Bruno

by Pokorney, Stephanie

  I dance harder. One, because dancing feels good and makes me happy, and two, I don’t want to talk about the past. This is here, right now. This is what matters.

  “I’m as good as I ever was,” I scream back, making his smile wider.

  The music continues and our body movements go from dancing near each other to on each other. His hands are on my back, pulling me closer. I don’t resist. I go from igniting the dance, to letting him lead. For a nerd, he has great dance moves. Most guys I’ve danced with in the past had two left feet. His movements match mine. I am lost in a trance of my old passion. I don’t notice the stares or the gawking’s from the students surronding us.

  A slow song comes on. I stop dancing. Without hesitation, he pulls me into his arms and starts swaying our bodies back and forth. I thought it’d be uncomfortable to be this close to him for the first time, but it isn’t. He isn’t even sweaty. His axe deodorant smells so inviting. My head is pressed against his chest; his heart is beating rapidly. Maybe it’s because of the excessive dancing, or maybe it’s because of me. I don’t really mind, it’s just good to feel someone else’s heart beat besides my own.

  “Excuse us; I need Saige’s advice in the girl’s room.” The words break through the dying notes of the music. Bruno seems startled because he doesn’t question Melanie as she signals for me to follow her into the bathroom.

  Once inside, she waste’s no-time explaining. “Tim’s here.”

  My mouth drops. I peek through the gym doors and see Tim standing alone. He’s wearing a new tux, which I’m sure costs a couple thousand dollars, and his hair is spiked the way it usually is for special occasions. I take a step forward to go and ask him why he’s here, when I see Adrian appear out of nowhere. She is holding his arm when she doesn’t need to, I mean they’re just standing around for Pete’s sake, and smiling too big as she brushes her hair off of her shoulder. My heart drops and I feel sick to my stomach.

  I back away from the girl’s room door, retreating deeper inside, as if the farther back I hide the more the hurt will go away. It doesn’t.

  “They just showed up. I thought he wasn’t coming.” Melanie’s word’s travel like air.

  Upon realizing her careless word choice, she tries to make it up. “They probably just happened to show up at the same time, alone. You know Tim’s had such a hard time since you broke up with him, and Adrian… well, she can’t get anyone.”

  I storm out of the gym in a huff. It is only as I’m looking for my car that I remember I came with Bruno, and I recall the great moment we just had. Ugh. It’s really tough making the right choices. I head off towards my brothers car, hoping he still keeps the doors unlocked and the spare key under the driver’s seat, when I hear footsteps behind me.

  Bruno is running at me, full force. I stop walking and wait for him to catch up. Within two strides, he’s in front of me.

  “Where are you going? I thought we were having such a good time, and then you just disappear.”

  I feel bad for him. It’s really hard dealing with me these days. Even my closes friends weren’t close with me anymore.

  “The room was suffocating me.” I fib.

  “Oh,” his face falls, but he continues, “Well you could have told me. I would have left with you. I’ll take you anywhere.” He tosses his keys back into his hand. His keys are my ticket to leaving this parking-lot and getting away from the sight of Tim and Adrian.

  I’m glad he didn’t ask for a real explanation. ”Let’s go.”

  We climb into his SUV and he asks me where I’d like to go. I don’t really have a special place in mind, so he decides to take us to the closes Dairy Queen. It’s going out of business because a brand new Sonic opened up across the street, so most of the time it’s deserted. I’m glad I don’t have to see anyone and I remind myself to thank him later for choosing such a great location. He orders food for himself and chicken nuggets for me.

  After filling up my drink, I realize he already choose a booth for us in the back. There’s an elderly couple sitting in the front, and one man who’s ordering to go, so it’s like we are all alone back here. He already has the food and has set it up so I just have to sit and eat.

  He doesn’t say anything at first. He just eats his banana split in silence. I take a couple small bites out of one chicken nugget, and slurp my mountain dew on purpose. The silence is killing me, but talking will kill me more.

