War Aeternus 3: The Culling

by Charles Dean

  Please. While I’d like to take credit for these titles, the author is much more juvenile and far less sophisticated than I am. If it were up to me, I’d have given you other titles long ago.

  Other titles?

  Yes. Other titles.

  Like?

  I don’t have the power to give them to you, so there is no use mentioning any of them. However, know that I believe that the casual way in which you treat the lives of those around you should earn you at least some minor title like The Diligent Despot.

  Why do I feel like you are trying to sell that title as a compliment?

  Because I am. A despot is a ruler with absolute power and control over a government, and one that exercises it in a way that doesn’t necessarily take the lives of its people into regard as the despot continuously makes decisions that are best for both the country and the despot. You are a despot, and when you are diligent in your work as you toil to reach the greater goal, it’s admirable. Although, I was a little disappointed with your recent decision on the wooden palisades. I’m having to rethink my desire to call you a diligent despot. Perhaps the one who assigns titles was indeed correct in not awarding you with such a magnificent label.

  Yup, Lee sighed. I was right. You did mean it as a compliment.

  Of course.

  Well, thank you, I guess? Lee made sure to add the ‘thank you’ yet again. Now that he knew exactly how cold and heartless the AI could be, he definitely promised himself he’d do everything he could to stay on its good side.

  Lee looked down at the ground as he finished his conversation with the system. He wasn’t sure where to land as they glided down, but the massive trees looked like they could be both potentially deadly if one of the branches ripped through his parachute or snagged it in just the right way, and he didn’t want that. There was actually a small clearing on the mountain below. He couldn’t tell exactly what was on the ground, but something had knocked down a ton of trees, and it looked like it would be a somewhat safe spot to land.

  “Hold on tight. We’re coming in for a landing!” Lee grabbed the cords attached to the chute and started pulling on them, angling toward the clearing. He didn’t have a lot of experience, but with a little trial and error, he quickly figured out exactly how sensitive the cords were and what he needed to do to get into that clearing. The best he could hope for at the speed they were gliding and their rate of descent was to barely miss the tree line and just reach the huge open spot, which he hoped had a lake or something comfortable to land in.

  “I’m holding tight! I’m holding tight! Is it over yet? Please tell me it’s almost over!” Brigid panicked, emoting more in those minutes than she had over the course of the three days they fought side by side--assuming, of course, that he didn’t count her continuous angry glare every time she had looked over at him.

  “Almost. Just relax. I should be able to heal us up if we get hurt in the process,” Lee assured her. He almost wanted to pat her on the head and comfort the scared general, but his hands were still full trying to save their lives. Then, they crossed the tree line, and Lee was finally able to see what was beneath them. He immediately wanted to turn around and risk getting caught in the skyscraper-high woods.

  There, beneath him, was a battlefield littered with corpses. It was the scene of an incredibly-bloody battle, and Lee’s eyes instantly locked on to what he suspected was the victor. There were dozens of bodies, all missing limbs, and blood was splattered around in the most grotesque fashion possible, turning the ground dark red and black. Shapeshifting wolves and bears like the ones that Lee had fought had been butchered there as well. However, in the middle of the field, standing nearly twenty feet tall, was a giant blob of muscles and bones. There wasn’t a shred of skin left on the gargantuan body; it was covered in exposed muscle and rivulets of bright red blood. The closest thing that Lee could compare it to was a fat, flayed human with broken bones jutting out of it in every direction and a face that seemed to have layer after layer of tiny, sharp teeth. There were no eyes, nose or ears. Just a giant gaping maw for a mouth that was filled with teeth.

  Lee knew the creature was the clear winner of the conflict. Not only was it the sole survivor in a field filled with gore, but it was poised over two of the shapeshifting bear-like creatures that Lee had struggled so hard to kill. It was clutching what appeared to be an uprooted tree in one hand, and it appeared to have used it to smash the two creatures to death. Simply seeing the aftermath of that sheer feat of strength caused Lee to shiver a bit and want to turn and run the second he saw it.

