I snorted and rolled myself over on the bed. I would leave black streaks from my eye makeup on the pristine white comforter, but I didn’t care. I’d pay for damages when I sobered up.
“It wasn’t until he could no longer hide the affair that I realized the reason he didn’t want me to show up unannounced was because he was in Paris with his mistress. If I hadn’t been so focused on the baby, I might’ve noticed that every single time my stylist asked for time off, it coincided with Erik going out of town for work.” I groaned and kicked my feet up and down like a toddler throwing a tantrum. “She wasn’t even the first. She just happened to be the only one who stuck with him after the press trashed him. I’m an idiot. Who cries over such a jerk? I should be sad for his new wife, not myself.” Or maybe I was doubly sad for both of us, which was why I couldn’t control myself.
I wasn’t sure if Salinger was even still in the room. I was so caught up in my spiraling emotional breakdown that I would’ve missed the door opening and closing. He hadn’t said a word during my tangent, and the room suddenly felt too quiet.
“Turn over.” His deep voice gave the command quietly. I was surprised at the rush of relief I felt pour through me when I realized I wasn’t alone. I flipped to my back and went to look over at him, but before I could, a cold, damp cloth covered my eyes. “They’re your tears, Maren. They don’t belong to him. You go right ahead and cry because your heart is hurting. Don’t waste a minute on the person responsible for hurting it. Don’t let him have that kind of influence over you anymore.”
I felt something cold hit my hand and reflexively wrapped my fingers around the chilly bottle of water.
“Why do you sound so smart?” I asked the question with a bit of begrudging respect.
“I’ve made a lot of people cry in the past, but their tears didn’t matter to me at all. Some I hurt over and over again, and it was never the tears of others that managed to make a difference. It was the hurt I felt inside when I realized how badly I treated the people who cared about me that finally got to me. When I got sober, I felt that pain deep in my gut every single day. It was like being stabbed a hundred times. The tears were because the remorse over my actions hurt, not because I had to grieve the loss of the terrible guy who let that poison fester. He doesn’t deserve a single tear, and no one was sad to see him go. I gave the people who mattered an apology when I was able. I think that went a lot further than tears.”
I blew out a ragged sigh and pulled the washcloth off my face. Salinger was perched on the end of the massive bed, looking even more colorful than normal in the predominantly white room.
“I dunno. I think I might’ve liked to see you cry rather than accept your apology.” No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t imagine those dark eyes of his all shiny and wet with tears. They looked too fierce.
Salinger chuckled and patted the comforter. “Maybe one day you will. Why don’t you take a little nap, and when you get up, order some room service? Hang out here for the rest of the day until you pull yourself together. You can cry as much as you need to and no one will know. When you feel better, give me a call, and we can get a coffee or something together. We can go somewhere people are bound to notice. We can bury your ex under an avalanche of gossip about us dating. From what you told me, the best revenge is taking all the attention away that he’s working so hard to focus on himself. I’m gonna get out of here. Maybe call your agent when you get a chance. She’s hella worried about you.”
With dexterity that surprised me since the world went off-kilter as soon as I moved, I launched myself at Salinger, sinking my fingers into one muscular forearm before he could rise from the bed. The water bottle he handed me rolled to the floor as his surprised gaze snapped to mine.
“Don’t go.” Those were the last words I thought I’d ever say to him, but they came out more than once. “Don’t go, Salinger. I know you’re probably busy, and it’s asking a lot since we aren’t even friends, but I really don’t want to be alone right now.” And I didn’t want to be with someone who would judge my messy state.
I loved Lennon, but she was very much the ‘pull yourself up by the bootstraps’ kind of friend. And Arrow was just a little too fragile to fully lean on. Oh, I knew she would rip Erik’s heart out if I asked her to, but she had her own wounds she was healing, so I refused to make her tend to mine. Lennon would berate me for wasting even a second of grieving the past and remind me how much better off I was now. She would be right, but tough love wasn’t what I needed at the moment. Sober me could take those punches; drunk me would be knocked out and feel beaten up before I could fight back. I needed someone who would let me vent and wallow in anguish before picking me up and putting me back together.
I wasn’t sure why my muddled mind thought Salinger could tackle that kind of cleanup project, but I knew I didn’t want him to walk out the door. And not just because I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted him there specifically. His understanding and compassion were addicting. I liked that he still spoke with a carefree youthfulness but related his experiences in a way that was so mature.
He patted my hand with his and shot me a crooked grin. “I don’t think that’s the best idea. We just called a truce. I don’t want to rock the boat. I’m hopeful that we can eventually get to the point where you do consider us friends.”
I clawed my fingers into his skin hard enough there was a good chance I drew blood. “Fine. Just stick around until I fall asleep. If we don’t talk, we won’t fight.” My head was starting to hurt, and my stomach was beginning to roll a little bit. It was a good thing he intervened before I demanded that last martini. I would’ve been a weeping nightmare in the bar, and there was a solid chance I would’ve tossed my cookies all over the place.
There wasn’t a tip big enough to bury that kind of embarrassing story.