  “It’s because of Tim, isn’t he?” He asks, pushing his half-unfinished ice-cream to the side.

  “Yes.” I can’t even look at him.

  “I thought you didn’t care what he does anymore?”

  “Well… I thought I didn’t. But I haven’t seen him in so long. Since right before I met you. I didn’t even see him when he came home for the summer, because I was so busy with you. He used to text me every so often, but I haven’t gotten a text from him in months. And then he just shows up at MY dance with another girl, without even telling me, it just… sucks, ya know?”

  “Yeah. I know.” The hurt in his voice makes me ask him how he could possibly know. “When we first started talking, I thought I never had a chance for you to even give me the time of day. But then you did. I tried not to get more attached than just basic friends, but you’re so hard not to like, Saige. I thought about you all the time. Then you choose to go to last year’s homecoming dance with Dave. I had planned on asking you. That was the first dance I ever planned on attending since Junior High. But I didn’t go because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you with Dave.”

  “What?” I’m so confused. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you.” I’m mad and hurt he didn’t ask me. I really wanted to go with him. He never asked, so I thought he didn’t mind… I wish I would have had the guts to ask him myself.

  “It’s not just that dance. It’s before we ever really became friends. When you’d date the guys you date, and go to dances with the guys you did. I liked you from afar. You were interesting. Here you are: captain of the cheer team, you win all these beauty pageants, you model sometimes, and you date all these popular guys. But you were nice. The nice kind of nice, the kind of nice that means you care about other people even when you don’t have to. And you’re smart. Seeing you with any guy, even before you knew who I was, broke my heart.”

  I lean in towards him. “I had no idea, Bruno.”

  “Well this is a dream come true for me. To be here with you on the one homecoming that counts. I don’t want him to ruin our night. You don’t deserve to be sad. You’re too pretty to be sad.”

  I wasn’t ever sad when I was with him. Today wasn’t going to be the first day I was.

  “I have an idea!” He says, pulling me up from the booth. We abandon our food and head to ‘our spot’. He turns on the headlights and blasts the same radio station we listened to on the way there. He bows at the waists and asks me to dance. Giggling, I greedily accept.

  And that’s how we spent our homecoming night; dancing the night away, under the moon and stars, on a hill in the woods, with nothing but headlights and fireflies to light up the ground around us. It really was magical.

  We only danced to slow songs. They are much more intimate than the “shake-your-butt” songs. I stayed in his arms for hours, moving slowly back and forth to the words of love coming from the car speakers. I felt his heartbeat, I felt his hands on my back, and sometimes, I felt his hands playing with my hair. I felt safe when he was holding me, because if someone tried to take him from me, even if that someone was death, I could squeeze him tighter and never let him go.

  After what seemed like minutes, but was really hours, we made the responsible choice to get back into the car and head home. I know my brothers would be demanding to know where I was. I check my phone and have 15 new texts and two new voicemails. Melanie told me I won homecoming queen. Last year that was all I wanted, but now, all I wanted was Bruno.

  My dad left the porch light on for me, just like he always does. Bruno walks me to m
y front door and tells me this was the best night of his life. I want to tell him it was mine, too, but I can’t find the words.

  He squeezes me tight before I walk into the house. He doesn’t kiss me, but I don’t mind. There are tons of kisses from him in my future. I push my forehead up against the glass window and watch his car disappear in the darkness. I sigh heavily and take off my coat. A piece of paper drops from one of the pockets. I open it up and in red crayon, (probably borrowed from Alex), Bruno had written: “AMORE VINCI OMNIA.”

  FIVE

  SQQQQQQQQQQQUEKKKKK

  Ugh, I hate the sound old doors make. I’m glad my parents weren’t stingy with the WD-40. Nothing in my old Victorian house creaked anymore.

  Bruno’s mother had called me, asking me to stop by after school. It’s been three weeks since the dance. I thought I’d see more of Bruno, and for a while I did, but for the past week he’s retreated. I know he’s been getting the necessary tests done, but that’s all I know.