  What in the hell is that?! Lee was seriously hoping that it didn’t notice the huge parachute as he descended down to solid ground with a frantic red-headed Leprechaun clinging onto him as he did it. No, there is no way I’m not going to get noticed. I need to get ready to fight. Lee scanned his surroundings, suddenly feeling rather blind without the help of his usual flying mice. When he went to check for them, he did discover something odd. Instead of waiting for him while he went up to save Brigid and kill Ulchabhannadhbh, all three were flying at top speed toward him, their mental connection giving them a perfect compass pointing the way.

  “Lee . . . What is that? Is that yours? Please tell me that’s yours. That’s one of your creatures . . . like the dragon, right? This is just like when you summoned the dragon. You just had to prepare for it . . . and know it was happening . . . and, oh sweet buttered butts in bed, we’re going to die, aren’t we?” Brigid was practically hyperventilating when she saw the sanguine, muscular monstrosity.

  “We’re going to be fine,” Lee said, hoping it wasn’t a lie with only a slight timbre in his voice. “Just calm down. Lift up your legs and wrap them around me. We’re going to slide into the ground now.” She wrapped her legs around his stomach as she was told, and he lifted his own legs up, bracing for impact. His feet thankfully touched down first, and his momentum carried him away across the slick, blood-soaked grass until they collided with the massive body of an ursine Phouka. The parachute collapsed behind him, and Lee sank to the ground on only slightly-shaky knees.

  “There, we did it,” Lee said as he undid the straps on the backpack and stood up as quickly and quietly as he could, trying not to be noticed by the monstrous blood creature--if that was even possible at this point.

  “I kind of thought he’d have another Herald kill befo--” he heard Augustus say, the communication ceasing before he even finished his sentence.

  Another Herald kill before what? Before what, you shapeshifting bastard? I swear, is this Herald yours? All these animal forms . . . You’re not really one of the Phouka, are you? Lee asked.

  “Of course not. My pre-divinity race was human, just like you. Now, be quiet and pay attention. You might die if you’re not careful. That thing looks hideous,” Augustus advised.

  Lee was going to make a clever retort, but the animal-shaped bastard of a deity was right: that thing was Brobdingnagian in size, and Lee felt like he might die at any moment.

  “Okay,” Lee said to Brigid. “We’re safe. You can stop holding on to me so tightly.”

  “Fine,” Brigid mumbled reluctantly, releasing her death-like squeeze on Lee and letting her feet drop to the ground. Even as Lee had unstrapped a moment before and stood up, she still had her eyes closed like she was clinging to Lee for dear life.

  “What, no ‘thank you’?” Lee took a cue from the snarky system that managed him and pestered Brigid about having saved her life. “You know, for risking everything to rescue you from the jaws of death? Not even a ‘thank you, kind hero’ or an ‘I’ll never forget this’?”

  “There is already one thing related to you that I won’t forget. Why add another?” Brigid shot back as she dusted herself off. “Your help was very much appreciated. I did not want to die like that.”

  “Being crushed by a murderous beast or killed by a Herald . . . That’s fine?” Lee kept his voice down as the two of them slowly moved away from the big, blood-soaked, skinless thingy that ha
d rampaged through the area and killed so many people. “You’re fine being sent to your death, against . . . whatever that thing is . . . or whatever the Herald is that controls these beast men . . . but not by falling?”

  “Falling is different. It’s . . . scarier. Look, I’m afraid of heights, okay?” she yelled back at him in the softest voice possible.

  “Wrong,” another sharp-but-feminine voice interrupted them, shocking Lee and Brigid both into stiffness. “Wrong, wrong, wrong. I swear, whoever wrote these side characters is terrible. I mean, his lines are fine, except they’re way too direct. But hers? Terrible. She should be all ‘It’s not like I like you or anything.’ Maybe she could spice it up by saying, ‘It’s not like I wanted to be saved by you,’ and then her face should go red to match her hair. At that point, she should stomp her feet and pout. Wait, is this her pouting? It’s terrible. The pouting should be way more authentic-looking. You two are just . . . Ugh! So many well-written stories, so many great characters with perfect backgrounds . . . Why did you two have to show up and ruin it?”

