Dear Diary Friend, I think I like a guy. Well, I think it’s more than like really. It feels so beautiful and real and not at all bad. When he looks at me, I feel clean, not messy and dirty. I’m not a silly little girl anymore, so it’s all so much more right.
Zach is handsome and kind and even though he knows so much about what has happened to me, he still seems to like me—a lot! He comes around to the house a lot. He pretends he’s there to see Elsie or give us some news of Crystal, but I know from the way he smiles that he likes my company. Sometmes, when he touches me, I feel a way I have never felt before and I just can’t wait until I see him again! This is wonderful and I feel so happy inside! Maybe there’s something good coming! Oh, how I hope so!
Another thing Sienna had put in place was regular counselling sessions with a psychologist named Dr. Constance Beale, who she had met quite accidentally one day while she was out walking in the park. Constance owned a lovely Golden Labrador puppy, and he had bounded up to her and leapt all over her one morning, causing Sienna’s clothes to be quite muddy on that rainy day. She and Constance began talking about dogs first, then the weather, and then dating, and it went on from there. Constance shared details about her profession, and one day, Sienna decided she needed someone outside of her life to talk to, as she was still plagued by some of the things she had been through. She needed another perspective, someone who she could talk to and then leave behind the conversations, someone with the knowledge of how she was to successfully move forward, considering where she had been. She knew as a psychologist that Constance would listen, not judge, not act shocked, and not feel sorry for her. That was the goal: good insight, a listening ear, and another point of view.
Dr. Beale was a lovely woman, and although they had met in a park and been friendly, when Sienna was in her office she was every bit the consummate professional, still friendly but straight to the point. She started off with the usual questions, but Sienna had an idea so that the doctor could understand her story. She wanted Constance to read her diary. The story would tell itself that way, and it would save an awful lot of explanation. She agreed to do so, and they set a new appointment for three days later when she would be ready for the next phase, pulling apart the happenings in the diary and helping Sienna work through them.
Sienna left her office, pleased that the psychologist would read rather than talk at first, because she knew without the knowledge presented in her journal they would go around in circles, like a carousel, for too long, never addressing the real issues. Sienna had a lot of these issues to work through, a lot of ground to cover, and a lot of putting things behind her before she could properly move forward with her life. Sienna’s life with her mother and then with Marcus had shaped her in a way she would rather not remain conformed to. She wanted a clean slate. She was still young and had lived far too long in hell for someone her age. She wanted a new start.
Among all that, Sienna needed to learn to live without someone telling what to do every second of the day. She had lived under the watchful eye of Marcus for most of her formative years, and she wanted to be an independent, well- functioning woman, and capable of making her own decisions and boundaries. It was time. She relied too much on Elsie for her sense of self, and she needed to find out who Sienna Carmody was, what she wanted and what she liked, just for herself. She also wanted to be strong and confident for the sake of Crystal, whom she would surely see again soon. She hoped to lead her sister out of the mess and into a beautiful life of freedom, so she went about seeking that freedom for herself first.
She shared these goals with the psychologist, and Constance was pleased with them and what she sought to achieve. Seldom did a patient come in to her with such a defined sense of what she wanted, and Constance was looking forward to helping her find her true heart and mind.
When the doctor sat down to read Sienna’s diary, she was shocked, saddened, and mesmerised by the story within its pages. This was an insight into her patient’s psyche that she seldom found even after many months of therapy, and she was impressed with the child who became a woman and wrote with such clarity and honesty. The story was horrific but moving, and Constance found herself unable to put the journal down. When it was time for her next appointment, she was pleased when her patient failed to appear so that she was able to continue with her reading. It was no wonder Sienna wanted to talk, and she felt honoured that she had chosen her for this purpose. How wonderful to help such a beautiful creature to reach higher heights in her life by helping her to move through these experiences.
Constance Beale was appalled at the man who had so taken advantage of her young heart and angered by the way he used her by appealing to her need to be loved. She was convinced, even before she got to the part where Sienna noted it, that Marcus had done away with Candice and Crystal, so that he could do whatever he wanted with the young teenager who was so caught between her hormones and her heart. She grieved with Sienna the loss of her mother and the disappearance of her twin, and she felt the waves of emotions as though they were her own. Then she pulled back and took stock: This was no novel written by a teenage girl, but a life lived in the most awful way imaginable. Clearly, though, Crystal, Sienna’s sister, had lived an experience equal if not worse, and it was the doctor’s desire that she would be able to help her, once Sienna found her and asked her if she would come home.
The journal told her everything, and in the last pages, kept up to the date and only ending the day before Sienna’s appointment, Constance learned how close Sienna had come to finding her twin sister and how she longed to see her, but how she was frightened Crystal may not want her in her life. There was always a chance that Crystal may believe her sister had abandoned her and left her to live a hellish existence, but Constance thought it unlikely that the bond of twins could be undone by time, location, or their life experiences.
