Endgame (Book 2): Alekhine's Gun

by W. A. R.

  He studied her for a long moment. “Your burdens are mine.” His voice was soft and urging and tears fell in rivers down her face. “Why are you trying to push me away?”

  She grimaced and felt a tear snake its way down her cheek. “It was easier to pretend you weren’t here…because as long as you were away it wasn’t real. Everything that happened before wasn’t real. I could suppress it. All of it. But being around you forces that to come to surface and I hate it. I hate that you force me to deal with everything I don’t want to deal with.” She countered through her tears, seemingly afraid to look at him. Miles looked pained and cleared his throat.

  “If you don’t talk about this and deal with it all, you are going to snap when you see Adrian and we can’t risk that.” he told her firmly and then smiled, squeezing her hand gently. “He will kill you after killing me for trying to stop him from killing you.” He tried to make light of the situation.

  “I know.”

  “You have been doing nothing but obsessing over Adrian. You don’t see that overwhelming urge to lose it in your eyes. I have. We all have. You barely see anyone, talk to anyone…even Cassie. All you want to do is fight. You are losing yourself to become someone you hate. Don’t be that person, Amber.” He hesitated for a beat before continuing. “You aren’t the only one scared.” He told her while reaching forward and tilting her chin with his finger. He lowered his head slightly to meet her frightened gaze. “We all are.” Yes…they were all scared, there was no denying that. “And none of us are adjusted to this place, nor have we accepted everything. We are all wounded in one way or another…but we are all working on it. You aren’t alone in this.”

  “I have to be prepared.” She countered sniffling. “I have to be strong enough to fight them because if I’m not I am going to lose all of you, Brian included…I can’t let that happen.”

  “So that’s what it is?” he asked, dropping his hand from her chin. “You are desperate to die for us? How about you consider yourself first for a change? You are on the edge of a breakdown and you don’t even know it.” His words weren’t accusing, but instead were soft and reassuring. “You act like everything’s fine, and you smile, and you laugh and you talk…but Amber, you aren’t really talking, or smiling, or laughing…you are dying on the inside because you are letting this avoidance and denial kill you slowly.” He licked his lips in frustration. “Amber…you’re scared. You are so scared that you didn’t even give us a chance to react today.”

  It was at this point that she stood. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage and she couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want to know his reaction because if he was going to offer her rejection, she didn’t want it…couldn’t handle it. And yet, as soon as she had stood Miles’s hand snapped forward, grabbing her wrist and turning her to face him. Her eyes were wild and frightened and another tear flowed from her eye.

  “What are you doing?” she asked in a loud, heated whisper. She was trying to be angry, wanted more than anything to be angry instead of frightened and desperate because she could handle angry. She didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that she had opened up about everything, had admitted her fears and her heartaches. Still, Miles was right about everything he was saying and though it hurt, it needed to be said. He was willing to risk his relationship with her for the benefit of her sanity and that alone gained more respect from her.

  “I am not trying to argue with you, Amber.” He told her firmly and she tried to pull away from him. Her attempts were futile. She needed to leave him and the mess of walls that he had broken down.

  “Then what are you trying to do?” she asked, yearning for an escape.

  “I’m trying to help you. I want to help you, dammit.”

  Her eyes narrowed at him. “You call this helping?” her words wavered and she couldn’t stop herself form crying; it hurt so very much. When Miles didn’t answer her lip quivered. “None of you can save me from myself. There is nothing left to save.” Her words tore her own heart into shreds and she knew that they did the same to Miles judging by the sheer look of pain he exhibited.

  “There is something left worth saving.” Miles growled at her hotly, stepping toward her intimidatingly. “I am going to do all I can to save that part of you.” She struggled against him, not saying anything until she realized he wasn’t going to release her.

  “Why couldn’t you leave well enough alone? Things were good today, weren’t they? You found out what secret I had…about the cure. Wasn’t that enough?”

  “No, it wasn’t.” he told her and she took a step back, trying to pull from him. “I told you I was going to bring you back to me, and I intend on doing just that.” he told her and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. He was already so close to doing just that. She looked at him and realized just how much she had given in in just that half hour of sitting in that kitchen with him.

