Jeepers Reapers: There Goes My Midlife Crisis

by Marianne Morea

  We headed toward the crosswalk, with me taking double strides to keep up with his long legs. “You make it sound as if there’s more than one reaper.”

  I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, not giving Cade a chance to answer. His gaze followed mine across the street to the bus stop.

  A strange man stood in the queue, and he seemed to be staring at us. His gaze was intense, scrutinizing.

  “New York. Pfft. It’s got all kinds.” The hair at the back of my neck went up without reason, so I moved closer to Cade.

  The bus came and went, and when it passed the man was gone. My rational mind said he got on the bus, but my newly tuned sympathetic nervous system said otherwise, and Thea’s words hit me again. I was being assessed.

  Cade slipped his hand onto my elbow. It was an unassuming move, yet it screamed protection.

  “C’mon.” He kept his hand where it was, and led me across the street to the park’s entrance.

  I wanted to ask, but didn’t. If it was important, he’d tell me. I hoped.

  “Let’s head to my favorite place in the park. If you sit there long enough, the entire city walks past.”

  That line belonged to the character Alex Whitman, from the movie Fools Rush in. Still, the sentiment wasn’t wrong.

  I stepped into the park with Cade’s hand still on my elbow, and whoosh! Vertigo hit. The next thing I knew I was sitting on the lip of the Bethesda Fountain.

  My head whipped around to get my bearings. “How? We were just—”

  “When you get to my level, you’re given certain…gifts, I guess.” He shrugged, pulling a mini plastic cloth from the food bag. “Solomon saves these for me. He knows how much I love the fresh air. Good for a makeshift tablecloth, or for sitting on damp grass.”

  I shook my head, trying to clear the residual dizzy. “I’m sorry. Gifts?”

  He nodded, putting out the sandwiches. “Think about what Angelica showed you in the office. It’s not hard to imagine what I mean. Keepers have a lot of ground to cover, sometimes in a short distance. Granting select humans a few superpowers is good business sense. Efficiency and all that.”

  I hadn’t thought of it that way.

  He handed me an iced tea. “Death is a lot to digest on many levels, especially when it comes to Memento Mori. I should know. It’s hard to believe I first found out I was a Keeper nearly a century ago.”

  I choked on my drink.

  “Did I say something wrong?”

  I coughed, reaching for a wad of napkins to wipe my mouth and chin. “Did you say century? As in one hundred years?”

  He nodded. “Or ten decades. Take your pick.”

  “Any other curveballs you want to throw at me?” I laughed, not sure if it was amusement or nerves.

  “It’s a lot. I know.”

  “You keep saying that, and not much else. Yes, Emmie kept me in the dark about her plans, or whatever this is, but I’m here now. You all should be happy I haven’t run screaming for the nearest exit.”

  Cade tilted an open bag of chips my way. “You’re right, though I’d chase you down if you did.”

  The playful look on his face was contagious, and I relaxed a notch. “I suppose Em tried to tell me in her own way. She used to say, ‘Lou, you’re a keeper.’”

  “Lou?” He grinned, full mouth and all.

  “Don’t get any ideas. There are only two people in the world that get away with that, and one is deceased.” Damn. I checked my watch.

  “Problem?”

  I shook my head. “No, but I do have somewhere I need to be later today.”

  “George.” Cade nodded, chewing another mouthful.

  My mouth dropped, but I snapped it shut. “Emmie.” I shrugged absently. “Makes sense. I suppose he’s Team Keeper as well.”

  “Nope. Just an ally.” Cade held out my sandwich. “Eat. First rule of Keepers. You need sustenance to stay sharp.”

  I took the sandwich from him and took a bite. “I can’t count how many times Emmie told me I was a keeper over the years, but never once did she mention it was keeper with a capital K.”

  “You sound annoyed,” Cade said matter-of-factly. “You have every right, but at least that’s a step up from frightened, and you were definitely freaked out the other night.”

  “Cade!”

  I whipped around at the sharp reprimand. Angelica stood with her hands on her hips, the sound of the fountain punctuating the annoyed silence.

