My dad was a tough guy. He was someone who didn’t ask for help or bother anyone else with his complaints and concerns. He was a quiet man, used to putting in long days of hard work. Even after I’d bought him an upgraded version of the house I’d grown up in and made sure his bank account was heavily padded, he still mowed his own yard every weekend and changed his own oil in his truck. He was always invincible in my eyes, and I couldn’t imagine a world without him in it. While our relationship was rocky on a good day, we only had each other, and he was the person I loved most in the world.
I felt my bag slip off my shoulder, but it too was saved from falling to the ground by Salinger’s quick hands. Vaguely I was aware of him talking into my phone as he pushed the strap of my bag back on my shoulder and gripped my elbow.
“Yeah. I understand. Just give me the name of the hospital, and I’ll make sure she gets there as soon as possible.”
Before I could pass out or snap out of the weird haze that engulfed me, I was being dragged the rest of the way to the terminal and hustled through the building toward where you had to go to catch a cab or grab an Uber. I almost had to jog to keep up with Salinger’s long, quick steps, but he didn’t let me fall behind as I stumbled after him. I heard someone call his name, but he didn’t falter as he hustled me into the first waiting cab he could find and gave them rushed orders to take us to the hospital.
I felt cold all over, and my heart throbbed heavily in my chest. When I was in the hospital, feeling like I’d lost everything, like I would never be able to get over the loss of the baby I already loved with everything in me, it was my father who held my hand and assured me everything would be okay while I cried more tears than any human should. He was the one who helped me put myself back together when all I wanted to do was give up and give in to the heartbreak that engulfed me. All our differences aside, the man had been there for me whenever I needed him, and now he needed me, so I had to get my shit together and be strong enough for him to lean on.
Blindly and clumsily, I reached for the tattooed hand that was nervously tapping on the muscled leg bouncing up and down next to mine.
Never in a million years would I ever think I’d be holding Salinger Dolan’s hand when I was scared out of my mind and on the edge of a breakdown. I told myself it was okay this one time because he was the only one close by. However, almost immediately, his warmth sank into my hand, and slowly I started to get some feeling back into my frozen limbs.
I wasn’t so sure just any nearby hand would have the same effect on me.
“He has to be okay.” I whispered the words because I needed to hear them. No other option was acceptable.
“He will be. Didn’t you used to tell me not to borrow trouble? The same is true for you. No negative thoughts until you have more information. You’re stubborn enough to will him into better health, so don’t back down from that special personality trait right now when he needs you the most.”
I nodded slowly and squeezed his hand so hard I knew it had to hurt. I couldn’t stop myself, though. I felt like every piece of me would shatter and fly away if I let go of the warm hand that was anchoring me to a small sliver of hope.
Salinger didn’t complain. He simply sat next to me as I crushed his hand in mine, occasionally tapping out a message on his phone as the taxi driver tried to make small talk. It was obvious the older man didn’t recognize either one of us, which was a small relief in the melee of emotions that were colliding inside my chest at the moment.
I knew he looked older and more mature than the young man I’d held a grudge against for longer than was healthy, but I’d always doubted his personality changed much.
But maybe I was wrong.
At the moment, he seemed far more considerate and composed than I ever would’ve anticipated.
I started to wonder if he really had changed, and if his promise that he was a different man was more than empty words.
It shouldn’t be possible that the kid who took everything from me would grow up to be the man who helped me hold it together when I was on the verge of losing one of the few things that actually mattered to me.
But here he was.
Salinger
I HATED HOSPITALS.
I hated the smell and the sounds.
I hated the somber faces of the medical staff and the nervous energy of the patients.
I hated the helplessness emanating off the friends and family members who were desperately waiting for news.
I’d landed in the hospital on more than one occasion when I hit rock bottom. I’d nearly died, more than once, which should’ve been the worst part of the situation. But the worst part was the helplessness. I was unable to protect myself and my privacy while I was falling apart, both physically and mentally. The first time I overdosed and ended up in the ER, it didn’t even take an hour for the press to leak pictures of me unconscious, covered in puke, looking like I was very much on the brink of death. It wasn’t only addiction that had its hook deep in me; it was also public opinion. The fall from grace was quick and merciless, and I wasn’t allowed a single moment of privacy while I tried to find my footing.
The probing into every single aspect of my private life was one of the reasons I kept relapsing. The same public that cheered for all my success and achievements turned on me so fast and celebrated my failure with twice the amount of enthusiasm. My downfall made for a better story than my rise to fame and fortune ever had. It started to become a habit. I was always seeking out a way to shut out everyone and everything that was taking pleasure in the fact I was slowly killing myself with dangerous choices and my total lack of self-control. Drugs worked better than anything else when I wanted to be numb and unaffected. There were a lot of questionable hands reaching out to point fingers and push me over. There were also hands that were eager to lead me further into temptation, down a path it would be nearly impossible to return from. The hands reaching out to help were few and far between, so they were much easier to ignore.
Needless to say, I didn’t want to go to the hospital with Maren. And yet here I was, striding through the too-white, too-sterile halls as she squeezed my fingers tight enough I was worried my bones might snap.
