Heart Unbroken

by Andrew Grey

  “You got one heck of a punch, dude,” Luke added.

  “Thanks.” Lee took another deep breath and finished the water.

  “Do your hands hurt?” Race asked.

  “They’ll be a little sore, but they’re okay.” Lee sighed and let the remnants of the aggression wash away. Part of him felt empty, but that was probably a good thing. Maybe now he could fill those areas with something more positive. “Thank you for bringing me.”

  “I arranged a trial membership, so you can come here whenever you want. Race and the guys will help you in case I’m not with you. If you want to come more often, we’ll see about getting you a pair of your own gloves.”

  “I was really good at it?”

  “You were primal,” Race said. “Whatever you were doing was coming from pretty deep inside.”

  “Do guys do this a lot?”

  “Like boxing therapy? Probably not. But it seems to be what you needed.” Race patted his shoulder and stood still, his hand resting there. Lee could tell that Race was looking at him, and he stood a little taller as he waited. “Maybe,” Race added, “if you’d like, I could teach you some self-defense to build some more confidence.”

  “I think I’d like that a whole lot,” Lee said, grinning, and stood. His legs felt a little wobbly, but he pushed it aside as the idea of feeling less vulnerable took hold. “Can I change my clothes? And maybe then we can go eat?”

  “I have a shower off my office. Dean can take you to the locker room to get your things, and then you can get cleaned up in private.” Race seemed like such a nice guy.

  They retrieved his things from the locker room. “Sweetheart, take my arm and I’ll guide you. His outer office is a little small, so we’ll need to take things slow. Don’t worry if you brush against some things.” Dean patted his arm, and Lee took small steps. He felt the doorframe as he passed and navigated around the desk and file cabinets. Lee bumped his leg and stopped. “It’s okay. The door is right ahead. Just move to the left a foot and you’ll be right in line. Perfect. Can you feel it?”

  Lee reached out, found the doorframe, and went into the bath area, with Dean closing the door before taking his hand. “Here is the toilet and sink, and the shower is right behind you.” The toilet lid closed with a clink. “If you want, you can put your bag here.”

  “How does the shower work?”

  “Give me a second.” The water went on and stayed for a minute. “The water is nice and warm now. The tap is at your chest. Just pull it out, and you should be good to go. Don’t turn it or you could burn yourself.” Dean kissed him gently. “I’ll be right outside the door if you need anything. Just call.” He left and closed the door, and Lee sighed, taking a few moments to get his bearings.

  “WAS IT okay?” Dean asked when Lee emerged.

  “Overall.” Lee had had a few issues around the sink, but had figured it out. “Did I leave anything behind?” He had been careful to try to keep track of everything, but sometimes he missed the odd thing.

  “Looks good,” Dean said. “We’re going to retrace our steps, say goodbye to Race, and then we’ll head out. There’s a nice little coffee place on the way to the center, and we can stop there to eat.”

  “Okay.” Lee still felt wrung out, but surprisingly calm, like the swirling mass of resentment was, if not gone, much smaller. “Is this why people work out, to feel this way?”

  “Some people do, yeah. Exercise makes you feel better and lets your mind and body work off the excess crap. Next time I’ll work out with you. There are weights and machines available as well. The gym isn’t just for boxing, but that’s what it’s known for.”

  “So cool.” This was one aspect to his life that he could have, independent of his mom. Lee smiled at the thought.

  As soon as they exited the office, sound assaulted him once again. He thanked Race and waved in general to the room before Dean guided him outside and to the car. He sank into the seat, closed the car door, and put on his seat belt, nearly falling asleep as they drove. Lee tried to remember the last time he had felt this wrung out—it must have been after one of the last unsuccessful surgeries to correct his vision.

  “We’re here,” Dean said, jolting Lee to full awareness.

  “Sorry.” He hadn’t even registered the car had stopped.

  “I like it.”

  “What, that I fell asleep in the car?”

