by Jane Lythell
‘How soon?’ she said.
Now he strode to his desk and sat down on his ancient leather Baedekar.
‘That’s enough, Lori! Liz and I will discuss timings and let you know.’
‘She needs to know the three words,’ Lori snapped back.
Lori had become so confident about her position at the station. The way she talked over Julius showed that. No one else did that. Ever. He looked murderous as he picked up a piece of paper.
‘WayToGo has given us these words to describe the kind of item they want: “family-friendly”, “budget-conscious” and “zany”.’
I have always hated the word ‘zany’. When someone describes themselves with that word I know to give them a wide berth.
‘Noted,’ I said.
I have no idea how we can make the second pilot any better than the first. I have no reserves of energy and it feels as if my creativity has dried up. Spiritual exhaustion; that was what I was feeling as I left his office.
*
I left it till nearly four before I got Simon and Molly in to my room.
‘I’m afraid it’s back to the drawing board on the travel item. WayToGo rejected our pilot. They didn’t like the expert or the footage.’
‘Bugger!’ Simon said.
‘Another pilot?’ Molly looked mortified.
‘Don’t beat yourselves up. I’ve been in the Slough of Despond about this project from day one.’
I had been but somehow we needed to make a second pilot work better. I told them the three words which WayToGo had specified as their brief. Molly snorted in disgust.
‘That’s such crap, it doesn’t really tell us anything.’
We sat in glum silence for a few minutes.
‘I guess “family-friendly” is the key word,’ I said.
We pondered some more.
‘And we still need a competition?’ It was Simon.
‘Yes.’
‘So what if we ask viewers to send in holiday pics of their children, say ten-year-olds and under. And the cutest pic wins the prize.’
‘That’s so cheesy,’ Molly said.
‘Yes, but I think cheesy is good. I think WayToGo will like cheesy and flashing up a pic of little Johnny is going to be popular,’ I said.
‘It shall be done,’ Simon said.
‘We need to find another expert. And she needs to be “zany”, of course,’ I added.
They smiled at that.
‘I know what we can call it: Postcards from our Viewers,’ Molly said. ‘We’ll make a virtue of the fact that we’re getting our footage from them.’
‘That’s really good. Thank the stars you two are still firing creatively,’ I said.
Chalk Farm School
It was parents’ evening at Flo’s school and I went there straight from work. Flo was hanging out in the hall with two girls I didn’t recognise. She hurried over to me and I held back from kissing her as her body language was saying don’t hug me, don’t make a fuss. The assembly hall had been set up with tables in rows and three chairs for parents and pupils to sit opposite the teacher. I picked up the sheet which explained who was sitting where and Flo said we should do the head of science first. We had to queue and the couple in front of us were getting irritated at how long the seated parents were taking with the teacher.
‘They should realise she’s got a lot of people to get through,’ the father said loudly enough for several of us to hear.
‘Selfish,’ the mother replied.
Their daughter seemed embarrassed at this. She was a wan-looking girl who chewed on her nails anxiously. These evenings bring out a competitive spirit in some parents and I vowed not to embarrass Flo.
The head of science, Mrs Ingmere, was wearing a black and white Norwegian-style jumper and hoop earrings. She could not have looked more different from the science teachers at my school. She was warm about Flo.
‘Your biology project was first-rate,’ she said.
She consulted a sheet of marks and test results.
‘We do need some more attention to the chemistry and physics side of things. You’ll need good grades in those as well but I’m delighted Florence wants to pursue zoology long term.’
Next we waited for Mr Williams, who is her form teacher, and Flo is usually positive about him. I saw Rosie and her parents getting up from his table and waved at them. Rosie whispered something to Flo. Finally, we were settled in front of him. We shook hands but then he addressed his remarks directly to Flo, which I thought was a good thing to do. She did not like her teachers talking to me about her as if she wasn’t there.
‘I don’t want to overstate it but it’s been a bit of a bumpy half-term, hasn’t it?’ he said.
‘I got an A star in biology,’ she said.
He looked at his chart of figures.
‘You did, and well done on that. Your grades in other subjects are slipping. You’re a clever girl, Florence. I’ve noticed that you’re getting drawn into a group who think that being clever is uncool.’
This was news to me. We’d had a bad time last year when she had got close to a toxic older girl called Paige who got Flo into trouble. But that friendship was well and truly over.
‘It’s not uncool to do well in your subjects. It’s a passport to all kinds of opportunities,’ he said.
‘You mean uni,’ she said.
‘Yes, I do. You’re capable of top grades. I’d like to see more focus for the rest of the term.’
I didn’t say anything other than to thank Mr Williams. We went to the room where they were selling teas and snacks and I asked Flo if she wanted anything.
‘No. I think we should go now.’
‘But we haven’t done languages and I’m getting myself a tea,’ I said.
She crossed her arms.
‘What’s the point?’
I insisted we see two more teachers before we left and a similar picture emerged. Flo had always scored highly but was currently showing less interest in her work and her grades were down.
As we came out of the school it was raining lightly. I had an umbrella in my bag.
‘You want to share this with me?’
