by W. A. R.
Amber reached over and gripped a pillow before bringing it to her lap, letting her chest settle against it as she clutched it close to her against the onslaught of emotions that rolled through her. “Shells…”
“Oh no…you only call me Shells when you have something weighing heavy on your mind.” Shelly countered before Amber could finish.
Amber smiled briefly. “I’m sorry Brian isn’t here with us…yet. I will get him back. I promise.”
“I know this.” Shelly replied easily. “There is no doubt in my mind. He would do the same for you. Besides, you aren’t alone in this…remember?” Shelly teased and Amber glanced sideways without moving too much. Shelly didn’t know…she couldn’t know…how truly alone Amber was going to be. She decided that she needed to change the subject.
“I take it you listened at the ‘town meeting’ today?” Amber joked lightly and she could hear Shelly smile.
“Who didn’t listen?” she asked and Amber lowered her head, her chin resting against the pillow as she stared at the floor before her. She heard the sound of paper tearing behind her and she grimaced. Cool fingertips touched her shoulders. “Relax.” Shelly cooed softly to Amber. Amber felt her tension flare as her fingertips trailed down, Shelly’s assessing eyes taking in the extent of the damage done. “You all did wonderful today. Despite the massacre of what happened, you brought the community back to where it needs to be. Don’t let the other stuff bother you.”
“I’m trying not to. Everything has just been…” she trailed off, trying to find the word. “Chaotic.” She finally finished. She winced and hissed sharply.
“Honey, everything in the past month has been chaotic. We have all changed a little at least, and depression has sunk its claws into us all. You were never alone in that.” Shelly supplied before removing her hands from Amber’s back. Amber instantly relaxed from the lack of touch. “All we can do now is move past it all and take steps forward. Focusing on the past will only make matters worse.”
Amber felt her heart twist painfully. “I came to that conclusion yesterday. I’m sorry I have been so distant since all of this began, Shells. I only wanted to protect you all and I got caught up in what I was feeling to notice.” I still am.
More rustling from behind her. “I know and it’s okay. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to be beside you when Kyle…” she hesitated before clearing her throat yet again. “Well, some things cannot be helped…and I am proud of you. I know I told you when we first got here and saw that you were alive but I feel you need reminding; I am proud of you…for doing everything you did…for risking it all. No one is angry that you lost yourself. We were all just worried. If you couldn’t find your way back then none of us had a chance.”
Amber sighed, clutching the pillow tighter as her chest clenched. I’m still lost. “Well…it is all done and over with now…” No more ghosts to haunt us. “Lance is dead…Damien is dead…I have accepted it all. We can move past all of it. Thank you…for being my friend, Shells.” Because before Amber disappeared in the next week or two, Shelly deserved to know.
“You’re my sister, honey.” Shelly said, her voice coming closer and Amber could sense her to her right behind her. Footsteps sounded on the steps, coming closer with every passing second. “Of course I will always be there. And thank you…for risking everything you did and doing everything you did. I always knew you were destined for great things.” She said, the smile evident in her voice. Shelly then frowned, glancing at the cream in her hand, rag in the other. She placed the rag on the bed beside Amber and sighed. Amber grimaced, knowing what was coming. “I’m going to tend to your back and shoulders first. This is going to sting, alright? I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay. Do what you gotta do.” Amber mumbled into the pillow just loud enough for Shelly to hear and with that, Amber clamped her teeth onto the pillow, pulling her arms tighter around it in a vice as the thundering footsteps came closer. Her heart began roaring in her ears as she waited for the initial sting of the homemade cream against her open wounds. Cool fingers touched her bare skin where there was no pain, as if to hold her still and the other hand eased forward towards her sensitive back. As soon as the smooth cream hit her wound she hissed and tensed, making Shelly halt for a moment before continuing. She moved slowly, rubbing in the cream to her right shoulder. Amber whimpered, not noticing that the footsteps had stopped or that there were other people in the room watching the scene before them with unease. She closed her eyes tightly and clenched involuntarily, her body shuddering under the sting of the pain as Shelly moved along her back, now trying her best to hurry through the process. Finally, she stopped for a moment to gather more cream for the left side of her back. Amber sat perched on the edge of her bed, shuddering under the sting of tears and the lingering sensation of pin pricks on her back.
