The Tie That Binds

by Maura, Catharina

  “Hmm?” he murmurs, not looking at me. I undo the tie on my robe and let it fall open as I gather my courage and scoot closer to him. I cup his cheek gently and turn his face towards me. He looks at me, his expression unreadable.

  I’m terrified of overstepping, but I’m even more scared of going to bed filled with regrets and what ifs all over again.

  My eyes drop to his lips and I lick my own in anticipation. I’m breathing hard and my heart is beating wildly. I lower my face to his slowly, giving him enough time to pull away. I kiss the edge of his lips and then press my lips against his, once, twice, before sucking on his lower lip gently. Daniel is tense and doesn’t kiss me back. Instead he just sits there, frozen. I pull away and let go of him, immediately regretting what I just did.

  He looks at me in shock and I look away, mortified. I was so sure he wanted me too. He stares at me in disbelief and I tremble under his gaze.

  “I— I’m sorry,” I stammer. Daniel doesn’t respond which only adds to my humiliation. I stand up and walk away, intent on hiding away in my room. Forever, if need be. I’ve only taken three steps before Daniel is behind me. He grabs my arm and pulls me back against him. I stumble and place my hands on his chest to stabilise myself. Daniel tangles one of his hands in my hair and puts the other around my waist. He tips my head up and his lips crash against mine hungrily. He moans against my lips as he kisses me. I rise to my tiptoes to deepen the kiss and Daniel tangles his tongue with mine. His hands roam over my body eagerly. He tugs on my robe and lets it fall off my shoulders. It pools at my feet and I step out of it. Daniel lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he pushes me against the wall. He drops his forehead against mine, both of us panting.

  “Alyssa,” he murmurs. The way he says my name turns me on even more. I tilt my head and capture his lips again, desperate for more. Daniel kisses me roughly and pushes his hips against mine. He’s rock hard and I grind my hips against his, trying to create more friction. I need him desperately.

  “Daniel,” I moan. He pulls back a little to look at me. His eyes drift down to the nightgown I’m wearing. It barely covers me.

  “Fuck, Alyssa.” He presses another lingering kiss against my lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he whispers.

  I smile at him and nip at his lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to kiss me,” I tell him.

  He looks into my eyes and the butterflies in my tummy go wild. He makes me feel like I’m all he can see. Like I’m cherished.

  “I—I thought.. I didn’t know—“

  I cut him off by kissing him again. Now that I’ve finally got a taste of him I can’t get enough. He smiles against my lips and kisses me back, deeply and gently this time. My heart feels so full that I’m feeling emotional. Is it possible for a single kiss to make you feel deeply loved?

  I run my hands over his shoulders and down his arms. I’ve been dying to touch him so freely, and his muscles feel amazing underneath my palms.

  The sound of an alarm goes off and Daniel pulls away from me, startled. He carefully drops me down to the floor and walks towards the lift with me in tow.

  “What is that?” I ask.

  “Means security has tried to contact us both on our phones and they couldn’t get through. They checked whether we’re home so they’ve now sounded the alarm to let us know someone from security is coming up to speak to us. They usually only do this if it’s urgent, though.”

  Daniel groans as he stares at the camera feed on the intercom system and closes his eyes.

  “Go grab your robe, babe.”

  I nod, confused, and walk back to pick it up. I’ve just about got it tied around my waist when the lift doors open to reveal Bennet, our security guard, holding up a clearly drunk Dominic.

  “Good evening, Mr. Devereaux. Your brother showed up here thirty minutes ago and refuses to leave. He isn’t on your approved list so we couldn’t grant him access, and we were unable to reach you or Mrs. Devereaux.”

  Daniel sighs. “It’s fine, Bennet. You did the right thing.”

  Bennet lets go of Dominic who glares at him. He straightens out his clothes and walks into the apartment. He walks straight past Daniel and throws his arms around me, hugging me tightly.

  “I broke up with her, Lyss.”

  22

  Dominic hugs me tightly and buries his face in my hair. I sigh and hug him back, patting his back gently.

