by June Francis
‘I’m not having a man who’s sorry for me. I want one who admires me,’ said Daisy, her bottom lip trembling.
‘Frank does! Now forget men for the moment and just relax.’
But Daisy seemed unable to and every time anyone approached she darted behind Lily, who at first was amused but soon begin to feel irritated. Just a few more days, she told herself, and insisted her sister went out alone the next day.
‘I can’t,’ said Daisy in a trembling voice.
‘Of course you can!’ She handed her some money. ‘I need some potatoes.’ She pushed her sister out of the door and slammed it, hoping Frank could do something with her.
She might as well have saved her breath. Her sister arrived home on the run minus the greengroceries. ‘I couldn’t do it,’ she gasped, sucking in air. ‘I couldn’t breathe. I felt I would die if I went inside.’
‘You need your head examining,’ said Ben in disgust, who had entered behind her. ‘Come on, Lil. It’s time for milking.’ He opened the back door. ‘By the way, Uncle William’s bringing a couple more cows. Soon there’ll be lots more lovely milk for our Daisy to sell after you’ve gone.’
‘You and your stupid cows!’ she yelled. ‘You don’t care about me!’ She burst into tears.
‘Oh, hell!’ said Ben, and dived through the doorway.
Lily followed him. What was she to do about Daisy? She looked down the yard and longed for Matt. He might have had an answer. She hardened her resolve. Daisy was going to have to cope. Come what may, Lily was definitely going to Australia next week.
‘I don’t want any of you to come with me,’ said Lily, placing her suitcase on the floor by the door.
‘You don’t mean it,’ said Dora, the blackbird in her hat swaying sidewards. ‘William’s brought the car specially.’
‘Don’t make this any more difficult for me, please.’ Lily’s voice held a slight tremor as she avoided looking at the family ranged in front of her. She pulled on a beige kid glove. ‘I – I don’t want to stand on the ship, watching you all getting smaller and smaller.’ A tear rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away. ‘I don’t want you missing me. I just want you all happy.’
‘Oh, shut up, Lil!’ said Ben in a choked voice. ‘You know damn’ well we’ll miss you!’
She lifted her head. ‘Shut up yourself, Ben Thorpe!’ A sob shook her body. He threw his arms round her, kissed her cheek, then thrust her away and blundered out of the kitchen into the backyard.
Lily wiped the tears from her cheeks and attempted a smile for her younger brother and sister. Ronnie looked away but May smiled, ‘Bye, Lil. Perhaps we can come and see you one day?’
She nodded. Perhaps it was possible, when she and Matt were settled somewhere. She would not mind settling in Sydney. She looked at Daisy, who was gazing down at her hands. ‘Bye, Dais,’ she whispered. ‘Keep the home fires burning.’
‘Sure.’ Daisy did not lift her eyes and her voice was barely audible. ‘I hope you’ll be happy.’
Lily turned to William. ‘Thank you,’ was all she could manage, and she blindly reached for her suitcase. His hand got there first.
‘Come on, lass,’ he rasped. ‘D’you think I’d let you be going on the tram? I’ll drive you to the Pierhead and you can sail off just how you want it.’
She nodded, took one last look at them all. Her arms ached to hug Ronnie but he would not even look at her. Without another word she walked out of the kitchen, trying not to think she might never see any of them again.
Chapter Eight
‘It’s a beaut, isn’t it?’ drawled a voice with an Aussie twang from behind Lily. ‘Only opened five years ago.’
Lily glanced up at the massive skeletal arch of Sydney Harbour Bridge and then at the plump woman in the pink frock. ‘It must take some painting.’
‘Sure, but it’ll keep some men in work and that’s what’s needed these days.’
‘You are Joy? said Lily, smiling and holding out a hand.
The woman’s slightly pouting lips eased slightly. ‘You are Matt’s wife?’
‘Yes, I’m Lily.’ She picked up her suitcase. ‘You must have thought I’d never get here. I did as your husband told me on the telephone and stayed put. I had thought of walking but—’
‘It’s more confusing than you thought.’
