I pulled in a breath and used my free hand to rub the back of my neck. “I want to sign it mostly to prove that I can do it. None of the stuff she’s asking me to do is unreasonable. It’s how a professional is expected to act when they have so much riding on a project. I’m not just taking on a role; my name is all over this movie from top to bottom. If I can pull this off, I think it’ll prove to the people calling the shots in the industry that I’ve really changed. Everyone knows Maren wanted nothing to do with me, so if I can show her, and everyone else, taking a risk on me was the right move, you won’t have to work so hard for the next project.”
Jeno leaned on the edge of the table, gaze steady on mine. “You don’t have to worry about how hard I’m working. I know my limits. I’m more worried that you’ll feel like you’re backed into a corner and lash out to get free like you used to do. Only, this time it’s you who is purposely putting your back against the wall, so if you slip, it’s going to be hard for me to feel sorry for you. I can work twenty-hour days, seven days a week with no complaint. But I can’t do save your ass time and time again because you don’t know when you’re in over your head. I love you, bro, but there’s only so much my heart can take.”
I scribbled my name on the last line and shoved the paper and pen away. I laced my fingers together and cracked my tattooed knuckles loudly. “I’m not going to make you save me again. I’m going to show you that I can be someone who can save you. Because I love you, too, Jeno. I’m going to act right. I’m going to make this movie. I’m going to show Maren that she can forgive me, and I’m going to make your mom eat her words. I’m not worthless, and you are not wasting your life because you chose me over the path she picked for you. You’re the only person who has never stopped believing in me, so don’t give up now.”
Instead of responding, he pulled out his phone and tapped out a message. “I told Lennon I’d be in touch once we signed. Our lawyers and the finance people still need to look over it again, but I think everything is in place. You and Maren made this bed. You both have no choice but to lie in it now.”
I clapped my hands together loudly and rubbed them together quickly. “This is when being sober sucks. I feel like we should have a drink to celebrate or something.”
“We can go to the gym or something instead. Put all that hype to better use.” Jeno scowled at his phone. “Hold on a second. Lennon asked if she could call.”
I felt my face fall into a frown. Immediately I wondered if Maren had come to her senses and was going to pull the plug on everything. I should’ve known better than to get my hopes up. If there was a constant in my life, it was disappointment.
Jeno answered the call and put it on speaker, placing his phone on the table in front of him.
“You’re on speaker, Lennon. What’s up?” He tapped his fingers on the wood and watched me with a careful look.
“Have you heard from Maren today by chance? I know you guys have been in touch with her here and there while working out the addendums on the contract.” I sat up straight and stared at the phone in sudden concern.
“Not today.” It wasn’t like we were besties and spent hours chatting. Usually, she sent a single word text when I had a question. She’d been purposely keeping her distance from me because of all the press surrounding the two of us lately. She told me there was no reason to feed the beast, that we should wait to leverage the attention once we had the actual movie to promote. “Why?”
Lennon groaned and swore under her breath. “Have you seen the breaking news today? Maren’s ex is fucking everywhere.”
I shook my head as Jeno told her, “So what? I thought she was done with that guy forever ago. He seems like a douchebag. She’s way better off without him.”
“You have no idea how right you are, kid. He’s the worst. But he knows exactly how to manipulate a situation to his benefit. Since the entire world was laughing at him, he decided to take all that attention and turn it into something that was bound to be the most hurtful to Maren, since, in his mind, she was in on the joke. He announced an hour ago that his new wife is pregnant. He’s playing up how excited he is, and how sometimes ‘you’re given a second chance at making a miracle.’ He was the biggest prick in the world when Maren got pregnant. He wanted her to get rid of the baby, and only begrudgingly played the part of the doting father when fans started to make comments about how disinterested he seemed. I’m sure she’s a mess right now, and I can’t get a hold of her, or Arrow, so I’m worried.” She sighed. “I’m only telling you all this because I want you to let me know if she contacts you, or if she does something crazy because she’s not thinking straight. Last time Erik screwed her over, she disappeared from the public eye for close to a year.”
