The Bride Experiment

by Mimi Jefferson

  “Haven’t we heard that before?”

  “So many times. Well, call me when you leave Joan’s.”

  “Sure, bro, but don’t be surprised if you don’t get that call until tomorrow morning.”

  James hung up the phone and made his way down the hall. Moments before he stepped through the door, he paused and took a deep breath. He slowly walked into the room, with a confident smile on his face.

  Just like all six of their other Premarital sessions, Raquel beat him to the meeting. She was so busy with the wedding that he had hardly laid eyes on her since finding out he was not the father of her children.

  He kissed her on the cheek, out of habit. She barely noticed. She was too busy telling the preacher assigned to perform their ceremony where he should stand, what he should wear, and what he should say.

  James always hated these sessions. He hated he had to pretend he believed the mumbo jumbo that Christians believed. Raquel took one look at Coolwater Church years before they were ever engaged and decided this place would be the perfect spot for her wedding. The only problem was that the church required all couples that wanted to get married in their facility attend seven Premarital sessions, in addition to the hefty fee.

  The minister, overwhelmed with Raquel’s directions, turned toward James. “Praise the Lord, here’s our groom. It’s good to see you, James.”

  “Praise the Lord.” James paused but couldn’t remember the minister’s name. He looked around awkwardly, but he didn’t see the minister’s name anywhere.

  Raquel looked like she wanted to crawl under a rug. “Minister Tyler, remember James.”

  “I’m sorry, sir. It’s just that . . . I’m so excited about making this lovely woman my bride.”

  Raquel and Minister Tyler were both appeased.

  During their first session, the preacher had asked them all kinds of questions. Did they believe in Jesus? How would they raise their children? What church did they belong to? Did they know God created marriage?

  They answered all the questions perfectly, because one of Raquel’s stylists had tried to have her wedding at Coolwater Church, only to be turned down because she and her fiancé didn’t answer the questions correctly. The minister had told them they needed to join a church and learn about God’s design for marriage before he could recommend that they get married. They ended up getting married somewhere else, but their failure allowed for Raquel’s success. She knew all the questions the minister was going to ask beforehand. She had spent three days drilling James, until he gave the right answers. They even joined a church in their neighborhood. They only went for about two months straight, long enough for the church secretary to sign a paper saying they were active members. Since they got the paper signed, they had yet to return to the church.

  Church people made James itch. They seemed uptight, fearful, and hypocritical. James’s father and uncle were deacons. They ministered to all the women in the congregation. Looking over at Raquel made James remember something his Dad had told him and Miles repeatedly. “A man ain’t supposed to have just one woman. It just ain’t natural. Try to stick with one of these old ladies without having another on the side and watch yourself go crazy.”

  James’s father died on top of a woman. Shot dead by the daddy of the sixteen-year-old who lay unharmed underneath him.

  Raquel’s thighs were hanging off the sides of the chair. James shook his head in disgust. He was about to settle for that for the rest of his life. His daddy was right; men will go crazy with just one woman.

  Joan had a nice, tight body, with firm thighs and smooth skin.

  “James.”

  Startled, James looked up to find Raquel and Minister Tyler looking at him.

  “James, the minister says we are all set.” Raquel clapped her hands like a five-year-old. Their seventh and final session was over.

  Minister Tyler stood up and extended his hand to James. James did the same.

  “I’ll see you on the seventeenth, young man,” Minister Tyler stated. “Don’t be late for your own wedding.”

  “I’ll be there with bells on.” James grinned at Raquel.

  Minister Tyler hurried out of the office.

  Raquel shuffled through her papers. “Okay, I think I have almost everything done. I need to go and check on Alexis’s flower girl dress. Then I have to get back to work. I have a client coming at eight. I’m going to get the wedding planner to call and remind everybody about the rehearsal dinner and make sure the flowers are on schedule to arrive. I want to make sure nothing is late.”