  Dean leaned nearer, his heady scent intensifying in the closed environment. “That you felt comfortable enough around me to let yourself go.” He stroked Lee’s arm, and when Lee turned in his direction, Dean kissed him. “You’re an incredible man, and you have no idea how blown away I am by you.”

  “By me?” That was hard to believe.

  “Yup. You don’t realize how amazing you are. I think I like that most of all.” Dean squeezed his hand, kissing him again, this time harder and with more intensity, his tongue dancing around the edges of Lee’s lips. Lee groaned softly, his cooled body heating up once more, this time for a very different reason than when they’d been in the gym.

  When he backed away, Lee leaned forward slightly, trying to trail behind him, wanting more. “You and I should get something to eat, and then we can go for a walk. It’s a wonderfully sunny day.”

  Lee pulled his glasses out of his bag and put them on to protect his eyes, waiting for Dean to guide him inside.

  The coffee shop was quiet, without the flood of conversation that usually washed over him in places like this. Dean spoke to the hostess, and Lee held his arm more tightly.

  “Dean,” he whispered. “Can we go somewhere else? This place smells like there’s something bad in here.”

  “Like the food is bad?”

  Lee shook his head. “Like they cooked something bad and it smoked, and it’s everywhere.” It was completely unappetizing, and his stomach, as hungry as he was, rebelled. “Can we please go?”

  “Sure.” Dean excused them and turned.

  Lee breathed deeply as soon as they were outside. “There could have been mold in there too. I’m not sure, but it was pretty stinky. I’m sorry.”

  “How about Ben’s? It’s a Jewish deli in the shopping center across the way. We could go there and have a bagel.”

  “Okay.” Lee was just happy to be out of there. “I’m sorry to be fussy.”

  “Are you kidding? That first night Trevor met James, he got them out of the club before anyone else because he smelled electrical wiring burning. Saved us all from a stampede. The nose knows.”

  Dean guided him to the car, and they made the brief drive across the street and into the heavenly scent of the bagel shop. Cinnamon and warm toastiness enveloped Lee the moment he walked inside. Dean guided him to a table and read the selections of the day off the board.

  “Are you going to hate me if I get an onion bagel?” Lee asked. “I can get a cinnamon one.”

  “Get the cinnamon,” Dean whispered, sending a ripple up Lee’s spine. He nodded, and Dean’s chair skidded on the floor when he got up.

  As he waited, Lee lightly drummed his fingers on the table, scrunching his nose at a scent that didn’t belong. He turned to get a stronger whiff and turned away.

  “Well….”

  “Go away,” Lee said rather loudly.

  Dean must have heard him, because in seconds, he was there. “Get out and stay away from him.” His hand rested on Lee’s shoulder.

  “Or what?” The guy laughed, close enough that his breath reached Lee. He shivered. He really hated that stench.

  Rapid, somewhat muffled footsteps approached. “You aren’t welcome in here, now or ever. Get out,” a woman said. “I’ll call the police again. I mean it. You are never to come in here. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and we will never serve you.” She sounded like someone Lee didn’t want to tangle with.

  “Fine,” the asshole from the club said. “I’m going.” The door opened and closed, the breeze washing away some of the stench.

  “Was he both
ering you?” the woman asked, coming closer.

  “We met him the other night. I don’t think he plays well with others,” Dean told her, and Lee nodded.

  “He knows he isn’t allowed in here. We threatened to get a restraining order against him. He’s a troublemaker and always gives my son a hard time.”

  “He did that to me,” Lee explained.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” She patted his shoulder. “He’s gone. I’ll go get your order right away.” Her footsteps softened as she left, and Lee relaxed a little.

  “What is it with that guy?” Lee asked. “He gives me the creeps. Is he standing outside, watching us?” The hair on the back of his neck stood up, and Lee tried not to think about it too hard.

  “No. He’s gone. I watched him cross the street.” Dean sat down, and soon the server brought their lunch.

  “Here you are, boys. I added some extra cream cheese and brought some coffee. It’s hot. You two enjoy, and don’t let Marshall trouble you. I know how to deal with him.” She left, and Lee leaned forward, smelling his toasty bagel.

