Broken

by Robin Nadler

  They both smiled and she sat up, feeling better. “She’s nice.”

  He chuckled. “I agree, but most people don’t get that vibe from her.”

  “She is fiercely protective of you. I admire that.”

  He sighed. “She got really freaked out when I was attacked.”

  She moved closer to him and took his hand in hers. “I’m truly sorry you went through something so horrible.”

  He shrugged and looked down. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

  She held his chin in her hand and tilted his face to hers. “It is a very big deal because you survived. Don’t minimize what you went through. I thank God you made it.”

  He moved her hands from his face and took the washcloth from her shoulder. “I think we’ve done enough talking for the night.” He got up and went to get fresh water.

  Lila sat up and swung her legs over the side of the couch. She rubbed her temples and he walked back in, sitting next to her. He placed the cool washcloth around her shoulders. “How about if we just lie here, in the quiet and just breathe,” he said softly.

  She nodded and he moved back, motioning for her to lie down, her head in his lap. He held the washcloth for her and rubbed her back, praying she would get some peace from this.

  Chapter Twenty:

  It had been 3 days and finally, Lila was doing better. He knew it was still going to be a couple weeks until she was feeling back to herself, but she was holding food down and her fever was pretty much gone. David was making dinner while she took a nap and he knew it was their last night together. There was no reason for him to stay if she was better and he knew he needed to let her take care of herself. He set the dining room table and found some candlesticks, placing them in the center. He went back into the kitchen and checked the sauce.

  “What smells so amazing?” Lila asked as she walked into the kitchen. She saw him standing over the stove, mixing something.

  “You’re up? I didn’t wake you, did I?” he turned and grinned at her.

  “No, I was up, but this smells wonderful. I didn’t know you could cook,” she walked over and looked in the pot.

  “It’s not much. Susan brought over some groceries and I used a jar of sauce, I just doctored it up a little. I hope you like spaghetti,” he worried maybe she didn’t.

  “I love it. I am a huge pasta freak. I always joked that I could never go on one of those carb free diets. I love my carbs,” she laughed and her eyes were bright.

  “Like you would ever need to go on diet,” he said quietly and she blushed.

  “Can I help with anything?”

  He shook his head. “No, but if you want to light the candles and sit down, everything is ready.”

  “Okay,” she smiled and walked into the dining room.

  Why was he so nervous? He smiled to himself as he grabbed the wine and brought it to the table. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted wine or something else, but this goes really good with the tomato sauce.”

  “I would love some, thank you. I’ll pour it while you get the food,” she said, suddenly nervous. Why was she nervous? There was an incredibly attractive man in her home who took care of her and was now making her dinner. She exhaled and put her head in her hands.

  “Lila? Are you okay?” he was suddenly kneeling next to her, checking her pulse.

  “I’m fine, sorry,” she blushed.

  “Oh, well, you can’t do things like that. You scared me,” he stood up and exhaled.

  “I think I’m just a little nervous. This seems very much like a date,” she said quietly.

  He sat down and shrugged. “Would that be so bad?”

  That surprised her. “No, I suppose it wouldn’t.”

  “I guess I just wanted you to have a nice dinner and a calm evening. I’m really glad you’re feeling better,” he took a sip of the wine.

  She did as well and smiled. “I am, you know, feeling better. I really think that’s because of you.”

  “No, it doesn’t have anything to do with me. Why would you say that?”

  “Because you took care of me. You enabled me to stay home and you treated me with the tough love I needed. It has made a world of difference to me and I truly thank you,” she looked at him and her words were sincere.

  “You deserved that, Lila. It’s the least I could do.”

  She didn’t know what was happening, but she found herself thoroughly enjoying his company. “Well I still don’t know why you bothered. It’s not like I’ve been the easiest to deal with.”

  “Can I ask you something?” He questioned.

  “Should I be nervous?” She grinned. “Of course.”

  “I never asked, and I don’t mean to overstep, but you came to see me to talk about having a child, right?”

  She knew this would come up eventually. “Yes.”

  “So is there is a man in the picture? Are you seeing someone?”

  That’s what he wanted to know? She smiled. “No. There is no one.”

  “Oh, good,” he smiled. “I mean not that there is no one, but, well, I guess that I do mean good for that.” He wiped his mouth. “So that made no sense.”

  “It made perfect sense. I am not involved with anyone, and right now, I think that’s a good thing. I’m not in any position to offer anything in terms of a relationship.”

