Harvest of the Gods

by Sumida, Amy

  All I had to do was sit and listen to her tell me a story. For six hours she read to me, and I got caught up in Rannulf and Ayla's troubles, intent on whether or not they could get past each other's differences and finally just be together. It was enthralling and Krystal's low voice was the perfect level to lure me into the fantasy. I admit, I felt a little awkward when she started reading the sex scenes but she just kept reading, maybe a little more enjoyably, and never even glanced at me so I quickly let go of my awkwardness and went back to the little escape from my sadness.

  After the book we went downstairs and watched a horror movie. Some Asian flick about a photographer whose fiance ran over a girl and then the girl kept showing up in his photographs. It was awesome and totally different from what I was presently going through, so also totally perfect.

  Krystal spent the night and got to gawk at my lion men the next morning but when I suggested she talk to a few of the single ones she balked, saying that she'd wait for Azrael to deliver her angel. Then she'd hugged me and Trevor took her home.

  I will never know how she saw exactly what I needed and delivered it so effortlessly but I'll be thankful to her for that one day for the rest of my life. It was such a wonderful respite from the pain and I ached for more of it, like a crack addict needing a fix.

  “Did you have fun with Krystal?” Azrael came walking into the library.

  “She was fantastic, thank you.”

  “Of course,” he leaned over and gave me a kiss. “Sommer, Tristan, and Jackson are coming over tonight if you're up for it.”

  “Yeah, that sounds good,” I smiled.

  I was really looking forward to seeing my friends, especially after my time with Krystal but as much as I enjoyed their company, Tristan is one of those people who just about goes crazy when one of his friends is hurting and he ended up following me around like a lost puppy. I actually had to reassure him that I didn't need him to go into the bathroom with me. That I'd been peeing all by myself for my entire adult life and I was fairly certain I still remembered how to do it. He'd laughed and backed off a bit but I could see that he wasn't fully convinced.

  Jackson and Sommer were more of a quiet comfort but it got awkward enough that we all ended up watching a movie and getting drunk. Normally this would have been just great. Unfortunately, I didn't get drunk quite as easily anymore and when I did manage to accomplish the task, it didn't last for long. So the drinking merely brought home the depressing fact that I couldn't drown my sorrows in alcohol. Also, it left me sober while everyone else was drunk.

  Ironically the only upside to the drunken friends scenario was Tristan. He's a fabulously ridiculous drunk, fawning over people and telling them not only the traditional “I love you” but precisely why he loved you and what made you just so damn special. He'd also fall a lot, so Jax ended up following him around like Tryst had done to me earlier. Then he tried to put Tristan to bed in one of the spare rooms(which was upstairs while we were downstairs in the theater). Tristan stayed put for all of five minutes before he came rolling down the staircase and crawling into the theater, declaring that he was lonely and how dare we abandon him like that.

  Jackson just sighed and rolled his eyes.

  So yes the night was fun and distracting but also exhausting. They all spent the night and were gone before I woke up in the morning, which I really appreciated. Goodbyes were even more horrible now so avoiding one was a relief. I had my breakfast (of coffee) and went back to the library.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  “Vervain,” the soft voice was filled with a wealth of an emotion that I was now very familiar with.

  I turned to watch Mrs. E walk into my butterfly courtyard. I'd gone there to find a little peace since I was getting tired of everyone asking me how I was doing. Mrs. E was the last person I'd expected to invade my quiet time but she was also one of the only people I didn't mind doing so.

  “Hi,” I patted the bench beside me, “come join me.”

  “I'm sorry I wasn't at the funeral,” she looked away guiltily. “I just couldn't. I couldn't-”

  “I understand,” I took her hand. “I didn't even realize you weren't there. It's okay.”

  “Vervain,” her sweet voice, so damaged by pain, almost broke me and then she held her arms out.

  I slid into her hug and then we were both crying, big body-wracking sobs that went on for days it seemed. We cried until we couldn't cry anymore, until we were snotty and ugly, and then we just sat together, holding each other's hands.

  She was the perfect companion for me. She knew exactly what I was feeling and knew exactly how to comfort me. Now I knew why she'd withdrawn from us when Tsohanoai died. Well, I'd always known but now I understood. Sometimes it's better to be alone than be around people who want you to feel better so badly that it just ends up stressing you out.

  “Does the screaming ever stop?” I finally whispered.

  “Eventually it fades a little,” she didn't even have to ask me what I meant and I loved her for it. She knew because she was living it and her knowing that I was talking about the constant screaming inside my head, the constant stream of anguished denial, made me feel better. It made me feel normal.

  “I can't believe it,” I took a shaking breath. “I just can't seem to understand that he's gone. He was so vital, so strong, and had lived for so long that the thought of him being dead just doesn't make any sense.”

  “I know,” she nodded. “I still hear Tsohanoai sometimes. I hear him walking into our bedroom or feel him sit beside me on the bed. I always look up, my heart racing, thinking it was all just a huge mistake, that he's come to tell me everything is going to be alright.”

  “Do you know where he is?” I took her hand. “Do you know what happens to gods when they die?”

