Joy Argento - Carrie and Hope

by Joy Argento

  “Did you have any one of these that you wanted to see?” Carrie asked her.

  “No, any of them would be fine with me. Just pick what ever looks good to you.”

  Carrie turned one DVD box over and read the back. “This one sounds pretty good.” She placed it on top of the pile and handed them back to Hope.

  Carrie continued to drink her wine while Hope started the movie. She turned out the lights before returning to her seat next to Carrie.

  Carrie had a hard time concentrating on the movie. Her thoughts returned again and again to the woman sitting on the couch next to her. She turned and looked at Hope several times during the course of the movie. Once, Hope caught her looking and smiled. Carrie smiled back, but didn’t dare another look. Her own thoughts and feelings were beginning to confuse her.

  An hour and forty minutes later the credits rolled. The bowl of popcorn was empty as were the glasses that both women had long since abandoned.

  Hope turned the forty-two inch television set off and switched on the lamp on the end table next to her. “So what did you think?” she asked Carrie.

  I think you look beautiful in this light, was what came into Carrie’s head. She startled herself with the thought. “It was a good movie,” she said out loud after she composed herself.

  “You okay?” Hope asked her.

  “Yes, I’m fine. Why are you asking?”

  “You just seemed far away for a minute.”

  “Sorry. I guess I’m a little tired.” Carrie looked at Hope and the way the light picked up the gold flakes in her eyes.

  “I’ll bet you are, with work and visiting your grandmother and being kind enough to teach me to bowl.” Hope reached over and rubbed Carrie’s arm. “I really appreciate that by the way. You made a big difference. I would have been totally embarrassed bowling nothing but gutter balls if it weren’t for you.”

  Carrie stopped hearing the words as soon as Hope touched her. She struggled to ignore the electric sensation that was coursing through her arm and to listen to the words Hope was saying. “Yes.” Carrie said, trying to figure out the conversation.

  “Yes what?” Hope asked looking a little confused.

  “Yes, ma’am?”

  “Very funny. Never mind. Just know that I appreciate all the help and time you put into it,” Hope said removing her hand.

  Carrie felt the loss of it immediately and fought the urge to reach out for Hope’s hand again.

  “Of course. Anything for you.” She still wasn’t sure what they were talking about. “I really should get going. I know you have to work in the morning. I guess I do too.” She stood up.

  “I really had a nice time,” she said walking to the door followed by Hope. “Thank you so much for the wine.”

  “Well thanks so much for coming and bringing me juice.” Hope handed Carrie her coat. Carrie slipped it on and Hope gave her a tight hug. “I’ll see you Saturday for modeling, right?”

  “Yes, for sure. I’m sure we’ll talk before then. Thanks again,” Carrie said as she opened the door to go. She walked to her car and pressed the button on her remote to unlock the doors. She looked up and saw Hope in the doorway watching her. She waved as she got into her car.

  Carrie’s thoughts were on Hope and the confusing feelings she was having for her as she drove away.

  *****

  Hope brought the empty popcorn bowl and glasses into the kitchen. She put the bowl in the sink and the glasses on the counter. She turned off the lights on her way upstairs to her bedroom.

  She undressed slowly and thought about the evening. She really enjoyed spending time with Carrie. She enjoyed the simple times, like tonight, just as she enjoyed the times they shared a meal or a good conversation. Her favorite thing about Carrie was the way they could laugh together, even at the silly things. She loved to laugh and there hadn’t been a lot of people in her life that she had that connection with. But her connection with Carrie was deeper than just that. It was a rare connection that Hope had been missing in her life. She hadn’t had a connection like that since college. College was a long time ago. She didn’t want to think about college, or anything that had happened there. She pushed her thoughts aside as she slipped her nightgown over her head. She wasn’t going to let her thoughts go in that direction. She had pushed all of that to the back of her mind and that was where it was going to stay.

  Hope pulled the covers back on her bed and climbed in. She picked up her book from the nightstand and opened it to the page that held her bookmark. She flipped through the pages as she read. She absorbed the words in front of her and kept her own thoughts at bay.

