Blood Money (NYPD Blue & Gold)

by Tee O'Fallon

  “That bastard.” He let out an exasperated breath when Cassie burst into laughter. “That may have been true a few months ago, but things have changed between us, and they can’t be changed back.”

  “Are you sure about that?” She leaned in across the table. “You told me Alex spent half the money, and that you think she was using you to get closer to the investigation. But don’t you think there’s a possibility her feelings for you are real?”

  “Maybe.” He stared at the steam spiraling from his mug. Maybe not. “I don’t know. What I do know is that she’s still hiding something, and I can’t trust her.”

  “I can’t speak to whether she’s hiding something.” She pointed at Gray’s chest. “You know her better than I do. But from what I’ve heard about Alex Romano, she’s not the kind of woman to use people.” She paused. “Do you honestly believe she used you?”

  He didn’t answer. Truth was, he had a hard time believing that she had.

  “That’s what I thought.” Cassie nodded. “Even though the situation may suggest otherwise, you don’t believe it.”

  Gray grabbed his mug, sloshing coffee over the rim. “It doesn’t matter what I think.” He reached for a napkin and began soaking up the mess he’d made. He wished to hell he could wipe up his messy life so easily.

  Cassie rose and took the soggy napkin from his hand and tossed it into the sink. When she sat back down, she took the chair next to him. “From everything you told me, Alex didn’t ask for that money, didn’t know where it came from, and she only spent some to pay for her son’s medical needs.”

  His sister paused to let her conclusions sink in, and sink in they did. Cassie always had a way of cutting through the crap and getting to the heart of the matter.

  She pulled her chair closer to his. “You are the most steadfast, honest, and loyal detective in the department, and a big reason for that is your ability to see things in black and white. No one will ever question your credibility or your ethics. But the world isn’t black and white. People are only human. You’re only human.”

  Gray met his sister’s gaze and held it. He had no response to that. He knew what she said was true.

  “Sometimes you get overprotective and hold on a little too tight.” Cassie rested her hand on his forearm and squeezed gently. “Do you remember when I was a kid?”

  Gray raised a brow. “You were never a kid. You were a pain in the ass from day one.” A red-haired hellion to be exact.

  “And you loved me anyway.” She blew him a kiss. “But my point is that no boy would come near me for fear of having the snot beaten out of him by my overly protective big brother. You hated every single one of my boyfriends.”

  Gray snorted. “All your boyfriends were dicks. Except Mike.”

  Cassie laughed. “True, but all those other guys were my boyfriends because I wanted them to be. That was my choice, not yours. You had to trust me, and you never gave me a chance. Now you’re not giving Alex a chance. You have to trust her. Trust that she made certain decisions because she truly believed she had no other choice.”

  He gripped the mug tighter. “Marina had a choice, and she chose money. Money for the location of my unit and that hospital.”

  Cassie’s face sobered instantly. “And she paid for that bad decision with her life.”

  Gray caught her gaze and held it. “So did Anika, a dozen children, and most of my unit.”

  Cassie released his arm and leaned back in her chair. The look of understanding in her eyes about killed him. She and Dom were the only ones who knew the details of what transpired on that hellish day in Afghanistan. Cassie, because she was closer to him than anyone else in his family. Dom, because he was there.

  “I’m not suggesting that you ever forget what happened,” she said softly. “I would never do that. I’m only suggesting that you not compare Marina to Alex, or judge Alex by a greedy woman’s actions. Alex’s choices were made out of love, not malice, and certainly not to make a quick buck. Somewhere in that iron-hard heart of yours, you know it’s true.”

  Gray swallowed to keep the bile from rising in his throat. He didn’t like to think of that day. Every time he did, it sliced up his guts until he was a bloody mass of worthless shit. Against his will, Marina’s laughing face flickered before his eyes. He’d protected her, trusted her, and paid a steep price. As had others, including Dom.

  He massaged his forehead with both hands. “It’s not that easy to get past the anger, and it’s not that easy to trust again.”