  That pained him. “You’re wrong about that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re smart and funny and caring. You are tenacious and exciting and worth the effort.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m not so sure.”

  “I am,” he said without missing a beat.

  “This food was really great, thank you. I don’t think anyone has ever made dinner for me; as an adult,” she shrugged.

  He took the plates into the kitchen and came back in. “Let’s move to the couch,” he said.

  She finished her glass of wine and followed him. “You know, I think I’ll be okay tonight. You don’t have to stay.”

  “Do you want me to go?”

  She looked at her hands. “I don’t know what I want. I feel weird about this, David. You have been so nice to me and I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness. I feel like something is changing and it’s fine if you don’t feel that way.”

  He reached to her face and stroked her cheek. “I feel it, too.”

  She moved his hand gently. “Then you should go.”

  “I don’t understand. If we are both feeling things for each other, why do you want me to leave?”

  She stood up and hugged her middle. “Because I am not someone to get involved with. I have so many issues, David and I just don’t see how you could want to get involved with that.”

  He walked over to her. “Why do you do that? Why do you put yourself down so much? Why can’t I want you?”

  “David, you are an amazing man. You’re strong and caring and gentle. You helped me when you didn’t have to and your intelligence is incredibly sexy. I just think you should be with someone who can challenge you.”

  He chuckled. “Like you aren’t challenging enough?”

  She smiled. “You know what I mean.”

  He was quiet for a minute and a sickening thought occurred to him. “I think I get it. Is this because of what June did to me? Do I repulse you?” He turned and walked to the front door. “I’m such an idiot. I should have known. What kind of a man gets attacked like that? What kind of a woman would ever look at me with anything other than disgust. I need some air,” he walked outside into the darkness.

  She followed him and had to run to catch up. “David,” she called to him. Damn his long legs. “David, stop!” she yelled.

  He stood on her front lawn and turned to face her. “What?”

  “How could you think I would be like that? How could you not know that I want you? How dare you think so little of me and the kind of person I am. I would never think that way. You have to know that. Of all the things I feel for you, disgust isn’t one of th
em.”

  “Lila, you need to go inside.”

  She felt her tears come. “No I don’t. You need to understand something right now. You are a man. You are handsome and virile and masculine and nothing any vicious attacker could do would ever take that away. When I look at you, I see everything a man should be.”

  He stared at her as the clouds opened and the warm rain poured down on them. Neither one of them moved, or breathed.

  “You have to see that, David. You can’t think I don’t,” she needed him to know she would never think less of him.

  “We need to go in. You’re soaking wet.”

  “Don’t fuck with me David. I’m not an idiot. Look at me and tell me you understand what I’m saying. Tell me you don’t think I would be so shallow and cruel.”

  She had never spoken to him like that and there was a fire in her eyes that he had never seen. “I don’t think that. I just don’t know why you won’t give this a chance.”

  “What if this medication doesn’t work? What if I just get worse? I won’t make you go through that. I’m not worth it,” she said simply and turned around to walk back to the house.

  He didn’t think. He moved to grab her arm and he pulled her to him, crashing his mouth onto hers. She melted immediately into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He held her body to him and the kiss deepened, the warm rain pelting them and making everything so much more erotic.

  She had never been kissed like this and it was searing. She moved her hands to his cheeks and broke the connection, looking deep into his eyes, their bodies still together.

  He reached his hand between them and ran his fingers over her swollen lips. “Lila, I just, I feel,” he looked at her mouth.

  She held her finger to his lips and pulled him to her again in a passionate kiss.

  Chapter Twenty-One:

  They were kissing in the rain. They were standing there, on her lawn, soaking wet and kissing. “We really need to go inside,” David said as he rested his forehead on hers.

  She held her hands on his cheeks and smiled. “Okay,” she turned and he followed her into the house.

  They stood in the foyer and Lila shivered. She looked and felt like a drowned rat and realized he was staring at her.

  “What?”

  He waked to her and rubbed her arms. “You need to get warm and dry.”

  “So do you,” she countered.

  He looked at her and started to say something, but stopped.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing. I’m sorry,” he stepped back and ran his hand through his wet hair.

  She hugged her arms around her and smiled. “I don’t know why you’re sorry, but I can see you want to be alone, so I’ll be in my room. Have a good night.” She turned and walked away.

  “Shit,” he said aloud. He followed her and saw her sitting on the chair by her dresser, her head in her hands. “Lila? Are you okay?”

