by Joy Argento
Hope settled down into the bed against Carrie, softly stroking the skin on her back. Carrie kissed Hope gently on the cheek and then moved closer and kissed her softly on the mouth. Carrie’s hands began roaming over Hope’s naked body.
“I thought you would want to sleep,” Hope told her. “You must be very tired.”
“I am very tired, but not too tired to want you.” Carrie’s hands continued exploring.
They made love with an unhurried tenderness.
Chapter 25
Carrie woke as the sun started to peek through the blinds. She looked at the clock, six forty-eight. She gently extracted herself from Hope’s arms and slipped out of bed. She looked back at Hope sleeping soundly before going into the bathroom and taking a quick shower. She towel dried her body and brushed her wet hair. She pulled it into a loose ponytail as she gathered it into a hair scrunchy.
Carrie dressed in the bedroom very quietly, so she wouldn’t wake Hope. She set the alarm clock on the nightstand for eight AM.
“Hope,” she said quietly as she sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook her lover’s shoulder.
“Huh?” Hope’s voice was groggy and barely audible.
“I’m going to go visit my grandmother. I set the alarm for you so you can get up to go to work. Okay?”
Hope reached up and pulled Carrie into an embrace. “You should have woken me up. I would have gotten up with you.” She cleared her throat trying to dislodge the sound of sleep.
“You were sleeping so peacefully. I didn’t want to wake you.” Carrie gave her a kiss. “You go back to sleep for a little while. I’ll call you later.”
Sleep was winning out again as Hope’s arms released Carrie. “Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, baby,” Carrie whispered back as she left the room.
*****
Carrie called work from her cell phone before she pulled out onto the street. She told them she was taking a personal day and wouldn’t be in. Twenty minutes later Carrie was sitting by her grandmother’s bed. Her mother arrived soon after.
“How is she doing?” her mother asked, as she rubbed Carrie’s shoulder.
“She seems to be getting worse.” Carrie patted her mother’s hand on her shoulder. “I think it’s just a matter of time, Mom.”
Sandra Martin nodded her head silently. She pulled the other chair in the room over so that it was closer to the bed. Carrie saw the tears flow from her mother’s eyes. She handed her the box of Kleenex from the small table by the bed.
“I know it is,” Sandra said to her daughter. “I was really hoping that she would pull out of this and be her old self. Now I’m not so sure.”
“Are Todd and Sammy coming?” Carrie asked about her brothers. She reached over and took a tissue from the box in her mother’s lap and wiped the corners of her own eyes.
“Sammy should be here tonight. He and Terry and the kids are driving here. They are leaving this morning. It’s a long drive for them. Todd said he isn’t going to be able to come. They are in the middle of some maneuvers or something and the flight itself would be almost fifteen hours with layovers.”
“It’s understandable that he’s not going to be able to come then. Gram would understand,” Carrie said. She reached over and stroked her grandmother’s hand.
Carrie and her mother sat without speaking while doctors and nurses made their rounds in and out of the room. There wasn’t much to say.
Three hours later both women were still in the room. Carrie held her grandmother’s hand as she took her last ragged breath and left the confines of her broken body.
*****
“Oh Carrie, I’m so sorry,” Hope said gathering Carrie in her arms. They stood in Hope’s living room. “I know how much you loved her.” She led Carrie to the couch and sat with her.
“How is your mom doing?”
“I think she’s in shock. She was in denial for so long. I know this is hard on her.” Carrie had cried so much at the hospital that she didn’t think she had any tears left. She realized she was wrong as more tears rolled down her cheeks. She brushed them away. “I need to get myself together. I have to meet my mother at the funeral home to make arrangements soon, and my brother Sammy should be here tonight with his family. They are driving in.”
“Does he know yet?” Hope asked her.
“Yeah. I called him. He seemed to take it okay. He was sorry he didn’t make it here on time, but he knew it was coming.”
Hope rubbed Carrie’s leg. “Do you want me to go to the funeral home with you?”
Hope’s offer brought fresh tears to Carrie’s eyes and Hope gently wiped them away. “I would love you to go with me. But I’m not exactly ready to explain you to my mother yet. Is that all right?” Carrie looked at Hope. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Hope’s feelings.
“Of course it’s all right, honey.” Hope brushed the long blond hair away from Carrie’s face.
“But…” Carrie hesitated. “Would you come to the funeral with me? I think it would help a lot if you were there with me.”
“Absolutely, I’ll go with you. But what are you going to tell your mom?” Hope rubbed Carrie’s back.
“I’ll just introduce you as my friend. I just can’t handle more right now. Are you okay with that?”
“Anything you need to do is fine, honey.” Hope wrapped her arms around the crying woman and pulled her in close. She held her like that for a long time.
*****
Hope closed the door as Carrie drove away. She checked her cell phone. No missed calls, no message from Derrick. She had called him three times and had not heard back from him. She had talked briefly to Erin just to make sure they were both all right. Erin assured her that they were and that she would tell Derrick to return her call.