‘The distances are greater than they appear on the map and I wasn’t sure if I was on the right side of the harbour.’ Lily found herself almost babbling but why she should feel she had to make excuses she did not know.
‘Kirribilli is north side. You could have taken the ferry, but knowing you had luggage, I brought the car.’ She began to walk. ‘You were lucky to catch us in. Pete’s leave is nearly up. I don’t know if Matt told you he’s in the Australian Navy?’
Lily fell in step beside her. ‘Yes. And that they’ve known each other since schooldays.’ She hesitated. ‘He said you haven’t heard from Matt?’
Joy did not answer immediately but paused to open the car door. ‘Not recently, and I’m not sure where he is. Last time we spoke he talked of taking a break and coming home but when I told him about Pete’s leave he said he’d give us some time on our own. Of course, he didn’t know you were on your way.’
‘But he should have known!’ exploded Lily, feeling near to tears. She shaded her eyes from the glare of sun on water. ‘You did send my letters on?’
‘Sure, I did,’ said Joy, reddening. ‘But he’s been moving on and God only knows when they’ll reach him. He does have a habit of getting sidetracked sometimes. He could have met some swaggie on the road. I take it you know what Matt’s like for talking to all and sundry?’
‘Yes.’ She got into the car, trying to conceal her acute disappointment. ‘What’s a swaggie?’
‘You’d call them tramps. Some are misfits from the war who’ve never been able to feel comfortable in society again. The depression didn’t improve their situation.’ She pursed her lips. ‘Lots of men went walkabout in search of work which was almost impossible to find. When did you last hear from Matt?’
‘Not for a couple of months.’ Her mouth drooped. ‘He said he’d write to me care of his Sydney address.’ Her spirits lifted. ‘Of course! There’ll be letters from him which’ll tell me where he is.’
‘Had no letters,’ said Joy, starting the car.
Lily stared at her. ‘You’re joking!’
Joy turned pale blue eyes on her. ‘Don’t see any reason to make a joke about it,’ she said in a toneless voice. ‘He phoned a couple of weeks ago to see if you were here. Pete said no and that was the last we’ve heard from him. Have to tell you he didn’t sound pleased that you weren’t here.’
Lily could not think of an answer to that. Of course Matt wasn’t pleased if he hadn’t received her letters.
Joy slanted her a glance. ‘What kept you so long? Matt said something about a younger brother and sister being sick but seemed to think they were getting better.’ She paused. ‘You’re not having a baby, are you?’
‘No!’ Lily was startled. She hadn’t even thought of a baby being the possible consequence of the nights of love with Matt. Probably because there had been so much else to think about.
‘I am,’ said Joy with a proud air. ‘But don’t mention it to Pete. It’s early days and I just know he’ll fuss and worry about going back to his ship if he finds out, and I don’t want that.’
‘I wouldn’t dream of saying anything,’ murmured Lily, gazing at the scenery as they crossed the bridge. What kind of person did Joy think she was to discuss other people’s private business?
‘That’s OK then.’ Joy hummed beneath her breath as she drove onto the bridge. ‘Try not to worry about Matt, He’ll turn up. Take a look at the scenery … have you ever seen any better?’
Lily looked out of the window at the panorama surrounding her. It was different from Liverpool, was all she could think. The water was blue instead of khaki green, the roofs were red, and lots of houses were painted in pastel shades. Here
was a lovely sunlit city but she was too overwhelmed by homesickness and worry about Matt to appreciate it.
On the other side of the harbour Joy brought the car to a halt outside a house halfway up a street which ran up from the harbourside. The walls were painted pink and the upper windows were fronted by balconies protected by lacy wrought-iron railings.
Joy opened the door into Matt’s part of the house and showed Lily to his bedroom and left her. She sank on to the bed and dropped her head into her hands and let the tears trickle through her fingers. She had been so looking forward to seeing him and felt lost and alone in this strange house. She lifted her head and looked about her, trying to see his personality imprinted on the room, but there was nothing that spoke of Matt to her. It was well furnished in light oak and the double bedstead was made of solid brass. Curtains and coverings were pale green and there was a crucifix on the wall behind the bed. Perhaps it was so impersonal, thought Lily, because he spent so much time travelling?
