by W. A. R.
Miles was the first to speak, yet again coming to her defense. “You all already know the answer to that.” he stated before taking a long drink. He gulped and closed his eyes tightly before reaching forward and handing the bottle back to Buddy. Buddy eased forward and took it from his hold as Shelly removed herself from his space. He ran a hand through his wet hair and Amber lowered her gaze to the floor at his feet, almost in shame.
George moved from the door and eased toward them. “Still, I thought we were closer than that.” He stated and Amber sunk lower into the pillow at her chest. Cassie finished and rounded in front of both her and Buddy before reaching where Shelly stood, sifting through everything in the basket silently.
“We are.” Amber expressed finally, feeling his green gaze on her. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, feeling the worry claw at her chest. Yes, she should have told them everything; but what would that have served? Shelly reached over to grab Buddy’s ear, pulling on it. He yelped in pain and jumped to his feet, following where she led him.
“Move it. I haven’t finished with her yet.” She smarted before releasing him beside Miles, who sat there with new bandages. Buddy grimaced and rubbed at his now red ear, bottle in hand.
“Yes ma’am.” He mouthed mockingly before taking a long drink and handing it to Miles over his shoulder. Miles sat back and took a drink as he stared at Amber in apprehension. George took another step towards them and Amber sighed.
“Then why didn’t you…” he began but he didn’t get to finish. Instead, she straightened as Shelly forced her back and Cassie removed the pillow from her embrace, leaving nothing but the towel to her front. Blocking the view of the men, the three women maneuvered the towel to hold up on its own around her chest as it had before they had placed the bandages on her. As they did this, Amber spoke.
“I was scared, alright?” she stated firmly, and Cassie looked at her sadly, Shelly placing her assessing fingers on Amber’s healing shoulder. Though the wound itself would take at least three months to heal, she knew she didn’t have that long to be able to use it. She hadn’t even put it in a sling in the last two and a half weeks, much less forcing herself not to use it. Within another two to three weeks, she would have to go on as if it never happened in order to keep suspicion from her true person. She stole her eyes over Shelly’s shoulder to George, finally feeling the cold emotion of honesty wash over her. She could feel her bottom lip tremble. “I was scared. I’ve been scared since the day everything started.”
Cassie shifted on her feet and crossed her arms…uncertain and almost nervous. She was silent and comforting, as if she wanted to ease Amber’s pain. “What were you scared of? What have you been scared of?”
Amber lifted her eyes to look at her daughter. Cassie was no longer a child, no matter how badly Amber wished for her to stay that way. She was now a young woman; she had to be that in order to survive in this world and Amber guessed that it was about time to treat her like one as well. Her eyes saddened as she looked on at her. This was going to be her finally admitting the truth. “Of how you would all react, of the positions that it would put you all in, and how it would weigh down on you all as well. I’m scared of Adrian and his men and how things will be there…I’m just scared.” They all looked at her dubiously for a moment.
“But you let Michael tell the entire community?” George asked in disbelief and Amber sighed, her body wanting nothing more than for her to fall into exhaustion but her mind and her heart wanted her to tell them everything, to get it off of her chest. She knew that she couldn’t though...not entirely. She could at least express her feelings.
“I had to…if I am going to be representing these people, protecting them, then they deserve to know everything they can about their warrior.” She stated, the honesty lacing the words resonating deep within her. She licked her lips in habit. “Besides, I knew that it wouldn’t hurt them or weigh down on them nearly as bad as it would you all. You all deserved to know and I am sorry I lumped you all in with them in finding out.”
“Do you not trust us?” She heard Cassie ask softly and Amber sighed, feeling Shelly bandage her shoulder. Oddly, Shelly remained silent during this whole conversation and for a moment Amber was nervous about her silence before that apprehension turned into appreciation. She wasn’t sure she could handle Shelly accusing her of distrust as well.