I could see him wavering as he carefully peeled my fingers off his arm. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen for a long minute. After tapping out a message or two, he shifted his midnight eyes to mine. “If you promise to call Lennon as soon as you wake up, I’ll stay until you fall asleep. She’s hounding Jeno every five minutes, and she’s called me five times in the last fifteen minutes. She’s really worried.”
Feeling like some of the suffocating weight that had been sitting on my chest finally lifted, I clumsily rolled toward the side of the bed, reaching for my discarded purse. “I’ll text her right now.” Suddenly I was exhausted, and it felt like a challenge to keep my eyes open.
I overestimated the distance and the quickness of my reflexes after too many drinks. I yelped as my momentum nearly took me to the floor. If Salinger hadn’t moved in a flash and caught my shoulder, I would’ve ended up on my ass in an ungraceful sprawl.
Sighing, he bent down and grabbed my bag, tossing it in my direction with a disregard that indicated he had no clue how much the tiny accessory cost. I pawed around for my phone, holding it up triumphantly when I found it.
“Ah-ha. I’m texting her right now, so don’t leave me.” I was so focused on trying to type out a semi-coherent message to Lennon, I didn’t hear Salinger’s quiet groan. If I looked up at that moment, I would’ve seen that his expression was pained; he was struggling between what I wanted him to do and what he knew was the safer option for both of us.
Of course, Lennon immediately texted back a flurry of frantic messages. Not up to going back and forth with her, I shut my phone off entirely and flopped back in the middle of the bed. Dizzy, I closed my eyes to block out the spinning room.
“You’re not going to sneak out, are you?” I asked the question as my whole body suddenly started to feel heavy and lethargic.
I heard Salinger sigh heavily, and a moment later, the mattress shifted as he moved from the edge of the bed to one of the velvet chairs that decorated the room. It creaked under his weight, and I heard the sound of something tapping as he appeared to settle in.
“No. I told you I’d stay until you fell asleep, so I will. I
’m the kind of guy who keeps his word these days. So, not all men lie.” He snorted as he tossed my earlier words back at me.
If I wasn’t about to crash from the booze and the adrenaline burnout, I would have laughed at the solid burn. I wanted to tell him not to hold my drunken words against me, but if anyone was allowed to have a bit of a grudge against me, it would be him.
I had to admit, having a truce with him was much better than treating him as enemy number one. He said he’d like to get to a place where we could consider each other friends, which I previously wouldn’t have thought possible.
However, he kept showing up and proving it would be foolish not to give him a chance to show me how much he’d changed. Honestly, I needed to look to him for pointers. He seemed to have made peace with the past, even the darkest corners of it. I needed to figure out how to shake the shadows when they tried to pull me back into all my bad memories.
I fell asleep feeling his eyes on me and secretly hoping he would still be there when I woke up. After all, when I told him I didn’t want to be alone, it was my injured heart crying out for someone to soothe it. Who would’ve thought Salinger had the ability to do that?
Certainly not me.
Salinger
I TRIED TO talk myself into leaving close to twenty times.
However, when Maren kept calling out in her sleep, and I noticed she was crying even though she wasn’t awake, I couldn’t make myself go. Rarely did she seem fragile, and I had no idea she was so talkative and expressive when she was drunk. I was pretty sure she was going to forget blurting out all that personal information about her marriage when she was sober. At least I was the one she unloaded on. I knew how to keep my mouth shut and honestly wanted to protect her, even more so now that I knew what she went through with her dirtbag ex. Had she stayed in the bar and blabbed to anyone, she would never forgive herself for letting her vulnerable side show. She liked to pretend she no longer let herself be wounded by the actions of others, but the truth was, she’d just gotten way better at hiding the hurt.
Her heart wasn’t hard like I originally thought when she dismissed me. No, it was just battered beyond belief and bruised so deeply that it was too tender for anyone else to touch.
I hated that for her and wanted to dropkick her sleazy ex into a different hemisphere.
Eventually, I moved from the expensive, uncomfortable velvet chair to sit on the floor with my back to the mattress. I was playing a game on my phone when Maren shifted, and her hand landed on the top of my head. I glanced up to see if she was awake, but her eyes were still closed and her breathing was low and even. Her fingers threaded through the spiky strands as she stroked me like I was a fluffy pet. It was a sweet gesture that made me grin, but I moved away when my phone vibrated with a call, and I noticed it was her agent.
I already told Jeno I was sticking around until Maren woke and I made sure she was all right. I wanted to ensure she got something to eat and left the hotel back to her regularly polished and pristine self. I didn’t want her diving back into a bottle and wasting tears on someone who was clearly not worth it. I had my brother reschedule the few meetings I had for the rest of the day and let him bitch at me about being professional and keeping my private and personal life separate. He was well aware that it was impossible where this particular woman was concerned, but I let him swear and grumble at me anyway. I knew he was coming from a place of concern and didn’t want to see me crash and burn again because I had no brakes when it came to rushing in Maren’s direction.
Maren made a sleepy sound of protest as I moved away from the bed to step into the hallway to take the call. I didn’t want to wake her up. I don’t know why, but I felt a little guilty being alone in a hotel room with her after she drank way too much. I knew it was a situation that could easily be misread. Lennon scared me a little bit, so I expected to get an earful when I finally picked up her call.
