by Cindi Madsen
Chapter Forty-One
Megan
My mouth dropped, and I meant to call out a warning, but it was too late.
Dane turned, swearing under his breath as my brother charged toward us. He lowered me to me feet and put his hands up. “Look, man, I’m—”
My brother didn’t stop coming, and I quickly stepped in front of Dane. “Beckett, stop. I’m a big girl and I can make my own decisio—”
He reached right over the top of me and gripped Dane by the collar. “I asked you to stay away from her. Is this another of your twisted bets?”
Bets? The word echoed through my brain as it struggled to make sense of it, but I’d have to figure out what that meant later. Right now, I needed to diffuse the situation, and quickly. “Beckett, just calm down. Dane and I—”
“Bro, it’s not a bet, I swear.”
“I told you to stay away from her—that she was off-limits.”
“Wait,” I said, my mood flipping from worried to indignant. “You told him to stay away from me?”
“Damn right I did.” I could feel the anger wafting off Beckett, strong enough that panic added into the storm of emotions swirling around inside me and took top priority—this was getting ugly quickly, way more testosterone in the air than I knew how to handle.
Lyla came around the corner, her eyes flying wide. “Oh, shit.”
My sentiment exactly. She ran over and curled her hand around one of Beckett’s arms. “Babe, calm down.”
A vein throbbed in his forehead. “He just had my sister pinned against the wall, and his tongue was down her throat—I can’t be fucking calm right now.”
“I can make my own decisions,” I yelled, barely resisting the urge to add a foot stomp. How dare he completely ignore what I wanted, not to mention talk about me as if I weren’t right here!
“Just hit me,” Dane said, spreading his arms wide. “I deserve it. I’d feel better if you did, actually.”
I put a hand on his chest, holding him back. “Not helping, Dane.” Honestly, I was surprised Beckett hadn’t hit him. If Lyla hadn’t shown up in the nick of time, I was pretty sure he would’ve. I focused on my brother, looking him in the eye. “How about we discuss this like adults?”
“You’re not an adult. You’re my little sister, and it’s my job to keep you safe.” He turned his attention to Dane. “So if this isn’t part of some bet, what is it then?”
“I tried to keep it as friends, I swear I did, but…” Dane scrubbed a hand over his face. “We met before I knew she was your sister, and I tried to stay away, but I…I care about her.”
The soft, sincere way he said it sent warmth coursing through my veins, and I wished that we didn’t have an audience so I could bask in it for a moment.
“I promise, the last thing I’d ever do is hurt her.”
Some of the tension leaked out of Beckett’s posture, but his gaze remained hard. “You’re not good enough for her.”
“I know.”
I reached out and took Dane’s hand. “Look, like he said, we met before we knew there were other…complications. And we care about each other. I need you to be cool about this.”
“Well, I’m not. I need you to get your ass in my car, because we have a long drive ahead of us, and if I don’t leave right now…” He curled his hand into a fist, and I tightened my grip on Dane. “I’m going to grant his request and smash his face in. We’ll talk about the rest on the drive home. If I manage to stop wanting to kill him by then.”
Beckett flashed Dane another death glare, and then Lyla tugged his arm, pulling him back toward the noise of the other people waiting around after the game.
A torn apart sensation tugged at me, pulling me to stay and smooth over everything here, and to go and talk to my brother, and I wasn’t sure which would fix the situation, or if that was even a possibility. “I’m sorry about all this. Obviously, this went differently in my head.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. He’s right. I broke bro code, and if I was in his place and it was my sister, I’d hit me.”
My throat tightened. “Don’t say that.”
“Now, Megan,” Beckett snapped, and I jumped.
“I better go, but I’ll call you later, okay?” I reached up and fiddled with my earring. “Of course, now that he knows, you might as well come along. Didn’t you always say you wanted to go on a road trip from hell?”