“Her assistant isn’t answering?” I shared a look with Jeno. It wasn’t good if the person who was closest to you also went silent. We’d done that more than once when trying to cover up my destructive behavior.
“Arrow idolizes Maren. If she told her not to answer my calls, she won’t. You have no idea how hard I had to push to get her to switch flights so you could talk to Maren alone. That girl looks like a little pixie, but she’s more like a pit bull. All she cares about is keeping Maren safe. She might actually murder Erik for this stunt.”
“Give me her address.” I thumped a hand on the table. “I’ll go check on her.”
Lennon snorted. “That’s a terrible idea. Her place was already a hot spot for the paparazzi since that picture of the two of you got out. She lives on the beach, not a gated community like you. The police can only do so much to keep the crowd under control. Now I bet you can’t even get within a block. You’ll be mobbed. I don’t think she’s home anyway. She had a meeting and fitting with a designer. She’s doing a cover shoot for a magazine in a few weeks, and they were working on the wardrobe and styling. I thought she might try and catch a flight back to New Mexico, but her dad hasn’t heard from her either. I’m going to strangle that asshole ex of hers whenever I see him next.”
“Is there anything we can do other than let you know if we hear from her?” Ever the logical one, Jeno was able to compartmentalize emotion.
Lennon swore again. “No. It only becomes your problem if she suddenly backs out of the deal we’re working on. I can’t imagine she would since she loves that script so much, but Erik knew her biggest sore spot and purposely poked at it. I’m going to make a couple more calls. Just shoot me a text if you hear from her.”
Jeno tapped the screen to hang up the call and cocked his head slightly to the side as he looked at me. “Who woulda thought that Maren was going to be the one acting out and not you?”
I scowled at him and pushed away from the table. “I’m worried about her. She usually keeps all her emotions tightened down so when they break free, the pressure is enough to take someone’s head off. I don’t want her to do anything she’ll regret because of that jerk.”
“You mean like kissing you in clear view of every famous person in California? That chick is just as reckless as you are. I had no idea.” My younger brother really sounded baffled.
I pulled out my phone and tapped out a message asking Maren where she was. I didn’t expect any kind of response, so I was shocked when the name of a very expensive and well-known hotel in Beverly Hills flashed across the screen.
I told her I signed the contract and asked her if she wanted me to bring it to her. Again, I wasn’t expecting any type of reply, so when my phone rang, I was a little bit stunned.
“Uh, hey, Maren. Are you all right?” Jeno’s eyes widened, and he demanded to know where she was in a low voice. I promised Maren I wouldn’t double-cross her again after the ambush on the airplane, so I wasn’t telling him where she was unless she gave me the okay. He was the one who told Lennon he’d let her know if he heard from her, not me.
“I’m...fine. Yeah. I’m perfectly fine.” Her words were a little slurred, and it seemed like she was struggling to figure out what she wanted to say. “You should join me for a
drink.”
I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes quickly. I knew something was up with her because I’d just put my name on a multipage document swearing that I wouldn’t use any kind of substance, including alcohol, while we were working together. She was definitely not in her right mind.
“Okay. Give me a few minutes and I’ll meet you there. Don’t talk to anyone or leave until I get there. Maybe you should call Arrow to keep you company, or even Lennon. I’m sure they are both worried about you.” I was already headed toward the garage with Jeno hot on my heels.
“I sent Arrow home. She kept bugging me to call Lennon, too. She kept telling me I shouldn’t be sad. But I am. I’m sad, Salinger. Lennon will yell at me for crying, but I want to cry.” She hiccupped and sounded like she was on the verge of tears. I was honestly amazed Maren Copeland had it in her to get so sloppy and emotional. It went against her very refined and collected image. I hoped the hotel bar was doing a decent job of maintaining her privacy. It was a pretty exclusive place that catered to celebrities, so she picked a good place to get smashed and lose control.
