Circling Carousels

by North, Ashlee

  I know that my father will want to know what happened to keep us apart. I will have to tell him, but I don’t want to. Who knows? He may take it quite well and just accept his parents’ mistake and forgive. He seems to be very good at love and forgiveness. I don’t want to hurt him, though.

  Chapter 32

  Sienna and Zach had been going out together for a little while now. They were purely exhilarated in their new life together, and one gorgeous moonlit night, Zach brought with him on their date a jewellery box. He knew all her favourite things by then, for they had been shopping together time and time again. He knew her taste, and he felt sure she would love the gift he brought to the impressive Italian restaurant that night. They were eating their entrée when he leaned over, looked into Sienna’s blue eyes, and placed the box in her hands. She kissed him and gazed into his eyes, the ones that could be trusted, the man who when he gave a gift, gave it out of love and not because he was trying to buy her or manipulate her. It was a wonderful change! In Zach, Sienna had found a man she could trust and give her love to completely.

  Inside the box, she found the most ornate and wonderful pendant, a tiny carousel horse on its ribbon-embossed pole. Zach knew her fondness for the decorative creatures, and he had realised the importance of the imagery, as she had told him of the day her mother had treated them with the beautiful ride.

  It was a wonderful memory for her, and she adored that he had remembered and loved her enough to buy her such a perfect gift, a memento of her childhood. He was sensitive to her feelings and listened to her heart when she told him her secrets, the good and the bad, and he loved her still, even after he knew the whole ugly truth.

  That night, when they left the restaurant, Sienna asked if she could see his apartment, for she had never been there and Zach obliged, a slight twinge of hope that she may be hoping for a little more than a tour and a cup of coffee.

  It became very clear as Sienna, holding his hand, stood at the front door. She appeared to be trembling as if she were cold, but inside, Sienna knew she was trembling with the anticipation of her plan. She had decided that it was time to explore the unmet part of their relationship, and she knew that here, in Zach’s apartment, they could be alone all night if they wanted.

  Just inside the front door, Sienna turned Zach around to face her, and she reached up to him with her two hands, gently running her fingers through his full, unruly head of hair and then pulling his head down to meet hers in a kiss more passionate and more indicative of her feelings than any they had shared before. Zach returned her passion and grabbed her shoulders, dragging her into his body, letting her feel the whole of him as he continued to kiss her. They stumbled a little in their wild desire, her back finding the wall behind her and her breasts pushed up against his chest, further enticing him in his exploration. His lips were warm, soft, and full of desire, and she allowed him to explore her mouth with his tongue. Time stood still as they felt one another’s bodies through their clothes and rubbed, touched, and felt one another as their lips stayed firmly locked in fiery kisses.

  Zach lifted her body ever so slightly off the floor, and she wrapped her legs around him, his movements clearly showing her what he would do had they had less clothing on, and she began pulling at his jacket, his shirt, his buttons, returning the ardent wanting. There was no shyness, no fear of this being wrong, and no worry that he would use her and cast her aside. She was able to give herself to him without fear. As she was lowered again to the ground, they hurried to take off the encumbrance of material, and he ran his hands all over her and she him.

  Zach looked into Sienna’s eyes and took her hand to find a more appropriate place for what was to follow. There was no doubt in his mind that she wanted him, and he was aching all over from his unmet desire for her. The bedroom was just a few steps away, but the floor was closer, and she knelt in front of him taking his nakedness in as he too knelt down to taste her neck, her shoulder, her breast, and her hard but supple nipples. He nibbled, licked, and kissed his way back up to her lips, and she shuddered with the pure pleasure he gave. They held one another close and fell gently to the floor, rolling into the carpet’s pile.

