TJ

by SJ McCoy

  “See. Doesn’t that feel better?”

  He nodded. It did. He loved the ocean, but like her, he preferred less crowded beaches. “You should go to Oregon. You can walk for miles on the beach up there and never see another soul.”

  “It’s on my list of places to get to. Have you spent much time there?”

  “Yeah. My parents spend part of the year there. My dad runs a rehab clinic.”

  She raised an eyebrow, but he shook his head. “Stroke rehab. Helping people get mobile again, regain their strength. He does amazing work.”

  “That’s cool. So, they spend half the year there and the rest in Montana?”

  “Yeah, and they come down here quite often, too. Or go up to the San Juans. My other brother, Reid, has a place up there.”

  “Wow! Your family has great taste in locations.”

  He nodded. They did. All except him. His thoughts must have shown on his face.

  “You don’t think so?”

  “I do. Oceans and mountains, and even LA has some of both. To many, it’s the best of all worlds. I was thinking that my family does have great taste, but I haven’t figured out what my own taste is yet. I came here because Oscar was here.”

  She nodded. He was aware that she was deliberately avoiding asking him anything too personal, and he appreciated it, but he wanted her to know who he was. Which surprised him. He took hold of her hand as they walked. “It’s okay, you know. You can ask me questions—if you want.”

  She smiled. “Thanks, but I’m scared to.”

  “Don’t be.”

  “Okay but tell me to shut up if I get too nosey. I’m curious about you, that’s all.” She looked up into his eyes. “I’d like to know you.”

  He stopped and reached his hand up to cup her cheek. “I’d like to know you, too.”

  She leaned her cheek into his palm and nodded. He lowered his lips to hers. He wanted to kiss her—really kiss her, but just like in the limo earlier, the moment her lips met his, he stopped himself. He didn’t dare do more than brush his lips over hers. There was something about her, something that drew him to her. She felt like sunshine and quicksand at the same time. He knew that once he kissed her, he’d be lost. There’d be no turning back.

  He lifted his head and held her gaze. “Let’s take it slowly?”

  Her eyes sparkled, and she nodded. “Yeah. That’s probably best.”

  They walked on, and he took hold of her hand again. The last rays of the sun felt good on his face, the water and the sand felt good between his toes, but most of all, her hand felt good inside his.

  “What’s your other brother like?”

  He smiled. “Reid? He’s awesome. He’s the youngest, the quietest, and the smartest. People tend to think that Oscar’s the smartest, and he is one of the smartest people I know, but Reid? He’s on the genius level.”

  “What does he do?”

  “Computer stuff. He’s done a whole bunch of different things. Mostly cyber security. He made an app that encrypts every email you send. He made another one that protects all your data if you’re hacked. I don’t understand how any of that works, but I know he’s done a lot of cool things. He’s also written a couple of books.”

  “Wow! On technology? About his apps?”

  TJ chuckled. “No. That’s what you’d think, but he writes fiction—science fiction, to be precise. They’re good stories, too.”

  “He sounds like quite a character.”

  “He is. He’s awesome. What about you? Do you have brothers and sisters?”

  She turned away and looked out at the ocean and shook her head. When she looked back at him, there were tears shining in her eyes. “Not any more. My brother, Matt, died nearly three years ago.” She tried to smile, but her face crumpled, and she let out a small sob.

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she buried her face in his chest. He held her close and rested his chin on top of her head. “I’m sorry.” He knew the pain. He had two brothers who, thank God, were still alive, but he’d lost other brothers, brothers he’d been just as close to—in some ways closer. Brothers whom he’d loved.

  Eventually, she looked up at him and sniffed. “I’m sorry. I usually deal with it okay. I’m getting used to him not being here, but it’s hard, you know?”

  “I do know. I’m sorry. We can change the subject if you want or tell me about him—I’d like to know.”

  She wiped her hand across her face. “Would you? Or are you just being nice?”

  “I would. If we hang out much, you’ll get to know I don’t do nice—at least, not false, polite nice. That isn’t fair to anyone. I’d like to hear about Matt if you want to tell me. It’ll help me to know you, and it might help you to talk about him.”

  She nodded, and her eyes filled with fresh tears. “It’d be nice to talk about him. I don’t get to do it much. My parents, well, they deal with their pain the best they can, they don’t need to hear about mine. And it’s not something you can bring up in conversation with other people. They don’t know what to say. It just makes them uncomfortable.”

  He nodded and hugged her to him again. “I know.”

  “You know just as well as I do, don’t you?” She spoke into his chest.

  “Yeah. They weren’t my blood, but they were my brothers.”

  She straightened up and took hold of his hand again. “Let’s walk.”

  “He was a marine.” TJ stiffened. He wanted to ask a dozen questions, but this wasn’t about him. It was about her.

  “You know how it goes. He was days from coming home. We had a party planned.” She sniffed. “But he came home in a box instead.”

  TJ wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her closer as they walked. “I’m sorry.”

  She shrugged. “It is what it is. He knew he might not come home, just like you did, just like everyone who went—and who goes now.”