Chapter 28
Finding Crystal was easier than Abe ever thought it could be. When he left the airport, he hired a car straight away, even though he was hungry and would have loved some breakfast. He drove the forty miles to Tatum, and with his stomach rumbling and being in serious need of coffee, he stopped at a diner in the bay for sustenance. He thought he would have a long day ahead looking for Crystal and that he would talk to dozens of people with photographs to show them and the moving story of his need to find her well thought out and rehearsed.
But from this point, things became ridiculously easy, as he sat down in a booth in the cafe and looked at the menu. By the time a waitress came to his table, he had decided on a massive breakfast of steak, bacon, eggs, hash browns, and lots of coffee. He heard a sweet voice as a pair of feet approached his table. He stopped looking at the menu and looked up at the friendly waitress only to be staring into the very face he wanted to see, Crystal Carmody. Too easy, he thought. What now? He had little experience with finding someone so easily. She was the spitting image of Sienna, and if the two were standing side by side he would certainly be unable to tell them apart.
He ordered his breakfast and watched her turn and leave his side. During his waiting time, he beckoned to one of the other girls, a dark-haired woman about the same age as he was. She came to the table, and he carefully asked her a couple of questions, trying to seem normal and not like a stalker or a dirty old man interested in a teenage girl. He told the waitress, Pamela, that he had met a girl once who looked a lot like Crystal, his waitress, and he wondered if she had a sister or something. Pamela, who was a bit gushy about other people’s business, luckily for Abe, told him that yes, apparently Crystal had a twin sister in another city. He commented on what an incredibly small world it was and that he was blown away by the amazing coincidence. Pamela also offered more information: Crystal had lived a horrible life and had made a brave new start. She said if he was going to talk to her he should be gentle with her heart. Pamela promised not to say anything to Crystal in case he chose not to rock her carefully put together world, but he knew she probably would tell all after he lef
t.
Crystal was clearly busy with other customers, and although she returned to his table with his meal, he didn’t get the chance to talk with her at the time. He waited for her to finish work and followed her in his rental car to the place where she lived. She didn’t notice him, as he was rather good at what he did. After seeing her enter her small cabin on the caravan park, Abe chose to stay there also.
He went to the reception office and enquired for a cabin of his own and was offered their luxury model, which was all they had left. Abe was pleased, of course, and although he would usually stay in a motel, he found the self-contained cabin on the beachfront to be more than adequate and beautifully fitted out. He could hear the rolling of the ocean and the sounds of the seagulls. Abe felt as if he were holidays rather than working. God, he loved his job sometimes!
He kept an eye on her cabin for an hour or so, had some lunch, and then decided to go for a walk around the tourist park.
He found all the amenities, the laundry and a well-appointed games room, and then he discovered an obscure walking path that led to a private stretch of beach with deck chairs and tables and red-and-white-striped umbrellas to give shade from the sun. He went back to the small convenience store on the park, purchased a drink, and made his way back to the chairs. Beyond his wildest dreams and as if it were meant to be, there lying on a chair in a bikini and sarong was the girl he needed to talk to. The beginning of these conversations was never easy, but her friendly demeanour made it simpler than usual. Despite the dreadful life she had lived she still seemed to have maintained her lovely personality, and she treated him with more trust than she should have a complete stranger.
As Abe walked to a neighbouring chair, he casually said hello and reminded her they had met that morning in the diner. She remembered and kindly chatted with him, asking where he was from and what brought him to Tatum Bay. He decided then to jump in with the truth. She seemed to be balanced and at peace with herself, so he was fairly sure her response would be positive. “Funny you should ask,” he said. “I don’t want to frighten you.”
Instantly Crystal felt scared. Please, she thought, don’t be someone I don’t want to meet again. Don’t be one of my old clients, please!
But of course, she didn’t say these things out loud, and Abe continued. “I’m a friend of someone you know in the city.” Crystal became more concerned. “No, that’s not really right. I’m an employee of someone you know. You’re Crystal, and I know your sister, Sienna.” Crystal heaved a sigh of relief, and he noticed. “I’m sorry, Crystal. I didn’t want to scare you. It’s never easy to start these conversations. Let me start again. My name’s Abe, and I’m a private investigator. Your sister, Sienna Carmody, hired me to find you because you disappeared. She lost you when you moved, and she wanted to make sure you were okay. You look so very much like her—it’s just amazing!”
Crystal was no longer looking frightened, and instead, a tear was sliding slowly down her cheek. She had so many questions, and in quick succession she fired them at him, with some anger and misunderstanding as to why she had never heard from Sienna before. Abe explained it all to her. He told her of how Sienna and Bonnie had been trying to purchase her even, over the last year, and how they carefully kept track of her. He explained how for many years Sienna had been tricked into believing she was living happily with the aunties at the big house and that she was relayed messages that turned out to be lies from the man who held her captive. He talked with Crystal about Marcus, about what he did to her and about her life since. He told her about how Sienna had been deceived and kept from her for so long. Crystal cried through most of their conversation. People came and went from the beach, but she didn’t care who saw. This was what she had wanted for so long, and she let out her emotions, talked freely, and felt comfortable enough to let Abe put his hand on her shoulder in a show of comfort. He was sort of a fatherly type, and Crystal was so thankful to him.