“Of course I trust you all…I just…when it happened I was alone…and I was…” she swallowed. Was she really, finally going to talk about everything? She reasoned that it was about time. “Before it happened, I had lost so damn much, I was so scared…I was alone and dealing with a lot of hate and anger…and once it happened I was even more angry…I was terrified.” Her eyes held Cassie’s, begging for understanding. “I thought about how I had left you all, how your brother and Miles, Brian, and Shelly had been taken from me. And as I sat there bleeding, I was so livid that I would be nothing; our plans ruined. I would never be able to look at you all again. You would all die because I failed to make it to that bridge.”
“But nothing happened.” George stated the obvious and Amber jerked her eyes to her friend. In his eyes was a war of perpetual torment, the storm raging and she couldn’t decipher what he was thinking. That alone bothered her immensely. Her hand gripped her knee, her palms sweating uncontrollably.
“George…” she began, almost pleading. She didn’t mean to hurt any of them, never meant to anger them. “I never meant to hurt any of you. I kept it to myself for you all. I kept everything bottled up inside because I couldn’t burden you all any more than you already had.”
“So, nothing happened?” he asked then, offering her no reprieve and she sighed, knowing that she was going to have to explain herself. She knew that they could understand if she had been bitten and had begun changing and kept it to herself, but this? This was a miracle. Why wouldn’t she want to share this news with the people who had been by her side through everything? These were the questions that George and Cassie were really asking and they hurt.
“No nothing happened, but it didn’t lessen the anger. When I realized that I wouldn’t change, I knew that I was now even more of a danger, and thereby putting you all also in more danger should he ever come for me…”
“He thinks you’re dead.” Cassie shared her thought, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and Amber once wiped her hands on her pants leg.
“Honey, once he hears, if he hasn’t already heard, about what I had running in my veins, dead or not he is going to want a sample. And when he can’t find that body…well…he will be searching for me, believing me to have survived.”
“But the other body…” Cassie tried to argue, and Amber could see the fear in her young eyes. Amber sighed before smiling softly, as if trying to soften the blow that was going to be given to her.
“Isn’t me. Justin and any other man on that bridge will see that once they look. You forget about my tattoo…and where I was bitten…they will be looking for these things and if they can’t find them, they will search everywhere else without end. Adrian is obsessive that way.” She stopped, taking in Cassie’s shocked expression as she brought her hand to her mouth. She decided to keep going with her explanation; there was no sense in stopping now. “And then…then there was how you would all see me. I was disgusted with myself, frightened of what I would become in your eyes.” Amber paused and wrapped her arms around herself as Shelly removed herself from Amber’s side briefly. “I couldn’t have handled that, I don’t think. It would have pushed me over the edge. I couldn’t handle you seeing me as a monster.”
Cassie dropped her hands. “We would never think that of you…” her daughter began but Amber’s intense gaze stopped her.
“I saw the looks on all of your faces today after you heard it. You were just as taken aback and unsure as everyone else.”
Miles leaned forward, perching on the edge of his seat and folding his hands before him. “Well, it was a surprise for them, to say the least.”
> “Wait, you knew?” George asked and Buddy suddenly went pale before turning and hitting Miles in the shoulder, mumbling under his breath. Miles lowered his head into his hands, running his hands through his wet hair.
“Yes, we knew. We had to know for the mission should there be any unfortunate circumstances.” He replied before turning to Amber. His brown eyes delved into hers and she once again felt like crying. Why did he reach so deep inside of her, and always had whether she wanted him to or not? He forced his ways past all her barriers like he belonged there…and she had come to realize that he did belong there…he always had. “And as I told her before, there is no monster inside of her.” You are still by far the most beautiful creature on this planet to me… she recalled his words. Why did he have to do this to her? Now, of all times? She would find the answer to that, she was sure, before her eyes finally closed in slumber.
Buddy moved around in front of Miles and stood beside Amber, offering her the bottle. “There never was.” Turning to look up at him, she was astonished by the sincerity of his words. She took it easily and in one breath finished it off before sharing a smile with him. He lifted a brow at her before taking to bottle and without another word, left to go downstairs.