  Suddenly, the fire ignited more and more of their bodies like a storm of rampant flames, and she straddled him, her lips making contact with his torso, his neck, and his face in a million kisses. He pulled her forward, his hands in her long blonde hair, and as her naked soft white mounds made contact with his chest, Zach let out a groan that gave away his need of her. She lifted slightly, ran her hair provocatively along his body, and touched him softly, teasing and building Zach’s desire for her. He wanted this and needed more. She had no reason to disallow his wanting of her, so she moved further down his legs and bent her head downward to take his maleness into her mouth. She moved on him, up and down, bringing him close, but not to completion of ecstasy. Zach was more aroused than he knew he could be, and as she kneeled still above his body he ran his hands softly up to her thighs, inside her legs, and then further up to touch her in her most intimate peaks and valleys. She rocked with pleasure against the feeling of his exploring fingers, tilted into his touch, and opened herself up to his feverish flicking and tantalising of her most pleasurable places. He watched her face as he explored her. He saw her rampant desire, and it drove him to give her more and more until she exploded above him in a thunderous, shudder of pleasure.

  She threw her head back in wild ecstasy and then she moved forward and down to place herself atop his hard desire. They rocked with each other, in and out, until Zach exploded and released the whole force of spent passion into her waiting body. Sienna smiled at him with undisguised love and joy, and he smiled back the same, as both of them, relaxed and satiated, lay together still on the carpet. Zach lay with his head on Sienna’s breast, the perfect pillow for his head, and together they sighed in wonder at how beautiful and fulfilling it was to be together in the closest way they were able.

  After a while, the floor felt a little harder, so they moved into the bedroom. There they slept for the evening, waking up early in the morning. When they awoke, both of them turned towards the other and were very happy that it wasn’t all a dream. Before breakfast, which Zach created for Sienna, they made love again—the perfect start to the morning.

  They had been together for only a short while, but Zach had so much clarity on this day. He knew what he wanted without a doubt. It was with this in his mind that he took his beautiful girlfriend shopping. He wondered if this was the way to do it, but he was certainly sure he was willing to give it a try. Walking past one of the more beautiful jewellery stores in the city, Zach steered Sienna over to the window, and she started looking at the beautiful baubles and rings. Zach pointed out one or two pendants and then moved towards the engagement rings and showed Sienna one that had a large diamond in it in white gold. Sienna turned to him with a look on her face full of questions and wonder. Zach could hold it in no longer, and he sat Sienna down on a bench just near the store.

  “Would you consider . . . would you do me the honour of being my wife?”

  “Yes, yes, yes!” Sienna cried out in joy and excitement. “I would love to be your wife!”

  They kissed and with much happiness walked back over to the jewellery shop and chose a stunning ring with princess diamond with a thousand facets cut to catch the light.

  Sauntering down the road, they found a beautiful French- inspired restaurant, and there they shared a beautiful lunch of two courses and white wine and a glass of champagne to commemorate the occasion. Zach knelt down on one knee in the restaurant and asked her again, more formally this time. Of course, she said yes, and he put the gorgeous ring on her finger. Sienna glowed all afternoon and all night. She couldn’t help it. She was that happy.

  Dear Wonderful Diary, I feel a bit childish still talking to you like that, but today the whole world is wonderful because Zach and I are engaged! The man I love and who loves me too wants to marry me! Oh, my gosh!

  It’s too wonder
ful to put in words, but can I just say that after all the sad things that have happened, all the tragedy and misery, that my life seems to be turning around full circle. So much like the carousel horse on the necklace Zach gave me. There will still be ups and downs, but the circling of my carousel is looking pretty beautiful now, and I’m ecstatic!

  Maybe I won’t have to write sad stuff anymore! Who knows? But things certainly seem to be coming around nicely these days! Crystal’s coming to see me, my father is a wonderful man, and Zach loves me with all his heart! Thank you, Diary, for listening to all the bad and ugly, but I am pleased to announce: A better day is here!

  Chapter 33

  Crystal was on a bus on her way to see her sister and the people who she was close to. She was happy to be on her way.

  The last week had crept by so slowly. So many things needed to be said, or at least she thought they needed to be said. She wanted to understand why Sienna had never come to her, and she needed to hear it from her mouth, not just read it from her journal. According to Abe and the diary, she had been watched by her sister while she was working on High Street. Crystal understood that she was worried about the consequences, but to know that her sister cared would have meant everything to her. In a way, it made her angry, but she tried to push that feeling down as she neared the city where she once lived. Coffee would be good. It would be nice to sit with her after all these years and to find out what had really happened from her own lips.