  He nodded. No one who went ever knew if they’d make it back. Sometimes he thought the ones who didn’t were better off than those who did. They didn’t have to face a world, a family who had moved on without them. Didn’t have to try to fit into a life that they were no longer cut out for. There was no PTSD for them, no homelessness or quest to lose themselves in booze or drugs or whatever other escape they could find. They didn’t have to watch places they’d fought for fall back into enemy hands because politicians cut budgets or decided to try new strategies—or simply shifted their focus to other theaters.

  She looked up at him. “I’m sorry. Is this bothering you?”

  “No. I’m sad for you. I’m sad for Matt. I’m sad for everyone who didn’t make it home—and for everyone who did.”

  “Yeah. Me too. I was so angry at him for a long time. You know, if you all refused to go and fight, there’d be no war.”

  “I’ve thought that myself, but what do you do? Do you let evil run wild? Do you refuse to step in to stop oppression, rape, murder? Do you stand back while one group of people massacres another because of their ethnicity or religion or simply for the resources on their land?”

  “I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. I do know it sucks. No one wins, everyone loses.”

  “And the worst part is it’s all directed by people who don’t understand what happens on the ground. With one decision a politician can end a thousand lives—and to him, it’s only for the sake of a few more votes.”

  “I know. Matt died taking back a town that the Taliban moved into when troops were withdrawn last time. He died because the politicians couldn’t make up their minds.”

  “Were you close?”

  She smiled. “Very. He was my hero before he ever became a marine. It was who he was, not just his job.”

  He looked at her. She’d told him last week that being a reporter was her job, not who she was. Now he understood what she meant. Being a marine wasn’t a job. It was a character trait, as far as he was concerned. “It’s never just a job.”
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  “I know.” She turned around. “We should start walking back. It’s getting late.”

  “I don’t care about the time. If you mean you want to stop talking about him, I understand. We can talk about something else.”

  She leaned her head against his shoulder. “How about candy floss? That sounds good.”

  “Okay.”

  ~ ~ ~

  They sat on the pier to watch the last of the sunset while she ate her candy floss. TJ didn’t want any. That didn’t surprise her in the least. He ate an ice cream cone instead. “Sorry I got all emotional on you.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t be. It helps me know you.”

  “Do you still want to?”

  He smiled. “I do. In fact, I was thinking. Tomorrow, do you want to hang out?”

  She nodded happily. “I’d love to.”

  “Good, because I think I can help you.”

  She frowned. “With what?”

  “You said you like to find places where there aren’t many people, and you like to swim. I can help with both.”

  “How?”

  “Come over to my place for the afternoon. There’s a pool. You can swim, and I promise there won’t be any crowds. It’ll be just you and me.”

  A shiver ran down her spine at the thought. Alone with TJ? In a swimsuit? Yes, please. “I’d like that.”

  He held her gaze for a moment, his light green eyes intense as if there were questions he wanted to ask and things he wanted to say. “Me too.”

  It wasn’t that late when he pulled up outside her apartment. Her heart was racing. Would he come in if she asked him to? Did she want him to? Yes, absolutely, but no. Not yet.

  He turned in his seat to face her. “I had a good time tonight. Thank you.”

  “I did, too.”

  “Can I come pick you up tomorrow? Around two?”

  “Yes. That’d be great.” She could feel his eyes traveling over her and feel her body responding. She wasn’t the kind to sleep with a guy on a first date, but it was tempting. “Do you want to come up?”

  He held her gaze for a long moment. “I do.”

  A jolt of excitement rushed through her.

  He smiled. “But I’m not going to. Not tonight.” He leaned toward her, and she met him half way. His fingers tangled in her hair and he pulled her head back to give himself better access to her lips. This was no chaste peck. His mouth crushed against hers, his tongue exploring, mating with her own. Her hands came up to grip his shoulders as she kissed him back. She’d felt drawn to him since the first time she’d seen him. Now she knew they’d crossed some line, and the pull between them was too strong to deny. She knew that if they weren’t in the limo, that kiss would turn into so much more.

  When he lifted his head, they were both breathless. He felt it too, she could see it on his face. “I have to go.”

  She nodded and reached for the door handle. If he didn’t go now, he wouldn’t be leaving before morning.

  “Are you sure you want to come tomorrow?”

  She leaned back and planted a kiss on his lips. “I’m sure.”

  He hugged her to his chest and rested his chin on top of her head for a moment, then let her go. “I’ll be here at two.”

  She got out of the limo and turned back to wave at him before she let herself into the lobby. He put the window down and smiled. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Yeah. At two.”

  “Goodnight, Dani”

  “Goodnight, TJ.”

  Damn. She let herself in and closed the door behind her. How she’d managed to force herself to walk away from him, she didn’t know, but she had the feeling that every time she did, it would get harder and harder.

  Chapter Ten

  TJ wandered around the house. It wasn’t like he needed to tidy anything. This place was a fully-furnished rental—very nicely furnished—but it felt more like a hotel room to him. There was nothing personal about it. That was down to him, of course. He didn’t have much, and what he did have was neatly stashed in a few cupboards and drawers. It hadn’t occurred to him to buy any artwork or knick-knacks that would put his stamp on the place. He didn’t have a stamp. Didn’t have a taste in artwork or knick-knacks. He smiled to himself. He wasn’t thinking about himself and how he wanted the place to be. He was thinking about Dani and what she might expect. He doubted she would expect much. She seemed to be accepting of him the way he was.