She lowered her head as George and Cassie looked down at her. “Of course we were surprised. Is that why you pushed us all away?” Amber could say nothing because the truth of it stung. Instead, she only looked away from him and to the headboard on the old bed. He sighed. “You should know that we would understand.”
“How can you? All of you would feel guilty because it happened.”
He had the good grace to appear offended. “We wouldn’t…”
“You already do.” She cut him off and he quickly closed his mouth. “I can see it in your eyes, George.” A very long, drawn out silence followed in which no one argued and protested. Miles studied her, analyzing her and George stared at the door. “Derek…” she paused, closing her eyes briefly at the pain that came to her chest at the mention of his name. “Derek felt guilty about everything that happened and he didn’t even know this. Of course you all would.” And with this statement, silence reigned for a few moments.
“If you would have told us, we could have helped you.” George said at long last and she chuckled a little in disbelief.
“Help me do what? Mourn over the fact that the very people I’m trying my damndest to protect were in more danger because of me, the very one trying to protect them?” she croaked out a bit loudly. They were all taken aback before she sighed in concession. “Look, you’re right. I should have told you all.” She looked at Miles pointedly and he lifted a brow curiously at her, hoping that he understood that she was referring to everything, to so much more than the bite. “I should have told you all everything before it reached the peak that it did. I can’t change that now, and for that I am sorry.” George stared at her and Miles leaned forward, head in his hands. Cassie lowered her hand from her mouth, deep in thought.
Miles suddenly lifted his head. “You were never alone in all of this. Everything you went through, everything you did, you were never alone…and if you felt as if you were, you shouldn’t have been.” Amber felt as if she had been slapped. His words were cutting and almost accusatory. Then he motioned towards George and Cassie before rising to his feet. “Look at these people. This is your family. We are your family. We are always here for you.”
“He’s right.” George interrupted then, advancing towards Amber. His eyes were saddened but there was an ember of fire in their depths, as if something was coming back to life. She swallowed. She admitted her faults, admitted how she felt about it all and this was their reaction. She wasn’t sure if it would hurt or not. “We will always be your family…which means you can always trust us to have your back…regardless of the situation or whatever the outcome may be…”
“And you should know that we love you…and that we can’t help but be fascinated by this…development.” Cassie said, choosing her words wisely and speaking with a slow drawl. Her eyes betrayed her fatigue and Amber’s heart broke for her daughter.
“That is very true.” He paused before offering her a small smile. “In fact, I am impressed.” He then turned and looked curiously at Miles, leaving Amber in surprise at his turnabout. “And Lance…? I heard Michael say someth…”
Miles quickly interrupted him, glancing at Amber before he did so. “Yes. He was immune as well.” And she was grateful for his cutting off of the subject.
Cassie’s eyes widened in response to this news and her face grew flushed. “Really?”
“Yes.” Amber replied and everyone in the room stilled with the exception of Miles and Amber. Her heart began pounding and she wondered why. Why was there this nervous apprehension gnawing away at her insides, telling her there was something she didn’t comprehend yet, some dots that would soon be connected?
“That is very…coincidental.” George stated, rubbing the stubble on his chin in thought. Miles nodded and Amber didn’t like where his mind was going. George turned to look at Amber in fascination, though she could still see the depth of her deception hiding in his eyes. “Have you…” he paused suddenly appearing unsure. She felt uneasy. “Have you thought about trying to make it to the CDC? Maybe there is someone there that can help. They could stabilize the antibodies in your blood and create a vaccine or possibly even a cure.”
Amber sighed and ran a hand across her face. “George, the CDC is gone. Government is gone. It’s been a year. There isn’t anything out there.” She replied, hearing footsteps on the stairs yet again.
