Kai did not pay attention to the conversation. He was too preoccupied with his dinner of milk, sweet bread, a few slices of fruit, and meat with a spicy sauce. Although it tasted good, there was no polite way to explain that we usually preferred ours raw.
I took a big bite of her bread, chewed, and gave Kila a big smile. The motherly woman was a good hostess. I wished that Larna and I could stay another day, but knew we could not. It would be wrong to stretch Kila’s resources while her husband and oldest son were away.
“We will be leaving after breakfast tomorrow,” Larna said, reading my mind.
“You can stay as long as you like,” Kila offered.
“We dinna want to impose. We still have a long way to go.”
Before Kila could protest, the front door opened. A voice somewhere between a boy’s and a man’s called out, “Maman! I’m back!”
Kila smiled broadly. She stood up from the table to embrace a tall, gangly boy only a few years younger than us. They embraced for several long seconds. When Paetir pulled away, he noticed us. The boy offered Larna, then me, his hand to shake.
“I am Paetir,” he said, “but you probably already know that. Maman has been putting you to sleep with tales about me already, surely.”
“Your name did come up,” I admitted. “It is nice to meet you.”
“The same,” Larna said.
“I am glad you were here,” Paetir said. “I dinna like leaving Maman alone with Kai unless I have to. It’s good for her to be having some company.”
“You dinna have to worry about me.” I could tell that Kila was pleased by her son’s concern. “I would have been just fine on my own.”
“Actually, she was the one who took care of us,” Larna told Paetir.
“Of course she did. She probably fed you enough to last you the rest of the week.”
“And I will be giving you the leftovers from dinner to take with you when you leave tomorrow,” Kila insisted.
“So, where are you traveling from?” Paetir asked.
“Katar,” Larna told him.
Paetir’s face darkened. “Ah… I was… I was just there…” he stuttered.
“Kila told us.” Larna raised her eyebrows. “Was everything well there?”
“It was burned to the ground when I got there,” he whispered. “All of it. The Prince’s men have been moving…”
Larna stared at him blankly. Her face was tight, but otherwise unreadable. I wanted to wrap her in my arms. I held back, knowing that Larna would be angry.
“Larna,” I whispered, not knowing how to comfort her.
“I am fine,” she said thickly. “I… excuse me.” Without saying anything else, Larna turned around. She went into the spare bedroom that Kila had offered us for the night.
“I’m sorry,” Paetir mumbled apologetically.
“It was not your fault,” I told him. I shook my head and hurried after my lover.
…
Larna was stretched out on the bed, looking vulnerable. Her shirt was loose and her hair was spread over her pillow. The color of her face was pale. Cautiously, I climbed in to bed next to her. My lover’s body curled around mine, and both of us sighed.
“Will you talk to me?” I asked softly. Larna pressed her face in the crook of my neck. I rested my chin over her forehead.
With her head tucked against my shoulder, my strong lover surrendered her secrets. “I grew up on the coast, in a small village. But it was big enough to have a name. Katar. My father was the apothecary there. I remember, in the afternoon, the sun would strike the colored bottles… blue and green and amber-yellow-brown.”
“It sounds beautiful,” I whispered.
Larna smiled against my neck. “Only bits of glass. You are beautiful.” She paused, gathering her thoughts. “I had a younger brother and a mother. I was closer to my father, though. Sometimes, I wondered if my Maman resented it. Maybe she was wanting more of his attention. Or mine.”
Larna tried to hide it, but I could hear the strain in her voice. She held me tighter. “Papan and I were going to join the rebellion. This was two years ago, before the Queen was really in control. The very beginning. Mogra caught us. My father, he did not live.” Her voice broke.
I could only kiss Larna’s hair and wait for her to calm. Her tears ran hot against the naked skin of my shoulder. “Farseer found me. He was good to me, offered me a place. I went home instead, to tell my mother. When I was explaining, she threw me out… she said it was my fault my father was dead and I was a monster.”
