The Mechanics of Being Human

by S. E. Campbell

  Fawn shivered at her dad's words. Poor Jax. Who would kill a wife and child over some stupid invention? It was such a waste of life.

  "That's so sad." Fawn stared at her hands. "So how did I lose my memory?"

  Her parents exchanged glances again.

  "An inventor not inventing is like a human not breathing," her dad said. "Some men came after Jax again when they heard he was working on Model 29. They tried to hurt you. There was a big explosion and some head trauma. Your dad brought you to me and begged me to help you. I did what I could. You regained your health but not your memory. You were in a comatose state. Nothing we could do. Jax was in despair. He realized he couldn't be around the people he loved, so he gave you to us to protect you."

  "But you're telling everyone I'm your real daughter." Her eyes widened.

  Her dad frowned at her somberly. "Well, we never had any kids of our own. Delanee just doesn't have the ability. Jax is smart and found ways to go beyond the law. He got you a new birth certificate, a social security number, everything. Nobody will ever know you belonged to him and that you could potentially hold the secrets of Jax's work."

  "I…see." Fawn stared at her quivering hands. It all made sense now. The memories, lying on the table, the smell of grease. "And my real parents?"

  "We don't know them," her dad said. "Jax doesn't know either."

  Confusion and anger bubbled up to her skin like the cheese on the potatoes her mom made for dinner the night before. She gripped her chest, trying to fight down the angry, confused feelings within her. Trying to hold in the feelings was like trying to grasp fire.

  "Why did you hide all of this from me?" Fawn asked.

  "Isn't it obvious?" her mom said. "We care about you. And you knowing about Jax was only going to put you in danger. Nobody can know you aren't our real daughter, Fawn. Not even the neighbor boy you've taken a liking to."

  She hung her head and a veil of sandy blonde hair concealed her parents from her. Sweeping agony boiled beneath her surface alongside other powerful emotions. Hurt. Rage. Confusion. Yet she knew this was not her mom and dad's fault. They were trying to protect her. The betrayal, though, was white hot. So hot it felt like lava crawled up her throat.

  "Fawn?" Her dad reached over and jostled her shoulder. "We care about you, alright?"

  Her mom nodded adamantly. Fawn sniffed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to sort through the mixture of responses which flashed through her mind. It would be so easy to be angry, to storm to her room and lock the door. It would be easy to leave the apartment to follow Jax too. Maybe he was close by. What was hard was swallowing all of the boiling hurt within her and choosing the good emotions she felt for her parents instead.

  "Can I still call you Mom and Dad?" Fawn asked.

  "Of course you can, Fawn." Her mom's eyes brimmed with tears. "You haven't been with us for long, but I've come to think of you as my daughter. We didn't even meet you before you got hurt, so it's like you got adopted into our world."

  After she nodded, her mom stood up and wound around the table. She seized Fawn by the shoulders and forced her into a hug. Her cool face met warm belly. She snuck her arms around her mom's wide waist and buried her face in her pajamas. The smell of sweet perfume overwhelmed her again. Today the woman smelled like the ocean, even though she could not recall smelling it in person. Then again, she couldn't remember much of anything. A chair screeched on linoleum as her dad stumbled over too.

  "My turn," her dad said.

  Fawn pulled away from her mom and stood up. She opened her arms wide and wrapped her arms around her dad. Hugging him was a completely different experience than hugging her mom. Fawn was thin, like him, so there was only hard bones and no softness. The scent of musky cologne permeated her nostrils just before the man stepped away.

  "Thank you, for being honest with me." Fawn looked from her mom to her dad. "I think it'll be easier for me to fill the holes in my memory this way."

  Fawn saw her mom's eyes become wide and consumed with guilt just before she turned away.

  Chapter Seven

  Fawn stood in the kitchen with her can of oil as she swayed nervously from side to side. The information she'd learned last night was still a tsunami in her mind. Nothing worked as a distraction from her thoughts, either. Turning on the TV was pointless. The shows were nothing but mindless babble to her, since she could relate to none of the protagonists' experiences. Her dad was at work and her mom was sleeping late.

  As she chugged the remains of her black goop then sighed, somebody knocked on her front door. She glanced at the clock and raised an eyebrow. It was eleven o'clock in the morning. Her dad's words from last night crept into her mind, "You knowing about Jax was only going to put you in danger." Images of five men standing at her front door, arms crossed, filled her mind. Should she open the door? Was she going to be blown to bits because Jax found her last night? She frowned at her feet, then crept over to the front door and stared out the peephole.

  Instead of there being five men, there was only Gavin lingering outside. He held a massive pile of books in his arms and his hair, like usual, appeared mussed. He wore a pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt with a surfer on it. What is he doing here? Shouldn't he be in school? Eagerly, she opened the door and cocked her head.

  "Took you a long time," Gavin grunted. "Mind helping me with some of these? My arms are going to break off."

  She grabbed the stack of books at the bottom and took them from him. She held the entire stack and paused. There were a lot of books, but they didn't feel heavy at all. The only problem was she couldn't see over them. She worried she might run into a wall and damage the fragile pages.