I couldn’t remember if she mentioned being close to her father back when we worked together. Many of my memories from back then had shifted and altered because of the drug use and my own immature perception of things at the time. I thought I recalled her saying that her dad never wanted her to be an actress, that he didn’t think it was a ‘real’ job. But seeing the way she turned white and nearly passed out on the tarmac, I figured even if the two weren’t necessarily tight, she still cared about him very deeply. Maren was a master at keeping her expressions and reactions under control. It took a lot to rattle her, and even more for her to show her actual emotions to someone else. She’d gotten much better at keeping her professional mask in place in the years we’d been apart. Back in the day, she would let it slip when I pushed her far enough and when I went out of my way to get under her skin. Today, there had been none of that.
Nope. Not even a hint of her true temper showed through that icy façade she’d perfected.
While her attitude and personality seemed to have hardened with time, her outward appearance hadn’t altered as much. Of course, she no longer looked like the girl-next-door, but more like her super sexy older sister. Maren always had kind of a Snow White thing going on. She was on the pale side, rather than being California tan. She only changed her dark hair when it was required for a role. It wasn’t simply brown, but rather one hundred shades that varied from almost black to a shimmery honey. Her eyes were the same. There just weren’t enough names and ways to describe all those colors that shifted and changed with her mood.
Her looks matured right along with her defenses. While I’d started out thinking I could persuade her to change her mind if I appealed to her compassion and the soft core of her heart, I now understood those parts of her were no longer around. It was a damn shame, be
cause that’s what I liked best about her. It was much harder to find a genuinely kind person in Hollywood than it was to find one as naturally stunning as Maren.
We rounded a corner, and Maren dropped my hand as she ran toward a shorter young woman who was pacing in an agitated way near the small waiting area. Maren grabbed the woman by the shoulders and gave her a little shake, demanding, “Where is my dad? Is he okay?”
The younger woman, who had an edgy, spiky haircut that was dyed a variety of colors, looked over Maren’s shoulder in my direction, her eyes widening as I found a wall to prop a shoulder on so I could hover out of the way unobtrusively. I kept my head down to avoid being immediately recognized, but since I was in a t-shirt and all my tattoos were clearly visible, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone stopped and asked me if I was Salinger Dolan. Normally it wouldn’t bother me, but Maren was right about us getting caught together in her hometown. That would be a PR nightmare and, honestly, a much bigger mess for her to clean up image-wise than it would be for me. Not to mention getting caught in a hospital in a city I had no business being in; it would undo all the recent work I’d put into rebuilding my brand and name. Jeno would kill me if a picture of me standing outside an ER leaked right now.
The girl, whom I assumed was Maren’s assistant, clutched the taller woman’s arms and told her in a quiet voice, “He’s in with a cardiologist right now. He’s awake now and able to speak and ask questions. He seems a little bit disoriented and obviously scared. I told him you were on your way. He asked me to come out here and wait for you.” She shot me another look, and I noticed she had a couple of different facial piercings and a smattering of super small stars tattooed near her temple. She looked like the type of girl that Jeno was partial to, not an A-list celebrity personal assistant. And definitely not someone the super reserved, conservative Maren Copeland would have on her payroll.
“I was sure you were going to ditch him as soon as you landed. For the record, I had no idea what Lennon was planning until I was already on the earlier flight. I never would’ve agreed to leave you alone with him if I knew that’s what she had planned.”
The girl sneered at me, and I swore if we hadn’t been in a public place with curious eyes all around, she would’ve stuck her tongue out at me. The girl gave off totally childish, but kind of adorable, vibes. I wondered how she’d ended up working for Maren.
“I can only focus on one problem at a time right now. My dad is the most important.” Maren looked in my direction and then back toward her assistant. “Help Salinger get out of here without being seen. I’m going to go in and talk to my dad and the doctors.”
She took a deep breath to calm herself, and I watched as she straightened her shoulders and shifted her facial features to an expression of calm I knew for a fact she wasn’t feeling. Maren, the worried, anxious daughter, was gone in the blink of an eye; in her place stood Maren Copeland, the award-winning actress who only presented the image of the woman she thought the world wanted to see.
Before going into the room her assistant indicated, she turned to me and dipped her chin in a little nod. Her long eyelashes fluttered lightly, the only indication she’d been a trembling, incoherent mess not that long ago. “Thank you for making sure I got here okay.” She cleared her throat slightly. “If you could keep what happened to my dad to yourself until I can release a formal statement, I would really appreciate it. My dad is an incredibly proud and private man. If news of this gets out before I can help him brace for it,” she sighed heavily and shook her head, “who knows how that will affect his already weakened heart?”
I snorted but kept my head tilted downward. “I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I just wanted to make sure you got here in one piece. You having a mental breakdown at the airport would be a way bigger story than your old man getting ill. I’m outta here. I don’t want to be another issue for you to deal with. If you change your mind even a little bit about the script, hit me up when you get back to LA.” I turned to go in the direction I’d just come from, pausing to wait for the assistant to catch up since her legs were a lot shorter than mine. “I hope your dad pulls through.”