This time, I cried with Larna. Our tears mixed together and left our cheeks damp and slick. “Why did she hate me? She was my Maman. Why did she make me go?”
“I don’t know, my warrior,” I said honestly. Larna’s innocent question broke my heart. “But I love you. I will always love you.”
We held each other for a long time, even after our faces were dry. “I still am missing her,” Larna said softly. “I dinna want her to be dead, even after all that.”
“Of course you don’t,” I cooed, cupping her chin in my hands and kissing her dry lips.
“You have a big heart. I am sure she was just sad and frightened when she sent you away. I don’t think anyone could really hate you, lover.”
“I canna find her now to ask. Paetir said that Katar was burned.”
I was not certain that Larna’s mother had been killed. Maybe she left Katar. Maybe she was not there during the attack. She could have escaped, even if she was there. Someday, I will look for her, I thought, but tucked that idea away for the future. Larna was not ready to hear it yet. Now, my Tuathe needed me.
“I love you,” I told her, trying to heal all of her pain, all the old scars. “I will be here when you need me. I will never leave you.”
Finally, Larna fell asleep in my arms. Her breathing was smooth and deep. There were no dreams. I stayed awake, watching her, thinking about everything she had said.
…
Part Three:
As told by Cathelin Raybrook, recorded by Lady Eleanor of Baxstresse
…
Chapter One:
No matter how hard I tried, I could not fall asleep. Nighttime sounds drifted in through the walls. My body was tired, but my mind was wide-awake. Lying still wore on my nerves. I could not see the moon through the walls, but I could feel its pull. When I closed my eyes, silvery light danced behind them. But I could not go running now. It was too dangerous. Kila or Paetir might wake in the middle of the night and see me.
I decided to start gathering our things, desperate for something to occupy my mind. Larna’s arms and legs were tangled with mine and it took me several minutes to ease away from her. I climbed out of bed, ignoring the coldness of the floor.
On my way to find a candle, I bent to pick up my light traveling pack. As I looked down at it, I realized that I could see everything clearly. I had forgotten my new eyes. Sometimes, my heightened senses still surprised me. There was no need for the candle after all.
I noticed Ellie’s journal laying half in and half out of the pouch. My stomach tugged with guilt. It had been several days since I wrote to my friend. She would be wondering where I was, what I was doing. Maybe she was worried. In my hurry to leave the Farseer pack, I had forgotten ink and a quill, but surely Kila would let me borrow one.
A few minutes later, I was sitting at the rough kitchen table. The end of a feathered quill tickled my nose. A piece of sweet nut bread stuck out of the corner of my mouth. Ellie’s journal was open in front of me.
There were three letters waiting for me to read. The first one was newsy. There were more rumors about the turmoil in Amendyr. Prince Brendan’s council was calling for an embargo, even though Amendyr had already shut off trade from their end.
The second letter was probing. What was I doing? How was Larna? Had I kissed her yet? I smiled softly at the questions. Ellie probably wanted to know if we had made love, but was too polite to ask.
The third message was short and fr
antic: Where are you?
My mouth tightened to a thin line. There was no way to tell Ellie what I had been up to without worrying her. I should have written to her before this. As I turned the journal to an empty page, I realized that there had been no time.
I spent long, silent minutes deciding what to write. My life was much more dangerous than it had been a few months ago. I had fought and killed demons. I had tasted blood. I had seen death. My life had also become unbelievably wonderful. I found the other half of my soul. I knew what it felt like to make love with my Tuathe.
I was not the same meek girl that Ellie had rescued from Luciana’s torture. I felt a little more like a woman.
Now, how could I explain all of this? I decided on the truth. I owed my friend that much, even though we were from different worlds now. I was not sure how much of it she would understand. Ellie had never killed anything in her life. I knew that she was brave, though. She proved that when she stopped Luciana’s plot to take over the kingdom of Seria.