  "Whoa." Gavin put his hand on her shoulder. "Fawn, I didn't mean you had to take them all. Are you all right? Here."

  He took half the pile and grimaced at her. They could both see each other from over the stack of books now. The sight of Gavin's dimpled smile was enough to push away even the pressing unhappiness from the night before. She'd to fight down the urge to step in closer to inhale his amazing scent.

  "You're a real muscle woman." Gavin shook his head. "What do you weigh, a hundred and twenty pounds? Those books weigh as much as you do. It makes me feel like a real sissy, not being able to carry them."

  "They aren't too heavy." She shrugged. "Where do you want them? Your apartment?"

  "Yep. Because I always make an extra stop to say 'hi' while carrying heavy stuff when my apartment is right across the hall." Gavin winked at her teasingly. "These books are for you, silly. I remembered how you said you were nervous about taking the test, so I thought I would drop by and give these to you. Who knows? Maybe a few hours extra studying can help you get bumped up a grade."

  "These are for me?" Fawn's eyes widened.

  "Just to borrow," Gavin said quickly. "To be honest, I called in a favor to get into the book supplies for these. After the test, I'll have to take them back to school before I get into trouble. I don't want to lose my place on the swim or tennis teams."

  "Thank you so much, Gavin." Fawn smiled at him. "That's a lot of trouble to go through just for me."

  "No problem." Gavin leaned against the door and winced. "Mind letting me drop these off inside? I don't know how your arms aren't killing you. You make me feel like a real wimp."

  Embarrassed, she stepped to the side and allowed him into the apartment. "Come in."

  After walking over to the counter, she laid the books on the granite and he laid his stack down next to hers. He grinned at her and she forced a smile back. The smile slipped off of his face and his brows furrowed as he leaned against the counter. His arms crossed over his muscular chest.

  "Are you alright?" Gavin asked. "You don't look well."

  "More family drama." Fawn shook her head, fighting down the urge to talk about it. She must honor her word to her parent's about not involving anybody else. "Life's been crazy."

  "Mmm. Life does that." Gavin studied her then glanced at his feet. "Wel
l, if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here."

  "I appreciate that." Fawn looked down at an American history book. "And I appreciate these text books too. You don't know what it's like having to walk into a testing center with no knowledge about anything."

  "Believe me, I do." Gavin smirked at her. "Of course, that was my fault."

  She shook her head and laughed. When the laughter died away, neither spoke. Both of them shuffled their feet. Her cheeks burned but her skin tingled. She wasn’t sure if she liked it. The feeling was new and entirely its own.

  "Listen. Fawn." Reaching forward, Gavin grabbed her wrist. "After you're done with your test, what would you say about celebrating with me? Like maybe going to a movie or something?"

  The invite was special. Fawn could see it on Gavin's anxious face. It was just she wasn't sure why.

  "Okay." Fawn nodded. "I would love to do that."

  "You know what I mean, right?" Gavin swayed from side to side. "I mean, like a date."

  Date. She imagined a couple holding hands. Now she understood why Gavin's invite was special. The idea he thought of her like that brought her immense pleasure. Yes, she wanted to go on a date with him. She wanted to stroll down the parkway hand in hand. She wanted to feel his warmth overwhelming her. I wonder if I've ever been on a date before. The answer was dull blackness.

  "I would love to go on a date with you." Fawn cocked her head.

  The grin that broke out on Gavin's face was bright enough to leave her stunned. His eyes sparkled and danced. Pink covered his cheeks. It amazed her he could be so excited about a date with her. She didn't feel good enough for a guy like Gavin who was sweet, smart, and apparently athletic too.

  "Well, that's great. I'll pick you up here." Gavin finally released her wrist.

  "Okay." Fawn nodded.

  The sound of yawning and feet stumbling came from her mom's room. His eyes darted toward the hallway, and she could tell he was nervous because his jaw tensed. He looked like a wild animal ready to sprint for the hills.

  "Well, I'd better go, before your mom eats me." Gavin took a step back and ran into the counter. The stack of books he'd brought toppled to the floor in a series of loud bangs. "Oops."

  "Fawn, what was that?" her mom called sleepily from her bedroom. Her bedroom door clicked open.

  "Bye, Fawn."

  Gavin waved at her and rushed to the door. She was left feeling much happier now, even though she had to pick up the stack of books on her own.

  ****

  While sitting at the couch with her mom beside her, Fawn leafed through the pages of a biology book. The words crawled into her brain. She flipped to the next page then the next. This reading was easy. She wondered how many books the high school kids went through a day. Four, maybe five? She would have to do double that in order to get ready for the test. She flipped to the next page.

  "Fawn, you should actually read the books and not just look at the pictures," her mom scolded, appearing concerned.

  Fawn glanced up from the book. "I am reading the book."

  The smile slid from her mom's face. "I mean more than the captions."

  "I know. I'm reading it all." Fawn returned to studying the pages.

  Before she could go through the next page, her mom tugged the book away from her. She flipped through the prevision sections and stopped. Fawn could see the image in the top corner and pictured the script on the page word for word.

  "Who was the first biologist?" her mom asked.

  Two words fluttered into her mind. "Kahit Sino."