Hope sat at the desk in the corner of the room. She opened the drawer and pawed through it looking for her stationery set. It had been a long time since she had sent a hand written a letter to someone, but that is just what she intended to do now.
Towards the back of the large drawer she spotted what she was searching for. She pulled out the plastic package that contained writing paper and fancy envelopes. She found a ballpoint pen in the same drawer.
Hope thought for a few minutes about what to write. She knew she needed to get through to her son and get the lines of communication opened again. She stared at the light blue piece of paper before her. She wrote.
Derrick,
I’m sorry I got so upset with you. It is only because I love you and want you to have the best life possible. So, when I think you aren't making the best decisions it scares me. I don't ever want you to struggle or be unhappy. I’m not mad at you or at Erin. I just want the best for both of you. Please call me, I promise to listen this time.. I don’t want this to come between us.
Love,
Your Crazy Lesbian Momma
She folded the letter in half and put it into the envelope and wrote Derrick’s name and school address on it and put it in her purse to mail.
Chapter 26
Two days later Hope was dressing for Carrie’s grandmother’s funeral when her cell phone rang. She saw her son’s name pop up on her caller I.D.
She was nervous as she pushed the talk button and brought the phone to her ear. “Hi, honey,” she said. “How are you doing?”
“Hi, Mom. I’m okay.” His voice sounded strained. “You aren’t going to talk me out of marrying Erin.”
Hope closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “All right, but I think we should all sit down and talk about this. Are you willing to do that?” Hope waited for his answer.
“Yeah we can do that. I can’t come until Christmas break. So if you want to come here before that you can. Otherwise we have to wait.”
“You aren’t going to do anything stup…um, crazy are you in the meantime. You aren’t going to just go and get married are you?”
Hope could hear the annoyance in Derrick’s voice. “No, M
om, we aren’t going to run off and get married. I want to do this right. Erin deserves a nice wedding.”
Hope glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “Listen Derrick, I need to get going. Carrie’s grandmother died and I have to go pick her up for the funeral. I’ll call you tomorrow, all right?”
“Sure,” he said. “Tell Carrie I’m sorry about her grandmother.”
“I will, honey. I’ll talk to you tomorrow then. Bye.”
*****
Carrie stood behind a podium at the front of St. Peter’s Church. She nervously ran her hands over the piece of paper in front of her. She had several tissues tucked into the sleeve of her black cotton shirt. It was something her grandmother had taught her to do when she was a child. She hadn’t done it in years. Today, not only would she need a steady supply of tissues, but she also thought it was a fitting way to remember and honor her grandmother.
The church was full of people that knew and loved her grandmother, as well as people that were there to support Carrie and her family. Several of Carrie’s friends and coworkers were seated in the church pews. Hope sat in the front row, the seat next to her, empty, waiting for Carrie to return after she said the eulogy. The smell of burning frankincense clung to the air making it feel thick.
Carrie leaned forward, closer to the microphone. “I want to thank everyone for being here today.” She cleared her throat and glanced down at her notes. “What do you say about someone that was one of the most important people in your life? I can start out by saying that I loved my grandmother. Everyone that knew her loved her. She was one of the kindest, most thoughtful people that I have ever known. She was a gift from God.
I was lucky enough to not only have her for my grandmother, she was also my best friend. I grew up next door to Gram. I would often take the short walk over to her house just to spend time with her and see what she was doing.
If you knew my grandmother at all you can guess what she was doing most of the time…baking.”
The somber group in the church let out a small laugh at the memory.
“One of her favorite things to bake was pie. Whenever I showed up at her door, usually unannounced, she never told me to go away or treated me like a little kid. She always welcomed me with open arms and included me in what ever she was doing.
“I remember standing at the kitchen table with her kneading dough for pie crust. I worked my little piece of dough again and again until it was really well mixed and smooth…and a little gray from too much handling by my little hands. For some reason my Grammy always made sure I got the little pie I worked so hard on.” The crowd let out a soft laugh. Carrie pulled a tissue from her sleeve and wiped the tears that had escaped her eyes.
“When she wasn’t baking she was out helping others.” Carrie looked at the crowd. “I see a lot of you nodding your heads. My grandmother touched the lives of so many of you here. She was always sharing her baked goods, volunteering at church or just helping out a neighbor or a friend.
“She married the love of her life when she was only seventeen years old and she had my mother exactly nine months later.” Her audience responded with another chuckle.
“I guess we know what she did on her honeymoon.” Carrie laughed along with the people in church despite her tears.
“She worked as a telephone operator when she was in her late twenties and early thirties. It was the only job she ever held outside of being a “housewife”, as she called it, and a mother. She was very proud of that job. And she was very proud of her family. She told me often how proud she was of me, and she made me proud of myself. She was very good at making people feel better about themselves. She taught me to always leave other people feeling better about themselves, that it was important to treat people right.
She was a very special lady, my Gram. I was very blessed to have her in my life and I am glad that we are all here today to celebrate her life together. I know I am a better person for knowing her.” Carrie looked up into the air. “I love you, Gram,” she said. “I will remember you and miss you always.” Carrie wiped another tear, folded her notes in half and took her seat next to Hope.