Dane barely cracked a smile, the gesture so fleeting it was gone before it could catch hold. Clearly my joke didn’t land, and while things were beyond icy, I hoped that with the cat out of the bag, we could be done with secrets and distance, and finally move toward a real relationship.
Maybe in the end, this was for the best? Something I wouldn’t say now, but we’d discuss it over the phone, once everyone had calmed down.
Since risking a kiss good-bye might set off my brother, I settled on blowing him a kiss. Then I turned and rushed toward Beckett and Lyla, trying to shove away the feeling that I’d just said a more final good-bye than I wanted.
It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.
But when I glanced back, Dane looked defeated, and my sunny optimism wilted, leaving me with an empty, hollow sensation in my chest.
…
The first hour of the drive passed by mostly in silence, only the radio filling the air. Lyla did her best to pacify Beckett, rubbing his arm and holding his hand, only he didn’t seem very relaxed.
At first I was afraid to say anything—especially since he was all snappy when we’d climbed in the Land Rover—but anger was rising, and I decided he wasn’t the only one who deserved to be upset.
“Look, I appreciate all the times you’ve taken care of me, and I know it used to be me and you against the world, but then you left for college and it was just me against the world.” He opened his mouth, and I charged on before he interrupted. “And I don’t hold that against you. You needed to go to college and get away, and now I need the same thing. I can’t learn and grow if you’re suffocating me.”
“Apparently, I haven’t been suffocating you enough. Consider me your shadow every weekend from here on out.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know you don’t have time for that. I’m sure Lyla isn’t going to want to spend every weekend watching over me, either.” I looked to her for help.
“Lyla isn’t getting in the middle of this,” she said. “You two need to hash it out. I’ll referee and step in if anyone taps out, but that’s it.”
“Did you know?” Beckett asked her.
“I repeat. Not getting in the middle.” She crossed her arms, a neutral mask descending, and then she tipped her head toward me, the silent talk to your sister clear. Guilt over putting her in this position rose, but since I needed to focus on talking to my brother, I shoved it away to be dealt with later.
“I know you wanted me to find a nice freshman monk, but one, you know that’s impossible, and two, I fell for Dane.”
He jerked his head around to look at me. “Fell for him? So what? He’s your boyfriend?”
“I…wouldn’t call him that.”
“Great, so you’re just fooling around—this just gets better and better.” Beckett shook his head. “You’re going to get hurt.”
“I’ve been hurt before.”
“And I remember what it did to you. I had to go pick you up from jail, remember?”
An ache bloomed in my chest. “That was different, and I’ve moved past it. I wish you would see the progress I’ve made.” He didn’t even know the half of how many times I’d been hurt. “I’m stronger than you give me credit for—I thought graduating early would show you that. I don’t know what I have to do to prove it to you, so I’m going to stop trying. You’ll just have to trust me.”
His shoulders sagged. “You’re right. You’ve worked hard to get to where you are, and honestly, I couldn’t be prouder of that.” He reached back and patted my knee, and my heart knotted. “I trust you. I just don’t trust him.”
&nbs
p; I lifted my chin. “You don’t have to. It’s my decision to make. He gets me, Beckett. Part of the reason I’ve transitioned so easily is because of him. Please try to accept it? For me?”
His eyes narrowed as he stared out at the road, and if he gripped the steering wheel any tighter, I was pretty sure it’d bust. “I don’t know if I can. That’s asking a lot, to just step aside and wait for you to get hurt.”
“You seem so sure I’ll get hurt. There’s another outcome, you know.”
“That you guys become boyfriend and girlfriend and sail off into the sunset? Are you sure you’re not over-romanticizing things, the way you used to before…” He cleared his throat. “Before Mom and Dad died and we learned the truth about their relationship?”
The truth was, I wished for my old rosy optimism, because it’d be easier to believe I could balance the engineering program, my hectic class-load, and still have the relationship I wanted with Dane. But now I knew love took sacrifice, and if he was willing to work with my crazy schedule, I’d work with his.
