A French Affair

by Susan Lewis

  ‘Well, Jessica, I think we’ve reached a very satisfactory agreement,’ Karina Rutherford was saying with evident pleasure as she picked up their lunch bill. She was a small, kitten-faced woman with velvety brown eyes and an incisively quick intellect. It was no wonder, Jessica had always thought, that she’d made it so far at such a young age – she wasn’t afraid of going after what she wanted, or of making a quick decision, even if it meant taking a gamble on an unproven biographer such as Jessica Moore.

  After signalling to the waiter she looked at Jessica again. ‘You do understand that the advance will not be more than ten thousand?’ she said.

  Jessica merely raised her eyebrows. It was a starting point, but she felt sure an agent would be able to push it higher. Not that the money was an issue, but she knew Karina enjoyed the bargaining as much as the publishing, so wasn’t surprised that she’d started so low. ‘I was thinking of asking Matthew Knox to represent me for this,’ she said, naming a reputable, but quite unflashy literary agent for whom she’d always had an affection.

  ‘Good choice,’ Karina smiled. ‘I’ll look forward to his call.’ Then after tapping her pin number into the machine presented by a waiter she said, ‘If you were prepared to commit now about how you’ve coped with Natalie’s death we could offer a two-book deal and a six-figure sum.’

  ‘I’m sure,’ Jessica responded smoothly, ‘but I’ve only agreed to consider it, and I’m making no promises.’

  ‘But you do feel you could be in a better frame of mind to tackle it after the biography?’

  Jessica nodded. ‘Possibly. More time will have passed, so by then I might have a better perspective.’

  ‘Of course.’ Karina smiled again. ‘I don’t want to be so crude as to put the condition in writing, but I’m afraid the lawyers might insist on it.’

  ‘It’s OK. I quite understand – you’re willing to publish my biography on condition I give you first refusal on my own story, should I ever decide to write it.’

  Karina’s eyes twinkled warmly. ‘But I’m sure the biography will do very well on its own,’ she said, truthfully. ‘The question is whether we publish it as fact or fiction, since you’re going to have to create the parts of Jeanne Hébuterne’s life that have gone unrecorded. Whatever, it could be a fascinating story – a great love story, in fact, that I feel will be very safe in your hands. I can hardly wait to read it.’

  Jessica felt the kick of pleasure. ‘I’ll let you discuss deadlines with Matthew,’ she said, ‘but I’m delighted you’re interested. I’m looking forward to getting started.’

  As they stepped out onto Bond Street Karina hailed a cab, then turned to embrace Jessica. ‘I’ve always had a lot of respect for you,’ she said frankly. ‘I know I’m going to enjoy working with you.’

  ‘Thank you, the feeling’s mutual,’ Jessica assured her, and stood watching until the cab pulled away. She took out her mobile, hardly able to wait to call Charlie.

  As she turned on her phone she realised she hadn’t felt this good since she couldn’t remember when. In fact, she might even call Melissa after to say thank you for not giving her a job, because if she had, she wouldn’t be on the threshold of writing a book – just imagine, she was actually going to become an author, or at least she was going to try.

  Realising there was a message waiting, she decided to check first to see who it was in case one of the children was trying to get hold of her. However, the voice that came down the line was Lilian’s, asking how she was, and reminding her to let her know how the lunch with Karina Rutherford went.

  ‘Oh, and any news on your mother yet?’ Lilian added. ‘Just wondering. I hope she’s all right. Well, I’m sure she is, but I guess it would be nice to know. Anyway, I’ve got a big sale on this afternoon, so I’ll try to catch up with you this evening. Love you madly. Toot, toot.’

  As she rang off Jessica could sense her good mood starting to evaporate, for as angry and resentful as she felt towards her mother, she couldn’t deny she was starting to worry now too. However, that didn’t mean she was in any way prepared to forgive her, or even stop accusing her of lying, it only meant that deep in her heart – and much against her will – she still loved her, and cared about what might be happening to her. Since, however, it was a love and a care that had only ever brought her pain, she just couldn’t bring herself to go there again.