  This was so not good.

  Chapter Eight

  “STALKER MUCH, CADE?” I didn’t know whether to laugh or glare at him like Angelica. “A step up from freaked out is funny coming from the person doing the skulking.”

  “That’s not the point,” he replied.

  “Maybe you don’t want that to be the point. Does the boss know you were lurking on my roof the other night?”

  “That’s not how it was!”

  “Enough, you two. I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves,” Angelica redirected, snapping her fingers for a camp chair to appear. She took the second half of my sandwich and helped herself to a chocolate croissant.

  “Weren’t you too busy to handle this yourself?” Cade was obviously put out at being snapped at.

  “Extenuating circumstances, Cade. There’s much to explain, and much to decide, and we don’t have much time.”

  It really wasn’t an explanation, but when you’re the Angel of Death, why would you?

  “Other than your Level Five creeper trespassing on my roof without permission, I don’t see the big deal.”

  “Hey!”

  “It’s not as if the Earth will swallow me if I give Memento Mori a polite pass, right?”

  I didn’t miss Angelica’s split second hesitation with my sandwich halfway to her mouth.

  “What’s going on?” Unease puckered my forehead.

  The CEO put the sandwich down, and then wiped her mouth with a napkin. “There are consequences if you decline your nomination. Not for you, but for Emily. There’s a balance that needs to be kept.”

  If this had been any other conversation, I would have made a joke, but now was not the time. Especially not when she just said Emmie would be made to pay if I walked away.

  “Angelica… Emily was the salt of the earth. The kindest human being I ever met, and I’ve been blessed to know more than a few. She shouldn’t be made to pay if I choose to keep my life status quo. You can’t drop a bomb like that and not explain.”

  “Unfortunately, I can. I’m sorry, Louisa, but it is what it is. Emily knew the deal when she agreed to our terms a century and a half ago. She became a Keeper right after the American Civil War.”

  If I wasn’t already sitting, I would be on the floor. Vertigo hit for a second time. Two weeks of shadows, losing Emmie, and now this. My skin went clammy and cold, and my lungs strained, sucking breath through syrup.

  Angelica was in front of me in seconds. “Look at me, honey.” She slipped her fingers to the pulse in my throat. Calm swept through my body at the simple touch. It was more than a release of tension. Hope replaced doubt with a profound sense of peace.

  “I’m the Angel of Death, but the operative word in that title is still angel. I don’t need wings to see you’re thrown. That’s on us for being ill prepared. We’ve rarely encountered a nominee so in the dark about us.”

  The woman didn’t need parlor tricks. She was the real deal, and I could hear Thea’s I-told-you-so at the back of my head.

  Angelica waited, and I obliged with a nod. “Good,” she said, releasing my chin. “I think Cade should take you home, but before that, there’s one small thing we need to take care of first.”

  The CEO opened her palm, and a small box appeared. “Last night there was a breach. We don’t know how or why it happened, but you were revealed to the other side.”

  A chill wrapped around my spine at that. It was Newton’s third law of motion—opposite but equal—but in this case it applied to the paranormal. Where there’s light, th
ere must be dark. Just like where’s there’s life there will always be death.

  “You’re talking about the dark shimmer I experienced on my roof,” I replied, knowing she didn’t mean Cade.

  “Cade was there to stand between you and the reaper sent to…dissuade you.”

  The fact Angelica hesitated, choosing carefully before landing on the word dissuade, did nothing to reassure.

  “I want the truth, Angelica. Am I in danger?” The blunt question spoke volumes. It was nitty gritty time.

  “My friend Thea is psychic. I called her after Emmie passed, when someone, or something, spoke my name from the shadows. She said it was adversarial, and it was assessing me. Then yesterday after I quit my job, the same whisper.” I hesitated, sparing a look for Cade. “And the man at the bus stop earlier, just before Cade and I crossed 5th Avenue for the park.”

  “I was afraid of that.” Another look passed between Angelica and her Level Five Keeper, making it clear they still hadn’t told me everything.

  “Thea is harmless. Don’t drag her into this insanity.”