  “It’s not like I like you or anything.” Lee’s brain took a total of two seconds to catch that reference as he turned around to be greeted by a stunning, perky, blue-haired girl with a smile on her face and an outfit that screamed cosplay. Specifically, it was cosplay from the top-selling high school detective series, Fushigi na Koukou. “Are you serious? There is no way at all she’s a tsundere. She just legitimately hates me,” he began, arguing with the girl before he could stop himself. He didn’t know why, but the familiarity of a subject he never thought to encounter here at all, one that he actually liked, caused him to open his mouth before his brain could stop him.

  “What? How is she not a tsundere?! She’s tall, she has red hair, she seems like the type to fight with a melee weapon, and let’s not forget the most important determining factor in a tsundere,” the woman argued back. “Besides her weird insistence on not liking the man she likes, that is.”

  “What main quality?” Lee asked.

  “You know? You do know, right? No, never mind. Men are so stupid. Why won’t you just admit that she has that other quality? Here, you can check for yourself.” The woman pulled out a long measuring tape and walking up to Brigid. The general didn’t move one way or the other, but her eyes never left this bizarre, fast-talking, blue-haired woman. Then, without warning, the cosplay girl wrapped the cord around Brigid’s chest. “See? Just look how small they are.”

  Brigid snapped, batting away the woman’s hand, backing up and then covering her breasts in one quick motion. “I am . . . They are not small! They’re the perfect size!”

  “Classic tsundere,” the woman said, nodding proudly to herself as she actually posed in front of Lee.

  Lee wanted to stop this insanity before it got worse, but this girl was apparently one of the survivors, which meant she probably was on the same side as the bloody monstrosity they had seen.

  Wait a minute . . . Blue hair? A sleek Japanese-style schoolgirl cosplay outfit . . . Lee gasped. “You’re a Herald! Are you the Herald? Are you queen Meadhbh?”

  “Oh, her? No. I’m Jade, the Blood Queen! Savior of New Kyoto, Rescuer of the Handsome Virgin Prince, Vanquisher of the Maiden-Chasing Demon, and the one who created this world’s first Japanese-style bathhouse! Onsen for the win!” she proclaimed proudly.

  “Your name is . . . Jade?” Lee looked at her skeptically. Even if she seemed to be very into Far-Eastern culture, she was still as white as he was, perhaps even paler. Lee couldn’t tell what her hair’s natural color was, but everything else pointed to whiter than the whitest bread, not rice.

  “Yes, Jade. Just Jade. The future queen of . . . Well, I haven’t named this place yet. I couldn’t decide. Took forever to name the town, so I figured, why bother with the planet’s name? I can come back to that later after I take it over with the handsome husband that I’m on my way to meet.”

  “Husband?” Lee found that a little surprising. “You’re on your way to meet a . . . husband?”

  “Yes. A husband. Not just any husband, either, but one of the greatest men to walk the world,” she said proudly. “I’m not sure what superpower he’ll have, but I know it’ll be really cool. He won’t talk much, and we’ll end up in this amazing lovey-dovey relationship when he struggles to confess his feelings for me, only relenting in a night of passion as he steals me away from another dashing man that’s trying to advance, woo and pluck me like fruit from a holy garden.”

  Every time Lee thought he had gained a foothold in the conversation, this woman managed to surprise him yet again. “You’re not only going to meet a husband, but you already have a love triangle planned?”

  “Of course. You know what a tsundere is? Right? So, you must know what anime is. And that we’re in an anime-style game thing. Which is such a relief. I’ve been dying to gush about my favorite anime forever, but everyone here is either part of the best group of roleplayers to ever walk the world or an NPC. I can never tell which is which.” Jade looked over at Brigid. “That one is an NPC, right? Like one of the side characters that they add for fluff and emotion so the writer can kill her off later?”

  Lee glanced over at Brigid. He hated to admit it, but this woman’s twisted sense of reality was actually somewhat insightful. “Yeah . . . I suppose I could see that actually.”

  “Anyway, nice to meet you, fellow anime lover. Glad to see you started your harem off with a proper tsundere so as not to break the expectations of your fans, but I must be going. Had a tough battle here, and old clunky guts won’t last more than a minute or two longer, so I need to get moving while I can. I’m off to find the great, the handsome, the mysterious and amazing, the wonderful and enchanting man who will soon become my husband. He’s even killed two other Heralds before, and I’m told he’s incredibly dreamy. I can’t wait to meet Lee,” she said, holding both hands over her chest like she was posing in a K-pop video and then sighing.