  Chapter 14

  Carrie arrived at Sunny Side Nursing Home a little earlier than usual. She had been more than a little distracted at work and left an hour early. She walked down the brightly lit hallway to her grandmother’s room.

  “Hello, Carrie,” Nurse Marge said when Carrie walked in. “We are just finishing up a sponge bath. The nurse put a towel onto the cart in front of her. “There we go. All set Mrs. Brice.” She patted the old woman’s hand. “I’ll see you later.” She wheeled the cart towards the door.

  “Thank you,” Carrie said to her.

  “Enjoy your visit.” The nurse left the room. Carrie closed the door before pulling the chair over to the side of her grandmother’s bed. She sat for a long while just looking at her grandmother before she spoke.

  “Hi, Gram,” she cleared her throat. “I need to talk to you. Got a little time to listen?” Carrie closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her face. She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay, Gram, here’s the deal. I have feelings for someone that …well that I probably shouldn’t be having feelings for. I know if you could answer me your first question would be ‘why, what’s the matter with him?’ Oh Gram, I can just hear you saying that to me.” A tear rolled down Carrie’s face. “This conversation sure would be easier if I didn’t have to carry both ends of it.” She smiled a sad smile at her grandmother.

  “There isn’t anything wrong with this person, that’s just it. I think she’s perfect. Did you hear me, Gram? I said she.” Carrie paused as if waiting for an answer. “It’s Hope, Gram. Remember I told you about meeting her at that support group? Well, I knew I liked her, but turns out that the more time I spend with her, the more I realize that it is so much more than like. It confuses the heck out of me, Gram. And I haven’t told her because…well, because it just isn’t the thing you do. You don’t just go around telling another woman that you think you might be in love with them. So I’m not going to tell her. I am just going to feel these feelings for her and love being with her and be the best friend I can be. I want to keep her in my life, and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or not want to be around me.”

  Carrie got up and went to the window. She looked outside. The sun was already starting to go down. I hate daylights savings time, Carrie thought. It gets dark way too early now. She watched the last of the leaves fly through the air and scatter across the ground. She knew that the snow would soon replace the leaves. A chill went through her at the thought.

  Without her consent, her mind replaced the barren winter scene in her head with an entirely different scene. She saw herself and Hope walking hand in hand as the snow fell around them and the sun shined bright above. An involuntary smile crossed her face. She shook the thoughts away.

  “Gram,” she said, turning back to the sleeping woman. “Gram, what would you say if you could hear me and answer me? Would you tell me it’s wrong to feel this way or would you tell me that it’s okay?”

  Carrie once again sat at her grandmother’s side. She reached for the tube of hand lotion on the table and began to smooth it on her grandmother’s skin.

  “I just feel so good when I’m with her. You know what I mean? You always told me that Grandpa was your true love. You said you knew you would love him from the first time you saw him. That’s how I feel about Hope. She isn’t like anyone I have ever met before. I get all e
xcited when I know I’m going to be seeing her. If we happen to touch it’s like…well it’s like nothing I’ve felt before.” Carrie picked up her grandmother’s other hand and continued applying the vanilla scented lotion.

  “Probably too much information, huh?” Carrie laughed at herself. “Okay, I won’t give you any more details. But, I can’t help feeling what I’m feeling. I just want to be around her all the time.” Carrie worked the lotion in gently. “So, I’m going to be around her and that’s it. I just have to ignore all these feelings I’m having. I think I can do it. She doesn’t have to know what’s going on in my head.” Carrie gently placed her grandmother’s hand back on the bed and pulled the blankets up a little more.

  “I’ve thought about not hanging out with her any more. You know, just putting some distance between us. But, I can’t do that. I can’t stop seeing her. I want her in my life. So, that’s that. She’s in my life and she’s my friend. That has to be enough for me. I’m not sure where all these feelings are coming from. This isn’t like me, Gram. I don’t have feelings for women like this. Of course if I really think about it, I never had any strong feelings for men.” Carrie put her head in her hands. “Shit. What am I going to do with all these feelings?”

