Cast in Ruin

by Laura Landon

  “Yes, it was. It’s a beautiful spring day.”

  “So, tell me. How did the meeting go with your father?” She poured him a cup of tea and handed it to him when he sat in the chair beside her.

  “He wanted to talk about Meadowmont Estate. Meadowmont’s steward, Burt Carvill, was there and he explained the workings of the estate. There are twenty-three tenants, and they raise barley that they sell to the Bedford Brewery, which is close by. They also raise sheep, and the wool is sold and shipped all over. The manor house isn’t huge, but there’s a staff of thirty-two, including the outdoor staff. And there’s—” He stopped. “What is it?” he asked, as the smile on her face beamed brighter.

  “You, my lord. I’ve never seen you so enthusiastic, or heard you speak with such excitement.”

  He sat back in his chair. “That’s because I’ve never had something to get excited about like this. I’ve never been responsible for anything like Meadowmont Estate. Father involved my brother Gideon in matters that pertained to the Townsend holdings. He was the heir, and would take over those responsibilities someday.”

  “I don’t understand,” Rachael said. “I thought your brother spent nearly his entire life in an asylum?”

  “He did,” Ben admitted reluctantly. Their discussion was leading to a place he didn’t want to go.

  “If your brother was ill, how could your father know that someday he would be well enough to take over the running of the estate? I would think that he’d include you in at least the basic workings of his properties.”

  “I think that training me to assume his responsibilities would have been an admission that Gideon was never going to get better. Father could never bring himself to think that.”

  “What ailment did your brother have? It must have been something serious.”

  “It was.” Ben rose to his feet. “But now isn’t the time to discuss my brother. We have a ball to attend tonight. And hours of dancing. I need to leave so you can get ready.”

  Ben reached for Rachael’s hand and brought it to his lips. “It won’t be long and you’ll see your home,” he said. “I’m as anxious as you are to go there. But first we have to establish ourselves here.”

  He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze, then left her. His life couldn’t be more perfect. He never expected to be this happy. Never thought that marriage would agree with him so ideally, but it did. And he owed his happiness to the woman he’d married.

  Ben walked toward his room, but stopped when Henley met him in the hallway.

  “This just arrived for you. The messenger said it was important.”

  Ben took the missive Henley handed him. “Thank you, Henley.”

  He didn’t look at the message until he reached his room. One look at the writing on the front of the folded paper and fury raged through his veins.

  Without even opening it, he crushed it in his hands and threw it into the fire. He didn’t need to read anything she had to say. He already knew what she wanted, and if she’d written to him, he knew how desperate she was.

  His mother was a murderer. If he never saw her again, it would be too soon. A lifetime too soon.

  He watched the paper turn black as it burned to ashes in the grate, and made a mental note to call on his sisters in the near future and demand that neither of them have anything to do with her. They couldn’t trust her. There was no length to which she would not go to worm her way back into their lives.

  And that included destroying her own children to achieve what she wanted.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  True to his word, she and Ben had been the first guests to arrive at the Comfrey ball, and nearly the last to leave. The ballroom was as crowded as the Withering ballroom had been, and all eyes were focused on them as Ben led her onto the dance floor for set after set. Such a display between husband and wife was unheard of in London circles, and she could almost hear the gossip race with them as they twirled around the floor. It had been the most wonderful night of her life.

  She was still living her dream as she dressed the next morning, then went down to break her fast. She thought Ben would have finished and left already, but he was still at the table.

  “Did you finally wake up, sleepy head?” he teased when she entered the dining room. He rose from his chair and kissed her cheek before he helped her take her seat.

  “The lateness of the hour is entirely your fault,” she teased as she poured her coffee. As usual, there was no staff present for their morning meal. Benjamin insisted that they talk in private each morning.

  “You’re the one who insisted we dance the night away.”

  “I wasn’t talking about the hour we returned from the ball,” she said when he placed her filled plate in front of her. She leaned over to whisper in his ear. “I was talking about the hours you kept me awake once we returned home.” Her teasing statement earned her a kiss on the cheek and caused a warm rush of happiness to wrap around her heart.

  “I’d apologize,” he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “if I thought you hadn’t enjoyed it as much as I. But I know better.”

  “You seem pretty sure of yourself.” she countered. She didn’t want him to realize how much pleasure he brought her.

  “I am, wife. And from your cries of passion, so is our staff.”

  Rachael was mortified. Surely she hadn’t been that loud. She’d never be able to face any of the servants again if she thought they’d heard her. His loud booming laughter told her he’d been teasing. She wanted to strangle him.

  “Oh, Rachael. You should see your face. Your expression is priceless.”

  She narrowed her eyes in feigned anger. “For that,” she said, “you will sleep in your own bed tonight.”

  His smile faded. “No,” he said flatly. “If you don’t want to make love, I’ll honor your request. But I’ll never be banned from your bed.”

  Rachael reached out and placed her hand over his. “Then I’ll never request it. Besides, I would hate waking up in the morning and not have your face be the first sight I see.”

