The Baby Question

by Caroline Anderson

  ‘I will.’ She flashed a genuine smile of thanks, and let herself out, heading back down the track to her cottage. She felt a little guilty for bolting out so fast, but she really, really didn’t want to get into the baby question with a stranger and Anne McGregor didn’t seem reluctant to involve herself in other people’s affairs. However kindhearted she might be, Laurie didn’t need that.

  She paused at the gate and looked around. It was a better day today, much milder, and the rain that had started last week had finally stopped, thank goodness. Not before the damage had been done, though.

  She’d decided that Little Gluich meant small, sticky place. The run-off from the snow and rain all seemed to have pooled at the end of her garden, forming a bog, and she was glad the track was mainly stone or she didn’t think she’d get the car out.

  The dogs, on the other hand, seemed to love playing in the mud, and two muddy dogs in the house were a nightmare. Still, grooming them and running her business gave her something to do to occupy her time. She certainly wasn’t short of activities—and fitting Anne McGregor into the timetable had been a two-edged sword.

  She thought of the woman’s philosophical attitude and wondered if she could be so stoic. Probably not. She wanted a marriage—a partnership—and that meant a husband around to talk to and share things with, not what amounted to an absentee landlord.

  Still, there hadn’t been much of the absentee landlord about him the last couple of weekends. Her cheeks heated at the memory, and she wished she could have found the time to go down to see him this week. The trouble was, he wasn’t in London anyway, he was in New York now from today, and probably wouldn’t get back for this weekend either.

  Hopeless. She’d just have to get on with the life she’d thought she wanted, but she wasn’t so sure any more that she did. What she wanted was her old life back, not the one she’d just left, but the one where she worked with him, sharing decisions, getting involved, but it wasn’t possible because his life had changed in the last couple of years.

  He’d expanded his theatre of operations, started working much more abroad, and she’d been in limbo.

  She sighed. He couldn’t turn the clock back, and she couldn’t expect him to, but there just didn’t seem to be a place for her in his life now that was where she wanted to be.

  She realised suddenly that far from her leaving him, he had actually left her, in many ways. She’d just been the one to make the geographical break by moving out. She’d lost him, and it looked as if the only way she could get him back was to stay here and make him come to her for the weekends.

  ‘Fine,’ she said out loud. ‘So I’ll ring him and invite him for the weekend.’

  She went back into the cottage, endured the rapturous greeting from the dogs and rang the New York office. No reply, of course, because it was still only something before six in the morning and there would be no one in.

  She went to work, but it didn’t seem to hold her mind this morning. Only his website for the new company interested her, and she worked on it for the rest of the day, neglecting some of her other clients, and then guilt caught up with her and she ended up working on their jobs that night.

  She tried Rob on and off during the day, but he wasn’t in the New York office and they didn’t seem to be expecting him. His mobile was switched off, too, which puzzled her. She left a message, but he didn’t come back to her, so she just worked on to drown her foolish disappointment.

  It was almost midnight when she saw lights coming down the track. Very late for a visitor, she thought, and stayed upstairs in the safety of the office to see who it was. Not that it was particularly safe up there if she had a determined intruder, but the dogs were barking furiously and that might be a bit of a deterrent.

  She couldn’t see much in the light from the lantern on the side of the garage. It was a small car, indeterminate, and it was only when the driver opened the door and the interior light came on that she realised it was Rob. Her heart skittered with joy, and abandoning her computer she ran down the stairs, opened the door and followed the dogs across the gravel.

  She made herself go slowly instead of throwing herself across the drive into his arms like the dogs had done. Not that he would have noticed. He had his hands full dealing with them.

  Finally he pushed them down and straightened, and his smile made her heart flip over. ‘Hi there. I thought I’d better come and check out this website.’

  That wasn’t what his smile said, though, and she went into his arms and kissed him lingeringly. ‘I think that’s a fine idea,’ she told him with a smile, and led him into the cottage. ‘Coffee?’