“What about the scientists working for Adrian?” Shelly suddenly asked and everyone turned to look at her in shock. She didn’t seem perturbed by it, however. Instead, she continued with her task of gathering all of her tools in the basket. “Don’t look at me like that. They can’t all be bad. There has to be someone there with a conscience.” And she was right, wasn’t she? Amber seemed to think so. Miles shifted his stare to Amber.
“That is something to consider when we get there and can analyze these people personally.” He stated, Amber flinched at his casual use of the word ‘we’ before nodding her agreement as Buddy returned in the doorway, another full bottle in his left hand. Amber grinned a little, feeling the alcohol resonate in her bones, relaxing her. “Besides, right now, and for a long while, our main priority is to keep ‘this’…” he paused briefly, motioning to Amber. “…under wraps and to go forward with taking down Adrian. As long as he has the power and the reach he has, we would never make it anywhere or accomplish anything…CDC included.”
Amber sighed. “Brian and the others take precedence over this, anyways. We will cross the bridge for a cure when we can actually do something about it…I mean, we have no idea how to neutralize it or anything.”
George appeared shocked. “Who says they take precedence? This is a cure, a vaccine, we are talking about.”
Every head in the room turned to look at him heatedly and instantly he shrunk. “Every person in this room.” Amber chuckled, feeling light-hearted for the first time in such a very long time. Cassie turned and looked at Amber, who sighed.
“So…you’re alright?” she asked and Amber smiled warmly at her daughter, feeling that same motherly love she had found when she had her nearly sixteen years prior.
“I’m a little beat up, but I am much better now. Thank you all for…listening…and understanding.” Cassie still appeared dubious and Amber smiled. “Promise.” She hesitated for a moment before sighing and lowering her gaze to the floor. “How’s your Nana and Elliot handling this?”
George turned to face her from talking to Buddy and smiled. “Honestly, surprisingly well. I daresay that your mom is proud of it.”
She glanced up at them all curiously and Miles grinned. Her heart slammed against her chest at the feeling that the sight offered her. “Yeah, she has this whole ‘My-daughter-is-the-savior-of-all-mankind’ attitude going on.”
Amber had to laugh at
that, knowing that not only was her mother getting better, but she also seemed happier. “And Elliot?” That poor, sensitive boy. He was so quiet and reserved. Amber worried about him…especially whenever she left. But, she thought, she would be leaving Miles with him.
George scraped his foot against the floor. “Elliot is…well…” Amber’s heart skipped a beat, her nerves getting the best of her. “…he’s confused. He doesn’t really grasp the concept.”
It was as if a weight had been lifted and she visibly sagged in reprieve where she sat. “I am so glad we are all on the same page now.” She said and she could sense rather than see the sincere smiles that they were casting her way. She bit her bottom lip as Shelly advanced her. “I can move forward now instead of dwelling on everything that’s happened.”
“Same here.” Buddy scoffed, lifting the bottle in the air with an exuberant gesture. “We have the community on track, our information on track…and now we have the opportunity to finish this right.” He was talking about Adrian…somehow, it always came back to that monster of a man.
“Let’s see it.” Shelly urged her then, pressing on her shoulder and urging her to lean over so the bite could be clearly seen. Amber begrudgingly did so, leaning on her elbow and Shelly shuffled forward, her deft fingers lifting the towel just enough to make the bite mark visible. She was silent as she looked at it. It was merely a scar at that point, in no need of medical attention, but she knew Shelly needed to see it for herself and she wasn’t going to protest it. She didn’t want them to see the fresh one on her leg. Soon, within seconds, George, Cassie, and Buddy shuffled over as well, their eyes taking in the now deformed skin and tattoo that the bite mark left. Amber, however, as she lay, looked across the way at Miles, who leaned against the wall, arms crossed watching as everyone else gazed at what they deemed a miracle. She drank him in, his bunched-up muscles and the clench of his jaw, the set of his eyes as they seemed to dance in delight at the sight before him. She knew what he was thinking. He had seen it already, had touched it…and he seemed proud of that fact alone, proud that he was given that opportunity that no one else was granted. When had he even had the chance to see it?