  “Wait, did you say ‘Lee’? Isn’t that your na--” Brigid started speaking, and Lee quickly threw both his hands over her mouth, attempting to seal the information-revealing woman’s trap as soon as possible, but she had already gotten too many words out. Crap, no, no, no! I have enough crazy women trying to get with me! Lee winced, looking over to see if Jade had noticed.

  “What? Do you know where Lee is? I’ve been looking for him everywhere. I was told he’d be here with Meadhbh. Have you found him?” Jade asked, but Lee didn’t remove his hands. He simply smiled while both Jade and Brigid shot him a ‘what the hell are you doing?’ look until he finally removed them.

  “Sorry, I just . . . You know, you're on such an important mission . . . I wouldn’t want to . . .” Lee said, trying to salvage the situation.

  “Wouldn’t want to what?” Brigid asked, giving Lee an incredibly-mischievous smile. “Introduce yourself before she leaves?”

  “That. Yes, that.”

  “But . . . Lee, the great Herald of Augustus and slayer of Devin, Herald of the Goddess of Ice, why wouldn’t you?” Brigid made sure to add some entirely-unnecessary grandeur as she outed him, perfectly enunciating every word and emphasizing every syllable with extra care and effort.

  Jade seemed furious when she heard it. “Herald of Augustus? Killer of Devin? Your name is Lee? No! No, this won’t do at all! You can’t be Lee!”

  “Oh, he is,” Brigid assured her. “He is most definitely Lee. He can even perform cool miracles like healing people instantly, brewing amazing beers in the blink of an eye and crafting anything you can think of--like whatever that contraption was that he used to stop us from dying.”

  “The parachute?” Jade turned around and looked at where it was, strewn across the ground. “Ugh! You are from my world just like Sord’s stupid Herald. This is just . . . so not fair. You can’t be him. You can’t be him at all. This isn’t right!”

  “Why can’t he be him? Is it because he’s not handsome?” Brigid said. “I can definitely see that as a problem. He
isn’t the ugliest Human I’ve seen, but there are definitely better-looking ones. Wait, is it because of how weak and puny he is? How he always hides behind his--”

  “SHUT UP, SIDE CHARACTER!” Jade shouted. “You have no idea how annoying it is to see the tsundere character insult and belittle the main character episode after episode but still get him in the end. I swear, it’s what I hate most about anime. It’s the only thing that those beautiful animated creations of life and love have wrong! You tsunderes should die! Blue hairs should win for once. Why must blue hairs always lose?!”

  Brigid was clearly stunned by the fact Jade had lashed out at her and not joined her in piling insults on to Lee. “Huh?”

  “Do you know how frustrating this is? I’ve traveled through cities, across plains, over rivers and up mountains to meet him, and you're telling me he already has a feisty tsundere chick following him around everywhere? Ugh! SO MUCH FAIL!” Jade grumbled loudly. “Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me he has a quiet-yet-super-helpful dark-haired girl following him around everywhere, one who is really smart and--”

  “You mean Ling?” Brigid asked.

  “NOOO!!!!!” Jade let out a scream of frustration. “No! No! No! This can’t be happening! He has both the tsundere and the megumin. Calm down, Jade. Deep breaths. Husband-stealing plan can still work. Wait, he hasn’t . . . he hasn’t done anything with this Ling yet? Has he? No, stupid question. The male character always has plenty of women around but never does anything with any of them. Why would I ask that? It’s just a dumb question. Deep breaths. Calm down. We can do this.”

  “You do realize I can hear you?” Lee asked, completely stunned. He had been hoping to back away slowly and run before this woman realized he was gone, leaving Brigid to be a ritualistic sacrifice as he booked it straight toward his gang of Little Ethans, but he just couldn't wish that fate on anyone. This woman was borderline psychotic-obsessive at best, clinical at worst, and she saw Brigid as both an obstacle and an NPC. He could only imagine what combination of things that might possibly go wrong and turn messy if he left the situation unsupervised.