Broken

by Robin Nadler

  ******

  David got back to the hotel and grabbed his mail they had at the front desk. It was unusual to receive mail there, but they had a special service for their extended stay guests. He made his way upstairs to his suite and decided to jump in the shower and shave and change. He dropped the mail on his bed and peeled his clothes off. As he shaved, he thought about the doctor and what Steve had told him. He washed his body and sighed as he realized what he was afraid he knew all along. Most of the issue was in his head.

  He grabbed the shampoo and lathered his hair as he wondered if he would ever be able to get over this. He wanted to make love to Lila, he truly did, but he was so afraid of disappointing her. He knew she would never react that way, but he had so many hang ups that it seemed an insurmountable feat. He looked down and cursed his body for betraying him. He turned the water off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and drying his hair with another. He pulled on his underwear and jeans and grabbed the mail, tossing the ads to the side and then seeing something that made his heart stop.

  It was a handwritten note, stuck in an envelope. He pulled it out and looked at it.

  “It doesn’t matter where you take her or how protected you feel. We can get to her. We will get to her. You can’t protect her. You aren’t man enough to help her. Watch your back because we’re watching hers.”

  David picked up his phone and dialed Lila with shaking fingers, praying she would answer. It rang and rang and then went to voicemail. He threw on a shirt and bolted out to his car.

  ******

  He got there in minutes, running through every traffic law he needed to, and not caring. He kept calling her, and she didn’t answer. He didn’t see anything unusual outside her house, but he could only imagine what was inside. He jumped out and ran to the door, pounding on it. There was no answer and he pulled out the key he had from before. He opened the door and raced inside.

  “Lila? Are you okay?” He heard a crash and ran to the kitchen, grabbing an umbrella and holding it as a weapon. “I’m coming,” he yelled and ran to the room.

  He stopped at the door and saw her, standing there, her hair in a ponytail and earphones in her ears. She was dancing by the sink, washing dishes, completely oblivious to anything going on. He finally remembered to breathe and walked over to her, touching her shoulder.

  “AAAAARGH!” she screamed and flipped around. She saw David and put her hand over her chest. “Shit, you scared me half to death!” she pulled her headphones off and stared at him.

  He realized how this must look, but he was so relieved. He pulled her into his arms and held her.

  Lila was beyond stunned. She felt the neediness in his arms, the subtle shivering of his body and her eyes filled with tears. “I’m okay, David. What happened?” She wrapped her arms around him.

  He stepped back and exhaled before he pulled the note out of his pocket and showed it to her. She read it and then looked at him. “I got this at the hotel and I called you, but you didn’t answer,” his voice caught as he spoke.

  “And you thought someone got to me,” she said, realizing how scared he must have been.

  “I don’t think I could live with myself if I let something happen to you.”

  She smiled and cupped his face in her hands. “I’m okay. In fact, I haven’t felt this good in a long time. I am happy and healthy and excited to spend the evening with you. Nothing else matters in this moment except us.”

  He took her hands in his. “What about the note?”

  “Someone wants to scare you and it worked. Let’s not worry about it now. I will not let some creeps out there ruin one more moment for us. Tonight is for us,” she said softly. “Is that okay with you?”

  He smiled. “That’s so okay with me.” He finally began to relax and believe she was truly okay. He backed up and put his hands in his pockets. “So it’s not six yet, but I’d feel better if you weren’t alone. Do you mind if I stay?”

  “Actually, I’m ready for the appetizer, so you can go into the family room and I’ll bring some stuff in.”

  “Sounds good,” he turned and walked into the room and smiled at the dim lighting from candles she had set out. There was a bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket and glasses set out next to plates and napkins. He sat down on the couch and watched her walk in with a basket.

  “Can I help?”

  She shook her head. “You can pour some champagne if you want and come join me on the blanket.”

  He took his shoes off and popped the champagne cork before pouring two glasses and placing them on the table by the blanket. Lila opened the basket and took out some strawberries, dropping them into the glasses and watching the liquid fizz around the red fruit. She put another dish on the table that had melted chocolate in it and she put down some small bags filled with other snacks.

  “I would like to propose a toast,” she said as she picked up a glass and handed him one. “To the most amazing man I have had the honor to meet and become close to. I am excited to find out what happens next.”

  He smiled. “To the most exciting woman I have ever met. You are beautiful and talented and genuine and honest. I am honored to be here with you.”

  She felt her eyes fill as they clinked glasses and took a drink. Lila pulled out the strawberry and put it in her mouth, sucking on the red flesh and biting a piece. She licked her lips and watched his eyes as he watched her.

