Comic Book Romance

by Charles Payseur

  Cal couldn’t help but grin, suddenly very glad he had agreed to come along. “If you only knew.”

  THE SECURITY at the Citiplex was indeed elaborate. There were dozens of guards at the front gate, and their identification was checked no less than eight times. They were scanned and rescanned, as was their equipment. Luckily for Cal, the uniform in his briefcase’s lining was made from a special material that wouldn’t flag as weird, though that wouldn’t help him if they demanded to take a blood sample and the needle bent instead of going in.

  “Impressed yet?” Liang asked as they were ushered over to a more private area and asked to strip to their underwear.

  Cal let his gaze wander as Liang pulled off his shirt and pants, barely looking away in time to avoid Liang catching him admiring the view. “Quite,” Cal said. He could feel the heat in his face and tried to calm himself by thinking about how easy it would be to get in and out. For him, he’d probably just use his Maxim-um laser vision to cut a hole through the floors. Or mix his Maxim-um speed and strength to crash through all the gates and guards. He had heard rumors that there were heroes who couldn’t support themselves through crowd-funding who signed up to tighten security at these places, but he doubted they would slow him down too much. Really the only weakness he had was to certain kinds of magic, and he doubted very much that anyone in the prison knew exactly what it would take to knock him out of commission.

  “Well, it gets better,” Liang said, and Cal looked over to see Liang was making no attempts to hide his own open appreciation of Cal’s body. Normally Cal hid what he could under looser-fitting suits and a slouching posture, but he couldn’t really conceal his toned muscles when he wasn’t wearing many clothes.

  The heat from before flooded back into Cal’s face. So much for thinking about his weaknesses to distract him from think about sex.

  “Does it now?” Cal asked, and somehow Liang’s grin got even wider.

  “You haven’t even seen the rooms where we’ll be having the interview. And there are, of course, the specialized cells. You can’t just throw Gorillord in the same kind of cell that you’d put Electoxic or Vaporator or the Mighty Sudge.”

  That was a fair point, Cal supposed. When a villain was made of living electricity or sentient chocolate confection, there was the problem of containment. That didn’t really answer how the prison got such cells ready before the villains were captured, but perhaps they refined the individual cells over time.

  In any event, further conversation was cut off by a new set of grim-faced guards, and after being searched—thoroughly—they were allowed to dress and push farther into the prison. As they were led away from the outer security ring, Cal had to pause at the enormous stone tablet hanging like a guillotine over the hallway leading, presumably, to the lower levels.

  “Oh right, almost forgot to mention that,” Liang said.

  His tone was off-hand, but Cal got the feeling that if he had just broken through the volcano base of Dr. Devious, this would be the time the villain would drop some ridiculously huge curtain and scream, “Behold the tool of your destruction, foolish do-gooder!” The stone was massive and covered in scrawling text that looked like it had been burned into the surface somehow. Just standing there, he could feel a faint hum emanating from it, like an old television that was on but had a black screen. There was just the feeling of… potential from it.

  “That’s the Ward Stone,” Liang said. “Powerful magic, apparently. If anything goes wrong—and I mean, really wrong—it drops and wraps the entire prison in some sort of extradimensional magic, preventing anyone from getting in or out. Kinda extreme, in my opinion, but the thought of having a prison full of supercriminals escaping into the heart of the city was something of a sticking point with the zoning committee. I think Professor Sorcerer cooked this one up. Or maybe found it? Anyway, it’s some powerful stuff, apparently, though it’s never had to be used.”

  Cal swallowed. Suddenly he wondered if it wouldn’t be such a good idea to just turn back, make his excuses. A headache? Maybe fake a text that Ma and Pa Kant had just fallen deathly ill? Claim he just realized he had left his cat without food? He gritted his teeth. Maybe it would have worked on someone else, but lying to Liang seemed like a bad move. If he figured out that Cal didn’t have a cat, or parents in the conventional sense, or that he just really didn’t want to go under that stone…. Well, it wouldn’t be a huge leap to figure out there had to be a reason. It was possible Liang knew or could find out Maxim’s weaknesses. And it would already be suspicious that a superhero was going to show up in Capital City just after Cal’s move. All of his recent decisions seemed like a string of mistakes that would get him discovered and revealed and fired. Or worse.