  “Let me go.”

  “You’ve already opened up to me…you’ve already given all of your pain to me…don’t turn from me now.” He urged her and she twisted her head to the side, avoiding his stare.

  “Please…” she whimpered, and she knew that she was losing the battle.

  “I know what you are afraid of…why you ran today…why you ran before. Every single reason, I already know.” He paused, taking a step forward, his hand not releasing her. “You ran the first time because of me…because of what I said. It hurt and I was wrong, and I have already apologized for that. You ran a week ago because you were afraid and hurt. You don’t want us to go because you are scared of losing us like you like your dad, like you lost Kyle…like you lost us before.” He paused for a moment, taking in her tear-streaked face.

  “Please stop…” she shuddered.

  “And you ran today because for some reason you think that because of this news…this miracle…we will be repulsed by the very sight of you. You think because of everything you have done and everything you have had done to you that you are a monster.”

  “Why won’t you let me go?” she asked pleadingly.

  “Because whether or not you talk about it tonight, you need to see that you are not a monster and I will never let you go.” He told her and she shuddered, taking another step from him, trying to pull free. He followed her movements, his eyes intent on her, never wavering. “And you don’t get to tell us how we are going to react. You deserve to see our reactions.”

  “Miles…” she whimpered and he released her, allowing her to sag against the wall at her back. She was so weighted down and hurting that Miles wished to stop his assault, to ease her own personal anguish but he knew she needed this.

  “It doesn’t even matter.” He reassured her and she hung her head as he knelt before her, his eyes remaining on her face, appearing as if he were in prayer at her feet. He began reaching forward but stopped, drawing back and lifting a brow at her. “May I?” And after a long, heated moment, glancing at the aim of his hand, she nodded on a whimper her breathe catching. Before she could move to lift her shirt, he did so, his fingertips brushing her skin. He did this with ease, kneeling before her, his arms brushing her legs as he studied the mark. She watched him, tears in her eyes as he ran his fingers over the bite mark of her hip, his fingertips running along every scab and indention. He then looked at her and smirked just the slightest. “Breathe.” He ordered and she exhaled. “Are…are you alright?” Miles asked her before splaying his palm over the healing wound and standing. His hand was warm against her cool skin and she felt a thousand things rush through her. He always did that to her, keeping her on edge and she had always let him love her in his own unique way.

  “Yes.” She told him before licking her lips and staring at the ground. “Now please let me go…” she whimpered then, reminding even herself of a hard-headed small child.

  “Not yet…” he told her and she shifted. Amber felt her chest grow tight as Miles forced her to look at him. He stared down at her, one hand on her chin, and the other on her hip, covering her bite mark. “Are you l
istening?” he asked of her and slowly she nodded. He lifted a brow at her.

  “Yes…” she replied and he grinned at her. The gesture sent a million things through her and she found it even more difficult to breathe.

  “You are still by far the most beautiful creature on this planet to me…” he told her and he saw her bottom lip tremble. “You are strong, brave, and nothing short of a miracle. I always knew you were important…and now you know it too. I have spent my life protecting and caring for you and it certainly won’t stop now.” Amber felt his words like a slap to the face. Could he accept her confession so easily? It certainly seemed that way. Miles’s eyes searched hers. “I’m sorry if I hurt you…but I needed you to realize that you aren’t the monster that you fear yourself to be. You need to forgive yourself as easily as you forgave Damien.” Miles’s hand moved from her chin to her jaw, his fingers trailing along until his palm cupped her cheek and his fingers tangled into her hair. His eyes were determined and they held her hostage. “Do you understand me?”

  “Yes.” She whispered thickly and slowly, Miles began to ease forward with a half-lidded gaze. Amber felt her heart rate pick up. Her mind immediately went blank and there was nothing that could penetrate the fog that filtered through her thoughts. Miles tilted her head and she stared at him with uncertainty and desire. Her hands came up to grip his shirt at the chest and the other hand of his that was on her hip urged her closer, pulling her body flush against his. She swallowed thickly as Miles closed the distance, his lips searching for hers.