  Her mom gazed at her with her mouth wide-open. She didn't know why her mom looked so surprised. Fawn had just studied the material, after all. Her mom flipped through more of the pages and came to a pause.

  "What is scientific classification?" Her mom stared at her with intensity, her lips pursed. The woman shook with either anxiety or enthusiasm.

  "It's what scientists use to classify life on earth." Fawn tucked a hair behind her ear. "Otherwise known as Linnaean classification. Right?"

  For a second, her mom didn't say anything. She just wheezed. She then flipped through more of the pages of the book as she shook her head. "I don't understand. I was with you when you opened this book. You've been reading less than ten minutes. There is no way you could digest so much information in such a short amount of time."

  She stilled. It wasn't normal? She could recall each page word for word to the point she could read aloud the sections if she wanted to. She'd seen her mom's e-book reader and thought her own brain was like that. All she had to do was think of the book and page number, then the words she'd read appeared in her mind. She thought that was normal. Human. She bit her bottom lip.

  "I remember the pages, Mom." Fawn glanced down at her hands. "Word for word."

  "Well, that's just impossible." Her mom glanced up at her in shock. "What does the introduction say, then?"

  The page appeared in her mind. She could see the picture of a bright green frog with rusty spots gazing at her with bulging orange eyes. She could even see the words that were bold in the paragraphs. It was easy.

  She began to read. "'Biology is one of the world's most important sciences. The study of biology is the study of living organisms divided into many specialized fields. Biology is so important because humans are a part of biology, as is the environment which surrounds us. Biology is'—"

  "That's exactly right." Her mom gaped at the book in her lap, then shook her head. "You recalled it all. Word for word. You're amazing."

  "I told you." Fawn became anxious. "It's like reading the book. I have it in my head. I can see it. Even the pictures. It's a frog, right?"

  For a moment her mom didn't say anything and stared at her, open-mouthed. Fawn didn't like the way she looked at her. Just when she thought she knew all her secrets, that she could start to be normal, something else odd occurred. Was she a strange person because she could recall book pages or facts so quickly? She just found another reason why she would have a hard time fitting in besides her lack of memory.

  "Is it strange? Am I strange?" Her eyes widened. "I thought it was normal to remember things like that."

  "You aren't strange," her mom said adamantly. "But you have to be careful who you talk to about this. Very careful. Do you understand me?"

  For the first time her mom's eyes burned. She was shocked fire didn't burst out of the woman's eyeballs and consume her. She realized why her mom looked at her like that. If she told people she could remember the pages, then she would likely get attention for her memory. With everything that was going on with Jax, she could get everyone into a lot of trouble. That idea made her even more repulsed than the idea she was different.

  "I won't say anything to anyone." Fawn frowned down at the books. "What should I do with the test? Should I not look at the books anymore, or…?"

  "No." Her mom said this slowly, unsure of herself. "You should look through them all. I'll see if I can find any of my or Oliver's old school books around here for when you get through with these. You should try to excel as much as possible. Just tell people the answers pop into your head, all right? Maybe people will believe you're remembering facts from before. I doubt anybody will probe you too much."

  "Well, alright." Fawn nodded. "I guess I can do that."

  "Good." A relieved smile crossed her mom's face. "You truly are something. Jax did something extraordinary with you."

  "Jax?" Fawn raised an eyebrow, wondering what Jax had to do with her own mind if they weren't biologically related. The smile slipped off of her mom's face again.

  "Oh. You know. Raising you to be so intelligent." Her mom gave a nervous laugh. "You know. Now you continue to look through those while I get some lunch."

  Her mom hastily stood up and then scurried into the kitchen. She stared down at the stack of books again. Why am I so different from everybody else? Why do I remember the pages of books? Why does something not feel right again? She reached forward and grabbed the biology book before
her confused feelings overwhelmed her and distracted her from her studies.

  Chapter Eight

  Fawn stood with her mother in the high school hallway on Tuesday morning. The test date rolled around much faster than Fawn expected. She'd gone through Gavin's stack of books and her dad's stacks of old college texts, but they weren't enough. She guessed she could always read through more books even after the test—and would be expected too—but she wanted to do as well as possible.

  The sound of her mom clearing her throat brought her back to reality. She was overwhelmed by the smell of overabundant lemon cleanser and old laundry. The scents did battle, making a foul mixture. The carpet was firm and orange. Inspirational posters hung on the walls. Her mom and dad hovered by her right side as they waited for Mr. Dungam.

  "Peter is taking a long time to retrieve those test papers." Her dad grunted and checked his watch. "My lunch break isn't much longer. I'm going to have to get back to the hospital soon before I miss my patient."

  "I'm sure he'll get here soon." Her mom rubbed his arm to soothe him. "When he gets back, you can say goodbye to Fawn and Peter. You won't miss your patient."

  Just as her dad opened his mouth again, perhaps to complain, Mr. Dungam scurried around the corner with a stack of papers in his arms. A bright red lipstick smear was on his forehead. Her parents glanced at each other and raised eyebrows, but neither of them said anything. Fawn chose not to either. It was better not to get off on the wrong foot with her test proctor.