She exhaled slowly, trying to regain her breathing as she had held her breath. “Oh Amber…” Shelly began but Amber chuckled before sniffling.
“Damn…whatever Doc has in that cream better work wonders.” She sighed and the shuddering was slowly coming to a stop. She lifted her head then to look over at Shelly, but the feeling of eyes on her made her change her plan and instead, she looked at the door. Cassie and Miles stood there, concern etched into their features as they stared at her. She smiled at them warmly. “Hey guys.” She said easily, keeping the pain from escaping her lips and Shelly happened to look up as well.
“Come on in.” She told them before walking around in front of Amber to reach the left side of her back. She lifted a brow at Miles. “Make yourself comfortable. George and Cassie are going to skim over you before I check you out.”
“I told George I was fine…” he grumbled, his dark brown eyes never leaving Amber. Cassie frowned before advancing into the room, one of the spares in the house they were in. Miles took two steps forward, just enough to invade the room with his presence.
“Says the guy who nearly died yesterday.” Amber teased him. He furrowed his brow at her, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“It looks like you’ve got it worse than I did.”
Amber shifted slightly in an attempt to gain comfort. She lifted a brow at him. “None of mine was internal damage.”
He appeared offended. “I wasn’t…”
“Bruising…possible rupture…” Amber tauntingly recalled his ailments. Cassie chuckled then at Amber’s tone before moving a chair so that it was directly in front of Amber and in the light of the lamp on a table that Shelly was using. “Why don’t you get over here and have a seat. Quit arguing. I could use the company while Shelly tries to kill me…”
“Hey!” Shelly squealed. “Would you rather it get infected?” she asked and Amber chuckled light-heartedly though her mind was filled with the grotesque images of Lance’s infected hands, arm, and legs. She shuddered against her will and felt the shiver go down her spine.
“No, mother.” She countered before turning back to Miles as Shelly prepared herself for Amber’s left side. He studied her, and she knew that he had seen what she had seen with Shelly’s words. She really wanted both him and Cassie close to her then, thinking that it would help alleviate the pain. “So, are you going to join me or not?” she asked but before the words could stop from falling off of her tongue he was making wide strides to her. Easily, he grabbed the chair that Cassie had moved and scooted it closer to her, so close that his knees were brushing past hers and there was no room to move between them. She was taken aback from the quickness of his actions as well as the determined intensity that resonated in his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” he asked her as Cassie moved to Amber’s right side and behind her. There was some rustling and Amber knew that she was searching for the tape and bandages that were bound to be in that basket of Shelly’s.
Amber covered her mouth with the pillow before looking up at him under her long lashes and short wet hair. “I’ve been better. How about you?” she asked and she could tell by the dismissiveness of his gaze that
he knew she wanted to ask so much more than that. Still he grinned at her knowingly.
“I’ve been better.” He mirrored before shifting in his seat, smirking. He glanced up over her shoulder and she could only assume that he was studying Cassie and her actions.