  ‘Any of that malt whisky left?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Both would be nice. And I really do want to see the website. Have you had time to do anything with my suggestions?’

  ‘No, but I’ve done it,’ she told him frankly. ‘I expect I’ll get an earful from some of my other clients, but never mind.’

  He grinned. ‘You’re a star.’

  She made him coffee and gave him a glass for the malt, and then they went over to the office and she showed him what she’d done, and all the time she was conscious of his body behind her, leaning over her to see the screen.

  She could feel the warmth coming off his body, smell the enticing scent of his aftershave and the other, more subtle scents that were his alone, and she found her concentration wavering. Rob, though, was razor sharp as ever.

  ‘I like that,’ he said finally. ‘Let’s go for it.’

  Absurd how those few words could warm her so much. She spun the chair round and smiled up at him. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ He hesitated, then held out his hand. ‘Time for bed?’ he suggested, and her smile softened.

  ‘That sounds like the best idea you’ve had for ages.’

  ‘So glad you approve.’

  It was like the weekend before last all over again. They finally fell asleep a little after three, and at six he woke, stretched and kissed her.

  ‘I have to go,’ he said, his voice gruff with sleep.

  ‘So soon?’ she said. She could feel a wave of disappointment swamping her. Surely he could stay a few more hours—

  ‘I’m sorry. I stalled New York for a day—I had a few things I had to do in London, and by the time I’d finished it wasn’t worth going over there. I thought I’d rather spend the night with you and travel on in the morning.’

  ‘Are you flying from Glasgow?’ she asked, and he nodded.

  ‘Yes. Come downstairs with me. I need a coffee to kickstart me before I set off.’

  She made the coffee while he showered, and they sat at the kitchen table, him in his suit, her in her nightshirt and dressing gown, and sipped coffee while she wondered how long they could live this way. It was crazy—even more crazy than before, and putting more pressure on him. She felt guilty, but then she told herself it was his choice. He wouldn’t do it if he didn’t want to, and at least he was noticing her now. That much was an improvement.

  ‘I had dinner with Andy the other night,’ he said suddenly.

  She scanned his face warily. ‘Really? Was Jonathan there?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. It was just us. She said there would be others, but apparently they cancelled at the last minute and she didn’t tell me Jonathan was away. She’s a bit of a barracuda really, isn’t she?’

  ‘She’s silly. She’s got a good husband.’

  ‘She said he’s always away.’

  She met Rob’s eyes. ‘He is—and she’s bored. He shouldn’t leave her alone so much.’

  Something flickered in his eyes and was gone. ‘She needs something to do. You were alone. You didn’t start stealing other women’s husbands.’

  ‘No, but I’ve got a brain,’ she pointed out. ‘I don’t think Andy has—or if she does, she doesn’t want to bother to use it.’ She searched his face. ‘Did she come on to you?’

  He grimaced. ‘Yes, she did. Not massively. I told her I did
n’t play games. I also told her she needed to find something to do, and I told her about you. She was stunned. She thought you’d withdrawn from circulation because you were suffering from depression—you’ve obviously told her about the baby thing.’

  Laurie pictured Rob alone with Andy, first being propositioned, then having his most private laundry aired in public, and she wanted to kill her friend—slowly and painfully. ‘I mentioned it,’ she said. ‘She was telling me how lucky I was, and I was sick of hearing it. She caught me on a bad day. Did she give you the IVF lecture?’

  He smiled a little grimly. ‘She tried. I told her I felt it was jumping the gun a little.’

  She nodded. It was irrelevant now, anyway. They had much more important things to worry about than the fact that she couldn’t conceive.

  He drained his coffee and set the mug down. ‘I need to go. The flight won’t wait for me. I’m going to have to buy my own plane if this goes on.’ His grin was a little cockeyed, and she stood up and hugged him.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said into his shirt front, but he hugged her back and dropped a kiss on her head.

  ‘Don’t be sorry. It’s just the way things are now. You go back to bed, I’ll see you when I can get away. Maybe in about ten days.’