By the time I sketched out everything that happened, I was exhausted. That was how my lover found me several hours later, fast asleep at the kitchen table. Fortunately, Kila and Paetir were still in bed. Larna did not scold me for leaving the bedroom and staying up late. Instead, she helped me to my feet and washed my face with a wet cloth. I was grateful. My mind was still fuzzy with sleep, but I managed to thank her and give her a kiss. Then, we put on fresh clothes and made sure that all of our things were packed.
When she woke up later that morning, Kila gave both of us warm hugs, with an extra long one for Larna. She made sure to put some of last night’s meal in our traveling packs. Paetir looked guiltily at Larna as he shook her hand. She gave him a sad but genuine smile. The boy seemed to appreciate the gesture. He still felt bad for giving Larna the bad news about her village.
Just before we walked out the door, Kai rushed forward and attached himself to my leg until his mother forced him to let go. I patted his head, said thank you to our hosts, and then we started on our way.
…
I yawned and blinked my eyes, trying to clear my head. The air was cool and wet and the last of the morning frost clung stubbornly to a few patches of grass. Winter was coming fast. I squinted down at my boots, which were caked with mud, and my grass-stained leggings. I wished that I could change my clothes. There were a few clean things left in our pack, but not many.
With more effort than it should have taken, I pulled my pack onto my shoulder. I was tired, drained. My boots made a crisp, crunching sound as I stood. So far, our journey had not been pleasant. After staying up all night, I was exhausted. Larna seemed quiet and introspective, not responding when I tried to talk to her at first.
“I wish we were back at camp. We could have a warm fire, clean clothes, and food…”
It was the wrong thing to say. Larna immediately grew defensive. “You didna have to leave with me.” I saw the shadows in her eyes and knew she was upset. I tried to distract her, not wanting to fight.
“Of course I did. Don’t be silly.”
The corners of Larna’s mouth tightened. “I am not silly.”
“You are. What did you think I would do, stay with Hosta?”
That hit a nerve. “What does Hosta have to do with any of this?” she snapped, her lips peeling back from her teeth in a wolf’s snarl. I could see the anger swelling inside her, swirling like a giant cloud.
“Larna?” She clenched her fists, nails digging into her white palms. Her jaw was stiff and her breathing was too loud. But there was helplessness, too. Fear, insecurity. She needed me. Somewhere deep inside, she was terrified of being alone. Her pack had abandoned her and she wanted to be sure that I would not do the same thing. I wanted to help her.
“Larna?” I said, stroking her cheek. The touch made her shiver. I realized what she needed, what I could do to change her anger and energy into passion. “Show me who I belong to.” She hesitated until I whispered, “please.”
My lover shoved me roughly against the nearest tree. The bark scratched the skin of my back through my shirt, stinging my shoulders. Her hot mouth found mine, and she bit my lower lip, tugging firmly. I gasped, almost crying out, but Larna’s heavy hand on my stomach kept me quiet. The hand slid up along my belly, mauling my breast through fabric, squeezing possessively.
I was a little frightened, but my trust in her was absolute. I would let her have me how she pleased. I knew that Larna was bothered by what had happened in the past few days. I could feel it in her bunched muscles and her thudding heartbeat. She needed this. Even with such a brave, strong heart, she was still vulnerable and insecure. She needed to reclaim me.
“You are mine. No one else’s,” she snarled, punctuating each word by rubbing her thigh against me. My eyes closed and my head rolled back. I had no breath to speak. I already felt wetness between my legs and it surprised me. Larna nipped my soft white throat. “Say it. Mine.”
“Yours,” I panted, breathing harder as her hand stole between my legs, unbuttoning my pants, but not bothering to pull them off. She was inside of me in moments, hardly preparing the tender muscles. It stung and ached a little, but the tight, burning fullness was wonderful. Larna could read my body. She knew I wanted more. There was another pulse of wetness. The tips of my nails pressed into the skin of her shoulders, gripping, desperately clinging, but I did not seem to be hurting her.
