Friends With Way Too Many Benefits (Friends With… Benefits Series (Book 5))

by Young, Luke

  When Barbra appeared, Jillian said, “Okay, pause it.”

  He hit the pause button then gave her a tired look.

  “Okay, look at Barbra.”

  He glanced at the screen then slowly looked to his beautiful wife. She turned her phone around to display a photo of the world famous television and movie actress, Amanda Joseph.

  He studied her phone for a moment then looked back to the screen before returning to her phone. “I just don’t see it.”

  “Look at the shape of the face and the hair color.”

  He shrugged. “Okay, maybe a little tiny bit, but still Amanda Jo is gorgeous.”

  “No, she’s not.”

  He chuckled. “Okay, all right.” He made a face. “She’s not.”

  “Good, we agree.” She held her head high.

  He scoffed. “Universally, she’s adored and pretty much every guy on the planet young and old drools over her, but you are right, she’s ugly.”

  “I didn’t say she was ugly.”

  “Whatever. I’m just saying that if I could choose one celebrity free pass, she would be mine.”

  “What a waste of a pass.” She laughed in his face. “You don’t want to choose some supermodel or Playmate?”

  “No. No, I don’t.” He folded his arms, defiantly.

  “All right.”

  “Just out of curiosity, who would your celebrity free pass be? Clooney or Pitt or Gyllenhaal, who?”

  “Justin Timberlake.”

  “J.T.” He looked at her like she was out of her mind.

  “What’s wrong with Justin?”

  “I don’t know, he’s, he’s so young…” He sneered. “… but then again you like ‘em young don’t you?”

  “I do, so what?” She shrugged. “After all I chose you.”

  “Uggh, I just hate that song, Mirrors. It gets in your head and makes you want to hang yourself.”

  “I love that song.”

  “You would… Isn’t he a little, too…”

  “Too what?” She looked at him, offended.

  “Um, feminine.” He frowned.

  “You’re calling him too feminine?” She giggled dismissively. “You… a guy who cooks, goes through bottles of lotion like crazy, takes three showers a day and is always cutting and filing his fingernails.”

  “Hey, yeah I cook and I like to be clean for you and…” He sneered. “I don’t always cut my nails… I do it maybe once a week and yeah I file them because sometimes they go into sensitive places. You don’t want jaggy nails, you know, down there do you?”

  “No.” She cringed.

  “And you love my soft hands don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “So, stop making fun of me.”

  “I’m just teasing. So I like my men young and maybe just a little too in touch with their feminine side. What can I say?”

  “Just don’t tell anyone about the lotion and nail filing, okay?”

  “I won’t.” They sat in silence for a few moments until she grinned. “So do you want to make it official?”

  “What?”

  “The celebrity free pass thing.”

  “Seriously? What do you have— some event you’re going to where Justin is going to be? A conference or movie premier or something.”

  “No, nothing like that. I just thought it could be a fun little thing we share.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Kinda… sorta.”

  He gave her a skeptical look. “So if either one of us runs into our free pass and said free pass desperately wants us, we can just go for it? No guilt… no regret… nothing?”

  “Yes. Uh-huh.”

  “Okay, but I think Justin likes his chicks a little younger.”

  “Well, I think Amanda likes her men a little older.”

  “Well then, neither one of us has anything to worry about.”

  “I guess not.” She raised an eyebrow.

  “I’m game if you really are.”

  She shrugged. “It will give us something to talk about at parties.”

  “Okay.” He widened his eyes. “Shake on it?”

  “Yeah, shake on it.”

  She extended her hand and while they shook, he said, “Justin and Amanda look out.”

  They shared a laugh and she curled up on his chest as he pushed the play button on the remote.

  3

  A few days later Jillian, Jim and Victoria sat around the dining room table in the Grayson home. Brian walked in carrying his famous lemon meringue pie with the gorgeously golden brown meringue piled six inches high on top. He flashed his eyes suggestively to the group. “I finally did it!”

  “Did what?” Victoria asked.