  Oh, she was on fire. His fingers, his arms, his breath against her skin…everywhere he touched was scorching, burning, and she was electrified. Everything inside of her exploded and her fingers involuntarily curled into the fabric of his shirt. “…So please…stop pushing me away and let me bring you back…give me your acceptance of what things are. I know things have changed, but tell me…say we can start this thing over.” He paused, looking down at her still, his gaze unwavering, the emotion never leaving his face. “You aren’t alone in this pain and I am not going anywhere. We can face this hell and this fear together. Please…don’t shut me out.”

  Tears clouded her eyes. “But I’m…I’m broken…” she tried in one last frail attempt at offering him any way out…trying to offer herself a way out. His eyes heated then, almost white hot in their depths, and yet his expression was gentle. One hand left her waist, the other holding her in place against him, and it traveled up her side, sliding across her chest and up her neck to rest on her cheek, his fingers twining with her hair. His gaze was half lidded and Amber felt like nothing but a heated flame that he was controlling, molding to his own desires. A trail burned where he had touched and she gulped, her breathing barely there.

  “Then let me mend you.” He whispered roughly, urging her mouth forward. He moved as well, closing his eyes as she did and so tortuously slow did her lips finally meet his.

  They were soft like velvet, and he tasted and felt better than she had remembered. Memories never did him justice. His hands wound tight around her, his hand snaking its way to the back of her head as he urged her closer to him, as if they could become any closer than they were in that moment. He tilted his head just the slightest, as did she, her arms winding themselves around his neck. She gave into the feeling of sheer pleasure and her body hummed with his, two hearts beating in time. Her fingers ran through his hair slowly, ecstasy flooring her, coursing through her mind. All thoughts had left her, all reason long gone, and she was in heaven. His tongue pressed against her lips, asking for permission to which she quickly obliged. Her lips parted and once they did she moaned in response. He searched her, yearned for her, and kissed her as if she were an oasis and he the thirsty traveler. She was the air he breathed, his reason and rhyme for who he was, where he was. He was her strength, her reason and rhyme for who she was, and where she was. There was no having one without the other and Amber knew this. He was her fire and she was his water.

  The action, his kiss, was so sincere. While there was still passion, there was this longing and yearning for understanding behind the silence, as if they were both begging for one another. It brought tears to her eyes, and had he not been holding her, she would have fallen to her knees at the very mercy of it all. The heat between the two of them quickly escalated and she could no longer hear anything other than her own heartbeat; could feel and taste nothing but him. His teeth nipped and pulled at her bottom lip and she whimpered, her hands pressing against the back of his head, wanting more…so much more. Tears allowed for a thin sheen behind her closed eyelids. He was so incredibly exquisite.

  “Oh God…I’ve missed you…” she breathed against his mouth as the tears rolled down her face. He growled lowly, the rumble reverberating through his chest.

  Her back pressed tightly against the wall and she writhed against it, moving with Miles and the urgency she felt searing her through her veins. She couldn’t get enough of it, of him, because for the first time since it all began she felt accepted and one with who she was and who was with her. She wanted nothing more than to lay completely bear with him, both emotionally and physically. Judging by the urgency in his hold and the rigidness of his body against hers he yearned to do the same. Her lungs burned, her entire body quaking with anticipation and she didn’t care. Any inhibition she had was tossed to the side. His body pressed against hers as his mouth left her swollen, just kissed lips, planting soft kisses along her jaw, down her neck. She tilted her head back, allowing him access to any and every part of her he wanted. His teeth nipped at her, one free hand finding bare skin underneath her shirt. She gasped and her back arched against him at the pure pleasurable sensation that he offered her. She dug her nails into his back, unable to stop herself. Everything, so light for others, was nothing but atom bombs to her. The slightest kiss, the slightest touch…she was overly sensitized and alert to him and only him. She felt every move he made…even the lack of moving he made as slowly, he brought his lips up her neck, finding her jaw line, and finally he gave her a gentle promise of a kiss on her now plump lips. She slowly opened her glazed eyes, her face heating with embarrassment as he stared down at her, his eyes more vivid and alight than she had seen them in such a very long time. He held her close, cupped her face, smiling in amusement at her.