  As Charlie walked into his dressing room, his face was still ravaged and pale from the emotion he’d expended before leaving the house, while his body felt tense all over. He could really do without going on air today, since it was going to be hard concentrating on the news while he was still so distracted by the letter from Jessica’s mother. However, he wasn’t going to let anyone down at this late hour, so maybe a shower would help soothe some of the stiffness from his limbs, as well as cool him off a little after the sweltering humidity outside.

  Not until he’d stripped off his shorts and polo shirt and was wearing only boxers and sports socks did he fully tune into the background noise he was hearing, which was sounding very like the shower in his private bathroom. No sooner had he registered it than it stopped.

  He stood rooted to the spot, so many thoughts chasing through his mind that they barely had any order: one of the crew was sneaking a crafty hose-down on a hot day; a plumber had been called to rectify a fault; Nikki would obviously feel she had carte blanche . . . It didn’t occur to him for a second that Melissa might be availing herself of his facilities, until she stepped out of the small alcove at the far end of the room, a towel in one hand and absolutely nothing else but tiny droplets of water on the rest of her.

  Whatever he might have been about to say was lost in the sudden onslaught of lust – but even that was secondary to a rage that made him want to shove her out in the corridor just as she was, rather than even think about what was happening here.

  ‘Charlie,’ she drawled, sauntering towards him. ‘I hope you don’t mind. It’s so hot out today, and I felt sure you wouldn’t object if I cooled off a little first.’

  For once in his life words continued to fail him. He’d totally forgotten he’d asked her to meet him here, and only now was he realising how his message might have sounded – or at least, how she’d chosen to make it sound.

  Her smile was catlike and sultry as she began patting herself dry. ‘So what did you want to talk to me about?’ she asked, as though it were perfectly normal for them to hold meetings dressed – or undressed – like this.

  At last he found his tongue. ‘Melissa, you’ve completely misunderstood . . .’

  Her eyebrows rose. ‘Oh darling, do let’s stop playing games now,’ she drawled. ‘I’m trying to make this as easy as I can for you . . .’

  ‘It’s not what I want,’ he raged.

  ‘But you asked me to come,’ she said reasonably.

  ‘Because you damned well checked up on me,’ he growled. ‘You sent for that interview . . .’

  ‘And it clearly doesn’t exist,’ she interrupted with a smile. ‘So shall we talk about what you were really doing in Paris that day, or would you like to . . .’

  ‘Of course it exists!’ he shouted.

  ‘Then why not let me see it?’

  ‘Because it’s not edited yet, and I will not dance to your tune.’

  She laughed softly. ‘Really?’ she said. Then, seeming to dismiss it, ‘Now there’s not much time before you’re due in the studio, so how would you like me? Over the table . . .’

  He couldn’t be entirely sure exactly what happened next, whether he told her to stop where she was before the door opened, or after. All he knew was that someone was knocking, then Jessica was coming in saying, ‘Darling, are you here? Ah, there you . . .’ Then she froze, and so did he and so did Melissa.

  How could he not see it through Jessica’s eyes? Melissa was naked, he was in his shorts so what other conclusion was there to come to?

  Feeling as though the world was dipping into some kind of horrendous slow motion, he
heard himself starting to protest, uttering inanities like, ‘It’s not what it seems . . . I didn’t know she was here . . . It was hot, she wanted to cool off . . .’

  All the time Jessica was just staring at him, then at Melissa, who was casually wrapping herself in the towel, then back to him.

  ‘So is this why . . .?’ Jessica said, then her voice broke, making it hard to go on. ‘I’m sorry, I . . .’ A sob rose up from the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know what to do, she had no idea what to say.

  ‘Jessica, I swear this isn’t what it looks like,’ Charlie insisted.

  She looked at him, but his words didn’t seem to be making any sense. ‘I came to tell you,’ she began, as though her purpose was still valid.

  ‘Melissa, for God’s sake go,’ he growled.

  ‘No, don’t,’ Jessica said. ‘I’m sorry I interrupted,’ and turning on her heel she walked out and closed the door.