“Ready?” Shelly then asked and Miles’s hands found her elbows as she lowered her eyes to the floor. She tensed, readying herself for the anguish that was sure to come. Again, the cool fingers were near her neck, holding her steady while the other hand lowered itself to the wounds on her left. The thick cream hit her and she grimaced again, closing her eyes tightly as the stinging pinpricks of pain once again began to settle on her raw flesh. Soon, within a second or two she began whimpering again, unable to contain herself and she felt her body begin shuddering. Miles’s hold on her tightened and she felt the onslaught of tears sting her nose, her eyes and he brought his forehead to rest against hers. He was speaking softly to her, trying to calm her, but his words were garbled and she couldn’t make out what he was saying. Still, it brought her slight comfort knowing that he was there and when she felt Cassie’s hands pressing a cloth bandage on her right side, she eased even more so. Slowly, Shelly finished, removing her hands and the stinging, while remaining slightly, wasn’t as bad. Easily, she lifted her head, opening her red-rimmed eyes and sniffled. Shelly stood behind Miles, both of them looking at her in concern and sympathy. “That’s the worst of it, honey. I’m going to go ahead and let Cassie bandage you while I look over Miles, alright?” she asked and Amber was grateful that she was being tender, both physically and emotionally.
“Thank you, Shells.” Amber told her friend before glancing over her shoulder at Cassie, who was studiously working on bandaging her right side. Shelly smiled knowingly.
“Oh, I’m not through with you yet. I still have your shoulder and your…. uh…bite…to look at.” She stammered, as if unsure how to address that wound. Cassie stilled briefly before continuing, never uttering a word. Miles glanced over at a grinning Shelly and chuckled before removing his hands from Amber’s elbows. She instantly felt cold and she tensed once again against her will. Shelly slapped Miles on the shoulder before stepping around the rest of the way and aiming for the basket. “Scoot on back, loverboy.”
Miles groaned loudly but did as she said. She chuckled. “You’ve been talking to Lacy, haven’t you?” he asked and Amber felt herself go rigid. What did he mean by that? Was there something happening between the two of them? Granted, this was not the first time that she had assumed such a thing. She recalled when they had first returned, how she had fought with Buddy and how Miles had comforted her. She recalled the times that Lacy continuously went searching for him, as if she were on a mission. The green-eyed monster of jealousy on this matter had fueled the fire that flowed in Amber’s veins but this…this nickname…it was enough to make her feel almost…angry…about it. Still, they hadn’t shown affection toward one another, other than that of friendship; but that still didn’t lessen the blow to Amber’s heart. She had found herself, over the course of the past two weeks, since they all arrived, questioning that since she had changed, if that was what set him apart from her. She wondered if they shared a connection stronger than the one that Amber and him did…she wondered if that were even possible.
“I may have.” Shelly replied easily. “I like her; she has some backbone.”
“Tell me about it.” Miles replied shaking his head. “Still, these nicknames have to stop.” He said before he easily pulled his shirt up and over his head. She felt her heartrate quicken, watching with heated fervor as Miles turned to look at Shelly, talking easily with her. Amber heard none of this, as her mind was elsewhere. Where had this human side of her been in the past few weeks? Since everything happened it was as if she were on autopilot, had become a robot and now she sat here with her emotions and basic human feelings and everything she had felt or thought before it happened came back full force. She felt it was wrong to feel that way right then, to feel her skin flush and her cheeks heat with the sight of him shirtless, considering the bruises on his chest and abdomen, as well as the day that they had both shared. She recalled how open she had been with him the night before their worlds came tumbling down, two days before he was taken from her. She recalled how he had told her how beautiful and amazing she was as his hands traced her body and burned her skin, scorching her and ruining her for any other man. He had needed her and she had needed him. She still did. Her mind brought back the many memories of their history; how they had met, how he had always gone out of his way to help her and protect her. They were meant for each other…right? It seemed as if the roles were now switched and she was the one pining after him and yet still, after everything, she couldn’t tell him she loved him. It wasn’t because she didn’t; on the contrary, she had never felt anything so certain, so exhilaratingly powerful…and those three words were meager in comparison to how she really felt. So, she found herself asking if one person, if Lacy, could come between that. Was that even possible to take away?