  Angelica put the box in her lap. “I’m not concerned about your friend, but I am concerned your identity was revealed before you had the chance to decide. Before you could be bonded.”

  “You mean fingerprinted?”

  Angelica shook her head. “Not fingerprinted. Soul printed. We take inventory of your soul and preserve it so reapers can’t touch you.” She opened the box, and inside was something that looked like a strange asthma inhaler.

  “I’m going to grant something I’ve never given any nominee.” She paused. “A grace period. Considering the circumstances, I’m granting you a week to decide yes or no in taking Emily’s place as a Keeper.”

  I looked at the device in Angelica’s palm.

  “It’s simple, and you won’t feel a thing. Afterward, your soul will bond for the time being. If you decide no, the bond will fade, and your life will continue on its current course, continuing to age as if all this never happened. If you decide yes, the bond will become permanent, and you will stop aging completely.”

  I snorted at that. “You should market this to middle-aged America. You’d have more money than God.”

  Angelica didn’t look amused. Maybe putting God and money in the same sentence was a no-no. Then again, churches and collection plates went together like peanut butter and jelly.

  “Louisa, being a Keeper is not for the faint of heart. The reason we bond your soul is so it won’t crush under the weight of what you’ll witness. This is a serious commitment, and like Emily, you will have to designate a Keeper when your time comes, or live out your eternity in, well…”

  “Limbo.”

  She nodded.

  I looked at Cade, but his face was unreadable. This decision was mine and mine alone, and for the first time since I walked through the revolving doors of Memento Mori, I felt its true weight.

  “Okay. I’ll take your grace period, and pray I have the grace within to make the right decision.” I held out my hand, and Angelica pressed the device to my palm.

  “Attagirl.” She smiled, and the air around us seemed to glisten. “Whatever your decision, you really are a Keeper. Just put the device to your lips, and breathe in. Easy peasy.”

  I closed my eyes, and did as instructed. Except for a slight feeling of euphoria, Angelica was right. No pain. Nothing. I lifted my lids, and pulled the bonding device from my mouth. “Now what?” I asked, handing the inhaler back to Angelica.

  The Angel of Death put the device in the box. “You go home with Cade. He’ll be staying with you for the duration of the grace period.”

  “Is that allowed?”

  “You’re not a Keeper. Not yet anyway. We can’t take any chances. Reapers can smell fresh meat miles away, and they won’t think twice about taking advantage of your inexperience. Plus, you still have a Level One assignment to discharge. Cade will help.”

  I raised an eyebrow watching him polish off the last of his massive sandwich and the rest of the goodies. “Good thing I just went to the grocery store.”

  “Cade has healthy appetites all the way around. Not to worry, though. He’s housebroken.”

  He rolled his eyes at that. “I’m not a pet, Angelica.”

  “No, but you do come when I call.” Her smile pursed to an amused smirk.

  There was no way I was unpacking that subtext. Was their history between them? I wasn’t about to ask. Not now, at least. Maybe my butterflies weren’t the only butterflies he affected.

  “I’m cool having a temporary house guest, and I’m good with doing this level one assignment, but I’m not bailing on my Monday crew, and I still have to check in on George. I promised Emmie.” I paused, but it was clear Angelica already knew.

  “I don’t expect you to change anything in your life. Just discharge your temporary Keeper duties, and heed Cade. Reapers are no joke.”

  “Jeepers Reapers,” I joked, but…crickets.

  “I’m glad you have a sense of humor. You’re going to need it.”

  “Is my assignment something cool?” My stomach growled, so I picked at what Cade left of my lunch. “Like leading people into the light?”

  “Nope.”

  “Is that no, that’s not your job, or no, there’s no white tunnel of light with family and friends waiting?”

  Cade shook his head, swallowing a mouthful of yet another sandwich. “Both.”

  “That’s bull-puckeys. I saw the white light myself. It was in a dream staring Emily and our CEO Queen of Death.”

  Angelica winked at that. “Let Cade finish. The light you saw wasn’t the light.” She crooked her fingers. “It was a pathway to—”

  “Limbo?”