  Raquel put her papers in her handbag. “I hope Charlene can still get into her dress. I can’t believe that girl went and got herself pregnant for my wedding. I don’t know what we’re going to do if she can’t get into that dress.”

  “I made the final arrangements for our honeymoon.” James played his role. “Everything is a go. You just make sure you are packed and ready to go.”

  “I’ll be home late tonight. I’ll probably be up half the night trying to put Debra’s weave in. She gets on my nerves. She is so hard to please, but her money is still green, and right about now, I can’t turn it down.” Raquel sheepishly looked down at her shoes, and then said really quickly, “Especially since I just spent fifteen hundred dollars on our custom-made aisle runner.”

  “No! Raquel, I thought we agreed not to spend any more money on this wedding. You know we have to live afterward.”

  “I know, boo, but I couldn’t help it. When you see it, you will understand. It is hand painted with our monogram. The same monogram that is on our cake, our wedding and reception programs, and embroidered on my dress. And besides, that’s why I’m taking on additional clients. I’m not going to tap into our savings.”

  James made a mental note to withdraw all the money from their accounts on the morning of the wedding. He and Raquel decided to combine accounts when they purchased their home three years ago.

  James remembered Joan. “Um . . . well, I’ll be working tonight too. Frank called and asked if I would help him guard the all-white party they’re having at Club Jazzy tonight.”

  Raquel looked concerned. James knew what to say. “Baby, don’t worry. We can’t afford to miss out on this easy money. Since I’m a constable, they are paying me two hundred an hour to stand around and pretend to patrol something.”

  “All right, just don’t get yourself in trouble with those young girls.”

  “Of course not, baby.” James walked Raquel to her car, kissed her on the lips and watched her drive away.

  With Raquel out of sight, he pulled out his cell phone and started to dial Joan’s phone number. Before the call went through, he hung up the phone. Joan could wait. He needed to make sure his plan to destroy Raquel was foolproof. James walked back inside the church.

  Chapter 5

  Pecan-crusted tilapia always made Joan feel like a chef. She pulled the fish out of the oven and plated it with wild rice and a balsamic vinegar glaze, like she was preparing to present it at a five-star restaurant. She then poured herself a glass of champagne before taking her seat at the table. It was celebration time, because Tisha had moved out of her condo and into her own apartment. She loved Tisha like a sister, but living with her was starting to be too much.

  Just one more month, and she feared she would have stopped liking her altogether. Everything that came out of Tisha’s mouth was a Bible verse. She was always walking around with a ton of scripture cards, ready to hit somebody over the head with one of them.

  Joan hated to have to pretend in front of Tisha, since she thought Joan was some sort of super Christian. When Joan joined the Singles Ministry at church, Tisha followed her. When Joan started going to Bible Study each week, so did Tisha. When Joan started taking a Bible class at a local Christian school, Tisha signed up the following semester. And now that Joan was regularly teaching at the women’s meeting at church, Tisha arrived early and stayed late. She always told Joan she was the best Bible teacher she had ever heard. The co
mpliments were sincere and constant.

  Joan enjoyed these compliments, but she just wished Tisha could turn it off sometimes. She missed having a best friend she could be herself with, and she was starting to feel like a stranger in her own home. Every once in a while, Joan wanted to watch a soap opera, crime drama, or have a glass of wine with dinner, but she knew she would have to explain herself to Tisha, so she didn’t bother. Tisha didn’t believe Christians should watch anything with murder, sex, or violence.

  She would not have understood how Joan could teach a Sunday School lesson, pray out of her heart, read the Bible every day, worship God regularly, and drink a glass of wine with dinner, occasionally.

  In Tisha’s world, people that drank were lumped into one big category: drunks who needed to run to the next AA meeting. Joan looked down at her perfectly plated fish on her thirty-dollar plate, and her fifty-dollar champagne in her hundred-dollar Austrian crystal glass. She stood up from her $7,000 table, leaving her meal untouched.