  “Do you want me to spread the cream cheese?”

  “I can handle it.” He felt for his knife and the container, familiarizing himself with where everything was before taking a shot at spreading. He actually managed it and took a bite of the warm, chewy bread, humming softly. He hoped he didn’t make too big a mess, but Dean didn’t say anything, and the bagel was exactly what he needed. By the time he was done, Lee wiped his face and was smiling again. The server took their trash away, and Lee thanked her before he and Dean left the café.

  Dean put the windows down, and the water from Lake Michigan scented the air as they drove by. By the time they parked and got out at the Audubon Center, the soft roar of the waves filled the lightly breezy air.

  “This is wonderful.” Lee stood next to the car, the air kissing his skin, the sun shining on him. Birds called their music nearby, and there was little else. Not even conversation by other people—just the music of nature.

  Dean didn’t say anything once the car was locked, but let Lee take his arm to help guide him forward. He closed his eyes, a remnant of his sight, letting his other senses completely take over. A woodpecker beat his staccato off to his left, and other songbirds chirped and flitted around him. A light breeze rustled what Lee assumed were tall grasses.

  “What’s over there?” Lee asked, pointing.

  “Small trees and bushes surrounded by grasses. There are birds and butterflies flitting everywhere.” They walked slowly up the path, and Lee listened, taking in everything around him.

  “I hear a frog,” Lee said, smiling when the croak came again. “There must be standing water over that way. The birds are all chirping in that direction as well.” They continued on, turning a corner to squawks and quacks—geese and ducks off to the other side.

  “There’s apparently a pair of nesting eagles somewhere on the property. There are also hawks. I doubt you’ll hear them, but they’re here.”

  “Cool.” Lee shifted closer to Dean, resting slightly against him, just enjoying the walk. It was a marvelous day, and after his earlier mini breakdown, he felt so much better.

  “We can go into the visitor center. There are displays and things in there. But I’m afraid they aren’t going to be particularly meaningful. I’d rather stay outside, unless you need the bathroom.”

  “I’m fine,” Lee told him, caught up in the sounds of the water. “Can we go closer to the lake?”

  “Of course.” Dean led him forward, and soon the wind picked up. “We’re on the top of the bluff. There’s stairs down to the beach, and we can go down if you want. The beach is sandy, so it’s going to be a little difficult to walk through.”

  “Let’s just stay here,” Lee said, listening to the waves. Lee had always loved to swim ever since he was a kid, but things were different now. “You know, I always thought that I lived my life by what I understood and what I was familiar with, but maybe I’m governed by fear—my mother’s as well as my own.” The thought was difficult to process.

  “Maybe it’s a little of both,” Dean suggested. “Your mother is only trying to protect you. I doubt she’s trying to hold you down.”

  “I know.” Lee took Dean’s hand. “But she’s so afraid that something will happen to me. That I might get hurt.”

  “Isn’t that what a mother does? I think it’s part of the job.” Dean squeezed his fingers gently. “I guess what I’m saying is, don’t make your mother the villain in whatever story you have playing in your head. Your mom cared enough to bring you to the garage, and she loved you enough to let you expand your world. Now that you’re ready to go out into the world faster, maybe she just isn’t able to keep up with you.”

  That was exactly it. Lee could see it now. “How did you get so smart?”

  “Well, I think we’re always smart about other people’s problems and completely stupid when it comes to our own.” Dean chuckled. “I was so angry with my dad when he and Mom moved. We built the business, the two of us, and I felt like he was abandoning me. I resented it for a long time. Until Mom told me to knock it off.”

  Lee could understand that. “Is that part of the reason you’re going to work with Trevor?”

  “Yeah. I need someone who can handle the business side of things, and Trevor’s a master at that. Apparently he’ll have the garage ready for us a week from Monday, and he wants to start on the Cobra right away. He also says that he’s already lined up other clients, but I need to finish what I have already. It’s going to be a busy week for me, and I suppose for you too.”