  “No one knows, Vervain,” she sniffed. “We are like humans in this, only hoping and guessing that there's something more but we have even less than they. For we have no gods to pray to, no faith to hold to our chests when we mourn. We speak no platitudes to each other, unable to even offer that much.”

  “But there must be something,” I insisted. “I've seen too many souls live on beyond death through magic. If that's possible, then something must have prompted it. Souls must have had somewhere to go initially, a place that inspired gods to create the God Realm. There had to be something before the gods made themselves gods.”

  “I don't know,” she blinked, her eyes gone dry. “It's possible, I guess. I'd just assumed he was completely gone, dispersed like air from a balloon.”

  “I've been reading these old god texts,” I bit my lip. I didn't want to get her hopes up if it was nothing. It was one thing to pin my hopes onto an idea but to bring Mrs. E into it only to crush her later would be horrible. Yet I selfishly continued. “There's all these notations about a void and even now a lot of gods refer to dying as going into the void but in these books the void is talked abut like it's a place not a euphemism. I think there's a place where we're all meant to go, that gods have in fact been preventing humans from reaching by providing an alternate afterlife for them.”

  “Vervain,” her eyes were wide, her jaw unhinged. “Do you really think so?”

  “I think it's worth looking into,” I squeezed her hand. “Don't expect a miracle or anything but if you felt like doing your own research, I wouldn't mind the help.”

  “I would love to help you on this,” she nodded. “It may become obsessive and it may even appear crazy to others but I don't care. If there's even the smallest chance that I may find Tsohanoai, even if it's only to confirm that he's somewhere I may be able to go someday, I want to do this.”

  “We don't even have to tell anyone,” I gave her a small smile. “We can just say that we're keeping each other company. I'm sure everyone will understand.”

  “You're absolutely right,” she took both of my hands. “Thank you. Even if this yields nothing you've given me something to think about, something to hope for and it's been a long time since I'v
e felt hope.”

  I squeezed her hands and wished fervently that our hearts would heal soon, that we'd be able to do this research with calm, rational thoughts and in response, I felt my love magic rise. I was startled by the appearance of the butterflies inside me. This hardly seemed the time for them but then they flowed into my heart and I knew.

  How could I have missed it? I had the power to heal myself all along. Maybe I'd avoided it intentionally, knowing grief must be accepted and felt before you could let go of it. Whatever it was, I'd forgotten a significant aspect of the love magic, the power to heal a broken heart.

  It wasn't a complete healing. They didn't fly through me and take all of my pain away because that was truly impossible. I loved Odin and no amount of healing would change the hurt of not having him alive and beside me. I would always miss him, always feel an ache when I thought of him and no magic could change that. To do so would mean a severance of my love for Odin, a complete removal of it and that wasn't what my magic was about.

  It was about acceptance though. As is often my lesson, I was hit with another form of acceptance because love is partially acceptance. You accept what the other person is, their whole being, flaws and all, and you accept that loving them leaves you open for being hurt by them. Now I was learning that it also meant accepting that your life goes on even after they're gone.

  The crippling pain lifted, and I took a surprised breath as the fluttering filled my heart. Suddenly I was able to think about Odin without wanting to burst into tears. I was able to remember without wanting to forget. There was still a horrible ache but the memories were sweet and comfortable. Then that glow expanded outward and connected with Mrs. E.

  Her hands clenched on mine and she shuddered. I opened my eyes, eyes which I hadn't even realized I'd closed, to find her squeezing her own shut as she trembled. Then she took a deep breath and when she released it she seemed to release the tension that had been filling her since the day Tsohanoai was killed. Her face relaxed and she smiled fondly, probably experiencing memories of her husband.

  Then she opened her eyes and focused on me. “Did you know you could do that?”

  “I had no idea,” I shook my head. “If I had, I would have helped you sooner.”

  “It's okay,” she gave a little laugh. “I think I would have regretted not having my time to mourn. I still hurt for him but I can think clearer now and I'm even more determined to look into your theory of the void.”

  “Me too,” I stood up. “How about we start now?”

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Mrs. E and I spent a lot of time in the library searching through spellbooks, with coffee that Kirill always brought us and my constant companion Nick(my gray tabby). There had to be something there, some clue in those god-written pages that could help me find where Odin and Mr. T had gone and I was going to search until I found it. No one really bothered us, just as I'd expected, they were all too happy we'd found a way to deal with our grief together and they left us to it.

  We found several references to the void but it wasn't until I found a book penned by Lucifer that I got any good details. Yes, Lucifer, the devil, Satan, the Morning Star, yada yada. I admit I was surprised too which is so ridiculous. Why would the devil be any different than any other god? I was intimate with the Angel of Death ferchrisakes, I should know better. Yet I felt kind of creeped out to be reading a book written by the Atlantean who'd got handed the role of Supreme Asshole. It probably wasn't even his fault.

  The book was actually about Hell and the creation of it. How he'd gone around collecting information and allowing Hell to form as human belief forces god magic to but also how he shaped it into what he wanted it to be. The Devil had found the key to working with human belief and I wondered if he'd been the first to do so. I knew that god territories were influenced by humans and several aspects had to be just as the humans believed them to be because of the myths but the gods had found a way to create their own space, like how Hades had made a beautiful home inside his underworld.