She rose and wandered out on to the balcony outside and looked towards the harbour, busy with small craft. She felt lonelier than ever, imagining Matt gazing out at this same view. If only he would walk through the door, now, today, tonight, she could bear anything.
But Matt did not come home that night. Neither did he phone and there was no mail from him over the next few days.
On the Sunday after Lily had attended the service in St Andrew’s Cathedral on George Street and prayed to hear something from Matt, Joy invited her to have dinner with her and Pete and Lily accepted hoping to learn something more about Matt and this couple who rented part of his house.
Their floor was very different to Matt’s, more lived in. The furniture was not so solid, fabrics were bright yellows, reds and oranges. There were pictures of flowers and seascapes, and little space that was not taken over by clutter.
She waited until after dinner to speak of her concern about there still being no word from Matt. Pete was a stocky, brown-haired, laconic man.
‘The car could have gone crook,’ he said.
‘Matt knows something about cars,’ said Lily earnestly. ‘Surely he would have been able to sort it out by now?’
‘Depends where it happened and whether he had spares. Wouldn’t you agree, love?’ He glanced up from the newspaper at his wife.
‘Sure. If it was something Matt couldn’t fix he’d have started walking,’ drawled Joy, placing a cup of tea on a table near Lily’s hand. ‘And he’d make sure he had plenty of water with him. So I wouldn’t worry about him dying of thirst!’
Lily let out a strained laugh and ran a hand over her hair. ‘Having just come from England, thinking of someone dying of thirst doesn’t immediately spring to mind. So what can we do?’
Pete folded the Sunday newspaper, dropped it on the floor and stretched out his legs. ‘What about that Fraser family Matt mentioned?’
Joy frowned. ‘What about them?’
‘Who are the Fraser family?’ demanded Lily.
Pete’s expression was thoughtful. ‘It might be worth getting in touch with the Harringtons in Bourke after I’ve gone and asking their address, love.’
Lily clenched her fists in her lap. ‘Why can’t we get in touch with them now?’
‘Probably no need,’ Pete told her. ‘Matt won’t thank you for fussing. He’ll turn up sooner or later. It’s not the first time he’s done something like this.’
Lily gave up in frustration. They just weren’t concerned but she was madly worried. If Matt did not arrive in the next couple of days she determined to do something, whatever Pete said.
Pete returned to shipboard duty and Joy, prodded on by Lily, got in touch with the Reverend J. Harrington in Bourke who told her that Matt had left weeks ago but, yes, he had mentioned dropping in at the Frasers’ place for a couple of days.
‘See! Pete was right,’ said Joy, yawning as she placed the receiver back on its hook. ‘The trouble with these outback stations is it can be so lonely and boring out there they hang on to visitors. He’s probably stayed more than a couple of days but is on his way home now.’
‘You think so?’ said Lily, getting to her feet and pacing the floor. ‘So you don’t believe he could have broken down?’
‘I don’t think there’s any need to worry,’ said Joy comfortably, picking up a skein of cream wool. ‘Give it a couple more days and if he’s not back by then we could write to the Frasers.’
Lily stared at her. ‘A couple of days! And then how many more for a letter to reach them? Isn’t there a train or a bus to Bourke I could take?’
‘Sure! Bourke is a big wool port. Once you could only get there cross-country by horse and then up the Darling by paddle steamer.’ She held out the skein of wool to Lily. ‘Hold this for me while I wind it.’
Lily felt like screaming with frustration but instead placed the skein about her wrists. Joy seemed to be unable to concentrate on anything but the baby. ‘You say I can catch a train to Bourke now?’ she said patiently.
Joy nodded. ‘You’ll have to go on your own. I can’t risk losing this baby. And don’t forget it’ll be further than you think. This isn’t little old England, you know.’
‘Tell me another,’ said Lily drily, and made up her mind if Matt did not return in the morning she would pack a bag and go and buy a train ticket. If she had not been so anxious she would have been furious with him for putting her through all this worry.
Matt did not come home so Lily boarded a train destined for Bourke with the name of the Frasers’ station in her purse. She was determined to find Matt whatever it took.