  Taking a deep breath, Cal forced a smile and a nod. “Neat,” he said, hoping it sounded genuine.

  Liang flashed him a smile that almost made the fear fade away. They were only here for a short while, after all. And it was one of the most secure places on the planet. They would go in, do what they came for, and get out. That simple. What could go wrong?

  “LOOK, I told you. I didn’t actually see any of what happened.” Gorillord was wearing prison grays, and the effect was rather strange. Or maybe it was seeing him speak. Cal had forgotten his origin story among the countless others he had heard monologued in his direction over the years. Something to do with a lab experiment gone wrong? Or maybe a group of European hunters had chased him into a strange temple while on safari? Whatever the case, Cal tried not to stare.

  “Okay, yes, but you were there, right?” Liang asked. He was doing all of the talking while Cal stood as far away as he could, trying his best to look shy and afraid. Really he just didn’t want to be recognized, because he had tangled with Gorillord on more than one occasion in the past.

  Gorillord shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, sure, I was there. But that doesn’t mean I saw anything. Like I keep trying to tell you, my job was to swipe that guy, Bruce. That other guy, Clark, was paying me in technology and wanted help to make Gravity look like an ass.”

  Cal rolled his eyes. Typical supervillain stuff. Plus, what kind of name was Clark? What was this, the 1940s? It was about as boring as bread, and if the villain was going to be coming back, he should really have thought more about a proper name.

  “And it was just Gravity that you saw there, before you took this Bruce guy?” Liang asked.

  Gorillord slumped back in his chair and crossed his arms over his massive chest. The effect was slightly lessened by the manacles around his wrists, which they had been told would deliver enough of an electrical charge to knock out a full-sized elephant. So… probably enough for Gorillord? Still, he didn’t look pleased at all to be answering the same questions for about the fourth time.

  “You have pets?” he asked.

  Liang paused, quiet for one of the first times during the interview. Probably wondering whether or not to lie. He sagged a bit, then answered. “Yes.”

  Gorillord leaned forward, arms still crossed. “What kind?”

  “Chinchillas,” Liang said, and Cal had to stifle a chuckle. For whatever reason, the image of Liang holding a chinchilla up to his cheek slipped into Cal’s mind and threatened to send him into giggles. Cal would have guessed a cat, to be honest, though he supposed chinchillas made a certain kind of sense. Unusual and adorable fit Liang quite well.

  “And did they choose to live with you?” Gorillord asked.

  “Look, I’m not here to talk about my pets,” Liang snapped back. “I’m here to talk about what happened with Gravity and Sharkmageddon.”

  “And I’m in prison, in a private cell that they keep 100 percent free of animal life,” Gorillord said, reclining again. “I think I can have a plant if I want, but they’ve never really appealed to me. So I’m bored. And if you want me to answer your questions so badly, maybe you’ll answer some of mine. Otherwise, I guess we’re done here.”

  Another long pause from Liang, though Cal couldn’t imagine he’d say no. Or ma
ybe Cal just hoped he wouldn’t say no, because it would be a chance to get to know him better, to know more about him. Already Cal could barely keep his eyes off Liang. There was just something… alluring about the man—his energy, his drive, his smile. Peri had said that he was bad luck. A magnet for trouble. Maybe that was what made him so compelling, that he gave off some air of danger and excitement that Cal, or maybe Maxim just couldn’t resist.

  “I rescued them,” Liang said. “Their previous owner was a henchman for Ocularaptor. I’m pretty sure he was trapped in the Indigo Realm with his master after their last defeat and the entire base was going to be destroyed, but I was doing a bit of… snooping around and came across these two chinchillas in one of the rooms and couldn’t leave them to that.”

  Cal might not have been precisely human, but he wasn’t alien enough not to melt a bit at the story.

  Gorillord, however, seemed unimpressed.