He told Beckett he cared about me. That’s where love starts, right?
“Megan?”
“You’re going to miss the exit,” I said, pointing at the large green sign ahead.
I was sure he’d call me on changing the subject, but he didn’t. He glanced at Lyla, then reached over and tugged her arms free of their crossed position.
She smiled at him and he lifted her hand and kissed it. I wanted to say look at you and Lyla. Why are you trying to prevent me from having that? But again, Dane and I weren’t quite there yet, and besides, I didn’t want to ruin the semi-peace we’d achieved after over an hour of tension so thick I’d nearly choked on it.
Beckett turned off the freeway and headed toward home, and my nerves stretched tighter. I told myself I had nothing to fear here anymore—that I’d escaped and obtained my fresh start. I wished that made the old hurts go away, but it almost felt like going backward.
Especially since my brain chose now to whisper that while settling for half a relationship wasn’t as self-destructive as stealing, it wasn’t exactly healthy. Yeah, I know, I’m a big hypocrite who has a ways to go on my fresh start. Thanks so much for reminding me of that.
My brother pulled up to our house—the one we’d grown up in—which also helped. At least we could stay here instead of at Aunt Tessa’s, where she’d make it clear our presence was putting her out.
The click of our seatbelts sounded loud in the sudden silence, but before I exited the car, Beckett twisted in his seat, pinning me with the eyes he and I had gotten from Mom. “You know I want you to be happy, right?”
I nodded. Then I told myself to be bold. “And if Dane makes me happy?”
The muscles in his jaw flexed, tightening the line of it. “I’m sure you think I’m being harsh on Dane, but…last semester he made a bet over whether or not Hudson could sleep with Whitney. She was the new reporter, and when she rebuffed Hudson’s advances, Dane turned it into a challenge. That’s not exactly a stellar example that he takes relationships seriously. So yes, I’d worry about any guy, especially any of my teammates, but that’s why I’m so against Dane in particular. I told him to stay away, and in doing so, I’m afraid I made you a challenge. I won’t let him make you the joke he laughs about with the rest of the guys.”
I turned to Lyla, wanting her to tell me it wasn’t true, and when I received a pity-filled look instead, a strange unsettled feeling came over me. I’d been on the other end of a similar challenge, and I knew firsthand how much having guys look at me as their next conquest hurt. My brain rejected the idea that my Dane could do that to someone.
“But Hudson and Whitney are dating now,” I said, still trying to make sense of the information, because it didn’t add up. I wanted to deny it—I knew Dane better than my brother did. I’d heard the way he talked about his sisters. He wouldn’t do that.
“Yeah, they managed to work it out. Hudson had to pretty much beg for forgiveness because he fell in love with her along the way, and he’s lucky she forgave him. You said yourself that Dane hasn’t committed to being your boyfriend. So I just want you to know that there’s more to him than he’s showing you, so be careful.”
I nodded so we could be done with the conversation that was digging at my insides, making everything feel wrong, but all I could think was that when it came to being careful where Dane Kowalski was concerned…
Well, it was way too late for that.
Chapter Forty-Two
Dane
Right now I was cursing myself for letting Ryder drag me to the Quad tonight. According to him, I “owed him” after failing as a wingman last time. But I wasn’t in the party mood, huge hockey victory notwithstanding.
I wanted to be with Megan, off somewhere in the city discovering new places, or at the diner, or in my bedroom—I’d taken any place as long as she was there with me. Suddenly I wanted that boyfriend label I’d balked at. I told myself I was going to be a better person and not disappoint people, but I seemed to be failing on all levels. Selfish or not, I wanted Megan all to myself, for as long as I could have her.
I just didn’t think she’d still want me after her brother told her about every shitty thing I’d done and understandably convinced her to stay away.
Misty approached, breaking into my daydreams about Megan. “You wanna dance?”
“No thanks.”
She stuck out her lips. “You’re a hard egg to crack, Dane Kowalski.”