I wondered why she answered me when she was ignoring everyone else.
“You can cry as much as you want when I get there. Keep it together a little bit longer. Can you do that?”
She mumbled something I couldn’t make out and the line went dead. I glanced at my brother over my shoulder and could tell before he opened his mouth that he was going to try and talk me out of going to Maren.
“Call Lennon and tell her Maren is all right. Let her know I’m with her and that I’ll have her call as soon as she feels up to it.” I grabbed the keys to my Audi R8 and stepped toward the garage when I was brought up short by his hand on my arm.
“Are you really going to a bar? Do you know what you’re doing right now? This girl already has you making dumbass decisions and you haven’t even finalized the paperwork.” He squeezed my biceps to the point it hurt and gave me a narrow-eyed look. “I’m going to come with you.”
“I’m not going to a bar. I’m going to Maren. She sounds wasted. Call Arrow and ask her to book a room at the hotel for Maren. I’ll get her out of the bar and situated. I’ll help her sober up and then get back home before it’s dark out.” I tugged my arm free and gave him what I hoped was a reassuring grin. “I’ve been in her shoes, Jeno. When you’re so sad and upset that it seems like the only friend you have is at the bottom of the bottle. She’s not going to like it if you come with me. She’ll feel outnumbered and put on the spot. You’ve gotta trust me, dude. I can get the job done, whether it’s getting this movie made or keeping our lead actress from doing something she will regret. We’re a team.”
“I don’t like it. I don’t like how any of this is playing out, and that’s before we’ve invested millions of dollars.” He grunted as I bumped the plain of his rock-hard abs with the back of my hand.
“You can see where my phone is at on that app you installed when I was putting every single dime I earned up my nose. You can see if I go anywhere other than the hotel, and I swear I’ll call you as soon as I get Maren up to a room. Hell, call the hotel and tell them to make sure the bar staff doesn’t serve me if you’re really that worried.” I wouldn’t blame him if he went to that extreme.
“Fuck no. That sounds like something my mother would do. I’m not trying to control you that way. I don’t want to be like her. I just don’t want to see you fail before you’ve had the chance to succeed. I don’t want your weird attachment to this woman to ruin you.” He stepped back and let me open the inside door that led to the walkway for the massive garage.
“The one thing I’ve learned is the only person responsible for the shitty things I’ve done, or will do, is me. No one else can be blamed for my bad behavior. And no one else gets to take credit for the stuff I manage to get right.” I lifted a hand, and he begrudgingly bumped the side of his fist against mine. “I’ll be in touch.”
He watched me go without saying anything else, but I could feel his tension follow me all the way to my car.
Maybe he was right and it wasn’t the best idea to run directly toward more than one temptation, but Maren had been there when I unconsciously reached out a hand for help. I felt like I needed to return the favor at the very least.
She also said she wanted to cry. I had no explanation for why I felt deep down in my gut that I should be the one who was there to wipe away her tears. All I knew was that she was hurting, and I wanted to be the one who made her feel better.
Maren
I SQUINTED AT the bartender. I was trying to bring his mustached face into focus and let him know how displeased I was that he wouldn’t serve me another martini no matter how nicely I asked. I was getting ready to tap into my rarely used diva persona and demand service. Fortunately, Salinger appeared at my elbow and cut off my tantrum before I became the type of person I hated most. He hauled me away from the bar with a mumbled apology to the bartender who, I now noticed, looked like he’d just stepped out of the roaring twenties. Salinger paid my bill and left a tip with enough zeros the guy had no choice but to excuse my bad behavior. It was hefty enough that I had no doubt Salinger was trying to pay for the guy’s silence to ensure no unflattering stories about my day drinking adventure leaked.