  “Ocularaptor is the dinosaur with the giant eye?”

  “That would be him,” Liang said, “and I’m counting that as its own question. You owe me two.”

  Gorillord frowned but nodded.

  Liang grinned. “So when you grabbed Bruce, it was only Gravity and Sharkmageddon?”

  “Yes,” Gorillord said.

  “And you’re sure it was Sharkmageddon?” Liang asked.

  “My memory’s not the best, but there are some villains there’s no forgetting. It was definitely Sharkmageddon.”

  Liang nodded, but before he could ask another question, Gorillord held up a hand.

  “I think it’s my turn again.”

  Liang sighed but otherwise remained silent, waiting.

  “You seeing anyone?” Gorillord asked. Cal couldn’t help but flush a bright red at the question, even though it wasn’t directed at him. He looked up and saw Gorillord smirk in his direction, no doubt aware of just how uncomfortable it made him to be sitting in on so suddenly intimate a conversation. Sometimes supervillains really were the worst.

  “Don’t you think that’s a bit personal?” Liang asked.

  “Not really,” Gorillord said. “I don’t get to watch my soaps in here, and, like I said, I’m bored. And I’m counting that as a question, so you owe me another.”

  “No, I am not seeing anyone,” Liang said.

  “Why?”

  Cal wanted to step in and demand that Gorillord back off, that he was out of line, but two things stopped him. First, he was sure Liang could take care of himself. Even against a supervillain, he seemed to feel no fear and was definitely not shrinking away from confrontation. Getting involved would only show Liang that Cal didn’t trust him, and Cal wanted to avoid that at all costs. And secondly, of course, he wanted to know. It was a bit surprising to learn that Liang wasn’t in a relationship, and if there was a reason, Cal was curious what it was.

  Liang bit his lip and looked toward the door as if contemplating leaving, calling it off. Then he glanced back at Cal with an if-you-tell-anyone-about-this-I’ll-kill-you look before facing Gorillord again.

  “Okay, I’m… difficult to get along with,” Liang said, then shook his head. “Or, I guess, I’m difficult to be around. I’m bad luck. Maybe it’s the work, covering the superhero news, but it seems to be more than that. Wherever I go, trouble finds me. That includes in relationships. My last boyfriend had a severe allergic reaction to something I cooked because I didn’t know that the olive oil I used was bottled in the same place as peanut oil. And before that, my then-girlfriend broke both her legs when I tried to mix my personal and business lives by making reservations at a restaurant I thought a supervillain frequented. Turns out I was right and the supervillain ended up getting into a brawl with Jaq Frost and Eye Sore, which left the building in tatters. I’m lucky that I wasn’t sued, and I certainly didn’t get a second date, so I just haven’t been looking much since then. Call it fate or fear at this point, but I’m not sure relationships are for me.”

  Cal felt a pang of guilt at hearing the emotion in Laing’s voice, seeing his eyes water as he spoke.

  Gorillord didn’t seem affected at all, though. “Whoa, that sucks. But also, it’s kind of funny. Thanks for that. Your turn, I think.”

  Liang looked like he wanted to throw something at the giant gorilla but, instead, swallowed down whatever he had been about to say, cleared his throat, then returned to his questions.

  AS THEY moved through the hallways back toward the exit, a heavy and awkward silence lingered between them. Cal couldn’t shake the feeling that he shouldn’t have heard so much about Liang when he was hiding so much of himself—his abilities, his history. There was a part of him that just wanted to blurt it all out, confess everything. Maybe because then they would be even, and maybe because if Liang knew that he was Maxim, he would know that whatever bad luck he might bring to the table, Cal could handle it and would probably bring his fair share as well.

  “Look, sorry for all that back there,” Liang said suddenly, and Cal was both relieved that the silence was broken and pained that Liang felt the need to apologize.

  “None of that was your fault,” Cal said. “Gorillord is a supervillain, after all. If anyone was out of line, it was him.”