  “No,” she looked at him and wiped her eyes. “But I will be. Don’t worry about me.”

  He walked over and knelt next to her. “I haven’t had a woman touch me since the incident and to be honest, I haven’t wanted anyone to get that close to me. But now, with you, I’m afraid maybe I won’t be able to get over that. I want to touch you and I want you to touch me, but,” he stood up and turned away.

  “But what?” she walked to him, keeping her hands around her waist.

  “I feel completely ridiculous, Lila. I’m a grown man who has been with numerous women. Because of one stupid moment, It’s like I’ve lost all comfort with myself,” he felt his eyes fill and exhaled.

  “Can I tell you something?”

  He nodded.

  “I haven’t been with anyone since I was diagnosed with MS. I kind of figured I would never have that connection again, and I was okay with that.”

  “How could you think that?” He interrupted her.

  She shrugged. “Let’s face it, David, having MS is kind of a turn off. After enough men walk away, you become accustomed to rejection. I guess I decided that instead of trying, I would stop looking.”

  “Is that how you still feel?”

  She met his gaze and her eyes were warm and compassionate. “I’ve never been kissed like that.”

  He smiled. “Me either.”

  “I really enjoyed it.”

  “Me too.”

  “So can I ask you something?”

  He nodded.

  “Can’t we just enjoy being close? It doesn’t have to be anything more unless we want it to be more. I am in no rush, but I don’t want you to go just yet. I understand if you don’t want to stay, but,”

  “I want to stay.”

  She smiled. “Good. Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll meet you in the other room.”

  “Okay,” he turned and walked out into the guest room and Lila walked to close her door. She peeled off her wet clothes and cleaned up before she pulled on her pajama bottoms and a tank top. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and walked out to the family room to wait for David. After a half hour, she walked to the guest room to make sure he was okay, but she realized immediately that he had left. There was a note on the bed and she picked it up.

  “Lila

  Thank you for tonight. I’m sorry, but I need to go.

  This isn’t about you, but me.

  -David”

  She threw the note away and walked to the family room, curling up on the couch and trying to forget the pain in her heart.

  *******

  “I don’t understand how long it takes to get blood work back. I need the results now,” David bellowed on the phone to the lab before hanging up.

  “You know, you catch more flies with honey,” a voice said from the doorway.

  David turned and sighed. “Hey Brian.”

  “Hey yourself. What’s up with you? You haven’t been returning any calls and all you do is work and sit in your hotel room. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing, I’m fine. Did Susan ask you to talk to me?”

  “No, but now that you mention it, she seems as pissed off as you are.”

  “She’s mad at me. She needs to get over it.” He sighed and looked at him. “I have patients to get to, so can we talk later?”

  Brian stared at his friend. “If she makes you this upset, why bother?”

  David shot him a glare. “She doesn’t make me upset. This is all on me.”

  Brian smiled. “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I have to go. Please, Brian, drop this.”

  “For now, but you need to figure out what you want out of life my friend. From what I know about Dr. Frankel, she doesn’t let anyone close to her. If she let you in and you ruined it, you have to fix it.”

  “What do you know about it?”

  “I know that in all the time I’ve known you, I have never seen you connect to a woman like you did to her. I just want you to be happy. You deserve that.”

  “Whatever.”

  Brian crossed his arms and looked at David. “Your assholeness isn’t charming. If you fucked up, apologize. If not, move on and get your head out of your ass.”

  David nodded. “Sorry. I’ll try.”

  Brian sighed. “I’ll talk to you later.” He turned and walked out.

  ********

  David finished his last procedure of the day and was filling out paperwork before he headed out. It had been a week since he walked out on Lila. A week of being absolutely miserable and completely depressed. He didn’t think he would ever regret anything more than he regretted leaving Lila like he did, but he couldn’t take it back. He didn’t know what to do.

  There was a knock on his door and he kept writing. “Brian, I don’t want to talk anymore.”

  “I don’t care what you want and I’m not Brian.”

  David looked up and was surprised to see Lila’s friend. “Is Lila okay?”

  “Would you care?” Carrie asked as she barged into the room. “You broke her heart.”

 
He exhaled slowly. “I know.”

  “Well than you’re a piece of shit, but unfortunately, I need a favor.”

  He smiled at her attitude and her obvious love for Lila. “Do you need a doctor?”

  She snorted. “As if I would use you.”