Simp-Lee the Best

by Lee McCulloch

  So, I spoke to Mike Pollitt, Leighton Baines, Matt Jackson and Chris Kirkland. They basically ran the dressing room. They didn’t have a major problem with my plan. In fact, they found it quite amusing, although they were concerned they wouldn’t get any training done. I genuinely loved Hutchins and wanted him to succeed as Wigan manager. To be honest, I was bluffing with him and, thankfully, I never needed to actually put my threats into practice.

  Of course, I was also aware I was taking a massive gamble. If this move to Rangers did not happen then I was throwing away a career in the Premiership, but it was a chance I had to take. I’d never have forgiven myself had I not.

  I did make life difficult for Hutch in the first few days. It wasn’t pleasant for him and, genuinely, I took no satisfaction from the way I behaved. During my summer holidays in Italy, I spent time at a detox place and came back in great physical shape. But I didn’t want Wigan to know this. So, for example – and it shows the state of mind I was in at the time – I stood on scales at the weigh-in on the first day back and had a five kilo weight hidden inside my training top to make me miles overweight. I wanted the manager and backroom staff to think I had chucked it. I just wanted to play for Rangers and nothing was going to get in my way.

  When I got into my car after training, I’d take a deep breath and be grateful it was over for another day. It doesn’t come naturally to me to be a horrible person. Eventually, Wigan had had enough and they phoned Rangers and asked to start negotiating my transfer. It went on for a few days and they settled on £2.2 million, a fee that was ridiculously high for me. I know I was a Premiership player and I still had two years left on my contract, but I felt Rangers paid well over the odds. Still, I was very grateful to them for doing so.

  I’ve still never been back to Wigan. I’ve never had a chance to say cheerio to the fans. I’ve been invited down a few times but just never managed it. I will be back down soon. The Wigan fans were always very good to me. They thought I was going to be a prolific scorer for them when I first joined and the relationship was a real slow burner to begin with. Once they realised my game wasn’t about goals, they appreciated me and chanted my name in several games. To receive that recognition from them really helped improve my confidence I was sad to leave them behind as well as the players and the office staff. The staff were all lovely and considerate people.

  One of the biggest accolades I received from my six years there was recently being voted by the fans into the club’s All-Time Greatest XI. I was proud and privileged.

  Over the piece, the Wigan fans were very good to me and treated me well. They would sing songs about me and I will always be grateful for the way they accepted me and my family as their own.

  The Wigan fans’ Greatest Ever XI is: al Habsi, Chimbonda, de Vos, de Zeeuw, Baines, Valencia, Liddell, Bullard, McCulloch, Roberts and Ellington. Not a bad line-up!

  10

  HOW I PAID THE PENALTY FOR JOINING GERS

  SIR DAVID MURRAY got the deal done and I’ve no doubt he was encouraged to do so by Walter Smith. Walter had given me his word a few weeks earlier that I would become a Rangers player and he mustn’t have wanted to let me down.

  When the fee had been agreed, I was phoned by Wigan and told to go to Murray Park. I jumped in the car and drove up to Glasgow. Such was my desperation to get up the road and get it all signed and sealed, I was caught speeding and given three penalty points. When I arrived, I was told to go to the club doctor’s surgery in the west end of Glasgow. The doctor, Paul Jackson, was there to meet me, along with Walter. I went through some tests and then on to Ross Hall Hospital for routine scans. The deal was concluded very quickly, in a matter of hours. I was delighted. I signed for Glasgow Rangers Football Club on 11 July 2007, the proudest day of my career.

  It was hard to take in that I had gone from being a wee boy that went to Ibrox with my dad and brothers to watch the club during the Graeme Souness era to now develop into a man that was going to play on the famous turf in front of 50,000 Rangers fans every other week. It’s a struggle to put into words exactly what it all meant to me.