  I don’t remember Bruno’s house being this sterile. It’s like everyone was so busy trying to make someone they love not die, they forgot to live. The toys that used to be scattered on the floor are now sparse. One lone blanket sits in the corner by the window next to a toppled over book. Alex’s doing, I bet. Thanksgiving decorations have been placed on the coffee table. I have seen the same decorations last year, and the new ones were one’s Alex had made in school. I pick up the decoration closes to me. It’s of Alex’s hand in the shape of a turkey. I turn it over, and on the back he had scribbled, hardly legible, “I’m thankful for my big brother Bruno.” I set it back down.

  I wrap my arms around me tighter, stretching my Aero hoodie. I feel bad for feeling like I’m in some unfamiliar, scary place and not Bruno’s home. I turn towards the kitchen just as I see Bruno’s mom, Anita, peak her head through the door. “Saige! Come in, come in.” She dries her hand on a washcloth, opening her arms. I smell Italian bread cooking and my mouth begins to water.

  She seats me on one of their weathering table-chairs and hands me a glass of juice. Apple, my favorite. She settles down across from me, and my eyes focus on her face for the first time in a long time. It’s amazing how much a year of sadness can make you age. Or maybe it really isn’t facial features that age, but just the care-free out-look she once had has been replaced with the realization that everything isn’t always going to be rainbows and butterflies.

  As she sirs the coffee that she has gotten for herself, she asks me how I have been.

  I don’t tell her how I’ve really been. I don’t tell her much of anything. Instead, I just do what I always do, what everyone does, really; and say “I’ve been good.” Pretending at its finest - or worst.

  Without missing a beat, she goes on to tell me in detail about her outdoor garden that they’ve always had, which three years ago started to expand. She tells me about Alex’s citizenship award for friendliest student in his first grade class. She tells me about the new recipe she’s trying to get perfect for the upcoming fall festival. She tells me all these wonderful things, but as I nod my head and listen to her go on and on, I know that there is something weighing heavily on her mind. Something she hasn’t yet mentioned.

  After her speech about wanting to get a cat to help ward-off mice, she stops. She just outrights stops talking altogether. Inside, I panic, but before my body can make any movements to better the situation, tears start to fall from her eyes. Within moments she is sobbing into the kitchen table. My heart breaks for Bruno’s mom. I’ve never been good with crying, but I feel compelled to say something. I’m deciding between “don’t worry” and “it’ll be okay” when I hear her speak between gasps for air,

  “He has cancer again.”

  She raises her head and dabs her eyes with the same dishcloth she’s been squeezing throughout our conversation. She sniffles and recomposes herself. I sit in astonishment, trying to recollect my feelings. I replay back what happened last spring. We can’t go through that again. Bruno can’t go through that again.

  She must have seen my thoughts ticking away and she patted my hand. “We have to be strong, Saige,” she whispers, “for Bruno.”

  For Bruno… For Bruno… For Bruno…

  My mind echo’s her last words over and over and over.

  As I’m leaving the Castino’s, I see Alex bounding up the driveway, dragging his backpack through the dirt. “Saige!” He calls, dropping his bag, running to me full force.

  I smile because he’s so adorable, and because it’s harder to cry when your lips are curved upwards. “Alex! How was school?”

  I carry him down the driveway to retrieve his backpack, knowing full-well that if I don’t pick it up, it will be entirely forgotten. He takes his bag from me and opens it, showing me his crinkled award his mother had been proudly telling me about. “I’m the most friendliest kid in my grade!”

  “Way to go, A!” I high-five his extended hand.

  I must be really good at pretending because Alex doesn’t seem to notice my eyes red from rubbing away tears minutes before. His smile is genuine and toothless, his curls bouncy with energy and so full of life. I vow right then and there to make sure he never loses his love for living, even when death is right around the corner.

  “Did you see my mommy?” He asks.

  “Yes.”

  “Did she make my favorite bread for dinner?”

  “Yes she did.”