  ‘OK.’ She lifted her face for a kiss, and his mouth met hers and lingered. Finally he straightened and sighed.

  ‘I’ll see you. Take care—and thanks for doing the website. It’s really good. You’re a clever girl.’

  He left her, warmed by his words, and the little glow of pleasure stayed with her all the way upstairs and into the bed. Then the scent of his body enveloped her, and she turned her face into the pillow and cried because he’d gone again and she didn’t want him to.

  ‘You’re being silly,’ she told herself, banging the pillow with her fist and rearranging it. ‘Just stop it.’

  But she couldn’t, and she cried herself back to sleep.

  He took five suits into the office and gave them to Sue on the following Monday. ‘I don’t suppose you could get these cleaned for me, could you?’ he asked with an apologetic smile. ‘And I could do with some new shirts. I seem to have mangled the others in the washing machine.’

  ‘What size?’ she asked, and jotted it down. ‘Silk? Cotton?’

  ‘Some of each. White. I don’t like coloured shirts for work.’

  She stifled the smile like a trooper and he felt a little guilty. How long had she known him? And he’d never worn a coloured shirt to work in all that time. ‘Thanks,’ he said, his answering smile wry, and she patted his shoulder.

  ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll do this, you look through that teetering pile on your desk. I can’t seem to keep up with it, and if you want my opinion, which you probably don’t, I don’t think you’re spending enough time in this office. You’re spreading yourself too thin, Rob, and you look like hell.’

  She went out, the door clicking shut behind her like a punctuation point, and he walked slowly over to his chair behind the desk and settled into it, staring blindly at the pile of paperwork that was waiting for him.

  ‘Oh, Laurie,’ he said softly. ‘What’s happening? When did everything go wrong?’ He closed his eyes and rested his head on his hands, propping his elbows on the edge of the desk—the only empty part of it. He was exhausted. He’d been in New York until late on Friday, flown home and spent a few hours in bed before dragging everyone in the new company away from their families for an impromptu meeting yesterday.

  And now he had Sue telling him off for not being here and not dealing with his workload. When, exactly?

  He stood up and went to the window, staring down over the bustle and confusion that was London’s rush hour. The only things that were moving were the pedestrians, hurrying about their business. The traffic was gridlocked as usual, and he had a sudden image of Little Gluich, like an oasis of calm in the frantic desert of his life.

  He wished he’d had time to get up there, but there was no time. He couldn’t see that he’d have time this coming weekend, either—not with Sue on the warpath about his dereliction of duty and Mike hopping from foot to foot needing decisions.

  Sue came back in, her knock perfunctory. ‘You look awful,’ she told him bluntly. ‘I’ll get you a glass of iced water.’

  ‘I want coffee.’

  ‘Tough. You’re having water.’

  She walked out again and he sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. She was turning into a witch.

  ‘Here. Drink this. When did you last have anything that wasn’t based on caffeine or alcohol?’

  He shrugged. He couldn’t remember.

  ‘I cleaned my teeth in water this morning,’ he offered weakly, but she just gave him a withering look.

  ‘You need to take better care of yourself if you’re going to indulge in this punishing schedule—although, of course, if you’re trying to win Laurie back then looking that rough could have its upside. At least this way she’ll feel sorry for you.’

  His mouth opened then closed again, snapping shut into a grim line.

  ‘And don’t give me a lecture about exceeding my authority,’ she continued, levelling a finger at him. ‘I’ve worked for you for six years—longer than you’ve known your wife. I’m not surprised she’s gone, frankly. There’s precious little to keep her here—and if you want her back, you’re going to have to make some pretty radical changes.’

  And with that she turned on her heel and stalked out, leaving him standing there motionless in the ringing silence like a cardboard cut-out. He wished he was. Cardboard cut-outs didn’t have to make radical changes. They just stood there and let it all happen.