  He checked his watch. It wasn’t time to go for her yet. He wished he’d suggested she come earlier, but he hadn’t, so he just had to wait. He’d been at the center this morning. Kept his promise to play with Jayden and the other kids for a while. He’d also had a chat with Daquan. That guy had a lot of good ideas; he wanted to start a reading program. At first, TJ had thought he meant for the kids, but he hadn’t. He meant for the vets. TJ had been skeptical at first, until Daquan had explained his thinking.

  Most of the vets struggled with addiction in one way or another. Booze was the most common, but some of them used, too. They kept it away from the center, but those who went down under the bridge usually drifted away and didn’t come back. Whatever method they chose, they were all just trying to escape—from memories and nightmares and from the cold, empty reality they were now living. Daquan’s theory was that reading fiction was the best escape you could find. They were going to start a book drive. Most people read on digital devices these days and paper books just got thrown out. TJ was certain they could get a lot of donations to start their library—and he planned to appeal for kids books too. He’d love to see Jayden and his little buddies develop a love of reading.

  He sat down on the sofa, then stood back up again. He couldn’t settle. He went outside to check the back yard and the pool. It was nice, quiet, private. This wasn’t a mansion, by any means. He’d turned down the first several places Oscar had shown him—he couldn’t bring himself to spend that kind of money on a house for one person when most of his friends didn’t have enough to rent a studio apartment for themselves. He’d have been happier sleeping on the streets with the guys, but Oscar wouldn’t hear of it, and he knew it would destroy his parents, so he’d settled in here—for now.

  He went back into the house again and checked the fridge. He’d bought salad and fruit and ice cream. He hoped Dani would be staying for dinner. He had wine and beer if she wanted a drink, and bourbon, of course, but he was trying not to touch that anymore. Bourbon had been his chosen escape for his first few months back home. He liked to think he didn’t need it anymore. The nights that he still took that escape route were a conscious choice now—not an automatic habit.

  His phone rang, and he picked it up off the counter. It was Oscar.

  “What’s up?” he answered.

  “What’s up he asks! What’s up is that it’s almost midday and I haven’t heard a peep out of you. How did it go?”

  TJ smiled. “It went well.”

  “What does that mean? You know you won’t get away with a three-word answer. This is me you’re talking to. Not Reid. I don’t do the whole stoic thing. I need to hear all about it. It went well could mean anything. It could mean it was a disaster, but you survived. It could mean you hated each other and it was over in half an hour and you’re relieved it’s behind you. It could mean you hit it off and you’ve been going at it like bunnies all night and that’s why you haven’t called me.”

  He let out a short laugh. “None of the above.”

  “So, what then? Put me out of my misery—and I should warn you that I have to report straight back to Mom and Grace.”

  “Okay. Here’s the summary report for you to pass along to the women who rule our lives. We had a great time. We ran into a jackass valet at Mastro’s before we went inside, so we left—”

  “What? What the fuck! I need to call them and—”

  “No. No you don’t. Shut up and let me finish.”

  “Sorry.”

  “We took Darren home.�
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  Oscar groaned.

  “Shut the fuck up. If you want to know, let me speak.”

  “Okay.”

  “His kid’s still not feeling well, and he needed to be there for him. I couldn’t have enjoyed myself knowing he was away from Noah because of me. And Dani felt the same way. And don’t you dare give him any shit because he didn’t have a choice. He tried to fight me on it.”

  “I’m getting the idea that it went well means it was a disaster, but you survived, then. You didn’t get dinner at Mastro’s, you didn’t have a driver—”

  “If you’d ever let me finish, I could tell you that after we dropped Darren home, we went to Santa Monica. We had dinner on the pier, walked on the beach, and paddled in the water. Then we sat and ate candy floss and ice cream, and then I dropped her home.”

  Oscar stayed quiet.

  “Where I kissed her goodnight and asked if I could see her again.”

  “Yes!!!”

  TJ laughed. He could picture his brother punching the air.

  “That’s awesome, Teej! When are you seeing her again, where are you taking her?”

  “She’s coming over here. This afternoon.” He wondered if Oscar might advise him he should take it slower, but he needn’t have worried.

  “Awesome! I hope she’s bringing her swimsuit.”

  “She is.”

  “I see. I was half joking there. So, I’m confused. I’m guessing you want to see her in her swimsuit and get her out of it. But if this was just a physical thing, you wouldn’t have left her with just a kiss last night.”

  “I like her.”

  “Enough for it to be physical?”

  TJ pursed his lips. “I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stop myself.”

  He could hear the smile in his brother’s voice. “Well, if you like her as a person, and you’re attracted to her as a woman, why would you want to? There’s a whole spectrum of meaning when it comes to sex you know. You don’t have to choose between random fucking or forever.”

  TJ had to laugh. “And you’d know this because …? You’re the one who only ever did the random till you found forever with Grace.”