  He turned his hand over so his palm was pressed against hers, then brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. “Now eat,” he said, nodding toward her plate. “Your food is getting cold.”

  Rachael lifted her fork and took a bit of the food on her plate, but it wasn’t because she was hungry. His reaction to her threat of banning him from her bed surprised her. He’d warned her before that he always expected to be welcome in her bed, but she didn’t realize how important that part of their marriage was to him.

  It wasn’t the act itself that was so essential to him, although she knew he enjoyed making love to her, as she enjoyed making love to him. But it was something more. It was almost as if being welcome in her bed equaled being welcome in her life. As if he needed that openness and honesty between them. And closing him off from her bed equated to closing him off from her life.

  She suddenly wondered what his reaction would be if he ever discovered she had secrets she was keeping from him. How he would react if he found out what those secrets were. A knot of fear pummeled to the pit of her stomach with a heavy thud and achingly remained there.

  “Did you enjoy yourself last night?” he said, his question bringing her out of the darkness and back into the light. He was smiling at her, and Rachael couldn’t help but smile in return.

  “I had a marvelous time.”

  “I’m sure you aren’t interested” he said, “but everyone noticed that Julia Bentley was green with envy.”

  That brought a burst of laughter. “Of course she was. I’m married to the most handsome man in all of England, which means she has only the leftovers from which to choose.”

  His laughter matched hers. “I didn’t realize you had such a callous streak.”

  “Only where she is concerned.”

  “Are you ever going to tell me what happened at her house party that made you enemies?”

  The brightness in the room dimmed. “You already know th
at I was ruined there,” Rachael said, feigning interest in the food on her plate.

  “Do you think she was responsible for what happened to you? That she may have planned the scandal that ruined you?”

  Rachael placed her fork on the table beside her plate and lowered her hands to her lap. Then, she slowly, deliberately lifted her gaze until it met Benjamin’s. “No one planned what happened that night. I alone am responsible.”

  His expression was serious, the look in his eyes dark, assessing. “You don’t intend to share the blame? Not even with the man responsible for ruining you?”

  She shook her head. “He wasn’t to blame.” She paused. “I know you would feel better knowing that I was taken advantage of. But I wasn’t. What I did, I did freely.”

  “And you—”

  “And that is as much as I will say on the subject. You were aware that I’d been involved in a scandal before you married me. To pretend that I was taken advantage of would be a lie.” Rachael lifted her napkin from her lap and placed it on the table, then rose to her feet. Benjamin rose, too.

  “The day will come when you will have to talk about it, Rachael.”

  Surely he wasn’t serious. “Why?”

  “Because it is like a boil festering between us.”

  “Why can’t you just leave it be? Why are you intent on knowing every detail of that night?”

  “Not of that night. But enough so we can put what happened to rest. So the secrets you are keeping from me don’t continually appear to cause disagreements between us.”

  “I’ve already told you I can’t give you a name.”

  “Can’t? Or, won’t?”

  Rachael’s temper was rising. Why couldn’t he just leave things be? “Does it matter?”

  “I wish to hell it didn’t…” He threw the napkin he still held in his hand to the table. “But it does.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “but that night is something I refuse to talk about.”

  “Is there a reason you can’t speak about it?”

  “Yes. Nothing can come of you knowing the details of that night. Knowing won’t change the outcome.”

  “I know that” he said softly, but his voice held more than a small amount of frustration. “But maybe I’ll be able to put the matter to rest.”

  “Knowing won’t achieve that goal,” she answered. “Because I know you well enough to know it will only make matters worse.”

  “You can’t keep secrets from me forever, Rachael. Our marriage won’t survive it.”

  “Remember you said that, my lord.”

  His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”

  “Only that I’m not the only one with secrets.”

  “Would you care to explain that?”

  “If you insist,” she answered.

  “I do.”

  “Very well.” She took a deep breath. “I find it strange that your father forced you into a marriage with me. You could have had your choice of any number of eligible females who didn’t come with a scandal attached to their names. Why was he in such a hurry to see you wed?”

  “You know why he insisted we marry. You know how angry he was with me. And why.”

  “Yes, but that still doesn’t explain the rush. He didn’t even allow us time enough for your mother to come to see her only son get married.”

  The muscles at his jaw tightened and he turned his gaze. He couldn’t speak of his mother while looking at her. He was afraid she’d see through the lies. “Mother isn’t well enough to travel,” he said through clenched teeth.

  “Isn’t well enough?” she asked. “Or is it an ailing relative she can’t leave?”

  “Who told you that?”

  “I believe your sister Anne said that. Winnie, on the other hand said your mother was traveling and your father couldn’t get in touch with her.” Rachael watched the lines on his face harden. “Would you care to explain the confusion, Benjamin?”

  She waited, but was met with silence. “And why is it that you refuse to speak of your mother? Why do you change the subject every time her name comes up?”

  Again silence.