  “Good. Bruno likes that more than spaghetti and meatballs. About time, too, I’ve been waiting my whole life for him to love what I love!”

  His innocence is the best thing about life. He grabs my hand, pulling me towards his open front-door. I gently pull my hand out of his, saying I had to get home to see my mommy. He is sad for a quick second, and then smiling, saying “Oh yeah! Sometimes I forget other people have their own mommies.”

  He waves to me, yelling for me to come back and play trucks with him. I smile and promise to do so, knowing I’d keep my promise just to keep that smile on his face. I start my car, knowing that even though I said I was going back to my house, I had something more important to do first.

  Bruno’s swinging his legs off the handmade bench someone had abandoned up on the hill years ago. As I approach him, I can see he has dirt all over the bottom of his pants, as if he had walked. I sit beside him and we don’t say a word.

  The sun is setting. Funny, we’ve never seen the sunrise; we’ve only seen it set. We’ve seen the sun go to sleep but we were never there to see it awaken. We always count on it to wake up and go back into the sky, but we never really make sure it does. Maybe one day we’ll be disappointed when it never wakes up.

  “I walked here because I wanted to make sure I notice all of the hill’s beauty.”

  I don’t say anything.

  He continues, “Sometimes when you’re driving you’re going too fast to notice just how beautiful the little things are.” He hands me a rose that is covered slightly in dirt. You can tell he picked it because it’s not as pretty as the ones you buy from the stores. “And I wanted to make sure I walked the hill before I was too weak to really do it.”

  I stare down at the rivers. They make a pretty shape. I know they aren’t all connected, but from up here, they look like it. With anyone else, I would have said something positive, something along the lines of “Oh, hush, silly! You’ll never be too weak to walks up this little ole hill.” But I don’t say that. I just sit and stare.

  “You know what the most beautiful thing is about you?” He asks.

  I shake my head no.

  “Remember that day you were late for cheer practice? And if you didn’t make it on time you couldn’t be eligible for captain? I was coming out of science lab and I saw you running down the stairs, trying not to be late. I saw what you did. There was a girl at her locker, crying, trying to find her key in her bag. She had spilt her bag on the floor, desperately searching for it, and sobbing uncontrollably. You could have kept going to cheer practice. You probably wo
uld have made it, too. Then you wouldn’t have had to do all the makeup work and skip those pageants to make captain. But you stopped anyway. You got on the floor next to her and helped to find her key. You opened her locker for her, you hugged her, whispered something to her, and then you left for practice. You didn’t have to do that. But you did it anyway, because you’re a beautiful person. That’s what makes you beautiful.”

  I can’t believe he remembers that; it was so long ago. Any other guy would have said the thing that makes me beautiful is my baby blue eyes, or long blonde hair, or pretty smile, or maybe even my body. But he didn’t. And that’s what makes him beautiful.

  I don’t it, though. I just keep starring at the gorgeous view.

  “You know what makes this view so beautiful?” He asks.

  I shake my head no again.

  “Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever been here with. You’re the only person I’ve ever experienced this special spot with. Every time we come here it’s magical and intimate. We always have a good time and make memories that will last forever. This spot is beautiful because it reminds me of you and how happy you make me.”

  Tears are welling in my eyes. I won’t be able to choke them back much longer.

  “Love is beautiful, isn’t it?”

  I nod my head yes, vigorously.

  “Love is beautiful because the people who love each other are beautiful. Love is beautiful because love makes you do beautiful things; both for the person you love and other people. Love is beautiful because it’s the best feeling in the world and you feel beautiful when you feel love. You are beautiful to me because I love you, and I love you because you are a beautiful person, both inside and out.”

  The tears are falling now. I don’t try to hide my face the way I do when I cry around anyone else. I just let the tears fall like ran. They silently splash on to my lap. Bruno is still looking down at the view, but suddenly, he turns to me.

  He takes his hand and wipes my cheeks with his soft fingers. This is the first time he’s ever touched my face.