  “I’m guessing Alex has trust issues as well,” Cassie added. “I gather she’s had to fend for herself and her child alone for years. Relying on a man to rescue her might not be as easy for her as you assume it should be. As for whether she’s on the Pyramid’s payroll, even Mike believes she’s not, and he’s the most suspicious man I know. Second only to you.” She smiled. “That’s probably why you both get along so well.”

  Gray smiled back, but it didn’t last. “Alex spent half the money the Pyramid gave her. Makes her look guilty as hell.”

  “If you can’t fathom the reason she spent some of that cash, all you have to do is take one look at that little boy upstairs.” She waved her arm in the direction of the hallway steps. “The only thing she’s guilty of is loving her child to the point where she’d do anything to keep him safe. You told me about Nicky’s illness and how expensive those experimental treatments are. An NYPD admin doesn’t make enough to pay for that, and you know it.”

  Gray opened his mouth to interrupt, but Cassie held up her hand.

  “I would lie, cheat, steal, or kill for my unborn child,” she continued. “So you should cut Alex some slack for spending that money.” She rested her hand on his forearm again. “And if you don’t find a way to get past Afghanistan and all the mistrust you brought back with you, you might miss out on the most important thing in your life.”

  “What’s that?” Again Gray sensed that familiar cold, dark feeling threatening to suffocate him at the mention of Afghanistan.

  “Love.” Cassie squeezed his arm before releasing it.

  He stared into his mug at what remained of his coffee. Cassie was right. But he doubted he could ever forget the trust that had been so callously abused.

  …

  Alex paused in the kitchen doorway. The only words she made out before Gray and Cassie stopped talking were something about Afghanistan, mistrust, and love.

  The expression in Cassie’s emerald green eyes was one of utter compassion. From the furrows on Gray’s handsome forehead and the haunted look in his eyes, Alex could see he was both angry and sad. She’d never seen him look that way before and doubted it was a side of him he would reveal to many people. Watching him in pain made her heart ache to comfort him.

  Not your place.

  But she was left wondering if Gray had loved someone in Afghanistan. Someone who betrayed his trust? That would certainly explain why he was so rigidly incapable of believing in her.

  She didn’t know what had happened to Gray in Afghanistan. The only intel she’d garnered from the gossip circuit about his years in the military was that he’d been assigned to a special forces unit that was all but slaughtered. Along with a hospital full of civilians.

  Did Gray love a woman who died in that hospital?

  The thought made her want to weep for his loss. It also made her realize there could be another reason Gray would never love her. Perhaps he could never forget the love he lost.

  Alex cleared her throat. “Any more of that coffee?”

  In an instant, Cassie’s face went from sad to happy. “Of course, come in and have a seat.” She gestured to another chair. To pull off such an instantaneous change in demeanor, Gray’s sister must really be as good at undercover work as her reputation in the department implied. “Are you hungry? I have a platter of samplers I’m testing out for the new restaurant.”

  When Alex shook her head, Gray locked gazes with her. Unlike his sister, Gray didn’t make any attempt to co
nvey happiness at her presence. He seemed troubled at her walking in on them.

  “I’m sorry if I interrupted something,” Alex said before sitting.

  “Nonsense.” Cassie got up and poured a cup of coffee, then set it on the table in front of Alex. “Gray and I were just catching up.”

  “I have to make some calls, then we’ll head back to the city.” With a troubled look on his face, he went out the back door and onto the porch.

  Through the kitchen window, Alex watched him sit at a table and massage his forehead. A second later, he reached for the phone on his belt and put it to his ear. She turned to find Cassie watching her with that now-familiar mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

  “He’ll get over it, you know.” Cassie set a ceramic sugar bowl and creamer on the table. “His past and his present issues. Then he can focus on this thing between you two.”

  “There is no thing between us,” Alex said sadly.

  “Sure there is, honey.” Cassie smiled. “Anyone can see it. All you have to do is be patient with him until you can both put this terrible mess behind you. He’s a man of principle to a fault, I have to admit. You probably know by now he has major trust issues.”