“So go crack another egg. I’m not sure what you see in me anyway.”
“I’m not a girl who needs to see something in you. I see the muscles, the strong hands…” She ran her fingernails down my forearm and traced down my index finger. “And I want them on me. Just one night of fun. What do you have to lose?”
“A lot,” I said, worry rising up that I’d already lost it.
“Fine,” she huffed. “You’re no fun.”
Relief filled me when she finally walked away.
My phone rang, and I frowned at the screen. Not that I didn’t want to talk to my sister, but two calls in one night?
“Cassidy?” I plugged the other ear and strained to hear her above the crowd.
“I didn’t know whether to call or not, but I thought you’d want to know.”
A rock formed in my gut. “Is it Lissa? Did she get into trouble?” Grounded or not, there was only so much Cassidy could do if Mom and Dad weren’t home to help enforce the punishment.
“It’s not Lissa. It’s Jazmine. She almost killed herself tonight.”
Everything in me turned to stone.
“Sorry, that sounded purposeful, like she meant to,” Cassidy said. “And who knows, maybe that’s what she was going for. It certainly seems like she has a death wish lately.”
I traveled as far away from the speakers as I could and double-checked the volume was all the way up on my phone. “Cassidy, what happened?”
“Way too much alcohol and way too much something else. They couldn’t get her heart beating, and luckily before the people partying with her ran, someone called 911. She’s in the hospital right now.”
Everything in the Quad sounded muted, like I’d been shoved underwater. My lungs expanded, not gaining any oxygen, adding to the suffocating sensation.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have told you,” Cassidy said. “I just thought… Are you mad?”
“Not mad. I’m…” I didn’t know how to finish it, so I didn’t bother. Closing my eyes, I saw the girl who used to sit next to me on the step and share a soda after school. After our last conversation there, I thought an inkling of our old friendship had risen up through the crap. That maybe eventually we could be a different version of okay. “I’ll talk to you later, Cassidy.”
I hung up and, on autopilot, walked through the room, weaving around bodies.
I spotted Ryder playing flip cup and headed over to tell him I was out. I needed air. Or…something. I couldn’t be in here anymore.
But
before I could tell him I was leaving, he gestured to the spot next to him. “Perfect timing. We’re a man short.”
Jeff was leaned against the wall, his skin drained of color, an about-to-hurl look on his face.
“I’m going to go,” I said.
“You look like you could use a beer. Or maybe even something stronger.”
I’d be lying if I said the idea of drinking until I was numb didn’t appeal to me. But I knew it wasn’t the answer. What I needed was Megan, but she was in another state, too far away, and suddenly my life spiraled away from me.
Ox placed a beer in my hands, and I tipped it back, downing it in a few long swigs.
“Just one game,” he said, taking the empty cup from me. Then he indicated the other side of the table with a subtle tilt of his head, and I noticed Lindsay standing there at the end, her posture on the extremely hesitant side. “But be on your best behavior. We’ve got reporters watching.”
I tried to hide my shock that Ryder actually talked Lindsay into even watching a game—she didn’t usually come to the Quad or associate with hockey players anymore. Of course the instant she saw me, her gaze turned icy cold. But when Ryder shot her a smile, she actually thawed the tiniest bit. I’d say one thing for the guy, he was definitely persistent.
Ryder placed a refilled cup in front of me and gave me a look that reminded me about how I owed him.
“One game,” I said.
Famous last words, right?
Chapter Forty-Three
Megan
I wandered downstairs and noticed Lyla alone on the couch. “Where’s Beckett?”
“He went to grab dinner—hope Chinese is okay with you.”
“That’s fine.” I sat on the other end of the couch and fiddled with the ends of my ponytail. For the last hour I sat in my room, debating texting Dane, telling myself there was a good explanation for his past behavior. Even convincing myself that Beckett had stretched the truth. “Lyla, I need to know…” A pickle of apprehension crawled across my skin. “Did that bet thing really happen?”