  I went out and bought all of my family Rangers jerseys and went back to my brother Wullie’s house. Gregor and Wullie and my parents were there. We all had a few drinks and were absolutely delighted. This was a dream come true for all of us. Between sips of his lager, my dad just kept saying, ‘You’ve just signed a four-year deal with Rangers. You’re now a millionaire. In fact, you might even be a multi-millionaire!’ I think my dad’s pals were filling his head full of nonsense. I played it down, but I could see he was so proud of me and that meant so much.

  My first taste of the Old Firm rivalry came less than twenty-four hours after I signed. I was at the supermarket with my parents, packing the bags into the boot of the car and a guy shouted, ‘Why don’t you fuck off back to England, ya orange bastard.’ It’s always nice to have well-wishers and be made to feel welcome back in my own country! It was a real eye-opener because even though I’d been a Rangers fan I had never been subjected to anything from Celtic fans, but I suppose I knew that was going to be part of the deal. However, through most of my Rangers career the Celtic fans have been great with me and I have had chats with them about both clubs.

  Being a footballer has given me so many highlights and happy memories, but my first day at Rangers was just so special. I remember thinking the club was enormous and that I’d have to really work hard to earn the right to play for this magnificent institution. I was brought down a peg or two though. Because I thought that I’d be able to leave Wigan for nothing I informed Rangers they’d be able to get me for free in the summer. I was delighted. As were Rangers. But when it didn’t work out as I’d expected, Gers had to pay £2.2 million for me. I remember seeing Ian Durrant for the first time after I had signed and he looked me up and down and said, ‘You’re the most expensive “free” we’ve ever had at this club. £2.2 million for you …!’

  My first pre-season game was in Germany. I was sharing a room with Andy Webster. I was nervous on the match day because I was worried about the Rangers fans’ reaction to their club signing me, especially for that amount of money. The game was at night and late afternoon I got my head down for a sleep. Webby also went for a kip. Our room door then started to batter down. It was Barry Ferguson and Kris Boyd. Boydy ran in and started to say that I was on the front page of the papers back home. He told me there was a report about how Rangers fans didn’t want me at the club. He had his laptop with him, to give the impression he had looked it up on the internet.

  Fergie stood behind him, laughing. I knew it was Fergie’s idea of ‘welcoming’ me to the club.

  I was in meltdown. I was gutted. Boydy and Fergie then left the room. I didn’t get a wink of sleep after that. I knew they were at it but I was disappointed. But I suppose I was nervous and slightly fragile at that stage. Some may argue I was possibly a touch paranoid. Maybe that was the case.

  I made my debut that evening and it was roasting hot, almost unbearable heat. We overcame the sweltering conditions to defeat SV Lippstadt 4–2. I scored two of our goals and played well. It was a great feeling to finally pull on a Rangers jersey and the goals were a lovely bonus – that settled me down.

  But I had niggly problems off the park. I found it really hard to be accepted by some of the boys in the dressing room at Ibrox. Ian Murray, Chris Burke and Stevie Smith were very close to each other. I wanted to come in and speak to all of the boys, be friendly with them, but the dressing room was divided. It had cliques and was far from ideal. I’m guessing that was still down to some of the things that had gone on under Paul Le Guen the previous season when everyone knew Ibrox was not a happy place during that period for many reasons. Ian Murray, Stevie Smith and Chris Burke were all a right good laugh; their patter was always entertaining, but I think they were wary of me. Again, though, maybe I was paranoid.

  I got changed in the locker next to Fergie. I wasn’t for being associated with any of the cliques although I was
close with Barry and Boydy. I wanted us to all be together, so that made it hard for me. However, the most important thing was to make an impression on the park. The rest would, hopefully, fall into place after that.

  11

  INTO THE LYON’S DEN: MY CHAMPIONS LEAGUE DREAM 2007-08

  IN TERMS OF my game, I enjoyed pre-season and was on the right track. I made my European debut for Rangers against FC Zeta in a Champions League qualifier and scored in it. I played on the left-hand side of a four-man midfield. It was a position I played many times for Wigan, where I also had a licence to come inside to a more central role or push on diagonally to join the strikers. At Rangers, however, I was left midfield, more of a left winger, told to stay close to the touchline. I was to attack long, diagonal balls and the strikers were to get on the end of my flick-ons. It was quite good in the beginning.