She wouldn’t blame him for moving forward, for leaving her behind…especially considering how she had failed to relate her feelings to him wholly. She had always spoken in riddles to him, asking him to figure them out and maybe, just maybe, he was tired of figuring them out. He shouldn’t be alone, she thought, and if he did find someone else, she figured Lacy was good for him. She could admit that he deserved better than what she had given him, especially after having pushed him away, even if it was in reaction to wanting to do nothing more than keep him from the pain of the truth. Regardless, their connection still urged her body to feel everywhere his lips had been, where his feather-light touches had made her shiver. Oh God, what was wrong with her?
The vague sound of him clearing his throat caught her attention and she blinked, everything around her coming back into focus. She felt again Cassie’s deft fingers as they moved across her back, saw Shelly shuffling about with a stethoscope around her neck as well as cloth bandages that hung from her arms. George now stood in the doorway and more footsteps were heard as people ambled up the stairs. She shivered against the cold, wishing that they could finish tending her wounds because she felt as if she were on display, even though the towel and pillow were before her. Her shoulders and sides and back were bare, those scars visible. Still, her eyes were locked on Miles’s body and as she trailed her glazed stare up his body to meet his eyes, she saw something akin to desire in his tired eyes, and yet also a question as he lifted a taunting brow at her. Like what you see? He seemed to ask her as Shelly moved around him, removing the stethoscope from her neck. Amber felt her face grow heated and her mouth opened to speak, but upon finding no words, she closed it.
“Anybody need a drink?” Buddy’s voice suddenly boomed from the doorway. She was grateful for his sudden appearance and the loud booming of his voice. They all turned to see Buddy push easily past George, who groaned in response, carrying a large bottle of clear liquid. Moonshine. His eyes landed on Amber as Cassie stopped her task to turn and look at him.
“Speaking of nicknames…” Shelly stated on a laugh before Buddy filled in the gap of silence offered by his sudden appearance.
“Sweetness!” he exclaimed, ignoring Shelly’s comment and advancing towards her, bottle in hand. Amber could feel the irritation radiating off of Miles and for some reason she thought of the irrational jealousy she harbored towards Lacy. Was Miles jealous of Buddy? Miles obviously cared very deeply for Boudreaux, like a brother, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get envious of the man. Buddy glanced at Amber deviously, his blue eyes sad. “Care for a drink?”
Oh thank God for homemade alcohol. “Yes.” She croaked out before reaching forward with one hand, still clutching the pillow. As she took a long drink, the feeling of it burning all the way down her chest, she realized she was very much open to these visitors. Her skin crawled with the knowledge that Buddy’s eyes were creeping over her, taking her in and she instantly knew that that was why Miles was irrit
ated. She lowered the bottle from her mouth and handed it back to Boudreaux before clutching the pillow back against her with more tension. “Thank you.”
Buddy shrugged and as Cassie moved to bandage the left side, he settled himself to her right. The bed sunk with his weight and she shifted the pillow against her. “Figured with all of this serious talk, you and Asshole there might need a drink.” He said gesturing to Miles, who only tensed and sneered at the man.
Amber felt her stomach tighten. “Serious talk?” she asked and George stepped in, closing the door behind him. Amber tensed and for a moment her body shuddered, and she felt the pull of her skin. Cassie’s hand on her shoulder forced her to relax a little.
“Calm down, mom. Nothing bad has happened. We just need to talk about some things.” Cassie whispered to her and Amber relaxed a little more, feeling her shoulders sag forward. Miles leaned forward, allowing Shelly to listen to his breathing. He jerked at the feel of the cold stethoscope against his skin.
George crossed his arms then and leveled his gaze at her. She swallowed, feeling the burn of the moonshine warm her chest still. She knew what he was going to say before he even said it. Still, she remained silent and let him talk. She owed them all that much. His green eyes were sad. “Amber, why didn’t you tell us about your immunity?” She remained silent for a long drawn out moment and the only sounds were Buddy moving to hand the bottle to Miles, who now leaned back against the chair easily, allowing Shelly to assess his abdomen and the rustling of the final bandages as Cassie’s taped them against Amber’s side.