“Hey. Maren is still sleeping. I’m sure she’ll touch base as soon as she gets up.” I leaned against the door. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you where she was. But she’s mentioned more than once that she won’t work with someone she can’t trust, and after that stunt with her flight to Santa Fe, I can’t go back on my word.”
A heavy sigh came over the line. “I’m actually calling to check on you. You had to pull her out of a bar, and you watched over her while she was passed out. I’ve stayed at that hotel before. I know how well stocked their minibars are. While I appreciate you caring enough about your future co-star to collect her when she’s decided to drink all her troubles away, I want you to be able to take care of yourself as well.”
I let the back of my head knock against the door with a thump. I was touched by her consideration. That wasn’t something I’d encountered a lot of during the course of my career.
“When you were harassing my brother to find out where Maren was, did he tell you he was worried about me? I know my limits, and I know how much is riding on me not backsliding into my old ways. Sometimes he thinks he’s the big brother.” I let out a little chuckle. “But, I do appreciate you both looking out for me.”
I heard Lennon clear her throat before she quietly told me, “No, your brother didn’t ask me to check up on you. I am genuinely concerned. I told you when I first learned who was behind that script that I think you are incredibly gifted in more ways than one. You are so young and have a world of opportunity in front of you. I hate to see someone squander their shot at greatness. That is one of the reasons I was determined to get Maren back on top. She never should’ve been punished for simply doing the right thing.”
I flinched as she reminded me of the impact I’d unwittingly had on Maren’s career. If I could do it all over again, I wanted to believe I would make better choices. But what sixteen-year-old, who just happened to have access to millions and millions of dollars, and who had zero parental supervision, knew how to put someone else’s wellbeing before their own? I was bound to be a jerk back then, anyway I looked at it.
“Are you telling me you want to help me get my career back on track as well? Isn’t that a conflict of interest since I’m the one who caused Maren to fall out of favor?” I was only kidding.
So, I was completely taken aback when Lennon replied, “If you want my help, let’s talk after we make this movie. If you can comply with the contract and keep yourself out of trouble throughout this process, I’d be happy to take you on as a client. I’m not afraid of a challenge, but I won’t work with someone hellbent on self-destruction. I care too much about my clients to get emotionally invested with someone who can’t value themselves as much as I do.”
Since my old agent initially hooked me up with my old drug dealer, I’d been hesitant to sign with another. I was worried about bringing someone into my circle who would enable all my worst habits. Jeno and I had talked it over and agreed that I didn’t really need to sign with someone until I reached the point where I wanted to start auditioning and working on other projects not helmed by our new company. Whomever I let close enough to have their hands anywhere near my career and recovery would have to be someone I trusted to help keep me clean. Someone who put my health before my wealth.
Someone just like Lennon.
I knocked my head on the door again and asked, “Do you think that would upset Maren?” I should be focused on myself and my future, but I couldn’t stop trying to mitigate any more damage to the woman at the core of my desire to turn my life around. I wanted to be someone who was worthy of all she’d lost when she tried to save me. She gave up her career to give me a shot at a better life, and like Lennon said, I squandered my shot. I wasn’t about to make that mistake again. At least I hoped I wouldn’t.
“Maren does not get a say in my client list. Business is business, after all. Plus, having both of you on the roster, and bringing your careers back to life, would make for an amazing marketing angle.” She snickered, and I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she considered the possibilities. “You’re right ar
ound the same age that Maren was when she became persona non grata. So many similarities when I really think about it.” She made a satisfied sound before telling me, “Anyway, we’ll revisit this at another time. For now, know you can get out of there if you’re struggling for any reason. I can send Arrow to make sure Maren gets home after she sobers up. She’s not your responsibility.”
She wasn’t. Though, I kind of wanted her to be.
“No worries. If I need backup, I’ll let you know. She’s been out for a few hours, so I’m sure she’ll be back to her normal self any minute now.” Which was kind of a shame. She was so cute and sweet when she was asleep, and I liked how she instinctively reached for me. I doubted she would ever do that when she was awake.
“Try not to get caught coming out of that hotel together. I don’t have to tell you all eyes are on the two of you since the night of the charity event. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I’m not sure speculation about your relationship is a good thing either.”
I snorted. “Why? Because of our age gap? If I was the older one, no one would even give a shit.” Such a stupid double standard.
Lennon huffed as if the question offended her. “Who cares about your age difference? I mean, you’re an adult now, even if twenty-five still seems very young. What they care about is the bad blood between the two of you. It’s hard for fans to forgive and forget on both sides of your situation. Plus, you’re a notorious troublemaker. Even if you’ve reformed, that is your legacy. No one wants Maren tied to another bad boy. Not after what Erik put her through.”
I couldn’t hold back the low growl that rumbled from my chest. “I might be a recovering addict, but I’m not a cheater, and I wouldn’t dip out on someone I cared about when they needed me the most. Nobody better put me in the same category as that bastard.” The thought was infuriating.
A Righteous Man Page 11