  “Kept my meringue from flopping.”

  Jim and Victoria shared a look as Victoria said, “Has the local media gotten a press release?”

  “For that…” Brian sneered. “… you don’t get any.”

  “Oh come on, I was only kidding.”

  Placing his masterpiece on the table, Brian took a seat next to Jillian. “She never liked meringue until she tried mine.”

  “I didn’t like a lot of things until I tried yours.” Jillian placed her hand over his and smiled.

  “Oh, you guys are disgusting.” Jim frowned.

  “She’s not talking about that.” Brian scoffed. “Get your mind out of the—”

  “Actually I was.” She gave him a sexy smile.

  “Oh, cool.”

  “He is right. I could never stand meringue until he made it for me.”

  “I’m so confused.” Victoria tilted her head. “Are we still talking about the pie or his, um…”

  “Now, I’m on the pie.” Jillian replied.

  After cutting slices and passing them around, all four went to work on their magnificent desserts. Brian placed a forkful in his mouth and closed his eyes. “It’s like my all-time favorite. I could eat a slice every day.”

  Jillian leaned close to his ear and whispered, “What else could you eat every day?”

  “What was that?” Victoria asked.

  “Just eat your pie.” Jillian motioned with her fork toward her friend.

  Tilting his head toward his lovely wife, Brian whispered, “What’s gotten into you?”

  “Nothing.” She sat up straight in her seat, curling her lip to hold back a smile.

  “Wait.” Brian narrowed his eyes. “You had that book cover shoot today. Don’t tell me some male boy toy supermodel type was there all naked and slithering around on the floor in front of you.”

  “Well…” She grinned. “… he wasn’t naked.”

  “I knew it. You know, most authors don’t even go to those things. They have people who handle all those little details.”

  “This detail…” Jillian flashed Victoria a look. “Wasn’t little at all.”

  “No more pie for you.” Brian snatched her plate away.

  Jillian put on a pout. “Oh, come on.”

  “How big was he again?” He asked, holding the pie in front of her face.

  “He was…” She narrowed her eyes, thinking. “Almost as big as you.”

  “That’s what I thought.” He returned the pie in front of her. “Actually, I love when she goes to these little things. The boy toys do all the work and I collect all the benefits and they ain’t partial…” He gave them a wink. “They are full benefits.”

  The four shared a laugh.

  “So what’s the cover going to look like?” Victoria asked.

  “It’s this super-hot shirtless guy with like ten pack abs with this woman standing behind him. She’s running her hands down to the…” Making quote marks with her hands, she continued, “little detail area.”

  “That should move some books.”

  “Hope so.” After taking a bite of pie, Jillian smiled. “I learned something today about this modeling thing.”

  “What’s that?” Victoria asked.

  “The photographer wanted Mr. Boy Toy to have a… l
et’s call it giant detail… and I always thought they would just stuff him, you know.”

  “They didn’t?” Jim asked.

  “Nope. He just fiddled with it until it, you know.”

  “And is that why you’re all worked up,” Victoria asked.

  “Kinda.” Jillian shrugged.

  “They should hire Jim for that type of work. He doesn’t need to fiddle with it at all and it looks enormous.”

  “Thanks.” Jim smiled.

  “Geez, Victoria I’m trying to eat here.” Brian rolled his eyes.

  “Oh so, what… we can talk about Mr. Boy Toy’s big one, but we cannot talk about Jim’s?” Victoria slipped a forkful into her mouth.

  “That’s right, in my house we’re not allowed to talk about his…” Brian looked pointedly to his brother, frowning.

  “Jealous.” Victoria gave him a snooty look.

  “We all know that you’re a grower.” Jillian gave him a sympathetic smile.

  “Yes, we do all know this and…” Brian held his head high. “Every single one of Darcy Gray’s two million twitter followers know this as well. I know because I heard from an awful lot of them.”

  “That’s right.” Jillian curled her lip. “Hashtag brianisagrower trended for a few days on twit—”

  “Two weeks.” Closing his eyes, he sighed. “Two. Whole. Weeks.”