  As she started along the corridor she barely knew what she was thinking. Somewhere, deep inside, she was aware of something terrible waiting to engulf her, but she had to keep it at bay. She needed to get out of here, to go home, or turn back the clock so that this had never happened. She couldn’t let it be real, she wasn’t going to allow it to be, because if it was there would be nothing to hold onto any more. Her life, her family was falling apart. First Natalie, now Charlie . . .

  She was close to the door now. It was already open. She was blinded by the sunlight streaming through and made unsteady by the shock. Then strangely Natalie was there, coming towards her . . . But it wasn’t Natalie, it was Nikki and she was saying, ‘Hey Mum, what are you doing here? You’ll never guess what, Freddy’s asked me to go . . . Mum? Mum, are you OK?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Jessica said, trying to walk on.

  ‘No you’re not. You’re shaking like a leaf. What’s happened?’

  ‘Nothing. It’s all right. I just need to go home.’

  Nikki glanced down the corridor, then stepped in closer to her mother. ‘Mum, what happened?’ she said firmly. ‘Tell me.’

  And because her natural instinct was to try and spare her daughter, Jessica said, ‘I chose a bad time. Dad and I . . . It doesn’t matter. Nikki, no!’ But Nikki was already racing down the corridor, and Jessica was unsteadied by the echo of her mother’s voice shouting ‘Natalie, no!’

  As Nikki flung the dressing-room door open Jessica covered her face with her hands. She didn’t want to listen, she didn’t even want to think about Nikki catching her father like that. But there was nothing she could do to stop it. It was happening now. She could hear Nikki shouting, and when, seconds later, she felt her daughter’s arms go round her, she held her closely, and could only feel glad she was there as they left the building together and searched for a cab to take them home.

  Chapter Eight

  NIKKI WAS PACING up and down the kitchen, her lovely young face tight with anger as she raged about her father and did her best to comfort her mother. ‘That woman is such a bitch!’ she seethed. ‘She’s been trying to get her claws into him for weeks. Everyone could see it. The way she kept making eyes at him . . . They were a laughing stock. Some people even used to beg and pant like dogs behind his back, and he’d look up and laugh along with them, even though he didn’t know what he was laughing at.’

  Sickened by the mere thought of it, Jessica turned away. ‘How could he?’ she whispered brokenly. Her eyes closed as another wave of shock engulfed her heart. Even having seen it with her own eyes, she was still unable to make herself believe that he was cheating on her. The betrayal felt so enormous, even monstrous considering everything else they were going through, that she just couldn’t connect it with the man she loved. ‘Thank God none of it has got into the papers,’ she murmured, with a shudder of revulsion.

  ‘Yet,’ Nikki added, and immediately regretted it as Jessica went even paler.

  ‘What the hell am I going to do?’ Jessica said, though more to herself than to Nikki.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Nikki answered, ‘but we’ll think of something. Whatever, he has to stop seeing her. I mean, I know she lives right down the street, and he works with her, but it absolutely can’t go on.’

  Jessica inhaled deeply. ‘Do you think . . .?’ she began. ‘He said it wasn’t what it seemed . . .’

  ‘For God’s sake, Mum, the woman had no clothes on,’ Nikki cried, not experienced enough to realise Jessica might need to allow her father the benefit of the doubt, at least for a while. ‘Nor did he, or hardly.’

  ‘You’re right. It’s just . . . Oh Nikki, it’s so complicated between me and Dad at the moment, and . . .’

  Nikki rushed to her side. ‘But it’s going to be all right,’ she told her firmly. ‘You’ll get past this, Mum. I know it’s going to be hard, and you’re feeling really terrible right now, but it’ll be all right. I promise.’

  Jessica looked away. It would be unfair to make Nikki any more afraid than she already was, so she said no more.

  ‘She doesn’t mean anything to him,’ Nikki said desperately. ‘She just kept throwing herself at him . . . I mean that doesn’t excuse what he did, I know, but he’s a man and you know what they’re like. Oh Mum, don’t cry. Please. I swear it’s going to be all right.’

  ‘It’s OK,’ Jessica assured her, swallowing hard. ‘I’m not crying any more. I think . . .’ She looked into Nikki’s eyes and attempted a smile. ‘I just need to go and lie down for a while,’ she said.