  Which, when he thought about it, was rather what he was doing. Letting it all happen. If an opportunity came along, he took it, without thought or hesitation. He didn’t have to do that. The company was big enough—more than big enough. He had more money than he knew what to do with, and no time to spend it except on more work, more investments, more companies that needed his attention.

  He wanted to be back at Little Gluich, but it wasn’t going to happen and he couldn’t see a way round it.

  He turned back to the window, staring blindly out over the heaving city. It was like an enormous ants’s nest, writhing with life, and suddenly he hated it. He’d always loved it, thrived on it, but Laurie had shown him a little piece of heaven, and suddenly he could see the dross and chaos for what it was.

  The buildings went out of focus, and he swallowed hard and blinked. Damn.

  The door opened. ‘You need to look at that paperwork, Rob,’ Sue said crisply. ‘It won’t do itself.’

  He dragged in a steadying breath and turned round. ‘Get your pad. We’ll do a bit of work, then I’ve got some calls to make.’

  ‘You certainly have. Mike wants to speak to you—he says it doesn’t matter what time, as soon as you can. He’s in Paris, you can get him on his mobile. And you have to phone David Wright about the new website. They like it, but there’s a problem. They don’t feel it fits their image.’

  ‘No—their perceived image doesn’t fit the website,’ he corrected, and Sue arched a brow.

  ‘I’ll let you tell him that. He’s steaming—says you should have consulted with him on it.’ She rattled off a list of other calls, and he sat down, suddenly overwhelmed. How long had it been like this? It was crazy. None of them could work at this pace.

  ‘Are you happy?’ he asked, cutting her off in midstream.

  She looked at him in astonishment. ‘Happy?’ she said. She sounded stunned. ‘No, not especially.’

  ‘So why do you stay?’

  She sat down on the chair opposite and met his eyes frankly. ‘I don’t know. For you? For Laurie? Because if I wasn’t here you wouldn’t have any time to spend with her?’

  ‘What about your own social life?’ he asked, suddenly realising just how little he really knew about her.

  ‘We don’t really have one. Because Joel’s at home all day it’s less of a
problem than it might be. He looks after the children in the holidays, we go out occasionally at the weekends. We’re just a normal family.’

  ‘Does he think you work too hard?’

  She laughed without humour. ‘Just a bit. It’s the only thing we row about.’

  He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. You should have said something. Do you need an assistant?’

  ‘I have an assistant,’ she reminded him. ‘Lucy. Remember?’

  He did remember, vaguely. He seemed to be dealing with so many secretaries in so many places. It was only Sue that he’d really connected with, and it seemed he hardly knew anything about her. He didn’t know the sex or age or names of her children, or how many she had, or what their problems had been—nothing.

  He felt suddenly ashamed. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said gruffly. ‘I seem to have lost touch with everything.’

  She put her pad and pencil down and sat back. ‘So what are you going to do about it, Rob? You can’t go on like this, and neither can I, not really, and your wife’s voted with her feet.’

  He swallowed hard and looked away. He didn’t need Sue, no matter how well-intentioned, seeing into the depths of his soul. He didn’t even want to go there himself. ‘Got any ideas?’ he asked, and his voice sounded rusty and unused.

  ‘Hand New York over to Mike. He’s big enough to make his own decisions, but you tie him hand and foot and won’t let him do it on his own. It drives him crazy. And stop buying companies just because you like the look of them. Turn them around if you must, but then sell them and let go of them. Forget Paris. It’s nothing. It brings in a marginal amount of money compared to what you’ve got invested in it, and you don’t need it. It’s just another millstone, and Mike hasn’t got time for it either.’

  He looked up at her slowly, his eyebrow quirking. ‘Is that all?’

  She smiled a little awkwardly. ‘It’ll do for a start—and you did ask.’

  ‘And what about Laurie?’ he added softly. ‘Got any ideas for what I can do about her?’

  ‘Get your house in order first. Laurie’ll keep. Then go and see her. Tell her what you’ve done. Ask her to come back.’