  “Sorry baby.”

  “Let’s see we’ve discussed meringue and now details… maybe we should talk about something else.”

  “Good idea,” Jim replied. “Have you guys seen any good movies lately?”

  “We just saw The Guilt Trip.” Brian shrugged. “It’s was okay.”

  “I think that’s on our Netflix queue,” Jim replied.

  Brian’s eyes widened. “Jim, hey get this. You know that actress Amanda Joseph?”

  “Who?” Jim asked, confused.

  “You know.” Victoria chimed in. “Emily from that show with those four girls and the good looking guys. They would always hang out at the coffee shop.”

  “Don’t you mean Elaine? The show’s called Seinfeld.”

  “No, babe. I wouldn’t exactly call George, Jerry and Kramer good looking.” Victoria scoffed.

  “The show was called Twentysomething,” Brian explained.

  “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.” A look of enlightenment spread over Jim’s face. “I see it on all the time.”

  “This one…” Motioning to Jillian with a head nod and a scowl, Brian said, “…thinks Amanda Jo looks like Barbra Streisand.”

  “What?” Jim made a face. “She’s crazy.”

  “She looks just like a younger Babs, I swear.” Jillian waved her fork around and nodded, convincingly.

  Victoria smiled. “You know, you’re onto something there. She does sorta give off that Streisand vibe.”

  Brian shrugged. “Well maybe, just maybe the hair is a little similar and the shape of her face is sorta like a poor man’s version of her, but like a really, really poor man. Like dead broke, poor.”

  “Barbra was kinda pretty when she was younger,” Victoria admitted.

  “Yeah, but Amanda is drop dead gorgeous,” Brian said. “There’s no comparison.”

  Jillian scoffed. “She’s okay, but come on.”

  “Jim back me up here.”

  Jim narrowed his eyes. “Wait, is she the one whose nipples are always showing in like every single scene of that show.”

  “That’s her.” Brian smiled widely. “I don’t know if it was cold in that studio or if she was braless or maybe it was both…” Putting his hand to his chin, Brian pondered that a moment.

  “I think it was both.” Jim replied a bit dreamily, apparently lost in space as well.

  “Whatever it was, she stole every scene.”

  “She really did.”

  The two guys shared one of those creepy knowing guy looks and the women rolled their eyes.

  “You two are sick.” Victoria cringed.

  “We’re sick?” Jim replied. “We’re just appreciating a fine actress. She won some Emmys didn’t she?”

  “I don’t know, but she should have won every year.” Flashing Jim a smile, Brian put his fist up for a bump and his brother complied.

  “You guys are kinda disgusting.” Jillian frowned.

  Victoria shook her head. “You know, there is really a complete double standard when it comes to hard nipples. You can show them all you want. Just once I’d like to see a giant erection tenting some guy’s pants on a network TV show. I mean, you never once saw one of the guys on that show running around with a boner. I would have totally watched Twentysomething then.”

  “Yeah, that doesn’t make any sense.” Jillian nodded.

  “Are you guys serious?” Brian’s jaw fell open. “You think guys should walk around on TV and even in public with full on erections under their pants just proudly displaying them for all the world to see?”

  Jillian and Victoria shared a look then replied in unison, “Yes.”

  “A nipple is like a thing of beauty, so cute and perfect.” Jim began then put on a sickened expression. “But a penis is like a gnarled and twisted frightening, you know… thing!”

  “Well it depends on the guy…” Victoria shrugged. “But yeah I think they are both beautiful.”

  “I feel the same way,” Jillian added.

  “Okay.” Brian frowned. “All I know is if a guy, and I don’t care if he looks like George Clooney or Brad Pitt, walks down the street with a visible boner, women run and the police drag him away, but if a woman shows off her high beams men turn, drool and stare and some even applaud and they don’t call 911. Yeah, there’s a double standard all right and we get the short end of it.”

  “Tell me about it. I’ve been hiding an ill-timed boner since I was twelve.” Jim raised his palms up.

