“That’s not your burden, Matthew.”
He shakes his head. “I know that, but the knowledge of it doesn’t make it any easier to grasp.”
I don’t say anything.
“Mom told us this morning what went on when you were born. How they came to make the decision to use Sienna’s blood to help save you.”
“Well, you know more than me. I was always told that I was cured and not sick anymore, but that I would live with the side effects for the rest of my life, including the inability to have children, but obviously, that wasn’t the case with me.”
“This morning Hawk asked me to get tested, in case you were able to have a bone marrow transplant. I was close to a match when you were born, but Sienna was closer.”
“You don’t have to do–”
“I told him no.”
That’s not what I thought I’d hear.
“Oh, okay. I understand. Besides, he shouldn’t have done that. Not when we don’t know what I’m up against or what path I’m going to take. Hawk was jumping the gun.”
“It’s because he loves you.”
I can feel the heat creep up my neck. He grabs my legs and gives them a little bit of a shake.
“Come on, Tessa, you know he does.”
Yes, I know.
“I would do the same for Savannah.”
“I’m so happy you’ve found someone Sin.”
He nods. “I would do it for Sienna—”
“I know. You loved her.”
“And I’ll do the same for you, Tessa. I was wrong for telling him no. There never should have been an alternative other than yes. I’ll get the test and, if it’s possible, I’m going to save you.”
Tears prick at my eyes as my hand flies to my mouth. I’m in shock. “I can’t ask you to do that.” I shake my head.
“You’re not asking, I’m telling. I’m telling you as a… brother, that I’ll do whatever possible to save you.”
The door opens, and Hawk’s head comes around. His gaze bounces from Matthew to me. When he sees my tears, he takes a step inside, his eyes narrowing in on Matthew. “Everything all right in here?”
I look at Matthew and nod. Placing his hand on the back of my head, he brings me towards him and places a kiss on my forehead. He whispers in my ear, “You’ve got four brothers now, Tessa. I can’t speak to your other brothers, but I can for Cut and me. We’ve got your back, baby girl. With our strength, there’s nothing you can’t overcome. Even this.”
He stands and turns towards Hawk. Wrapping his arms around him, they each give each other hard smacks on the back. He pulls back from Hawk. “I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure she’s all right. As her brother, I’m going to do whatever I can.”
“Thank you,” Hawk tells him then turns towards me.
“I love her, and I need her to be all right.”
Hawk
3 months later
The white walls feel like they’re closing in on me. The multiple prints of landscapes try to lighten up space, but they do nothing for me. Not when I’ve been staring at them for the past several hours. My mom, Rhea, Bianca, Cut, Savannah, Sin, and Sam, all the people who mean the most to me, align the waiting room while I wait on word Tessa.
Sin grunts as he lifts himself from the chair. He’s still sore from the marrow harvest that happened two days ago. He limps towards the window and looks out on the skyline of downtown Las Cruces. Hospitals are never easy for him.
“How much longer do you think it’s going to take?” Rhea asks as she adjusts in her chair. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but this wait is killing me.”
“Head home. I’ll call you when we hear anything.” Rose says.
My mother and Rhea moved to Las Cruces two months ago, right before Tessa started chemotherapy. They live with Bianca for the time being. It was the best situation since my mother didn’t have the means to live on her own, not since technically she was never married to James and was never allotted any alimony. Loa, of course, took her father’s side and washed her hands of our mother. When she found out she wasn’t getting a dime from James, she was pissed, but what did she expect? She knew she was still legally married when she said those vows. Now, when she isn’t sitting with Tessa, or watching Sam, she’s working at the shop, manager actually.
“No. I want to wait.”
“Mr. Gentry?” a nurse calls my name, and I look up. “Tessa is awake and asking for you.”
“All right.” I get up, but before I leave, I give Sin one more glance. I’m not sure the last time I saw Matthew Sinclair have a look of complet
e contentment on his face. His demons have stopped roaring. I think he’s finally at peace.
I gently push the door open and peek my head into the room. Tessa turns her head. Without hesitation, I walk towards her and place a kiss on the top of her bald head. Chemotherapy was rough. They introduced a healthy regimen for the eight-week cycle, and it knocked her on her ass pretty fast. There was a week that she was on lockdown in the hospital because her immune system was nonexistent. I was scared shitless, but I never let her see it. I kept that shit to myself. After Sam was long asleep was when I would allow myself to break down and cry.
So far so good.
“I love you,” I tell her. I tell her every damn day, all day long because I’ll be damned if she goes a minute thinking that she isn’t loved by someone.
“I love you, too.”
Her cold hand comes up, and she places it on my cheek. Her circulation still isn’t great. It’s been three weeks since her last round of chemo, and her body is taking a little longer than usual to get back to how it’s supposed to function. I know it’s not going to happen overnight. I know it’s a slow and steady race. I’m patient.
I have to be.
“How’s Sam?” she rasps.
“Good. He’s good.”
That little boy is remarkable. He’s stepped up and been the man Tessa has been raising for the past seven years. He hasn’t faltered once in front of her. He keeps his emotions tucked inside and has been everything she’s needed him to be. He’s said it because they’re a team. It’s what they do.
“Why are you crying?” I ask her as I wipe the tears that continue to flow.
“I was so afraid I wouldn’t wake up. I was so afraid that I was going to leave you and Sam.”
She gives me a worried smile. Her lips are dry and cracked, results of the chemo, and her eyes that were once bright are lined with dark circles and are slightly sunken in. Her cheekbone protrudes from her skin with sharp edges. I swallow a lump in my throat.
She’s fucking beautiful.
“You can’t think like that, baby. You aren’t going anywhere, Tessa. I’m not done with you yet. I’ll never be done with you.”