I could barely stand straight as Salinger steered me as inconspicuously as possible through the lobby of the opulent hotel toward the elevator. He kept a hand on the side of my head so that my face was obscured from any curious onlookers. He kept muttering quiet assurances under his breath as I pouted and bitched about everything under the sun.
I told him I hated him.
I told him I hated my ex.
I bitched about still being mad at Lennon for letting him hijack my flight.
I moaned that I didn’t want to be famous anymore.
I blabbed about how unfair it was that women in the industry got paid less than men.
I complained about missing my dad and feeling alone all the time.
I berated him for getting me fired all those years ago, even though we’d decided to let that situation go.
Pretty much, I unloaded a decade’s worth of angst and frustration on him in one long, drunken spiel that made no sense.
By the time we reached the door to the hotel room and he guided us inside, I’d moved on from unfocused rage to crying about the very thing that sent me to the bar in the first place. I honestly didn’t want to cry over anything Erik did ever again. On top of being pissed by his callous and calculating behavior, I was really disappointed in myself. I told Salinger that I wanted to be a person who believed others could change, but I really needed to be someone who could change as well. I had to figure out how to stop letting the past dictate my future.
I slumped in Salinger’s arms and, finally, the tears I’d been battling back since I heard the news about Erik and his wife’s baby began to fall.
It wasn’t a pretty sight.
My makeup was running all over my face. My hair was a tangled mess that had long since fallen out of its high ponytail. I’d lost a high heel in the elevator, so on top of holding me up so I didn’t wilt to the ground, Salinger was toting around my shoe and the Celine bag I would’ve left at the bar if he hadn’t shown up. I was sobbing into his shoulder and telling him all about why life wasn’t fair, but he remained silent, only whispering reassuring words as he led me to the fancy king-sized bed that took up the majority of the luxurious room.
“You have no idea how horrible he was to me when I first told him we were having a baby. I told him before we ever got married that I wanted a big family, and he agreed. He promised me that he would always make me happy. How could I have been so stupid to believe that? All men do is lie! They really don’t deserve rights.”
I hiccupped a little and flopped on the bed like a dead fish. I threw my arm over my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t allow anyone to see me in such a state. Right now, my dignity was the last thing I was worried about.
The sense of betrayal burned so deep inside my heart, I was pretty sure my whole body was going to go up in flames.
Erik used our baby and my emotional reaction to the loss as a scapegoat for his terrible actions at the end of our marriage. He told me repeatedly that he no longer loved the woman I’d become and blamed me for the two of us falling out of love. Now, he was using another baby as a publicity stunt because he was embarrassed. I thought I hated Salinger back when he’d caused the speed bump in my career, but I understood what I felt then wasn’t even close to the absolute disdain and contempt I was feeling toward my ex. I really knew what deep-seated, unforgivable hatred was because it was consuming every single one of my alcohol-drenched cells.
I felt Salinger lean down to take off my other shoe. I heard a thump and assumed he let my very expensive bag drop to the floor. I owed him an apology for being so sloppy and saying so many dumb things when he’d come to my rescue once again. However, I couldn’t stop crying, and every time I opened my mouth, more aggravation about my ex poured out instead of gratitude.
“The night I told him I was pregnant was supposed to be one of our happiest moments. He was filming a music video in Paris when I found out, so I jumped on a plane and rushed across the ocean to tell him.” I inhaled a deep breath and rubbed my forearm across my nose. I was sure I was a snotty, drippy mess, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to care. “He was mad that I showed up unannounced. He wanted me to stay at a different hotel so I didn’t steal his spotlight. It was always about him and how he could get the most attention possible. I swear he wasn’t like that at the start of our marriage. He didn’t change until my career started to turn around. When I told him about the baby, he asked me if I was sure, and then asked me if it was really the right time for us to start a family. He reminded me that my career was unstable, and I should take the work while it was available. He made me feel selfish, like I was a terrible wife. He made me feel like I somehow tricked him into starting a family with me.”
A Righteous Man Page 10