  “It really is a curse,” Brian said.

  The women shared a look then Jillian frowned. “I’ve said it before… we really don’t know how you walk around with those things.”

  “It’s not easy.” Brian sighed.

  “So back to Amanda Joseph.” Frowning, Jillian motioned with her thumb toward her husband. “That’s who he chose as his celebrity free pass.”

  “Well, that seems like a waste of a selection,” Victoria said.

  “That’s what I said,” Jillian agreed.

  “Hey, it’s my choice,” he replied defensively.

  “Who’s yours?” Looking at Jillian, Victoria widened her eyes.

  “Justin Timberlake”

  “Oh, he’s so hot.”

  “He is!” Jillian replied enthusiastically, slipping a forkful into her mouth and making a creepy purring sound.

  Brian winced, appalled. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  “Free pass… what are you guys talking about?” Jim asked.

  “You each pick your ultimate fantasy celebrity partner,” Brian explained. “One you have no chance to ever hook up with. But if by some miracle you do get the opportunity you are free and clear to take it… no guilt at all, right Jillian?”

  “Yep and if you want to sleep with Barbra Streisand then knock yourself out.”

  “Really, knock it off with the Babs crap.” Brian sighed.

  “This sounds cool, so this is for real, I mean, if it somehow happens, then you can really go for it?” Jim asked, skeptically.

  “That’s the deal,” Jillian replied as she and Brian shared a nod.

  “I think I’d have to be just a little more famous in order to get Amanda Jo’s attention,” Brian admitted.

  “You probably should have gone after her when you were trending on twitter.” Jillian grinned.

  “Yep.” Brian frowned then turned his attention to his brother. “Jim, who would yours be?”

  “Um…” Jim rubbed his forehead. “Call me crazy, but I think Mila Kunis is really hot.”

  “From that weird movie, um…” Brian ran his tongue around his mouth, thinking. “… Black Swan.”

  �
�That’s her.”

  “Good choice. She’s got that whole mysterious ethnic thing going on,” Brian added.

  Looking to Victoria, Jillian smiled. “So are you guys going to make the same deal?”

  “No way.” Jim scoffed.

  “Why not.”

  “I couldn’t take the chance, because this one…” Jim pointed to Victoria. “I don’t think there’s anyone on the planet that she couldn’t sleep with if she really wanted to.”

  “It’s true.” Shrugging, Victoria nodded. “It’s a gift, really. Remember when they shot that big action movie in town? I had a little fling with that guy.”

  “I remember.” Jillian’s eyes widened.

  “What guy?” Brian asked.

  “I really can’t say. There was a settlement reached and I, uh…” Victoria shook her head and cringed.

  “Oh, come on,” Brian whined.

  “Let’s just say this guy went on to become the governor of one of the largest states in the country.”

  Jim’s mouth opened wide. “Oh my God, you mean—”

  Victoria put her fingers to Jim’s lips. “Don’t say it, but… sometimes ‘I’ll be back’ means…” Victoria shuddered. “…again and again until you get a restraining order.”

  “Wow…” Brian’s mouth dropped open dumbfounded and he slowly shifted his gaze to Jillian. She simply returned a shrug and a nod.

  4

  Two days later at the Wilde house Jim pointed out the patio door toward the pool and the outdoor table set with fine china, candles and cloth napkins. “I hope you’re hungry.”

  “What’s going on?” Victoria asked, grinning with surprise.

  “I just felt like making you dinner.”

  She kissed him then headed out toward the table beaming. “Wow, this is something.”

  Rushing ahead of her, he pulled a chair out and motioned for her to take a seat.

  “Thank you.” She nodded politely.

  Grabbing the napkin off her plate, he placed it carefully on her lap.

  She gave him a skeptical look. “Really, what’s going on?”

  “Just an expertly prepared dinner with fancy cocktails.”

  “Sounds amazing, but where’s Kaylie?”

  “Staying at your mother’s for the night.”

  “We have the whole house to ourselves?”