  We played well against FC Zeta, a hardworking side from Montenegro. I scored with a header after Davie Weir had given us the lead. The only negative was Alan Hutton got sent off, harshly, in my opinion. We won the return leg 1–0 through a DaMarcus Beasley goal. Zeta apologised after the game for racist abuse aimed at DaMarcus Beasley and Jean-Claude Darcheville. Disgraceful that kind of thing still goes on in this day and age.

  Red Star Belgrade provided the opposition in the final qualifier and they stood between us and the £10 million jackpot the Champions League would bring to the club in revenue. They were a good side and we had to be ready. It was going to be a massive test. I played on the right of midfield and the game plan was to hit diagonal balls to me so I would win flick-ons and we could perhaps get some joy from the second balls. The manager’s tactics worked. In the final minute of a tense and anxious evening, I flicked one on for Nacho Novo to score. There was a stat from that night – I won forty-one headers from forty-three high balls.

  We were happy to take a 1–0 lead to their place but the atmosphere in Belgrade was very hostile. We got a police escort from our hotel to the stadium and our bus got pelted with bricks and bottles. It wasn’t pleasant, but it only drove me on. I wasn’t going to be intimidated by them. There was too much at stake. I was ready for the battle.

  The stadium was packed from the moment we arrived. The fans also turned on us inside and threw lighters and coins at us, but we kept our heads, stayed focused and played really well. We drew 0–0 and I nearly scored, but their keeper made a really good save. Still, we were through. It was a fine achievement.

  We were in the Champions League and I was excited. It was going to be my first time. I had been to games at Ibrox and Old Trafford but never played in them. I felt privileged I was going to be a part of the best club competition in the world. When we were drawn against Barcelona, Lyon and Stuttgart the talk outside of our dressing room was that we’d finish last and we should go out and enjoy ourselves. I didn’t take any notice of what people said. My plan was to take it one game at a time but the thought of playing against Barca at the Nou Camp absolutely thrilled me.

  I felt we had a decent team and would be able to cope with the demands. The signing of Carlos Cuellar was huge. I could tell right from the off he was a solid and capable central defender. He and Davie Weir hit it off to form a terrific partnership. The other plus point was the emergence of Allan McGregor as our first-choice goalkeeper. He had been at Rangers since the days of Dick Advocaat and then Alex McLeish and Paul Le Guen but he was never given a proper chance to establish himself under their time. Walter, though, put him in and Allan repaid him. Big time.

  Our opening fixture was against VFB Stuttgart at Ibrox but I was gutted to miss the game through suspension after two yellow cards in the qualifiers. Thankfully, we won 2-1. We set up with a five-man midfield and Jean-Claude Darcheville up front on his own. The Germans had a terrific side at that time with Sami Khedira and Mario Gomez. Gomez gave them the lead in the 56th minute. We opened up a little bit after that and Charlie Adam scored a brilliant goal to equalise. Alan Hutton won us a penalty in the 75th minute and Darcheville scored. Hutton was fantastic that night.

  Our next game in the group was Lyon away, leaders of the French league at that time. They had a brilliant team. I played on the left of midfield in a game that goes down in history as one of the best results on foreign soil for Rangers. Gary McAllister – also a Motherwell boy – was at the game and pulled me before kick-off to wish me all the best. It was a nice touch from him. The stadium was first class and there was a great atmosphere, our fans got right behind us to cheer us on. We won 3–0. I scored the first goal with a header from a Beasley corner kick. Daniel Cousin and Beasley got the others early in the second half. Lyon had a few chances and hit the woodwork three times but we were in control. We had a right good celebration afterwards in the dressing room and that night was possibly the happiest I can remember Walter Smith and Ally McCoist being after a game. They were ecstatic.