  I look at Daniel over Dominic’s shoulder. He looks stricken for a second before his eyes fill with resignation. He looks away, dismayed, and turns to walk to his bedroom.

  I grab his wrist as he walks past us and he pauses, his eyes dropping to where I’m holding him. His stoic expression is back on his face, making it impossible for me to read him.

  “Why don’t you go make a cup of tea for Nic?” I murmur. He hesitates and then nods at me. I lead Dominic to the sofa and he clings to me the entire way. He sinks down into the pillows and pulls me down with him. He hugs me tightly and rests his head on my shoulder.

  Daniel looks at the two of us, and I see it clearly now. He’s jealous and insecure, but I don’t know how to make it better without letting Dominic down.

  “What happened?” I ask, my voice soft. Dominic looks up at me with heartbreak in his eyes. “She just wasn’t the one for me. I tried so hard to make it work. I had to.. I had to try.” He looks at me with his heart in his eyes. Daniel puts down two teacups with much more force than required. He’s tense and I can tell he wants to walk away again but I tilt my head and indicate for him to sit down next to me. He hesitates before he sits down. I grab one of the teacups and hand it to Dominic.

  “Have some. You’ll feel better.”

  He takes it from me and glares at Daniel in between sips. “Why the fuck are you walking around half naked anyway? You did it at our house too, when Lucy and Alyssa were around. Don’t you think it’s inappropriate?”

  Daniel inhales deeply and ignores Dominic. “I’m asking you a question, asshole.”

  Dominic sits up, his tea sloshing over the edge. I take the cup from him and scowl at him. “Watch it,” I bite out. “I’ll kick you if you drop any on my sofa.”

  Dominic looks at me in surprise. “Your sofa?”

  I didn’t even realise what I said until he repeated it after me. “Fine. Daniel’s sofa. The sofa.”

  Dominic kicks off his shoes and folds them underneath him. “We broke up because of you, Alyssa. She’s convinced I’m in love with you.”

  I stare at his in disbelief. “That’s bullshit. I know she’s insecure but that’s taking it too far.”

  Daniel tenses beside me and Dominic looks at me with an expression I know all too well. It’s guilt.

  “Is it, though, Lyss? I started dating her shortly after you and I got drunk and you told me that you’re in love with me. I was terrified of what being in a relationship would mean for us and what might happen to our friendship if we dated and ended up breaking up. I felt like the only way to get over wanting you was by dating someone else. I guess she could always tell I wasn’t a hundred percent committed to her.”

  I’m speechless. I would’ve loved to hear this before I married Daniel but it wouldn’t have mattered. I still would’ve had to marry Daniel, and in hindsight I’m glad I did. Dominic was right to worry about our friendship. A relationship between him and I never would’ve lasted, and we would have destroyed our friendship.

  Daniel gets up and walks to his bedroom, not looking back at me even once. I want to chase after him and reassure him that this changes nothing. I can see his insecurity and I want to rush and take it away. I think back to when he asked me how long I’d been in love with Dominic, back when he took me out for dinner so I could escape going for dessert with Lucy and Dominic. I told him that I’d always loved Dominic. But now I know better. What I felt for him wasn’t romantic love. It doesn’t even come close to what I’m feeling for Daniel, and I already know I have yet to fall f
urther for Daniel. I’m worried Daniel will distance himself from me now. That he’ll think Dominic and I are mutually in love and he’s the one standing between us. Nothing could be further from the truth.

  “I don’t get it,” I say to Dominic. “You said you broke up with her? Why did you do that? Were her insecurities becoming too much?”

  Dominic shakes his head and walks up to Daniel’s liquor cabin, raiding it for something strong. I frown. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough? You’ll be hanging like crazy tomorrow.”

  Dominic takes a shot of whiskey and takes the bottle with him. He puts it on the coffee table and grabs my hand as he sits down.

  “I broke up with her because I realised it wasn’t fair on her. It wasn’t fair of me to use her to get over the feelings I have for you. I know it’s months too late but I haven’t been able to think of anything but you, no matter what I did. I don’t want to put our friendship at risk, but I had to tell you. I need you to know I feel the same way.”