She shook her head and drew out a navy woollen hat with a fur pom-pom on top from her rucksack. I’d bought it for her last Christmas. She pulled it down low on her head and we trudged home without talking. Her hands were deep in her pockets and her shoulders were slumped. The evening had been a wake-up call for me. I was wondering how I could help her get back her mojo. My motivation was in the cellar.
‘I wish you and Dad were still together,’ she said finally.
‘Oh, darling, what’s brought this on?’
‘Seeing all my friends with their mums and dads there tonight.’
‘Not everyone, sweetheart,’ I said
We were not the only ones. There had been other lone parents in the hall, others who had only needed two of the chairs, so why did I feel that I had failed her? We passed a place that did fried chicken and fat chips served in little buckets. Flo and her friends loved the place though I found the food greasy. I wondered if she’d ask to go in. I would have said yes, anything to lift the low mood between us. But she walked by without a glance. She was the one who brought up the fall in her grades so it must have been bothering her.
‘Mr Williams thinks grades are all that matters. It’s only so he can impress the head.’
‘Is that fair? He’s got a lot of time for you and wants you to fulfil your potential, which you’ve got in spades.’
‘Maybe I don’t want to have a great career. It’s not the most important thing. You and Mr Williams seem to think it is.’
‘But one day you’re going to have to get a job.’
‘So?’
‘Believe me, it’s better to get one that stretches you. Not for the money but for the satisfaction,’ I said.
‘Having a great career doesn’t make people happy. It doesn’t make you happy.’
We had reached home and I was
rummaging for the key. She had hit home with her last remark.
‘I may not be happy at the moment but having my job let me buy this flat and pays for our holidays, so don’t knock it.’
34
StoryWorld TV station, London Bridge
I was in the gallery and Gerry was discussing those zodiac signs which were drawn to power. I have limped through this week on half-power and was grateful to have reached Friday. I felt low about the parents’ evening last night. I needed to spend more time with Flo and encourage her to get back on track. Maybe I needed to talk to Ben about it. Ask him what we could do to help her. Tonight I’d buy pizza and pretzels and cream cheese dip which we love. We planned to watch another series. Maybe I could get her to open up about what was going on at school.
Gerry had turned to talk directly into camera.
‘Now Aries, the first sign of the zodiac, is of course a born leader. You thrive on competition and command the respect and attention of others. You are confident, which is good, but you can be headstrong, so watch that.’
He turned to Fizzy.
‘As a Leo you’re also a natural leader, Fizzy. You know what you want and you’re good at convincing people to do your bidding. In fact, it’s not unknown for you to persuade others to do the tasks you’d rather avoid.’
He said this archly, in mock reprimand, and Fizzy giggled while I thought what a lot of nonsense it was; although Fizzy did get Loida to do a lot of the tasks she found boring. It may be nonsense but Gerry rates consistently highly with our viewers and he is a dear.
At the morning meeting Bob was in trouble. He had run a story about a birth that had taken place in a toilet at a company that was known for exploiting its workers. The story claimed that the woman had been scared to miss her shift and had struggled in to work. One of his journalists had found the story on the web and they had run with it without making the proper checks. She hadn’t actually given birth on the toilet floor. This was particularly bad timing because only this week MPs had called for media outlets to be more alert to the ‘contagion’ of fake news stories on the web. Julius had been called to a seminar of the subject by the regulator.
‘How did it slip through?’ Julius was clipped.
‘We should have doorstepped but we don’t have the resources. We have to get some of our stories from the web and it’s like the Wild West out there, bloody hard to sift the true from the false,’ Bob said.
‘Don’t let it happen again. If you have doubts, don’t run it. This damages our credibility.’
Bob scowled. I made a point of not looking at him. He would think I was pleased that he was being carpeted.
‘We’re going to have to run a retraction,’ Julius said.
Bob nodded. I glanced over at Fizzy and she was positively glowing, a woman without a care in the world. This seemed odd if she still cared about Bob. As for Ledley, we had hardly exchanged a dozen words since our bust-up and I hoped he had heeded my warning. Outside the morning meeting we actively avoided each other. These days I sent Simon down to talk through the briefing notes and scripts with him.
I went downstairs to meet Henry for our coffee and we took our cups outside. This has become my favourite part of the day. He rolled me a smoke and lit it for me.
‘You need fattening up,’ he said.
I was the thinnest I’d been in years and when I lay down I could feel my hipbones again, which I liked.
‘On Monday I’m going to buy you a bun.’
‘Thank you, kind sir,’ I said.
‘It will be my pleasure,’ he said.
‘Even though I spend the whole time moaning about my lot? Now today’s problem is Flo and her poor grades at school. Her form teacher told me last night that she’s got in with a crowd who think it’s uncool to be clever.’
Henry laughed.
‘I was in with that crowd when I was at school and it drove my mum and dad to distraction.’
‘And did you flunk at school?’
‘Oh yes. I had to resit my exams. My anger at that drove me to work harder and I passed well the second time,’ he said with a rueful smile.
‘So you’re saying you came good in the end?’
‘I guess I’m saying don’t stress about it too much or make it a federal issue. That didn’t work with me,’ he said.