  “Don’t we all.” Alex leaned her forearms on the table, wanting desperately to lay her head down and wake up when this was all over. “I made a mistake, and I don’t think Gray will ever forgive me. But I swear to you I wasn’t using him.”

  “I know that.” Again Cassie smiled and gently touched Alex’s arm. “Somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of his brain and his heart, Gray knows it, too. He’ll come around. He’s tough, stubborn, and he’s a man, so he’s got that working against him. Trust me, I went through that with Mike. Men need more time than women to come to their senses. It takes longer for them to get their brains and their hearts in sync. I swear it’s a flaw attached to the Y chromosome.”

  Alex wanted to smile at Cassie’s encouragement but couldn’t.

  “Also,” Cassie added, “Gray’s been through some things that he still needs to deal with.”

  Alex swallowed a sip of coffee. Part of her wanted to know everything there was to know about the enigmatic Gray Yates, but part of her was afraid to hear that he still loved someone he lost in Afghanistan. “What sort of things?” she finally got the courage to ask.

  Cassie sat back in her chair. “It’s Gray’s story to tell, not mine. I’m just giving you friendly notice that my seemingly in-control brother has baggage, same as everyone else.”

  As much as she wanted to pry for more information, she had to admire Cassie’s discretion. In another lifetime, perhaps she and Gray’s sister could have been good friends.

  “Thank you for your support where Gray is concerned.” Alex picked up a spoon and absently stirred her coffee. “But I don’t think we can ever get back to being on that wonderful precipice. You know, when you meet someone and you know there’s a connection and it’s only a matter of time before you fall—” She stopped, not wanting to admit her feelings to Gray’s sister. Or to herself.

  “In love?” Cassie supplied.

  “It doesn’t matter anymore.” Alex sighed. “I’ve enjoyed working for the NYPD, but my days there are numbered. I’ll miss the squad room, the detectives, and everyone else at One PP.”

  “Sometimes change is good. I’m living proof of that. One day I was an NYPD detective…” Cassie snapped her fingers. “…the next, I’m a chef. Life often forces us to consider something else that we should have contemplated long ago. Like interior decorating.”

  Alex widened her eyes. “How did you—?”

  “Know?” Cassie laughed. “I still have my informants. Dom, for starters. Last Christmas he sent me photos of the commissioner’s office after you decorated it on a super-tight budget. It was amazingly beautiful, and I heard the big guy loved it.”

  Alex smiled, fondly remembering all the holiday decorations she’d created from items purchased at second-hand stores and yard sales. Best of all, the commissioner had appreciated her efforts.

  “You really do love to decorate, don’t you?” Cassie said, more than asked.

  “It’s my new passion,” Alex admitted. “But it’s hard to make a living at it, and right now Nicky’s medical needs, along with paying rent and utilities, take priority. A steady income is a must.”

  “Hmm.” Cassie tapped her fingers on the table. “What with my new restaurant and the baby coming, I haven’t had time to finish decorating the downstairs, let alone decorate the baby’s room, and Mike is dying for a man cave in the basement. Would you consider taking me on as your first client?”

  “Not a chance.” Alex shook her head. “I couldn’t take a dime from you. But I’d love to do it en gratis.”

  “Deal.” Cassie held out her hand for Alex to shake. “Your first job will be to make up business cards for yourself that I can hand out to my friends in the Hopewell Springs area, along with some socialites I know in Manhattan. That’s the thing about being a New York City detective. You accumulate a lot of worthwhile connections in ten years.”

  Alex laughed, her first sincere laugh in days. “I’ll do that. Thank you.”

  She and Cassie shook hands then headed upstairs so that Alex could say good-bye to Nicky. Laughter greeted them at the top of the stairs. She’d expected a teary good-bye, but the tears were all hers. Nicky was on the floor, rolling, trying to teach Raven to do the same. Raven wasn’t having any of it and kept licking Nicky’s face.

  While Alex and Cassie watched Nicky play with the dog, they discussed his medical condition in more detail and exchanged cell phone numbers. By the time Alex said good-bye to Nicky, she was more comfortable leaving him in Cassie and Mike’s care than she ever thought possible.