I place a kiss on her forehead. My heart pumps with adrenaline at the thought of me losing her. She’ll never know, but I was scared shitless in that waiting room. My biggest fear is losing her, living a life without her.
She’s fucking amazing.
I place my forehead on hers and close my eyes. “Marry me.”
She blinks. “What?”
“Marry me. Be my wife, Tessa.”
A sob breaks from her chest. “Hawk,” she whispers my name.
“I love you, Tessa. Please marry me.”
“Yes.”
And with one word, my heart fucking soars.
Hawk
1 year later
Remission.
I never thought I’d be so damn grateful for that one word, but the moment Tessa’s doctors told us the transplant worked, it became my favorite word. Well, right after wife, because in a few short moments, Tessa Reese is going to become my wife.
We’re at the local church, a place I never thought I’d be, let alone be getting married in, but when your girl tells you that it has always been her dream to get married in the church she grew up attending, you do it. Little did I know that getting married in a Catholic church also meant that I’d have to become Catholic. There was so much damn stuff we had to do to get to this point, but if I had to do it all again, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Tessa wanted an intimate ceremony with just family and Martha. She didn’t want to invite her parents after everything they put us through with Sam, and I understood. I’m just sorry that her brothers weren’t men enough to stand up to their parents and support their sister. But it doesn’t matter, Tessa has enough brotherly love in Sin and Cut, not to mention all the other guys from the club.
“You know you better treat her like a queen, right?” Cut says from my left. We’re standing at the altar, waiting for Tessa to walk down the aisle.
I glance his way. “Yeah, Cut, I know that. Do you doubt me?”
“I’m just saying that’s my sister you’re about to marry.”
“Don’t try to vie for favorite brother now, man,” Sin says just to the left of me. He’s standing in between us since he’s my best man. “That spot is already taken.” He wipes his hands down the front of his vest. Yeah, the kind you rent.
“You wish,” Cut says, but I just shake my head.
“You guys need to check your pants to see if you’ve lost your dicks because you both sound like a bunch of pansy ass pussies,” Lick remarks from the far left. He tugs on the collar of his dress shirt. “Why the fuck are we wearing button-up shirts. This is some stupid ass shit.”
“Shh!” Bianca hisses from the front row. She’s bouncing Matthew Sinclair Jr on her lap, making sure he doesn’t fuss.
I glance to my right and see Lily, Savannah, Jenni, and Rhea in matching coral dresses. Over this past year, the five of them have become a tight-knit group. Each one has stepped up and helped when Tessa and I have needed it. They were there on countless nights making sure to keep Sam’s mind busy while his mother was too weak to play with him. They attended meetings, and school functions in Tessa’s place while she and I concentrated on her getting better. Cancer fucking sucks, more than I realized and if it weren’t for everyone in our life, it would have sucked even harder. We came together, just as a family should in a time of crisis.
I watch as Lily smooths the front of her dress over her stomach. Another month or so and Cut is going to be a daddy. I chuckle to myself thinking about the look of fear on his face when he popped the balloon, and pink shit fell all over him. He’s going to be an amazing, very protective father. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Jenni doing the same thing, she quickly stops and drops her hand when she sees me watching her. Yeah, she and Lick haven’t announced it yet, but we all know.
I feel a nudge and look at Sin. He nods his head towards the entrance of his church. When I turn my head, my breath catches. Standing at the end of the aisle is my forever: my Tessa. Sam is standing next to her, holding her hand. She’s wearing a floor-length off-white gown, and the satin wraps around her chest and waist perfectly, falling loosely around her hips and to the floor. Her hair, still growing, is in short dark curls.
She is stunning.
When the music starts, the few in attendance stand. Unfortunately, her parents and brothers aren’t here. After her diagnosis, but before she started treatment, they started talks about Sam and what to do with him when she passes—not if but when. They didn’t have faith in her strength and her will to live. They saw her as weak and were looking towards a future without her in it. We started the adoption process shortly after, and the day we told them that Sam’s last name was officially Gentry, they turned their backs on her. Again.
“Who gives this woman to this man?” the priest asks.
“I do, Samuel Gentry,” he yells which causes us to laugh. When Tessa steps towards me, Sam stays in his spot and continues to hold her hand. “I’d like to say something, please,” he tells the priest.
“Go ahead, son.”
With Tessa’s hand still in his grasp, he takes a step towards me and reaches for mine, too. When he looks up at me, his eyes are glassy. “Thank you…Dad.” Sam bites his lip, unsure of the title he just said out loud. I give him a wink to help ease his nerves. Dad. Such a simple word packed with so much meaning. When I take my eyes from my son and look at Tessa, I see the tears roll down her face.
“Thank you for loving my mom,” Sam continues as I gaze at my soon to be wife. “Thank you for finding enough room in your heart to love me too. I’ve always wanted a dad.”
My gaze drops to him when he turns his body towards Tessa.
“Not that you weren’t great, Mom, but you kinda suck at sports.”
Tessa chokes out a chuckle as laughter fills the church.
“Thank you, Dad, f
or giving me a family.” He slightly turns his body towards my brothers. “For giving me uncles, and aunts, and cousins, and a grandma. Because of you, me and Mom have so much, and because of you, we’re no longer alone. I am proud to be your son. I am proud to be yours just like I’m proud to call you mine. I love you.”
I bend down and pick up my son. His arms wrap about my neck as he squeezes. “I love you.” I rasp, my voice full of emotion. “So much, son.”
“Whoot, hell yeah!” Lick yells which makes the crowd laugh.
I pull back and smile at Sam. “Fury bound.”
“Fury proud,” he answers back with a nod of his head.
The End
Devil’s Fury Series
SIN: Book One
Lick: Book Two
Standalones
Accidentally Perfect
Love After Pain
Take 2 on Love
Hawk_Devil's Fury Book 3 Page 29