  I take my hand out of his carefully and brush my hair with my fingers. “You’re not in love with me, Nic. Just like I wasn’t in love with you. We’re just used to each other. We’re comfortable with each other and out of that comfort came infatuation. It’s not love, and it’ll pass.”

  Dominic shakes his head. “You can’t truly believe that. I know you feel the way I do, Alyssa. I’m sorry I didn’t realise it straight away. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long.”

  I shake my head and get up, confused. “Where is this all coming from so suddenly? What’s gotten into you?”

  Dominic jumps up and grabs my hands, a pleading look in his eyes. “It’s not sudden. I’ve known all along, but I just didn’t know what do.”

  I shake my head. “What makes you think now is a good time? I’m married, Dominic. To your brother.”

  “It isn’t a real marriage anyway, Lyss. Do you really think he’ll care if we date?”

  I close my eyes and try to think of the best way to handle this. What do I even say to that? How can I make him see reason?

  “Nic, I’m sorry your relationship with Lucy didn’t end up working out. I hardly think jumping into another one hours after ending your last relationship is a good idea, though. Besides, I won’t cheat on Daniel for as long as I’m married to him.”

  Dominic looks at me in disbelief. “That’s bullshit. You might be faithful to him but he’ll never be faithful to you. Why waste those three years? Didn’t you see him in the tabloids with Giselle?”

  I sigh, unwilling to get into this with Dominic. I’m not willing to listen to him tearing down my relationship with Daniel. I don’t even get to animosity between them. Dominic always looked up to Daniel. When did that change?

  “I’m sorry you broke up with Lucy, Nic. But I’m proud of you for not stringing her along when you realised it wasn’t going to work out.”

  He nods and looks away. I can tell he’s not ready to drop the topic, but I know we’re going to end up arguing with each other if I don’t end it now.

  “Come on, let me help you to bed. You’ll feel like hell tomorrow if you don’t get some rest.”

  He purses his lips and then lets me drag him along to my bedroom. I avert my eyes as he undresses and then tuck him into the sheets.

  “Sleep with me tonight, Lyss. No funny business at all. Just like when we were kids.”

  I sigh and lie down on top of the blankets while he’s underneath them. He stares at me until his eyes flutter closed and his breathing evens out.

  23

  I place a glass of water and two painkillers on my nightstand and tiptoe out of my room. I glance at the clock and sigh. It’s almost midnight already. I carefully open Daniel’s bedroom door, relieved to find it unlocked.

  His room is bathed in moonlight and much to my surprise, he’s sitting up in his bed and staring at the skyline outside his window. He seems lost in thought and doesn’t even notice me walking in. I close his bedroom door behind me and lean back against it. His sheets have bunched up around his waist and his side profile looks enticing. How can a man be so beautiful? I open my robe and let it fall to the floor. The sound catches Daniel’s attention and his head whips towards me. He looks surprised to find me standing in his room.

  I walk up to him slowly, until I’m standing right beside him. I’m feeling insecure and I’m scared he might push me away.

  “I put Dominic in my bed,” I tell him quietly. He stares up at me as though he can’t quite figure me out. “Hmm,” he answers.

  I want to push his blankets away and climb on top of him to kiss away any misunderstandings that might have occurred, but I don’t dare to. Instead I fidget with the hem of my nightgown and walk around the bed. I hesitate before I decide to slip underneath the covers on the empty side of the bed. Daniel follows my movements with his eyes but doesn’t say a thing until I’m in his bed. I sit up against the headboard, mirroring him.

  “What are you doing?” he asks, crossing his arms.

  I look down at my hands. “I told you. I put Dominic in my bed.”

  Daniel studies me with a carefully blank face. “That doesn’t exactly explain why you’re in my bed, Alyssa.”

  I freeze, suddenly second guessing myself. Does he already regret our kiss earlier? I don’t understand why he’s suddenly being so distant.

  “I— well.. I mean.. if it’s okay with you, could I sleep here tonight? If you’re uncomfortable I’ll move to the sofa, it’s not an issue. Actually, maybe that might be better.” I’m rambling and I know it, but I can’t help it. He’s making me nervous. I lift the sheets to get up but Daniel places his hand over mine and shakes his head. “It’s fine. You can stay.”