  Chapter 15

  Carrie answered the phone on the second ring. “Hi, Hope,” she said. She had just gotten home from work.

  “Hi. How are you doing today?” Hope asked her.

  “I’m doing okay, and you?”

  “Fine. I was wondering if it would be okay if we changed the schedule for tomorrow a little. Would it be all right if I came over at about one o’clock to model, instead of at eleven? I can stay as late as you want me to.”

  How about staying all night? Carrie thought. Oh my God, what is wrong with me? Stop it! “Sure, that would be fine. What’s up?” she said instead.

  “My sister asked me to watch her twins tomorrow morning for a little while. I’m still trying to figure out what to do to entertain them. They’re seven and I don’t have any of Derrick’s old toys or anything any more. I would let them play his video games but my sister would kill me for exposing them to violence. He doesn’t have any nice peaceful games.”

  “Why don’t you take them sledding at Harris Park? It should be great there with all the snow we got last night. They have great hills and it’s supposed to be a nice sunny day tomorrow.”

  “Hmm, that’s a good idea. Could I possibly interest you in joining us? I hear it’s supposed to be a nice sunny day tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, you just heard that from me,” Carrie laughed.

  “Oh yeah, that’s where I heard it,” Hope chuckled. “So, what do you think? Could you stand being with me and two little boys for a few hours?”

  “I think I can stand being around the boys, it’s you I’m wondering about.”

  “Ha, ha. Very funny.”

  “Sure, I’ll go with you. What time do you think you would be going?”

  “Great! How about I pick you up at nine-thirty and then we can go pick up the boys. I’ll double check with Marcy to make sure they have a sled, and that it’s something that they would like to do.”

  “Okay, let me know for sure if that’s the plan. I’ll start looking for my boots. I haven’t worn them since last winter.”

  “You got it. I’ll call you later tonight and let you know for sure. Thanks, Carrie.”

  “Anytime. Talk to you later. Bye.”

  “Bye,” Hope said softly. The word was spoken barely above a whisper. For some reason it affected Carrie and shot a rush through her, causing her skin to feel warm. Carrie wasn’t sure if she should enjoy the feelings that Hope stirred in her or push them away. The only thing she knew for sure is that she had never felt like this about anyone before.

  *****

  Carrie was dressed warmly in her thickest winter jacket, scarf, gloves and boots when Hope picked her up the next day. It was bright and sunny, just as the weatherman had predicted. They chatted away as Hope drove to her sister’s house.

  “I really appreciate your coming with us today,” Hope told her.

  “I’m very glad you asked me.” Carrie smiled at her.

  “I’ll be right back,” Hope said, as she put the car in park in front of her sister’s house. “The boys are suppose to be ready so this should be quick.”

  As promised, Hope was back with her nephews in a matter of minutes. Hope introduced the boys to Carrie. They were excited to have her along. The four of them headed to Harris Park, two brightly colored sleds tucked into the trunk.

  They walked carefully across the slick snow from the car to the hill, just a few yards from the parking lot. The snow crunched under their feet. A thin layer of ice covered the deep snow. The boys dragged their sleds behind them. There wasn’t anyone else on the hill yet, although Hope was sure that it would soon be full of sledding children.

  Hope helped her nephew, Richie, onto his sled. Richie had his mother’s light brown eyes and his father’s dark blond hair, which was now covered by a bright green knit hat. A matching scarf was wrapped around his neck and tucked into the front of his blue snowsuit. Rubber boots with zippers up the side, protected his feet. Hope was about to give him a push down the hill when he called out for his brother. “We want to go down together,” he told his aunt.