  When dealing with supervillains, it was far too common to try to excuse their terrible behavior because of their tragic backstories or stated goals. Most of them believed they were doing good, after all. It was important to remember that, regardless of how much they might seem under control and restrained in the Citiplex, one of their greatest tools was just being manipulative jerks, which wasn’t something chains or magic barriers could take away.

  “Thanks for saying that,” Liang said. “I guess I meant the whole situation, though. It couldn’t have been comfortable for you, and I should have just called it off when things started getting weird. It’s a bad habit of mine—I just don’t know when to quit.”

  “I don’t think that’s the worst quality to have,” Cal said, gambling with a smile. “In many ways, it’s heroic.”

  The words hung in the air, and for a moment, Liang looked as though Cal had spoken in a different language. Then he quickly turned away, though Cal caught the hint of a blush in his cheeks.

  “Yeah, well, at least you got to see the Citiplex.”

  “That’s true,” he said, and they finally made it out under the giant magic stone and into the front entry. As they did, a large group of people were ushered past, talking quietly among themselves. Distracted by his conversation with Liang, his Maxim-um hearing barely picked out a single voice from among them. A familiar voice.

  “Once we make it to the elevator, kill everything.”

  Cal stopped cold, then quickly turned around. The group was all dressed like secret service or something, black suits and sunglasses, but he wouldn’t mistake that voice—Lexi Luzo’s voice. He looked up at the magic stone. Whatever she was planning to do, when it started, that stone would cut her off from the rest of the city. From the rest of the world. If he was on the outside, he’d have no idea what was going on. If he was on the inside….

  Without hesitating he sprang after them. Security noticed his movement, and two guards moved to intercept. “So sorry,” he said. “I think my wallet fell out in the interview room.”

  “Cal, what’s—”

  “I’ll meet you outside,” he called back, hoping to act as quickly as possible. The guards backed off, but the last thing he needed was Liang following, getting into the same mess that Cal was throwing himself into. “It’ll just be a moment.”

  Cal got under the stone and couldn’t help but wince as he crossed to the other side. There went any hope of avoiding this. But he hadn’t become a superhero to avoid confrontations. If Luzo was inside the Citiplex, then there was bound to be a reason, and Cal very much doubted it was just to deliver cookies to an old friend. Cal put a bit of speed to use without making it too obvious and caught up with the group just in time to see them stop before the massive elevator to the lower levels. The area before it was
choked with guards, who all seemed confused about the new arrivals.

  “This area is restricted,” one of the guards said, and Cal turned his Maxim-um speed to maximum and streaked into a door marked Maintenance. Inside, he swapped his business suit for his hero suit, mostly black but with violet and neon green accents and a giant M on his chest. He emerged in time to hear the guard say, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave immediately.”

  “Fool!” was of course Luzo’s response, stepping forward and taking off her sunglasses. “No one tells Lexi Luzo where she can’t go. Vin, hit it!”

  The guards were quick to draw their weapons, but not quick enough. Maxim tried to see who she had spoken to, who was Vin, but before he could figure it out, there was a high whine. Maxim surged forward, circling the room to gather the guards, and shoved them into the maintenance closet. A moment later there was a flash of light and all the electronic devices in the room, perhaps in the entire prison, shorted and blew. Sparks cascaded about the room as computer monitors shattered and the enormous elevator seized and shuddered.

  Luzo’s laugh cut off sharply when she realized the guards were suddenly absent.

  “Confused, Lexi?” Maxim said.

  She turned and, after only a moment’s hesitation, leveled a hateful stare at him. “Maxim. How did you…? But no matter! You’re too late already, hero.” And as if to punctuate her sentence, the whole room seemed to waver as the magical barrier must have descended, trapping them all inside.

  “Whatever your plan is, it’s not going to work,” Maxim said. “All you’ve done by attacking here is save me the trip to drop you off after I win.”

  “Typical confident do-gooder,” Lexi barked. “You have no idea what you just walked into. But you’ll find out. Kill them both!”

  The crowd that had walked in with her all turned toward him, eerily similar in their black suits and sunglasses. And then they began to change, growing and twisting, their faces moving from neutral boredom to nightmarish contorted rage as muscles bulged and clothing ripped.