  I nod and turn to him, expecting him to say something more. Anything. But instead he lies down and turns his back to me, seemingly going to bed. I’m surprised but follow his lead nonetheless. I lie down and stare up at Daniel’s ceiling. I expected him to want to talk. To question me about Dominic’s drunk confession. But instead there’s just nothing.

  I’m nervous just being in the same bed as him, but he seems unaffected. I turn to my side like he has and scoot closer to him, little by little, until there’s barely any distance left between us. I gently place my trembling hand on his shoulder and let it glide down his arm, until I’m covering his hand with mine. I close the remaining distance between us and press my body against his, my breasts crushing against his back and my hips against his strong, muscular ass.

  Daniel doesn’t respond at all. He doesn’t even grab my hand. I rest my forehead against his back and slip my hand underneath his arm to caress his abs. His muscles tense where I touch him, so he’s definitely not asleep. He’s just ignoring me. I slide my fingers down his abs slowly, until I reach the waistband of his pyjama bottoms. I hesitate only slightly before slipping my fingers underneath it. Daniel grabs my wrist forcefully and keeps my hand in place.

  “You’re playing with fire, Alyssa,” he murmurs.

  I press a kiss to his back and wiggle my fingers, trying to reach deeper. “I thought I was playing with my husband. I mean, you’re hot.. but likening yourself to fire is a bit over the top isn’t it?”

  Daniel’s grip on my wrist decreases but he doesn’t let go. I expected him to reply, but he’s gone back to ignoring me. I sigh and press soft kisses to the back and side of his neck. When I hit the right spot he shivers and tightens his hold on my wrist.

  “Go to bed, Alyssa,” he whispers, sounding pained.

  I smile to myself and graze his neck with my teeth before sucking on it softly, leaving red marks on his skin. It won’t bruise and turn into a kiss mark, but seeing the red spots gives me an intense feeling of satisfaction.

  Daniel groans and suddenly turns around so he’s on top of me. He grabs my wrists and pushes them above my head, pinning me down with his weight. He settles his erection right where I want him and glares at me, his eyes flashing with anger and impatience.

  “Stop,” he bites out. “Go to sleep.
Don’t try me Alyssa, or so help me God, I will throw you out.”

  I freeze, my playfulness vanishing. He’s rock hard and was clearly responding to my touch, so what is happening?

  I nod slowly and look away, unable to look into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Daniel,” I whisper. “I.. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you without your consent. I wasn’t thinking.”

  I can feel tears gathering in my eyes and I’m burning with shame. Every time I think Daniel and I are on the same page he seems to turn around and change his mind. I turn my head away. I’m unable to escape while he’s keeping me locked in place, but the sofa is starting to look like a good option. I regret walking into his bedroom.

  Daniel sighs and lets go of my arms. Instead he holds himself up above me on his forearms, his lower body still locked with mine. I wrap my arms around my chest protectively. I feel vulnerable and exposed, and all I want to do is hide.

  “Hey, look at me,” he whispers, suddenly incredibly gentle. I stubbornly look out the window and ignore him.

  Daniel lowers himself a little and holds himself up on one arm so he can cup my cheek with his hand. He gently turns my head towards him just as a tear escapes from my eyes. I look up at him, all of my insecurities on display.

  Daniel looks hurt even though I’m the one that’s crying. He kisses away the tear that’s rolled down my cheek, his lips lingering on my skin.

  “It’s not you who should be sorry, baby. I’m sorry for snapping at you. You always have my consent to touch me. Whenever, wherever. I told you I’m yours, right?”

  I sniff and shake my head. “You say that, but then you’ll change your mind and go eat your stupid cotton candy with Kate, or you’ll tell me you want to see other people and you just ignore me for a week straight. You say one thing and do another. I’m tired of guessing, Daniel. I’m tired of wondering whether you want me too. I’m done.”

  I push against his chest in a feeble attempt to throw him off but Daniel just lowers his upper body against mine and presses a sweet soft kiss to my forehead. He pulls back a little to look into my eyes.