  As Nikki made to come with her she started to protest, but then she put an arm around her so they could walk upstairs together. There would be time later for her to be alone so she could think and decide how she was going to handle this. Nikki’s world had been shaken too, so she must now do what she could to reassure her.

  When they reached the landing outside her and Charlie’s room Jessica squeezed Nikki close and said, ‘I don’t think I want to go in there right now. Let’s go and lie on Natalie’s bed.’

  A few minutes later they were side by side on the small double bed with its pink and lavender covers and scattering of frilly pillows. Jessica was gazing up at the colourful mobiles and star-covered ceiling and trying to feel Natalie’s presence, wanting to wrap herself and Nikki in the gentle force of it, but Natalie wasn’t there – the room was a shell full of her belongings, but it was as though her spirit had gone. For a moment Jessica felt a panic rising in her chest. Natalie had always been here before, absent, but somehow there, so where was she now? Why had she flown when she and Nikki needed her so much?

  After a while Nikki began to talk about her, speaking softly with laughter and tears in her voice and so much love in her heart that Jessica could feel it spilling into her own. It was as though Nikki was coaxing her sister back, bringing her into the room through all the memories they shared, and the secrets they’d never spoken of to anyone but each other. Jessica smiled to hear them, and struggled to hold back the tears. Theirs had been a little world apart from her, she realised, one that only sisters shared. How precious they had been to one another, how loving and vital. And Harry, everyone’s favourite, who had fought outrageously with Natalie and loved her with all his heart. As a family they had been so complete, so happy and involved with one another. Everything they did and everywhere they went, even if they weren’t together, it was as though a part of each of them was always there with them. Natalie’s death hadn’t changed that, nor would it ever.

  They lay together for a long time, still whispering and laughing, sometimes crying, and always holding each other’s hands, until finally Nikki got up and Jessica closed her eyes. She could hear Nikki moving around, opening drawers, shutting cupboards, then she came to sit on the edge of the bed.

  ‘Have you ever read any of these?’ she asked Jessica.

  Jessica opened her eyes and saw some of Natalie’s diaries in Nikki’s hands. She shook her head. ‘No, have you?’ she replied.

  Nikki nodded. ‘It’s like I can hear her speaking, and it makes me feel close to her, so
I decided she wouldn’t mind.’

  Jessica put out a hand and entwined her fingers round Nikki’s. ‘I don’t think she would,’ she whispered.

  ‘Shall I read some to you?’ Nikki offered.

  Jessica thought about it. ‘No. Not right now,’ she said, then added, ‘thank you,’ in case Nikki was hurt.

  Nikki sat gazing down at the diaries, then after a while she looked at Jessica. ‘What are you thinking about?’ she asked.

  Jessica almost smiled. ‘Dad, of course,’ she answered, ‘and what a difficult time he must be having trying to read the news.’

  After a moment Nikki started to laugh, they both did, but then Nikki turned away, and realising she was crying Jessica pulled her back down into her arms. ‘You won’t leave him, Mum, will you?’ Nikki sobbed. ‘I couldn’t bear it if you two broke up. I know you must be angry, but . . . Harry needs you, and so do I so please don’t make Dad go away . . . It’s already horrible without Natalie, but if he went too . . .’

  ‘Sssh,’ Jessica soothed, smoothing a hand over her hair. ‘Everything’ll be all right, darling, I promise, but I do need to be alone with Dad when he comes home, OK?’

  Nikki raised her head.

  Smiling into her bloodshot eyes, Jessica used a thumb to wipe away her tears. ‘I need you to take Harry to his guitar lesson, then on for a pizza,’ she said. ‘He’ll like that. Can Freddy come with you?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Nikki sniffed, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘He doesn’t know anything yet, I haven’t had a chance to tell him.’ Her eyes closed as her face crumpled again. ‘But everyone else will have done it for me,’ she wailed. ‘He might end up feeling too embarrassed to go out with me any more . . . Oh Mum, what if he finishes with me?’

  ‘I think you’ll find he’s made of stronger stuff than that,’ Jessica assured her.