  “You are still my angel…and I am still madly in love with you. Nothing can change that.” He told her softly, his voice thick with emotion and she could see the thin sheen of tears in his dark eyes. Her own tears flowed in rivulets across her face. She felt everything within her finally break open and flow freely. Every withheld emotion that she held back, every thought that she had that hurt her so much, everything…absolutely everything…was cut open so deeply now that she couldn’t stop the sobbing. The memories of Kyle’s dead body in her arms, taking his last breath, the scent of metallic blood, the sound of gunshots, the memories of being without Miles after everything, of watching her brother be dragged away…it all came to the surface and overflowed like a faucet. She closed her eyes tightly and lowered her head onto his chest, gripping his shirt tightly in her hands and she sobbed. She sobbed so hard that she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t feel anymore. She let it all go then, in that moment, and Miles, he pulled her tightly against him and rubbed her back, never saying a word, he just simply let her cry, let the raw wounds slowly heal themselves. He waited for her to finish releasing the pain, waited for the worst part of the anguish to leave the wracking of her body.

  And then, much later, he looked down at her like she didn’t have puffy eyes and swollen lips, as if her hair weren’t a mess and she hadn’t gone through the hell that she had so obviously gone through. He looked at her like she was the only thing in the entire world to him and she thought that, in that moment, she very well may have been. Slowly, he brought a hand up to cup her cheek, and again he brought his lips down to meet hers in a gentle, yearning kiss. It was so tender, so intimate, and so assuring that she couldn’t breathe and it was the best feeling in t
he world to let go of her heartache then, and just meld with him. She felt her heart race and she knew then that she never wanted to be without him. It didn’t matter that she could never find the right words to express how she felt; what mattered then were the emotions that she had been suppressing for so very long.

  “Miles…” she whispered against his lips as he pressed yet another kiss to her lips. She shuddered, the need to tell him these thoughts raging like an inferno in her mind driving her mad.

  “You keep me grounded, you know.” He told her. “You are my tether to reality…so I can’t have you losing yourself to chaos. Otherwise…I’m following you there. Whenever you feel tired or weak…don’t suppress it…come just as you are to me and I will help you.” Her heart beat rapidly, aching with his words and how very true they were. He smiled warmly at her. “Things will get easier from here.” He assured her and she knew that he was right. She would be, regardless of how things went. She was much stronger than she gave herself credit for. “I promise.” She reached up then, running trembling fingers along the length of his jaw. Slowly, his mouth turned up on one side and he brought his hand up to catch hers. She stilled then, watching with a tender heart as he turned, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to the inside of her wrist. She marveled at how she had gotten so lucky to have been blessed with a friend, with a man such as him. Within an hour and a half he had given her everything she needed to move forward and she wasn’t even sure if he knew that or not.

  There was a sudden banging on the door, low enough to not wake the household, but loud enough to capture their attention. Amber jumped, but Miles never released her. Instead, he dragged his eyes from her to the direction of the front door. He then sighed heavily, before turning back to her and frowning. She realized that he was expecting someone.

  “That’s Rusty. I told him that I would help him walk the walls tonight.” He offered her and despite her best efforts, his words stung just a bit. After everything that had just happened, he was going to leave her alone? He moved, bringing one hand to rest flat against the wall beside her head. His body moved, one leg sidling up beside hers as he pressed the entirety of his body flush against hers. She stared up at him as he brought her hand to rest on his neck, and then with his fingers skating along the sensitive skin of the back of her hand, he removed his hand from hers. She swallowed thickly as he stared down at her from his towering gaze and heat pooled between her legs from their position. His golden-brown eyes were burning her, searching her as he brought his free hand to cup her cheek, his thumb tracing a path across her plump, just kissed lips. “Will you be alright if I go?” he asked of her and she froze, her thoughts running rampant.