Chapter Nine
Lily dropped the rucksack Joy had lent her on the gravel and eased her shoulders as she gazed at the sprawling single-storeyed house fronted by a verandah which was broken by a flight of steps leading to the front door. Beyond it she could make out several large outhouses. A sigh escaped her. She was stiff and sore from riding motorbike pillion and being bumped over dirt roads. Twice she had been flung off but fortunately had landed on grass. The bike belonged to a parishioner of the Harringtons’ who just happened to be passing the Frasers’ place. He had dropped her at the gates, telling her she could walk the rest of the way. She only hoped she wasn’t wasting her time as she did not want to do that walk again. Evening was coming on, she was hot, hungry, utterly worn out, and dying for a cup of tea.
She took a deep breath and approached the door, only to stop on hearing a vehicle drawing up. Her pulses raced but soon settled when she saw the man climbing out of the truck was not Matt.
‘Where did you spring from?’ He was tall and the rolled-up shirt sleeves of his blue cotton shirt showed tanned, muscular arms.
‘Are you one of the Frasers?’ She walked over to him.
‘You’re a Pom.’
‘I’m Liverpudlian.’
‘Can you cook?’ he drawled. ‘I did ask them to send a woman who can cook.’
‘Of course I can cook!’ She was startled by his remarks. ‘What’s that to do with anything?’
‘Plenty. You’re hired. Go round the back. You’ll find Doreen there. She’ll show you what’s needed before she goes.’ He walked away from her towards a paddock where several cattle grazed.
‘Hey, hold on!’ cried Lily, running after him. ‘I’m no hired help, mate! I’ve come to find my husband. I was assured I’d get a warm welcome. The Frasers like visitors, I was told.’
He turned, gazing down at her from eyes she could not tell the colour of because the brim of his hat cast a shadow over the top half of his face. ‘I’ll pay you what you ask as long as you don’t flirt with the men.’
‘Didn’t you hear what I said?’ Lily drew herself up to her full height of five feet, four inches. ‘I’m a married woman!’
‘So? The shearers haven’t arrived yet. You can work in the house until your husband turns up with them.’
She took a deep breath and said emphatically, ‘My husband does not shear sheep. He’s a preacher and I was informed I�
�d find him here.’
His expression changed and then he swore profusely.
Lily frowned. ‘Do you mind? I’m not used to that kind of language.’
‘Used to sweet talk, are you, lady?’ His tone was as chill as hers. ‘Well, I’m telling you now – your husband has gone off with my sister and I’ll knock his block off when I see him!’
Lily stared at him in disbelief. ‘You’re a liar!’
‘He’s the bloody liar. Never a word about a wife! Abby probably thinks—’ He stopped, his mouth tightening. ‘We were all taken in, not just her. He was a mate! We never thought a preacher –’ He paused and breathed deeply. ‘But you don’t have to worry. A couple of my brothers have gone after them and you can have him back. He mightn’t be in one piece but you can try putting him together if you care that much about him!’
Lily went hot and cold, and sky and grass shifted unpleasantly. Reaching out, she gripped the nearby fencing to steady herself. She swallowed the bile in her throat and forced down the panic his words had roused. ‘You’re making a big mistake, Mr Fraser,’ she whispered. ‘Matt wouldn’t. He’s not that kind of man.’
‘Isn’t he now?’ he drawled. ‘Abby left a note. She says she’s gone off with him and that they’re lovers. Do you hear that, Mrs Gibson?’ he shouted. ‘She wrote it in black and white! The news caused Ma to have one of her turns and she’s taken to her bed.’
‘I don’t believe it!’ cried Lily, getting a grip on herself. ‘Did you see them go?’
‘Of course I bloody didn’t or I would have stopped them!’ His tone was exasperated.
‘Then we only have your sister’s word that she’s with him,’ said Lily strenuously, relief flooding her.
‘They’re both missing so don’t kid yourself, lady.’
‘I’m not kidding myself.’ She stared at him with loathing. ‘How old is your sister? Mrs Harrington said she was quite young.’
‘Sixteen. What’s that got to do with anything?’ His expression tightened.
‘Plenty! She’s at that age.’