“Well, Crystal, it’s been wonderful talking to you, and I know you have a lot to think about, so I’ll go now. I’m staying here in cabin twelve. If you need anything or have any questions, I’d be happy to talk more, but I expect you’d like some time alone now. It’s a lot to digest, I know.”
The beautiful girl nodded, so Abe went back to his cabin.
Two hours later, at about three o’clock in the afternoon, Abe was doing some paperwork in his cabin when there was a soft knock at his door. It was Crystal. She had more questions. He answered them all, with the exception of one, which he skilfully avoided. Abe couldn’t tell her of her mother’s death. He really didn’t feel he should, but he did have a copy of Sienna’s journal with him, which she had given him in case Crystal needed proof that she cared, that he was telling the truth, and that she loved her sister still.
Crystal took the printed pages like a hungry dog would take a bone. She looked at the writing and knew it was her twin’s. She instantly sat on the lounge in Abe’s cabin to devour the words Sienna had written. This was all that she needed, and it was Abe’s saving grace, as he no longer had the responsibility of telling her more. This job had turned out to be more emotional than any he had ever done, and he had become more involved personally than was usual. But he could see the importance of this one, and he threw caution to the wind to help the gorgeous girls who needed him so much.
Abe went on with his paperwork, and every now and then he would hear her make a little noise, sniff back her tears or sob with the sadness of it all. When she found out about her mother, she looked up at him with fire in her eyes and asked why he didn’t tell her.
He said simply, “I just couldn’t, Crystal.”
With that answer, she went back to the diary and read and read until she was finished. She was completely amazed and touched and sad and happy and every emotion there was, for her sister’s life, although somewhat different to her own, was a rollercoaster of fear and cruelty, lies and deceit, as her own had been. More than that, she learned how hard she had tried to find her, how many times she had asked about her, and how cleverly Marcus had held her at bay, lying to her and giving her pretend messages to keep her happy. She understood now, and she needed to make some decisions. Until today, she wasn’t sure of anything, and now she knew how much her sister wanted her. Furthermore, she knew the men who held her captive were now either deceased or in prison with no hope of getting out. This left the way open for her to go home. Sienna still had the beautiful home, which technically belonged to Marcus, and she still had Elsie the lovely housekeeper, who adored them so much. It would make sense for her to go back with Abe and be with her one living family member, but she had to think about it, go over it in her head, and talk with someone else about it.
She chose to talk with Pamela, who had surprisingly kept her word about not telling her about Abe from the restaurant that morning. She was a good woman and had, in the short time Crystal was there, treated her like a daughter. Crystal excused herself and went to phone her, so that they could meet and talk. After she returned to Abe’s cabin that evening, she told him she needed some time, but that she wanted him to tell Sienna that she would love to meet soon and talk. She wasn’t sure what she would do next, but she wanted at least a week or so to consider everything, to think, and to process. The private investigator gave her his card, and Crystal promised to phone as soon as she had made a decision. She was sure she would want to see her sister and very soon, but she just wanted a little time. She wanted to read the journal again and take it all in first.
Abe was happy with this outcome. After only fourteen hours he had Crystal’s permission to tell Sienna the good news. Fourteen hours was nothing! Sometimes, this kind of thing would take weeks, months, or even years. He was happy, both professionally and from a personal point of view. So many of the jobs he attended to didn’t turn out this well. The very next morning Abe left for home with fantastic news to give to his employer, Sienna Carmody. He could have talked to her over the phone, but he wanted to see her face when he told her.
Chapter 29
When Sienna went back to see Dr. Constance Beale, she did so with very exciting news. When Abe told her of his wonderfully successful visit to Tatum Bay and with Crystal, Sienna was so happy she could hardly contain herself. She called Elsie into the room, got out champagne, and poured glasses for the three of them. Then she spent the rest of the day alternating between laughing, smiling, and crying from happiness.
Constance was very happy for Sienna and also for Crystal, who she felt she knew through the journal. She couldn’t believe how happy her patient was, and she hardly wanted to bring her down by talking about the very difficult life she had led. It was necessary, though, so she began chatting about her reading of the diary and how it had touched her. They talked for about half an hour, and it was hard for Constance, but she felt to ask her about her mother and father.
Sienna felt quite comfortable in this office, with this warm but insightful woman, and she talked openly about Candice and how her life, her addictions, her employment, her death, and the dumping of her body in an alley for the rodents to dine on. It was a subject close to her heart, painful to talk about and imperative to look at again. Her father . . . well, that was a different story. Sienna told her she had never known him and that although his parents had looked after her family well after the twins’ birth, Sienna had never met them either. These people, her grandparents, had died very early in her life in a dreadful accident, and their death had changed the lives of the girls and their mother because they no longer had a place to live or any money. This spiralled the family into the next part of their lives, but it wasn’t their fault at all, and in Sienna’s journal they had been spoken of as fine and caring benefactors. She hadn’t mentioned their names, though, and Constance wondered why. It bore looking at, as she was very clear about most things in the journal. She talked about them and the way her father had died just before they were born. It was then that she told Constance her father’s name: Darren Patterson, or, officially, John Darren Patterson.
Circling Carousels Page 13