  This elegant dinner for one was not making the anxiety she started feeling this morning go away. As she was going through her son’s things, she had found James’s wedding invitation. She read it, over and over, touching the engraved writing and admiring the texture of the expensive paper. How many times had she imagined her name on a wedding invitation with his? Twenty-four hours ago, Joan was so sure of herself; now she could feel the tears forming in her eyes. Joan plopped down on her sofa, buried herself underneath the oversized pillows, and grabbed her journal from off the end table:

  God, why does it still hurt? So many blessings have come into my life since meeting you, but I still find myself longing for something more. Just when I thought I was over him, I had to come face-to-face with this wedding. I could go days or even weeks without having lingering thoughts about him. But now he is constantly floating through my mind. I thought I was over him. I know I’m crazy. I can’t admit this to anybody but you.

  God, I know I shouldn’t care that James Sr. is getting married, but the closer it gets, the more I do care. It pains me to admit it, but I care. I care so much. But why now, Lord? I guess it was all the time I spent believing that one day I would be his wife.

  Lord, when is it going to be my turn? How long will I have to wait? Some of those ladies in the Singles Ministry scare me. I know that you know what’s best for me, but, God, many of those ladies have been waiting for a long time. You don’t want me to wait that long, do you? Please don’t tell me I have to wait that long.

  I want somebody to share myself with or let me get real. It’s not like you don’t know me. God, I need to be touched. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I saw a glimmer of hope; you know if I had a prospect or maybe a date in the last six months. But nothing. All the men I meet don’t know you, so they can’t know me. But, God, it is getting difficult out here. Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting away. Like I’m waiting for my life to begin. I love my son, but he’s already getting so independent. In a little while, he’ll be a teenager and where does that leave me? I want to be somebody’s wife, maybe have another child or two.

  “Mama.”

  Joan turned to look at her son and closed her journal in the process.

  “Yes.” Joan tried to sound upbeat.

  “Is it time to go yet? Mama, did you forget?” Joan wished she could forget. Today was the day the children in James and Raquel’s wedding were supposed to go to Cyclone to play and have pizza and then attend the rehearsal afterward.

  James Jr. did a little dance. “Come on, Mama, let’s go. Last time I went to Cyclone, I got two thousand tickets.”

  Joan had the overstuffed red teddy bear on her bed to prove it. Her son, who couldn’t remember his homework or when to take out the trash, remembered this statistic.

  Joan went to her bedroom and changed clothes. As much as she hated to admit it, James was getting married to Raquel, and her son was in the wedding. It was time to face the truth.

  In less than twenty-five minutes, the time it was going to take to drive to Cyclone, she was going to be face-to-face with the happy couple.

  As soon as she turned off the ignition in front of their destination, James Jr. blurted out, “Mama, you gotta come see me jump off the dive board into the bubbles.” James Jr. jumped out of the car and waited for his mother on the driver’s side. Joan had barely stepped out before James Jr. continued his pitch. “If you get into the bubbles right on target, you get fifty tokens.”

  “Really?” His enthusiasm was contagious. Joan looked around for any sign of James Sr. or Raquel. Not seeing anybody, she walked to the colorful door behind her son. The entire building was silver and red and looked like a spaceship ready to take off.

  Joan was opening her wallet so she could purchase a game card when Raquel walked up and handed James Jr. one. He didn’t say goodbye before he took off running, joining the other children and leaving Joan and Raquel alone.

  “My fiancé is in the playroom with Alexis, since she’s too little to play with the big kids.” Raquel never missed the opportunity to let Joan know that she had a daughter by James. James had always wanted a daughter, and Raquel had given him one.

  Joan looked around to see if she could find her son in the large game room. She knew Raquel wanted to get her angry, and she refused to allow her the satisfaction. Instead of playing any of the games, her son was stuffing his face with pizza at a table in the back of the building. James Sr.’s mother, Agnes, was seated next to him. She smiled and waved at Joan.