We smoked and watched the activity on the river. There were fewer river buses at this time and more working boats churning up the water. On the bridge above we could see buses and cars inching along. The date for my case against Ron Osborne was fast approaching. I had told Henry the whole saga already.
‘Wouldn’t it be nice to get on a boat and just sail away?’ I said.
‘It would.’
‘I’m due in court next week and I’m feeling stupidly nervous.’
‘You’re bound to be. It’s a fight.’
‘I’m wondering whether to throw the towel in. It will be his word against mine.’
‘But you’re telling the truth and he’s lying.’
‘I bet he’s a good liar. I’m not sure I’ve got the fight left in me.’
‘That doesn’t sound like you, Liz.’
Everyone thought I was still strong capable Liz, not the beaten creature I had become. I could feel tears pressing up and I swallowed hard.
‘Where’s the court?’
‘In Luton. We’re scheduled for eleven next Thursday.’ My words came out slightly squeaky.
‘I could come with you,’ he said.
‘That’s so kind of you, but I’ve got to take the day off work.’
‘I can take the day off too. I can drive you there.’
‘I was going to go by train.’
‘Let me drive you. That’s what friends are for.’
The thought of having Henry drive me there and be in court with me was immensely comforting. I threw my butt into the bucket of sand by the studio door.
‘Yes, please,’ I said.
*
I was back in my office when Fizzy appeared at my threshold.
‘Come in. You look nice.’
She shut the door but didn’t sit down. She had changed out of her studio clothes into jeans and a pink jumper with a huge cowl neck and she looked excited.
‘I’m about to set off for a weekend in France, with Saul,’ she said.
‘Goodness.’
‘Our first weekend away and without my darling Zac. Loida’s holding the fort, bless her.’
She was walking round my room as she talked. She stopped at the mirror by my door and looked at her reflection.
‘I mean he’s taking me to this amazing hotel in Le Touquet and it’s not the kind of place you’d bring a baby.’
‘I hope you have a great time.’
‘And Bob just gave me third degree because he wants to see Zac this weekend and I said he couldn’t. He’d wind Loida round his little finger and I’m not having that. He’s got a bloody nerve. I’m doing him a favour, and since when did he get to dictate the terms?’
‘He may be feeling raw after what happened this morning,’ I said.
‘What was that all about? I mean, saying it was like the Wild West. Does he see himself as some kind of cowboy? Ridiculous.’
Bob’s charms had clearly diminished in Fizzy’s eyes.
Chalk Farm flat, Friday night
A quattro formaggi and an American hot pizza had been consumed. We’d watched two episodes of the second series of The Missing, which was Flo’s choice for our night’s viewing. We had a really good discussion about it. For me it was the French detective Julien Baptiste who made the show work.
‘What a wonderful man he is. He cares so much,’ I said.
Flo is clever at predicting the direction of the plot. She was suspicious about one of the characters and pointed out with great precision a number of inconsistencies in that character’s story.
‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ I said.
‘You wait and see, Mum, I’m sure I’m right.’
&
nbsp; I hugged her to me.
‘Clever clogs. I am proud of you, you know.’
She shrugged.
‘I’m not clever,’ she said.
‘Oh, but you are. You’re just having a dip. We all have dips from time to time.’
Chalk Farm flat, Saturday morning
My cafetière of coffee had been made and I was warming milk when I heard our mail box clatter. I stirred the milk in so my drink was the colour of caramel and took a first sip. It was perfect. There were three flyers and a letter on the doormat. My address was handwritten in a hand I didn’t recognise. I opened it and actually gasped when I saw the letter was from Douglas. I leaned back against our front door and read it through twice while my heart did a strange dance.
Liz, dear Liz,
You are the loveliest woman I’ve met in years and I’m sorry I’ve been so distant these last few weeks.
All I can say is that there have been serious family commitments which I had to attend to. We thought Natalie Cooper was going to die. Thankfully she is now recuperating at home.
There has been a lot of other private stuff going on too and I let it take me over.
I know I’ve been an idiot. Will you see me again?
Please say yes.
Douglas
I didn’t know what I felt about his letter. Hearing nothing from him for weeks had brought me so low. I read it a third time. No matter what private stuff was going on he could have kept in touch. It had been weeks and even a text would have made me feel I mattered to him. I had been getting used to the idea that I wouldn’t see him any more. My self-esteem was in the cellar and I wasn’t sure I could risk getting involved with him again. I would think about it tomorrow. No, I would think about it after the court case.
35
StoryWorld TV station, London Bridge
Monday, and this week we’re running the heroic-women series which we first discussed at the end of the summer. It has taken Molly this long to find and film five stories and each one of them is compelling. The first one was about the wife of the Saudi blogger and her campaign to stop her husband receiving any more lashes from the state. She had fled with her children from Saudi Arabia and she said more lashes would kill her husband. It was a powerful film. It’s a funny thing with our audience that they like the froth and the frippery but when we do run a hard-hitting series it scores highly with them. We’ve had a lot of positive tweets and emails this morning and it cheered me up. This was a series we could be proud of.