  We were at home to Frank Rijkaard’s Barcelona in the next game. They had Lionel Messi, Ronaldinho, Thierry Henry, Iniesta and Xavi. Not a bad team, I suppose! Barcelona was a huge game and on the morning of the tie we had a brief training session at Murray Park and then went upstairs for our video briefing on them – strengths and weaknesses, that kind of thing. Coisty and Kenny McDowall would go through it all with us and when the heading for ‘Weaknesses’ came up on the PowerPoint, I just had to blurt out, ‘I can’t wait to see what you’ve got for this part of the analysis.’ We all had a good laugh. It basically came down to the fact that they rarely swung a corner into the box; they preferred to take it short.

  Ibrox was a sell-out and the atmosphere was electric. I loved the line-up three minutes before kick-off when the Champions League anthem belted out. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I wish I could have bottled that moment and savoured it forever.

  We scraped a 0–0 draw. Needless to say we defended for the whole match and rode our luck at times. Ronaldinho hit the crossbar and Messi had one cleared off the line but we had a great chance in the final minutes, which Cousin wasted. Overall, it was yet another great experience for myself and the boys. That’s when I knew Rangers were the real deal as a football club! After the first three games we were flying in the Champions League group section and had amassed an excellent seven points. We were brilliant. Everyone seemed to take it for granted we’d be in the last sixteen and the expectation level started to rise after the opening three ties.

  The next game was Barcelona away at the Nou Camp, and although we lost 2–0 it could have easily been four or five. Henry and Messi scored. Apart from being mesmerised by some of their play, the lasting memory from that night was the backing we received from the travelling Rangers support. They were outstanding. They never stopped singing for the entire ninety minutes. We didn’t create any chances for them to get excited about but we tried our best. Barca were an awesome team and went on to win the trophy that season. We left with a bonus, which was guaranteed UEFA Cup football – at least – after Lyon lost to Stuttgart.

  We were on the road for our next game and it was another tough test – Stuttgart away. I got injured and had to come off in the 23rd minute. We lost 3–2 in a ding-dong battle. They scored a late winner through Marica. Charlie Adam and Barry Ferguson got our goals. We felt aggrieved not to leave Germany with a point, but we were still in a good position because we’d got off to a good start by getting seven points from our first three games. We only needed a point from our final game at home to Lyon.

  However, the French side were clearly hurting from the hammering we gave them on their own patch and came to Ibrox with a determination to succeed. They went a goal up early in the game. We had a good few chances. Darcheville should have scored from about a yard out – an incredible miss – which would have made it 1–1 and would have made a difference but they went on to dominate and comfortably won 3–0. We were gutted. I really thought we were going to make the last sixteen. It was so disappointing to miss out but we didn’t deserve anything from that game. Karim Benzema totally ripped it up that night
. They out-passed us and outplayed us. They gave us a real going over and they couldn’t be grudged their victory. Sidney Govou and a double from Benzema gave them the win. Darcheville was red carded in the final minute. It consigned us to third place in the group and that enabled us to enter in the Europa League. I was desperately disappointed to miss out on the knockout stages of the Champions League, especially when we’d got early points on the board and I’d thought it was in the bag.

  * * *

  Gers in the Champions League

  * * *

  13/07/07

  Champions League Qualifier 1st leg – Rangers 2 Zeta 0

  07/08/07

  Champions League Qualifier 2nd leg – Zeta 0 Rangers 1

  14/08/07

  Champions League Qualifier 1st leg – Rangers 1 Red Star Belgrade 0

  28/08/07

  Champions League Qualifier 2nd leg – Red Star Belgrade 0 Rangers 0

  19/09/07

  Champions League Group stages – Rangers 2 Stuttgart 1

  02/10/07

  Champions League Group stages – Lyon 0 Rangers 3

  23/10/07

  Champions League Group stages – Rangers 0 Barcelona 0

  07/11/07

  Champions League Group stages – Barcelona 2 Rangers 0