I really did.
The exact same vultures who hadn’t given me a single second to get my life back together before picking at my bones caused her to lose more than enough.
I followed the little assistant to a rental car, noticing several heads turning in our direction as we made our way to it. It could’ve been because they recognized me, or because Maren’s PA stood out all on her own.
Once we were in the car, I told her the name of the hotel I planned to stay for the night and watched as she punched it into her phone to get directions. The automated voice told us that the drive would be twenty minutes, so I settled back in the passenger seat and turned my head to look at the colorful little creature next to me.
“What’s your name?” In all the research I’d had Jeno put into finding out about Maren’s life since we’d been separated, it didn’t occur to me to look into her staff as well. Logic would lean toward her being very, very selective when she picked those who worked closest with her. From the makeup artist that I’d corrupted, to the stylist who’d been banging her husband behind her back, and even her first agent who cast her away and ripped her off, it made complete sense she required absolute loyalty and trust in those who were allowed in her inner circle. I wish I’d been more careful about the people I let in along the way as well. Aside from Jeno, there was no one in my life I honestly believed would take a bullet for me.
“My name is Arrow.” She cut me a hard look from the corner of her eye like she was waiting for some kind of snide response. But I was born and raised in LA. There was no end to the oddball names I came across every single day. I often felt pretty fortunate that my mom loved classic literature and I was named after her favorite author, and not some obscure vegetable no one had ever heard of.
“How long have you been working for Maren? You must be close if she’s let you meet her family.” I was staring out at the landscape, noting how different Santa Fe was from Los Angeles. It was pretty. Serene, even. I was amazed by all the different colors that painted the landscape.
“I’ve worked for her for close to three years, but I’ve known her a lot longer than that. She helped me out when I was in a pretty tight spot, and again when I was sure I didn’t have a reason to live anymore. She’s an amazing woman and a wonderful person. So, don’t think for a second I’m going to fangirl over you and give you any inside information on her. I’ve known her for a long time, and the only person she’s ever had anything bad to say about is you. She’s even more tight-lipped about her scumbag ex than she is about you, even though she should be cursing his name from the highest mountain. That tells me all I need to know about you, Mr. Dolan.”
I chuckled, but not because I was amused. I just couldn’t help but laugh at how naïve I’d been in thinking after all this time, she would’ve forgiven me for what happened to her after she was effectively fired from our show. I really burned more bridges than I realized. And while the flames may have lit the way for me at first, now all that was left were ash and ruin. Who could rebuild any kind of foundation on that?
“I’m not going to pry. I foolishly thought enough time had passed that Maren might’ve forgiven me. She made it crystal clear today that was wishful thinking on my part. I’m not going to harass her or interfere in her life anymore.” I looked over at the tiny assistant and told her, “But you should try and convince Maren to forgive her agent. Lennon Carter has a good head for business and can easily separate work from friendship. I don’t think Maren is as good at keeping a box around the different parts of her life. Since she already hates me, let me take the blame.” It wasn’t my idea, but I hadn’t stopped the madness or honored Maren’s wishes to keep a respectful distance between the two of us. I’d pushed off fault for long enough. My life now was all about being accountable for my actions and the hurt they may cause someone else.
I didn’t let anything ride anymore.
Arrow made a surprised sound and I saw her hands tighten on the steering wheel. “I called Lennon right after I got ahold of Maren. She’s already on her way here. Maren is going to be pissed at her, but besides her dad, she really only considers Lennon family. She’ll forgive her eventually.”
“That’s good. Maren tried to help me out a long time ago. I know she’s a nice girl who deserves to have only the best people around her. Lennon is a savage when it comes to deals, but I think she’s a good person to have watching your back.” I was honestly glad Maren had her.
The assistant made a small noise of agreement. “Maren and her dad have a complicated relationship. They’re too similar if you ask me—both hardheaded and too proud. But if anything happens to him…” She trailed off and shook her head. “Maren will be devastated. He’s been her rock since she was little. It’s always been the two of them against the world, even when they were mostly at odds.”
“Can’t relate.” My mother had been in and out of my life at random intervals when it was convenient for her. Her appearance in my life tended to be directly related to how thin her bank balance was at any given time. My father barely remembered I was alive most days, and I was pretty sure he was greatly disappointed I’d survived my last overdose and came out of my latest stint in rehab with a clear head. He was also in show business, and I’d always seemed to somehow be a direct reflection on him, so when my life and reputation started to slide south, he figured ignoring his troubled son was the best option. The only thing I was grateful to either of them for was the extended family they brought into my life. I wouldn’t have Jeno if my dad didn’t make it a habit to find a new wife every five years. And I wouldn’t have my grandmother on my mom’s side, who was my only blood relative still around who gave a damn about me. She helped Jeno manage all my affairs and my money when he was still too young to legally make any big decisions. She’d even taken my younger brother under her wing and made sure he had a place to call home when his mother proved to be just as difficult as mine. Mine was negligent and absent. His was overbearing and demanding. We both owed my grandma a lot and did our best to check in on her regularly.
A Righteous Man Page 6