  “Sweet,” she said softly. She reached in and took another berry out of the glass and held it for him to eat. He covered his lips over it and took a bite, the juice dripping down his chin.

  “Very sweet,” he said, his heart pounding. He took another drink of his champagne as she reached and took some apple slices, dipping them in chocolate and eating them. She watched as he watched her mouth and her heart raced at the look on his face.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  He swallowed more champagne and felt the buzz in his head. “Anything,” he ate some apple.

  “Are you sure you understand what it means to be with me?”

  He was surprised by that. “Of course. Do you think I don’t?”

  She shook her head. “No, but today got me thinking. I worry that maybe you’re so comfortable with me because you figure it won’t go anywhere else.”

  “I don’t follow. Are you saying I’m here because I don’t have to worry about having sex with you?” He was insulted.

  “Not exactly. I wonder if you’ve thought about having sex with me, or at least being intimate in some way.”

  He chuckled. “I think a better question is I have ever stopped thinking about that.”

  She blushed. “Me too, but it goes deeper than that. I haven’t made love to anyone since my diagnosis, David, and I think maybe that’s a good thing. I just wonder if it’s too selfish of me to want it all.” She looked at him. “Talking to Steve today about ways to help you got me thinking that maybe you aren’t the only one with some doubts.”

  He forgot for a moment about his fears and moved closer to her. “My doubts have nothing to do with your health. I respect you and your fight with MS and I would never do anything to diminish that.”

  She wiped her eyes. “I know that. I just want you to be healthy and happy. I don’t want you to feel stuck with me.”

  “How can you be so beautiful and so full of self doubt? I’m not stuck with you, Lila. I love you.” He said the last part and didn’t care. It was the truth and he knew it. He had known it for a while and it was about time he told her.

  She was stunned. “What did you say?”

  “It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way, but I need you to understand just how much I want to be here and be with you. I am not using you as a safe place or a crutch. I feel at home when you hold me and I feel like a king when you look at me. I never thought I would have that kind of connection with anyone and I didn’t think I really deserved it, but now, sitting here, looking at you, I think you deserve to hear it.”

 
; She took his hand in hers and brought it to her lips, brushing the back of his hand with a kiss. “These hands are so strong and safe. They helped me to feel better and they comforted me when I needed to feel hope. You have been the most important person to me since I met you and sitting here, with you, listening to you, touching you, it simply means the world to me. I adore everything about you, David and I am completely in love with you.”

  He moved to pull her into his arms and his lips found hers, searching and needy. She moved her hands down to the edge of his shirt and slipped her fingers under the material to the warmth of his skin. He split the seam of her lips and explored the warm confines of her mouth. He moved to her shirt and began to unbutton the material.

  “Will you let me touch you?” he asked softly.

  She smiled and let him pull her shirt off. “You already saw me half naked,” she whispered.

  “I wasn’t looking then. You needed comforting and it was my privilege to help you. Tonight is about something more, something deeper,” he said in a sexy voice.

  She pulled her bra off and let him turn her onto her back on the blankets. He pulled his shirt off and lay next to her, stroking her cheek and tracing a line down her chin to her chest. He leaned in and kissed her softly before moving down her chest and kissing her flesh.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered.

  She watched him take his champagne and pull out the strawberry. He ran the fruit down her body, circling her nipple with the berry and then leaning down to suck the sweet liquid off her skin. He moved to the other nipple and did the same before feeding her the fruit.

  She took a bite of the fruit and he leaned in to kiss her. She ran her hands over his back and down to his pants. “David,” she said breathlessly.

  “What is it?” he kissed the corners of her mouth.

  “Let me see all of you, please,” she murmured.

  He stared into her eyes and decided to try. “Okay.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine:

  “So you want me to just take it all off?” He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes.

  “Stop being so romantic,” she said and laughed. “How about you let me give you a massage and we’ll just go from there.”

  “Okay,” he said. “But don’t be expecting miracles,” he was suddenly self-conscious again.

  “Can you do me a favor?”

  He shrugged, “I can try.”

  She sighed, “Stop using this,” she touched his head, “and use this,” she put her hand on his chest.

  He took her hand in his and nodded. “Okay.”

  Smiling, she sat up and told him to lie on his back. She reached to the basket and pulled out some lotion, squeezed some on her hands and straddled his waist before she put her hands on his chest. She leaned down and pressed her palms into his skin as she moved her hands in a circular motion, kneading his shoulders and leaning down so her hair fell onto him.