  Raquel handed Joan a piece of metallic gold paper, with silver italic writing. “This is our itinerary for this weekend and next weekend, our wedding weekend. After we leave Cyclone, we are going to take the kids to the church for rehearsal. Only the children will rehearse this weekend. We wanted them to have extra practice before the wedding.

  “James Jr. and the other children will be staying with Agnes for the rest of the weekend. So call her if you need to speak with him.”

  Joan knew she could trust Agnes with her child. She grabbed the paper and turned to leave. Raquel went on, “Tomorrow they’ll have breakfast, play a bit, then take a nap before having lunch. After lunch we’ll have another rehearsal. You can pick him up from my mother-in-law’s that evening.”

  Joan had enough and started to walk faster. Raquel kept talking. “I’m having Chick-fil-A cater for the children. Does James Jr. like nuggets? Our children certainly do, especially Alexis.”

  Joan nodded, trying to hold in her emotions. Raquel continued talking. “Next Friday, they will meet the adults in the wedding party for our official rehearsal. Then—”

  Joan stopped walking right before she reached the door and spoke. “Thank you, I see you have everything under control.”

  Joan remembered she had forgotten to say good-bye to her son and yelled out for him. James Jr. came and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you on Sunday.” She kissed him on his forehead, and he ran off to join the other children.

  Joan walked out the door. Raquel walked out right behind her. “You didn’t think this was going to happen, did you? You thought James would never make me his wife.”

  Raquel lifted up her hand to show Joan her engagement ring. “Now look at me, and look at you. I got James for life. All that free nooky you gave up, and now you don’t have nothing to show for it. I’ve got the house, the car, the kids, and the husband. You should have known better than to mess with my man.”

  “I know where and when you are getting married, my dear. Don’t make me watch you eat your words.” Joan opened her car door, got inside, and started her vehicle.

  Raquel looked confused. Joan rolled her window down and said, “Maybe I should come.... You know the part where the preacher says, ‘If anybody knows why these two people should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace?’ Right then, I could stand up and say, ‘Yes, I know a reason. She is a manipulative, insecure, fat, overdressed, made-up freak who couldn’t keep her man happy, so he kept coming to me.’”


  Joan drove off, surprised at how easily those ugly words spewed from her mouth. She felt the tears fall as soon as Raquel was no longer in sight. Who the heck did Raquel think she was talking to like that? She could have just smacked her in the face.

  Joan picked up her cell to call Tisha, but before she pressed her speed dial, she hung up the phone. Tisha would not be any help. In the past, she would have offered to slash Raquel’s tires or put sugar in her gas tank. But the new Tisha would insist they pray for her and wish her well. Joan was in no mood for that.

  Spotting her favorite spot for ice cream, she stopped and purchased a pint of double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and drove home, thinking of the ways she could hurt Raquel.

  As Joan drove up to her condo, she saw someone standing in her designated parking spot. It couldn’t be, she thought. This man was over six feet tall, slender, dressed well, and looked just like James Sr.

  Why would he be waiting for her? Wasn’t he supposed to be at Cyclone playing with Alexis? Joan pulled up to where he was standing. He smiled, and she smiled back. Joan grabbed her ice cream from the backseat. She saw her favorite Bible lying next to it. She needed to pick it up so she could prepare for the Bible Study that she and her friends had each week at one of their homes. When she got out of the car, all she was carrying was the ice cream.

  Joan had a million questions. Instead of asking any of them, she walked to her front door, with James walking beside her. She could smell his cologne and hear the clanging of his watch as he walked. She was so glad Tisha had moved out. Joan would not have been able to explain this one to her.

  Joan closed the door behind James and they stood in the foyer looking at each other awkwardly. They had not been this close in a few years. Their short conversations were always over the phone, and mostly about their son. When they dropped their son off or picked him up, neither of them bothered to get out of the car.

  “How are you?” James broke the silence.

  “I’m good.”