  The book implied that you could do almost anything if you worked with the human belief instead of just trying to go against it. It was brilliant and it kind of made sense to me that Satan would be so intelligent. He probably had a pretty good gig. He didn't have to do anything beyond caring for bad souls in the afterlife really, cause no one expected anything but evil from the Devil.

  Then I remembered what Azrael had said about God, how he preferred to just sit around drinking wine all day. He had angels to do the actual work. So I guess either way, bad or good, in the Christian religion you didn't have to break a sweat unless you were an angel. I felt kind of bad for Azrael, he really had got the short end of the pitchfork.

  Anyway besides all the talk about transforming territories, he also mentioned the void as a place where he'd taken inspiration from. He flat out said it was a realm only souls could enter, a place which had inspired not only him to create Hell but the Christian god to create Heaven. Well, he actually took credit for Heaven too, saying God was being lazy again and he had to suggest a few improvements but I wasn't sure if I could really believe Satan when he was taking credit for God's Heaven. I know, I know, I was letting human ideas cloud my thinking again but taking all that credit made the guy seemed kind of arrogant.

  Mrs. E had been ecstatic when I showed her and she'd left immediately to see if she could procure any more works by Lucifer. I let her go with a smile on my face and that was how Samantha found me.

  “Hey,” she said softly and settled into the couch beside me.

  “Hey,” I looked up and noticed how pale she was and that she had circles beneath her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “Oh yeah,” she waved away my concern. “I just haven't been sleeping well. The stress of everything I guess.”

  Then I remembered. It's funny how selfish pain can be, especially heartache. We forget everyone else we love, even when they're right in front of us and even, maybe especially, when we have the power to help them.

  “Shit,” I swore. “Samantha, I forgot about the baby thing.”

  “Oh Vervain, don't even think about that right now.”

  “Honey, I wish I'd thought of it sooner,” I gave a choked laugh. “We could all use some good news and I think I might be able to give us some.”

  “You...” her eyes filled with just the barest glint of hope.

  “I took Demeter's power,” I grabbed Samantha's hands, “and I think I can help you with it.”

  “No,” she pulled away slowly. “Trevor told me the risks. Even if you could help me have a child, you may endanger another Froekn in the process.”

  “Have a little more faith in me than that,” I smirked and took her hands back. “When I took Demeter's magic, it showed me things, possibilities. How would you like to be the first woman to ever give birth to a completely Intare child?”

  “Intare?” She cocked her head at me. “You're going to make me Intare?”

  “No,” I gave her an encouraging squeeze. “I'm going to make your babies Intare.”

  “What?”

  “Every woman is born with a certain number of eggs. We don't make any more of them, they're just sitting there in our ovaries, right?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “So I can change them,” I smiled gently, “alter their basic structure to become a different type of god. Make a cat from a dog, if you'll forgive the base analogy.”

  “Make a cat from a... holy shit, you can really do that?”

  “I think so,” I grimaced, “but I'm going solely on what the magic is telling me so don't get your hopes up quite yet, you're going to be the first one this has ever been done to.”

  “Okay,” she nodded and took a deep breath. “Do it, please do it.”

  I nodded and didn't even think to hesitate. I let my magic rise up and flow through my fingers into her body. The cry of the crane filled me and the green potential of Spring rose up like new shoots through moist soil. I could smell the earth, feel the questing
roots, and taste honeysuckle on my tongue. It was a joyous magic and I had the impression that it hadn't been allowed to be such in a long time. I found myself rejoicing along with it, caught up in the happiness of creation.

  Then I could see inside Samantha and not in a metaphorical way but in an anatomical way. I saw her womb and went zinging with the magic into her ovaries. I sent the power into those potential babies and told them to change. If they wanted to be born, they had to become Intare, they had to be willing to be more than they were.

  And oh how they wanted to be born. What cell doesn't long for more, for life?

  There was no emotion in those little cells, just the need to live but that was more than enough. They changed, they accepted my magic and let the power alter them, do whatever it had to do to make life a possibility. The magic which had once belonged to Demeter was bright with happiness, finally back to doing what it wanted to do but I was surprised to find that it wasn't the only power in there. My lioness magic had decided to crash the party. If a new lion was going to be made, she needed to be a part of it. A cord seemed to form, connecting to my heart like all my Intare were connected to me but it hung suspended, waiting for the heart that it would attach to. By making this child Intare I had stolen a part of it and I felt a moment's trepidation that I had done something wrong but then I realized that either way, Intare or Froekn, this child would have been connected to more than just it's parents. It was a child of magic and it needed its source. I was more than happy to be that source.

  The cells inside Samantha began to glow and I saw one break free and flow down a tube, waiting for its chance. A flash of light filled my vision as I felt the cord attach, even though life had yet to begin there. My magic knew those little cells were ours already, I was seeing the next Intare before it was even formed. I pulled back then but not before I'd caught a glimpse of a child's face, a child with pale brown skin and bright hazel eyes. Fallon's eyes.