  “Okay,” she said. She held the back of the long orange hard plastic sled while Mark climbed on. Mark’s looks were very different from his brother’s, making it obvious that they weren’t identical twins. He had brown eyes like his brother, but they were much darker as were his hair and thick eyelashes. His hair had a slight curl to it, whereas Richie’s was straight as a pin. They wore matching snowsuits and boots, but his hat and scarf were bright red. Mark clung tightly to his brother’s back and Hope pushed the sled sending them sliding down the hill. The boys laughed and giggled as they flew over the packed snow to the bottom, two hundred feet away. Hope and Carrie cheered them on.

  Both boys jumped off the sled once they reached the bottom and the sled stopped moving. Mark grabbed the rope tied to the front of the sled and started up the hill. He had only taken about ten steps when he slipped and fell. He lost his grip on the rope and the sled slid back down the hill. The women watched as he immediately got back up on his feet and went to retrieve the sled.

  Richie laughed as his brother picked up the rope and once again started up the hill, only to slip again. “Watch me,” Richie said to him as he grabbed the rope. “Do it like this.” He started up the hill, stomping his feet hard into the snow. He got a little farther than his brother had when his feet went out from under him, and he and his sled went sliding down. Both boys were laughing hysterically.

  “Try coming up slower,” Hope called down to her nephews.

  They both tried again, Mark pulling the sled behind him. Both boys ended up falling and sliding down the hill again.

  Hope looked at Carrie and they both broke out laughing.

  “Try it one more time,” Carrie yelled. They tried again with the same results.

  “We can’t do it,” Mark yelled. “We need help.”

  “What should we do?” Carrie asked Hope.

  Hope shrugged her shoulders. She noticed the other sled lying on the snow behind Carrie. “Should we go down and get them?” she asked Carrie pointing at the sled.

  “What?” Carrie asked.

  “Should we get on that sled and slide it down there and help them up?”

  “I haven’t been on a sled in twenty years,” Carrie said.

  “Me either, but I don’t feel like trying to walk down there and end up sliding down on my ass, so I’m thinking that sledding down would be a better idea. Are you game?” she smiled. Carrie could see a bit of child like abandon in the smile.

  “Sure,” Carrie laughed. “Why not.” She pulled the sled over and positioned it so it faced down the hill.

  “Move over to the side,” Hope called to the twins and she waved her arm over to the right.

  The
boys half walked and half crawled over to the side and out of the way.

  Hope sat down on the front of the long sled and held onto the rope. She scooted her butt as far forward as she could go, her legs folded underneath her. She turned and looked at Carrie and patted the space behind her.

  “Are you sure about this?” Carrie asked laughing.

  “Of course, I’m not. Come on, let’s go for a wild ride.” Hope patted the spot behind her again. Carrie sat down. It was a tight fit and she put her legs around Hope and wrapped her arms around Hope’s waist.

  “This is crazy,” Carrie said. She felt both elated and scared as she hung on to Hope. She wasn’t afraid of going down the hill or getting hurt. She was scared of being so close to Hope.

  Hope used her hands to move them forward over the snow until the sled started to move on its own down the hill. The slick ice covered snow and the weight of the women on the sled caused it to move at a rapid rate. They flew by the boys and continued another twenty feet farther down the hill. Without warning they hit a bump and both women went flying into the air. The sled flew out from under them, and they ended up in a heap with Carrie on top of Hope.

  They looked at each other and laughed. “Are you all right?” Hope asked looking up at Carrie.

  Carrie resisted the urge to lean down and kiss her. They were so close. Carrie could feel Hope’s breath on her face. She felt Hope’s body under hers. All she could do was nod.

  The boys came running over to them, slipping and sliding on the way. Carrie turned her head to look up into their surprised, little faces. She suddenly realized she was still lying on top of Hope. There was no graceful way of moving off of her. She rolled sideways until she was lying flat on her back on the snow.

  Hope sat up. “Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked Carrie again.

  “Yep,” Carrie said, still on her back. “Are you?” She dared a look at Hope.

  “I think so,” she looked at her nephews. “I guess the snow is pretty slippery, huh?” They giggled at her. Both boys grabbed one of Carrie’s hands and pulled her into a sitting position.