  Since Abe left the caravan park that day, Crystal had read the journal over and over to understand. She did, but still she felt these horrible feelings of abandonment. They had only had twelve years together, twelve years out of nearly twenty, and the last eight years had been sheer hell for Crystal. But she knew

  Marcus and knew how cruel he could be and how hard he would have worked to keep them apart. The emotions within her were conflicting, but she was sure the moment she saw her sister she would feel nothing except love and joy having found her again after so very long.

  The coffee shop was small and intimate, and there were fewer people there than usual. In the corner of the room between the hanging plants and trestles was a beautiful woman waiting for another equally beautiful woman. The strains of quiet music played in the background, only marred by the intermittent sound of the coffee machine. The air was thick with the rich smell of desserts and coffee. Sienna mused for a minute on how coffee always smelled so much better than it tasted, in her opinion, but after only moments, she was back to thinking about the important meeting she was about to have. It would be so strange to see each other again, yet so wonderful.

  As Crystal waited for the bus to reach her destination, she thought over the last years without her sister and the emptiness she felt without her.

  In the coffee shop, Sienna was so excited, so afraid, and so worried that this wouldn’t work out as in her dreams.

  Crystal got off the bus, went around to the other side where the cargo was kept, and took two large suitcases from the driver. She had no intention of going back to Tatum Bay, and she hadn’t told anyone except her boss at the diner and Pamela. She dragged her suitcases for two blocks before she thankfully came upon the coffee shop. She stopped and looked, peering in the window, and she saw her mirror likeness inside, looking every bit as anxious as she felt in her heart. At least she wasn’t alone in her feeling, she thought, and then she realised in a blinding flash that she need never feel alone again.

  She left her bags with the cashier, who took them from her and put them in the back room, as she snuck around the corner to have one more look at her sister before she spotted her. The sneaking did no good as when she put her head around the plants Sienna was looking right at her. In an instant, she scraped her chair back, almost sending it flying in her eagerness to get up, and ran into Crystal’s arms. The two of them stood there, not caring who could see, and hugged one another and cried and cried and laughed for crying and then cried some more. They’d each had a million words they thought they would need to say, and none of them mattered anymore.

  After a long while they stumbled towards the table, still unable to break physical contact with one another, and they sat and just looked at their still so similar features.

  Finally, Crystal spoke first. “I read your journal. . . over and over!”

  “I’m so sorry, Crystal—so sorry for so much lost time!”

  Crystal waved the comment off with her hand. “It simply doesn’t matter anymore.”

  They ordered coffee and talked and talked. Some things were said that needed to be, and some of those things made them sad, but nothing could mar the way they felt at that moment. Crystal knew everything anyway, because of the diary, but still they revisited some of the painful things, and then they talked about the future and what Crystal wanted to do now. She pointed cheekily to the cashier and said, “Well, I don’t know, but that girl over there has two suitcases with all my worldly possessions, so I suppose I could stay if you’d like.” Again Sienna was out of her chair and hugging her until, she was almost blue from being squeezed.

  They talked about Zach, about how happy Sienna was to have found something so good after so much bad, and Crystal was pleased. They talked about Constance Beale, Sienna’s counsellor, and how wonderful she had been, how instrumental in helping her, and then Sienna decided it was time to tell Crystal about their father.

  “All these years,” she said, “we have thought something, believed something, but Crystal, I’ve found out something wonderful! Well, actually Constance told me about him first, and then I went to find out for myself. Our father, Darren Patterson, is not dead. He’s very much alive, and I’ve met him. We had dinner, and he is a wonderful man, the sort of man you would want for a father! He’s handsome and friendly and kind and . . . oh, Crystal, you just have to meet him!”

  Crystal sat silent for a moment. Years of believing one thing and then finding out another completely opposite thing was a bit surprising. After a few moments ticked by, she said, “When? When can I meet him?”