  “We don’t call it limbo. It’s more of an indeterminate state.”

  I grinned, munching on a handful of chips. “Isn’t that the definition of limbo?”

  “Semantics. It’s actually quite nice. It’s where the dead go while they’re waiting for their Keepers to free up.”

  “Sounds like an employment problem to me. Isn’t there an app for that?” I wiped my hands on a napkin, and then crumpled it into the empty lunch bag.

  Angelica snatched my chips. “Don’t be glib.”

  “Don’t think I haven’t suggested that.” Cade laughed. “It’s a little more complicated, though. Think of it like Congress.”

  “Dude, you’ve been out of the human game way too long. Congress it totally not balanced.”

  “Then think of the theory behind congress. The more populated the area, the more districts. The more districts, the more Keepers.”

  Angelica made a face. “Exactly, yet we still don’t have enough.”

  “Why can’t you just nominate more people?”

  “The problem is the balance I talked about. When one Keeper dies, another must quickly take their place, otherwise reapers take control.”

  “Reapers. Plural. Cade said as much earlier. I thought there was only one. Shrouded dude. Big scythe. A kissing cousin to…uhm, you.”

  Angelica didn’t laugh at that. She didn’t even crack a smile. “The Grim, as we call HER, is no joke. Trust me, she’s one entity you don’t want to cross.”

  “She.” I nodded, impressed. “Who knew that under that less than form-fitting shroud was a pair of high heels? Wow. The Angel of Death is a chick in stilettos and so is her counterpart. Makes sense, though. If you want something done right, you get a woman to do it.”

  “Hey!” Cade threw a chip at me.

  “Present company excepted.”

  “Louisa, your humor is a wonderful thing, but this is no joke. The Grim and her reapers are more than just our foil. It’s our job to guard the dead on their journeys. They have to face their lives, and the choices made in their time on this plane.

  I swallowed a lump at that.

  “It can be a very difficult process. Reapers take advantage of that pain. Their only goal is to seduce souls to the darkness, whether they belong there or n
ot. We’re not simply ferrymen like Charon from Greek mythology. A soul’s journey doesn’t end with human death. A lot rides on their audit journey. The outcome determines if a soul moves on to other planes.”

  “What is the end game, though?” I asked. “If it’s a Keeper’s job to guide and protect souls on their journey, then what’s waiting at the end?”

  Angelica didn’t blink. “Redemption. Just as there are different levels of Keepers, there are different types of dead. Children, for instance. Innocents have no reason for an audit. They go straight to higher consciousness, or what humans call paradise. People who sacrifice their physical life for others get a fast pass as well.

  “You mean—”

  “Yes.” Angelica’s face was almost pained. “Sacrificing one’s life to save another is the ultimate sacrifice, and it deserves the ultimate reward.”

  “What about true evil?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but I had to ask.

  “That’s where it gets sticky,” she replied. “Contrary what some believe, no soul is born evil. Evil can take root very early, thriving in souls that have no grounding. It’s an enigma even to our legions, and therein lies the problem.”

  “Wow.” The trite word said it all.

  “Audits of that kind are the hardest and most wrenching. They are only given to the most skilled Keepers.” She sighed. “In the end, there’s usually no redemption, and darkness takes them anyway.”

  The sun was strong despite its low place in the sky, and Angelica lifted her face to it from her camp chair.

  The sadness that pained her expression faded, and her skin shimmered in pearlescent beauty. For a fraction of a second, I caught the outline of feathery wings.

  Cade’s eyes watched me watching Angelica, and when I turned, his knowing smile said it all. My new reality came at a convoluted and confusing price, but the more we talked, the more I found myself filled with humility and awe.

  I wanted this.

  As crazy as it sounded, I was game.

  Cade broke eye contact, and cleared his voice. “And last but not least, we come to ordinary souls and how they fit in the process. Ordinary souls exist in a gray area, because most people live their lives in an amalgam of good and bad. Although, reducing their journeys to such narrow terms doesn’t do justice to the human condition. That’s why audits are so important.”