  “Yes. Brent will keep Scott and me really busy. At first I think he and I are going to work in both locations, depending on what’s needed.” Lee shivered with excitement. “I can’t wait to dig into that Cobra engine and see what there is. I suspect it’s going to need a lot of work.” He could almost hear the throaty power of it.

  “Yeah, it is. I’m hoping we can do the work we need to without removing it from the body, but that might not be possible. We’ll know more once we get into it.” The breeze continued blowing around them, the scent of the lake intense and cleansing.

  “Dean, I like you,” Lee said, his mind going in a different direction. “I know how things work with Scott and Brent. They’re gentle and caring with each other, but at work they’re professional and all.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I don’t know how things will work with us—that is, if you want things to work….” Lee tamped down the butterflies in his belly. He felt so awkward, putting himself out there like that.

  Usually when he was in public, Lee felt a little like he was on display. He always thought people were looking at him, watching and maybe wondering. A lot of strange stuff went through his head at times. But he was insulated from that in a way, because if he was being watched, he didn’t know it, couldn’t see it. His blindness could be like a shield of sorts. But here, with Dean in this moment, that shield was gone and he didn’t want to hide. He wanted to be seen and to know what Dean thought and how things could work… if he wanted them to work.

  “I don’t know,” Dean admitted. “I suppose we use Scott and Brent as a role model and go from there, at least at work.” He seemed as unsure as Lee felt. “I don’t think I’m very good at relationships. The last one I had ended super badly. For the longest time, I didn’t know if I could do it again. Chuck stomped on my heart, on the part of me that I thought I could rely on. Chuck took that away—no, I let him take it away.” Dean stiffened. “I keep blaming what happened on Chuck, but I was to blame too. I gave him too much of myself.” Dean cleared his throat. “Lee, I’m not sure I can do that again.”

  Lee let go of Dean’s hand, a distance forming between them, even though neither of them moved. “Okay. I understand,” he whispered. Maybe his mother was right and he should stick to the things he knew.

  “I don’t know if I can ever have what I had with Chuck again. But you aren’t him.”

  “No, I’
m not.”

  Dean sighed. “If you’re really willing to try, Lee, I am too. I thought for a long time that I was going to live my life alone. It wasn’t a case of finding someone else. It was that I didn’t think I deserved someone. Chuck took it all away, and it was easier to let myself fall into a life of clubs and fun, without being worried about being hurt again. It was safe, and I could just enjoy life. Or at least that’s what I thought. But you changed things, and you didn’t even know you were doing it. You brought my heart back to life.”

  Lee wasn’t sure what Dean was trying to say. Part of him wanted to go home, and the other part hung on every word, listening for some nugget of hope.

  “I saw you when you first came into the garage. I’ve been there a number of times, and I always saw you. I knew where you were. Heck, there were times when I came in to say hello to Trevor and Brent just so I could see you and maybe watch you for a few minutes.” Dean inhaled deeply, and Lee waited. “You were so young the first time I saw you.”

  “James arranged for me to come. I didn’t have any idea how I could do anything at a garage. But then I met Scott, and he worked with me and became my best friend. And in a way, I found a home, especially after Trevor told me he was going to keep me on and put me on the payroll.” That had been one of the best days of his life.

  “Yeah. I was there that day. I don’t think you realized it, but I saw how excited you were. It made me happy, just to see you happy.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?” Lee asked.

  Dean groaned. “I was a thirty-year-old loser interested in an eighteen-year-old with his entire future ahead of him. What was I going to say? That I can’t seem to figure out how to move on after I was dumped and hurt by the biggest dickhead in the history of men? You deserve so much more than someone like me.”

  Lee turned to the side, his hands on his hips. “And I don’t get a say in this? No one asked me what I wanted. My mom doesn’t ask either. She just assumes that she knows what’s best for me.” He might not have been able to stare, but Lee set his lips and didn’t turn away. “What do you want, Dean? Sometimes things are as simple as that.”