*****
“I thought the funeral was nice.” Carrie said as Hope drove to Carrie’s mother’s house.
“It was a very nice service. It’s obvious that your grandmother was loved.” Hope reached over and rested her hand on Carrie’s knee, keeping the other hand on the steering wheel.
Hope followed Carrie’s directions and pulled up in front of the house. Several cars were already parked in the driveway and more were parked on the street. Two more cars parked behind them before they even got out of the car.
Carrie started to reach for Hope’s hand as Hope came around the side of the automobile, but put her hands in her coat pockets instead. Hope gave her a reassuring smile. They walked up the sidewalk to the house.
Once inside the house everyone greeted Carrie with hugs and condolences. People told her repeatedly that she did a great job on the eulogy. She introduced Hope to everyone they encountered as her good friend.
Hope helped as Carrie and her mother put out casseroles, cold cuts, rolls, salads and desserts. Several of the guests had brought some of the food, but Carrie and her mother had made most of it the day before.
It was dark by the time the last visitor left and Carrie asked Hope if she was ready to go. They stopped at Carrie’s house for a change of clothes and spent the night in each other’s arms at Hope’s house.
Chapter 27
“How are you doing this morning?” Hope asked as Carrie flipped a piece of French toast the following Saturday morning in Hope’s kitchen. The faded old tee shirt and sweat pants that Carrie wore belonged to Hope.
“I still find it hard to believe that Gram is gone. But I’m hanging in there. How are you doing? What are you going to do about Derrick?”
“What can I do?” Hope said as she set the table for breakfast. “He has a mind of his own, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to change it. I am going to wait until he comes home for Christmas break, and I’m going to talk to him and Erin. I am going to try to convince them to at least wait a while before they get married.”
“The baby won’t wait,” Carrie said. “How are you feeling about that part of all this? The baby part?”
Hope put a napkin at each setting and placed a fork and knife on top of it. “To be honest, I haven’t really thought about the baby part. I have been so wrapped up in the marriage part.”
“Grandma,” Carrie said in a hushed voice with a smile.
“Grandma?” Hope repeated. “I’m not sure I like grandma. I’m way too young for that.”
“Way too sexy, too,” Carrie said as she set the plate of French toast on the table and wrapped her arms around Hope’s waist from behind. She rested her chin on Hope’s shoulder. “How about Nana? Or G-ma. Oh, I like that. It’s young. It’s hip. It’s modern. G-ma. Come on say it with me. G-ma.”
Hope turned in her arms so they were face to face. “You are crazy, you know.”
“You don’t like G-ma? I love it.”
Hope gave her a kiss on the nose. “I love you. G-ma, I’m not so sure of.” She raised Carrie’s chin slightly and kissed her on the mouth lightly. “Can we eat? That food smells great and I’m starving.”
Carrie reached down and swatted her on the butt. “Is that all you ever think about? Food?”
Hope’s lips formed into a pout. “No,” she said. “I also think about sex… and you…and sex with you.” She released her arms from around Carrie and pulled out a chair for her. “That’s all I think about, food, sex, and you. Not necessarily in that order.”
Carrie sat and pulled the chair closer to the table. She opened her napkin and put it on her lap. “There’s no syrup on this table,” Carrie said looking around. “I slaved over a hot stove for minutes to cook you a great breakfast and you forget the syrup.” She shook her head in mock frustration.
“Sorry, sorry.” Hope retrieved the syrup an
d put in on the table in front of Carrie. “Here is your syrup. I will never forget the syrup again.” Hope sat and stabbed two pieces of French toast with her fork and shook them off onto her plate. She grabbed the syrup before Carrie had a chance to use it. After pouring it all over her breakfast, she closed the cover. Rising from the table she said, “I guess we’re all done with the syrup now.” She brought the syrup back to the pantry and returned to the table. By the time she returned to her seat she realized that Carrie had taken her plate and replaced it with her own. Two pieces of French toast sat on the plate, without syrup.
Carrie just smiled and cut into the food in front of her.
Hope got back up. “I guess I forgot to put syrup on mine.” She walked back and retrieved the syrup. She squeezed a generous amount onto her toast, and put the bottle down on the middle of the table. “I could’ve sworn I put syrup on my breakfast before I put the syrup away. Guess I was wrong.”
“Guess so,” Carrie said as she chewed her food. “I said it the first time I met you, and I’ll say it again.”
“That I’m really pretty and super smart and sexy, too?” Hope couldn’t wipe the grin off her face.
“No, I was thinking more along the lines of you being a smart ass.”
“Oh yeah, that’s me.” She cut her food into small pieces and took a bite. “I’m a smart ass. That’s for sure. Mmm, this is really good, by the way. I see you used one of the good pans that were hanging by the stove.”
“I hope you don’t mind that I used it. I probably should have asked first.”
“No, I love that those pans are finally getting some use. In fact you can use them as often as you want.”