  “Am I hurting you?” she asked softly.

  “No, but your wrists are still bandaged. I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” he murmured.

  “I’m good,” she grinned and picked up his arm, kissing his fingers and moving to run her tongue along his palm.

  He closed his eyes as the sensations overwhelmed him. Lila moved to his other hand and ran her fingers over his muscular biceps. As much as she wanted him to enjoy this, she was having a hard time not reacting in a more aggressive manner. She adored him and seeing him enjoy her hands on him was incredibly arousing. She reached over and grabbed the champagne, taking a sip and then pouring some over his navel.

  He laughed as the sensation surprised him and she grinned before moving off of him and leaning in to taste the sweet liquid off his skin. The laughter in his eyes quickly changed to a smoldering glare and Lila felt all of the heat pool at her center.

  “Are you okay?” she asked him softly.

  He nodded and kept his eyes on her as she slowly unbuttoned and then unzipped his pants.

  “Do you know what I find incredibly erotic?” she asked him as she ran her fingers over his abdomen.

  He couldn’t find his voice, so he just shook his head.

  She leaned down and kissed the area right below his navel. “When the muscles in your abdomen quiver under my touch. Like this,” she blew on his stomach and his body contracted. “It makes me feel like a woman.”

  He felt his eyes prick with tears as she spoke to him. He also began to feel her in places he hadn’t in so long. He lifted his hips as she pulled his pants over his hips and off. She ran her hands up and down his legs, massaging them as she had his torso. He was full of nerves, but also excitement and anticipation.

  “When I feel like a woman, I feel feminine and beautiful.” She looked at him and her eyes were full of tears.

  “What is it?” he asked her, concern all over his face.

  She shrugged. “I know I’m supposed to be concentrating on you, but I’ve missed this so much, this connection. I haven’t felt this way in such a long time, in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this.” She wiped her eyes. “I’ve never been in love before.”

  He sat up and cupped her face in his hands. “You deserve to feel beautiful and feminine and sexy.” He pulled her to him and kissed her tenderly. “And I’m happy this, here with me, is different.” He ran his fingers down her shoulders and then back up to her face. “You don’t need to focus on me. We need to focus on each other.”

  She wiped her eyes. “I feel a little embarrassed. I didn’t plan on getting so emotional.”

  He flashed her his dimple as he stroked her cheek. “Will you let me take over our massage?”

  She looked at him with confusion. “But I left out the best part,” she pouted.

  He took her hand in his and kissed her fingers. He pulled his boxers off and they both saw the slight arousal he had.

  “I don’t think you did.” He said and swallowed a sob. “Lila, there has been nothing that has helped me for so long. No one has believed in me and no one has been as patient and gentle as you have. But to be honest, I don’t think any of that is the reason I am starting to respond. I think it’s all you. You make me feel sexy and strong and all of the issues running through my head don’t seem so insurmountable.”

  She moved onto her back and pulled him onto her. He pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her aggressively, her body quivering underneath him. She ran her hands over his back and down to his behind and pressed him against her. He began to move down her body and he left trail of wet kisses along her soft flesh. He looked up at her for approval and she nodded as he gently pulled her pants off, moving back up her legs to kiss the inside of her thighs. She moaned as he slipped his fingers under the waistband of her panties and peeled them off.

  “God Lila, you are exquisite,” he said as he looked at her body and then into her eyes. “How did this happen?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I’m so glad it did.”

  He sighed as he cupped her face in his hands. “I wish I could make love to you. I wish I could show you what you make me feel.”

  She reached to his face and touched his lips. “We are making love. I have never been so connected to anyone in my life, David. This is deeply personal for me and I hope you don’t feel like anything is missing. It’s not and I think this gives us something to remember that’s unique and tender and romantic. I have no regrets and I don’t want you to have any either.”

  “I don’t have any regrets. I just want to love you,” he said and pulled her close.

  “I know,” she heard her alarm go off and wiped her face. “I have to take my antibiotic.”

  “Can I get it for you?”

  She stroked his cheek. “No, I’ve got it.” She got up and grinned as she took his shirt and put it on. He lay there, staring at her, his smile huge. “Don’t move.”

  “Don’t worry,” he said and watched her walk to the bathroom. He reached to grab some champagne when he heard a crash and her scream.

 
; Chapter Forty:

  David ran to the bedroom and saw Lila on the floor, her body shaking and her face white. He saw the mess of her room and the broken glass in the bathroom. There were clothes strewn all over and taped in the bathroom were images of her asleep in the family room. There was a note on her bed that said “until next time”.