  “Perhaps only you are allowed to harbor secrets,” she said, then turned to leave the room. She’d made her point. She didn’t want there to be more discussion. It would only lead to an argument.

  She walked across the room, but stopped when she reached the door. “Will you be gone long today?”

  “Probably,” he answered. “I have several matters to discuss with Father, and want to get our business settled before he returns to Townsend Estate. I should return in time for dinner.”

  “Does your father intend to leave London soon?”

  “In a few days. He said Anne and Winnie have spent enough of his money on new clothes. He can’t afford to keep them here any longer.”

  Rachael tried to smile, but it was difficult. Their conversation was stilted, uncomfortable. Not at all as they were used to conversing with each other.

  “What are your plans for today?” he asked.

  She paused before leaving. “Mother intends to leave for the country as well. I’d like for Mags and Livy to come over to say goodbye before they leave. I thought I’d write and ask them to call. Possibly tomorrow afternoon.”

  He nodded.

  “Then, since the day is so fair,” she continued, “I think Milly and I will go for a walk.”

  He nodded again.

  An uncomfortable silence stretched between them and she was desperate to escape. “I’ll see you this evening, then,” she said, and left the dining room.

  The knot in the pit of her stomach gnawed at her insides. A day that had started out so wonderful, had taken a turn for the worse at the mention of Julia Bentley and the scandal at her house party. No matter how many times her husband told her that what she did was in the past and meant nothing to him, that wasn’t true. What she’d done that fateful night was a wedge that would always stand between them. Her greatest fear was that it would always separate them.

  Rachael wondered how much further the chasm would widen if Benjamin ever found out the entire truth.

  . . .

  The meeting with his father didn’t take as long as he thought it would. He was glad. The words he and Rachael had exchanged bothered him to the point where he could barely concentrate on what his father was telling him.

  He didn’t know why finding out the name of the man to whom she’d given herself mattered so much to him. She’d told him from the beginning that she wouldn’t divulge the name of the man who’d ruined her. She’d been upfront with what she expected from their marriage, and had complied with every one of his demands. If he were honest with himself―and her―he’d be forced to admit that she wasn’t the one who was changing the rules. He was.

  He’d demanded that she reenter Society, and she’d done that, even though the thought of facing her accusers terrified her. And when he’d failed to protect her from Julia Bentley’s cruel words, he wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d refused to ever face them again. Instead, she returned the next week because she needed to prove that they hadn’t defeated her. And she’d done that. He knew how much courage that took.

  And he couldn’t fault her in any regard for the pleasure she gave him in their marriage bed. She made sure he had no reason to follow through on his threat to find his pleasure elsewhere if she refused to avail herself to him.

  No, she’d complied with every letter of his demands. He was the guilty party in this. He was the one who’d threatened to go back on his promise to abide by her one demand―that he not expect her to divulge the name of the man who’d ruined her. And yet, a part of him couldn’t comply with her ultimatum.

  He knew his insistence was the cause of the strained words they’d exchanged this morning. He was at fault, and he would have to be the one to heal the rift he’d caused.

  When he finally arrived home, he walked up the four steps, then through the door Henley held open for him. “Is Lady Rachael in?”
he asked, handing Henley his hat and coat.

  “No, sir. She hasn’t returned from her walk.”

  Ben reached for his hat and coat and put them on again. “Do you know where she usually walks, Henley?”

  “I believe she usually goes to St. James Park, sir.”

  “Thank you, Henley. I’ll find her and accompany her home.”

  “Very good, my lord.”

  Ben turned and walked out the door. He was anxious to find her. Anxious to make amends.

  He reached the park a short while later and watched for any sign of her. It was getting late, so surely she’d be making her way to this side of the park.

  He didn’t see her, so he walked farther. But even when he reached the center of the park, he saw no sign of her.

  On the chance that she’d gone to the far side, he continued on. He was nearly to the gate at the opposite side of St. James Park when he saw her.

  A hansom cab stopped on the street at the park entrance and Rachael’s maid, Milly, stepped to the ground. Rachael followed.

  Ben wasn’t sure why he did it, but he backed up several paces and stepped behind a large maple tree so he wouldn’t be seen.

  While Rachael reached into her reticule and handed Millie the coin she needed to pay the driver, Ben backed away from them. He stepped behind a row of blooming azalea bushes, and put a greater distance between them.

  When he was far enough from them that they wouldn’t think he’d seen them, he stepped onto the same path they traveled and walked toward them.

  Rachael didn’t see him for several moments, and when she did, her footsteps faltered. She hesitated for a second then continued toward him. He didn’t want to believe there was a hint of unease in her expression, but there was.

  “Rachael,” he said when he reached her. “Henley said you were still out, so I thought I’d meet you.”

  Ben looped Rachael’s arm through the crook in his elbow and they continued on their way home. Rachael’s maid obligingly dropped back to give them some privacy.

  “Did you enjoy your walk?” he asked as they slowly made their way toward home.

  “I always enjoy my time outdoors. Perhaps that’s why I prefer country life to city life.”