Larna took a ragged breath beside my ear. Her neck and forehead glistened and a rippling wave of desire pounded through me. I collapsed between the tree and Larna’s chest, a mass of warm, trembling muscles. Her searching fingers probed deeper, flicking the swollen bundle that brought me to tears. My other-heart knew how to touch me just so.
“I love you. I belong to you,” I said in whisper kisses, sensing that she needed to hear more. I made a line with my lips along my handsome lover’s face. Larna’s throat rumbled and she bit lightly at my shoulder.
It was quick, and a little brutal. But there was a strong bond of trust and understanding as Larna and I shook with release in each other’s arms, floating in the dream-place outside the rest of the world. I felt loved and safe and protected, not used. Pressed skin to skin, Larna and I were a perfect fit. The point of her chin tucked just above my head. Our hearts beat together.
Drained, both of us sank to the grass beneath our tree. Larna curled her fingers inside of me and my muscles twitched sharply with the memory of my pleasure. Larna kissed my cheeks, my chin, and the center of my forehead. I sighed happily, tucking my head against her chest. She was breathing gently now, totally relaxed and at peace. I was proud of giving her that feeling.
“Cate,” she mumbled softly, shifting in my arms.
“Yes, love,” I promised her, “you have me.”
Later, we tried to understand what had happened between us. Larna glanced down at me shyly, combing her gentle fingers through my hair and cupping my cheeks with loving hands. “What I did…” she faltered for a moment, but gathered her courage. “It was all right? I was not hurting you?”
“Not what you did. What we did,” I said. I was the one who encouraged Larna to make love to me. Despite its roughness, the focus had still been on the connection between us. It was not just sex for desire’s sake.
“I am feeling like I took my anger out on you. I know about your past… I should have been more careful…”
I shook my head. Her warm palms still cradled my face and chin. She bent down to press a soft butterfly kiss to my nose. I giggled, catching her bottom lip with my teeth and tugging lightly. I tried to keep the mood playful instead of serious. The last thing I wanted was for Larna to feel guilty.
“It was not like being with Luciana at all. We made love. You would never hurt me,” I said, pressing another kiss to the corner of her mouth. Her lips trembled. “It is all right,” I said, letting the words come in a soft breath. “We are still getting to know each other, but I do know that sometimes you need to… mark your territory?”
La
rna rolled her eyes, but I could tell that she was secretly amused. “Maybe,” she admitted, a little nervous. I noticed how perfectly her lean body fit against mine.
“I need that, too, Larna. When you make love to me… even that way… it makes me feel safe and connected to you. If I asked to be alone, you would not touch me.”
My lover looked a little more cheerful. “I hope you are not one of those girls who likes saying ‘no’ when she means ‘yes’,” she said, only pretending to tease. There was a note of seriousness in her voice.
“No,” I said. “I mean, yes…” Both of us giggled again. It was strange how fast our moods changed. Moments ago, we were sharing a wild, primal connection. Now, we sounded like silly, infatuated newlyweds – which we resembled, I reminded myself. “Larna, I feel protected in your arms. I know that if I told you to stop, you would stop.”
Larna gave me a smug smile. “Usually, you are pleading with me to give you more.”
I did not deny it. “I guess what I want to say is – if you want to… dominate… me sometimes, I don’t mind. I need you to have me that way for my own reasons.”
For a moment, my Tuathe seemed overwhelmed. Then, she smiled. “I want that, too. But… we will keep talking about it, yes? And not always, just sometimes?”
“Yes we will keep talking about it,” I promised, “and just sometimes.” It was only the first of many discussions, but we had set the foundation.
…
During the last hour of the early morning, Larna and I watched the sun rise above the mountain peaks. It was absolutely breathtaking. Streams of scarlet and orange light streaked out from behind the giant, purple-blue shadows. I had no idea how we were possibly going to climb to the top. “I have never been near the Rengast before. It is beautiful,” I said, gazing with wide-eyed wonder.
“It is,” Larna agreed. She gave me a slight smile. “I think so every time I see it.”
“You have been here before?”
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