  Gray was waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs. “We need to leave. Busy day tomorrow.”

  So it was. Friday. The day of the meet.

  First Cassie hugged her brother, then enveloped Alex in an equally warm embrace.

  “I know you love him,” Cassie whispered. “I had the same look when I fell in love with Mike.” She pulled away. “Be safe, you two.”

  Gray touched his hand to the small of Alex’s back, ushering her out the door. While he held the car’s passenger door open, she turned to look one last time at Cassie and Mike’s house. She didn’t know which was worse, the lump in her throat or the ache in her heart.

  Alex silently prayed that within a few days she would be returning for her son, but if something went wrong and that day never happened, at least Nicky would be in good hands and taken care of.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The drive back to the city was torture for Gray.

  At some point Alex had taken off her coat, and that damned little sweater hugging her beautiful breasts tormented him worse than Afghani sand mites, but in a totally different way. Her intoxicating scent was all around him, in his nose and his lungs, burrowing under his skin into every pore. By the time they got off the New York State Thruway, he was enveloped in alternating clouds of confusion and unexpected clarity.

  As the miles sped by and rolling fields gradually gave way to houses and apartment complexes, Gray revisited his conversation with Cassie. Their talks always helped, and he thanked God she didn’t take any of his shit and never held back telling him when he was being a dick.

  Sooner or later he had to start trusting again. Marina betrayed him and others because she wanted money. Lots of it. To this day, he couldn’t stop kicking himself for not seeing that greedy aspect of her personality. Marina gave one hell of an Oscar-winning performance. As much as it killed him to admit it, the bitch played him good. But Alex wasn’t Marina.

  A feminine sigh interrupted his thoughts. Alex’s sleeping profile made his gut clench at how stoically beautiful she was and how vastly different she was from Marina. Where Marina was dark-haired and dark-eyed, Alex was blond and blue.

  Marina’s personality was loud, bubbly, and vivacious, while Alex’s was more subtle, beckoning to him li
ke a lighthouse beacon through a thick fog. Both women were stunners, but unlike Marina, Alex’s beauty went much deeper.

  As Gray maneuvered the car into an E-ZPass lane at the entrance to the George Washington Bridge, he remembered how Marina could charm the camos off a Marine in two seconds, and that’s exactly what she did to stay alive. She used people, something Alex would never do. If anything, the Pyramid was using Alex, and she was handling it the only way she knew how. By protecting Nicky.

  Gradually, traffic merged onto the bridge, and minutes later he headed south on the West Side Drive. As the traffic eased, so did the pressure on his heart.

  Alex was an amazing woman. There’d been serious physical chemistry between them from the moment they met. Later, he’d come to respect her as a hard-working single mother. When the shit hit the fan, either a person’s inner demon was exposed, or their courage under fire became evident. Gray shook his head, annoyed that he hadn’t recognized it before.

  Alex was courageous to the core.

  By the time he parked halfway down the block from Alex’s apartment, his black and white perspective on what she’d done was blurring fast into the gray zone. He felt lied to by both women, but acknowledging the differences between the two was like plunging his head into an ice bath. Marina’s lies were all about herself, her greed. Alex’s lies were about protecting someone she loved. Whatever else she was hiding was most likely for a very good reason and not something that would hurt others.

  He shut off the engine, and in the ensuing silence his wall of mistrust began to crumble. Perhaps when this was over they could try again. For now, all his energy had to focus on protecting Alex at the meet tomorrow. There was no way he’d let those assholes hurt her.

  Alex covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned. “Sorry I fell asleep on you.”

  I wish.

  “You needed it.” He reached out and tucked a lock of her soft, blond hair behind her ear, and his knuckles brushed her cheek.

  She fixed wide eyes on him. Her breasts rose and fell beneath her sweater. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Gray’s gaze dropped to those rosy pink lips. He wanted to kiss her senseless. Instead, he yanked the keys from the ignition. “We should go inside. It’s getting dark.”