  “Well, over there, waiting to meet you, are a few people,” Sienna said happily. “They couldn’t stay away, and I couldn’t stop them; they were so excited! There’s Zach, my fiancé, and there’s Abe, who you already know, and our father and Elsie, who you’ll recognise as soon as you see her. They’re hiding behind the partition having coffee, because they didn’t want to spoil our reunion or overwhelm you, but if you want to we could go see them.”

  “If I want to? Of course I want to!” said Crystal with childlike joy in her voice.

  They both got up and, holding hands with a spring in their walks that had been missing for a long while, hurried over to the other side of the café. Crystal met with Abe again and then Elsie, whom she hadn’t seen in several years. She met Zach, whom she liked instantly. And then she looked at her father, a man she never thought she’d meet. He got up from the table, as the others had, and held both of his daughters in his arms. They laughed and cried, and then everyone was doing the same.

  There was a lot yet to be said and it would be, but all in good time. For now, it truly wasn’t important. The most amazing thing had happened that day. All of the people she loved and cared for were in one room, joking, laughing, and all talking at once. It was wonderful. Coffee turned into lunch, and lunch turned into dinner. Eventually, it was late, and they drove home together. That night, everyone, Zach, Elsie, Abe, Sienna, their dad, and Crystal all stayed up very late and fell asleep in lounges and beds and on the floor. In the morning they had breakfast, as a family, and went on their separate ways to work. That left Elsie, Crystal, and Sienna together again, like in the old days, but so not like the old days.

  They sat at the kitchen table for a long time and talked about everything on their minds. Much of it was dark and the stuff of nightmares, but with this new beginning there came hope and joy, and it was a good day. They felt cleansed and renewed, kind of as if a layer of dead skin had been scrubbed off and underneath there was a better,
fresher, healthier layer. It would be a little tender and pinkish, but it would definitely be better.

  Crystal was in no doubt at all that she needed to meet this Constance whom Sienna was talking about, and although she thought she hid it well, her sister knew that she had a lot of things she may need to discuss with a counsellor. After introducing them and chatting a little, mostly about how very much alike they were, Sienna feigned another appointment and left them alone together.

  Over the following months, under her wise counsel, the twins learned to be stronger to work through the things that had so plagued their lives, and to move on little by little. In time, Crystal wanted to be like her sister and find real lasting love, and in order to do so she needed to learn to trust again, but that would come and sooner than she imagined. There was much to tackle, but there was time for all that. There was strength to be found and lives to be fathomed out, but that, too, would take some unpacking and going through. Regardless of how long it took, it would happen, and the girls would learn to be whole again.

  Chapter 34

  The years would march on, and a lot would change, evolve, and move forward in the lives of Sienna, Crystal, their family, friends, and even their enemies.

  Marcus would remain in prison for the rest of his life until he passed away at the relatively young age of fifty-nine. He would never question Sienna living in the house, although eventually, no money would be placed her bank account, or Elsie’s. But that was no matter; the house was payment enough. He never made contact with any of them, but in his will, read to Sienna after his death, he would leave the home and everything in it to her. All things considered, it wasn’t all that surprising. In Marcus’s mind, Sienna was still the teenager he knew, who had loved him. He wasn’t aware of her newer feelings that were almost the polar opposite of love. He didn’t know what she knew of his dealings, the death of her mother, or what he did with Crystal. It was entirely possible he would have wanted her cared for after his death, as in his life, she had meant at least a little, she figured. Even though he had cruelly tricked her, used her, and abused her childlike mind and heart, he must have cared enough for her to leave her the house. It was good closure and excellent therapy for Sienna, although she did feel a twinge of sadness at his passing. Jason Sawtell would be paroled when he was very old and couldn’t bother anyone anymore. He too would never seek to contact either of the twins, and by the time he was released, the girls were quite a bit older and wiser. During the last months of his imprisonment, Crystal kept abreast of his release date to stay out of his way. Once they saw a man, possibly Jason, on High Street talking with a younger man, no doubt his protégé.