Living at 40 (Lakeside Cottage Book 1)

by L. B. Dunbar

  “Look at all the lovely ladies in this kitchen,” I tease, kissing the top of Lorna’s head before peering up at Autumn. She doesn’t look at me. “What are we making?”

  “Tonight is spaghetti,” Mila proudly announces.

  “I have whole wheat pasta I can make for you,” Anna states, giving me an understanding smile. That’s when Autumn glances up. She’d been dicing a cucumber.

  “Can you eat the rest of this?” Her show of concern is heartwarming and a little reassuring that she doesn’t completely hate me.

  “It’s all about portion control, counting carbs, and a hundred other things, but I’m good. If I don’t want to eat it, I’ll just double up on salad.”

  The kitchen is large, and the women surround the island with the girls kneeling on stools to rip up lettuce and drop in it an oversized bowl. I circle the island to be closer to Autumn. After running a hand up her back, I massage her neck. “Can I help?”

  She stills under my touch, but I continue squeezing the back of her neck until she relaxes a bit.

  “We have it all under control. The guys took the boys down to the beach for football,” Anna says.

  “I can take a hint,” I state, tipping up my chin at Anna. My hand doesn’t want to leave Autumn’s tender skin, blanketed by her hair which is soft and tickles my arm, but I need to move away from her before I do something inappropriate against this counter despite the audience. I can’t seem to stop myself from pressing a kiss to her temple before stepping away.

  “I’m sorry,” I mutter to her hair, inhaling her slight scent of pastries and coffee. When I step away, her head turns in my direction, but I don’t glance back at her as I exit the house for the long walk down to the sand.

  The strip of beachfront along the lake is serene, and the cliffs protect it from the noise of homes. On occasion, Anna’s parents allowed her to bring the gang on a weekend visit, and we had some good times here. Watching the guys toss a football with the sons of our friends reminds me of those moments and makes me feel a little old. I always wanted more children while Chloe didn’t. I love Lorna, but a son would have been fun, too. While I’ve never been upset about pink tutus and Girl Scouts, I’d love to toss a football like the boys are doing.

  As I reach the sand, I wedge my way into the game, jumping to intercept the ball from Zack.

  “Interception,” I call out before running. I dodge around Mason, who does nothing to stop me, and pivot around Calvin, raising a fist in the air like I’m the king of sand football. Trevor, one of Zack’s little hellions, tries to tackle me, but I leave him in the dust, slamming down the football to give my victory dance. My knees wobble together. My fists roll over each other. I shake my ass.

  “You’re never going to win a woman with those dance moves,” Zack teases somewhere behind me, and I turn to face my friends.

  “Don’t need to win what comes easily,” I mock, still doing my dance.

  “You wish.” Mason snorts.

  “Trouble with the ladies,” Ben jokes, wiggling his brows. “Calvin can give you tips.”

  “Dad,” Ben’s sixteen-year-old son groans.

  “Got a girlfriend?” I tease, sounding like I’m sixteen as well.

  “He has many,” Ben states, and Mason offers Calvin a high five.

  “Who cares about girls?” Trevor asks, digging in the sand with his little hands. He’s covered in the stuff, and it can’t be just from chasing after the guys with the football.

  “He’s only six. He’ll get there someday,” Zack says as I walk closer to them.

  “Dad, hike it again,” calls out Bryce, Ben’s younger son.

  “Let Logan do it. I need to catch my breath.” Ben isn’t out of shape, but he is breathing heavier. He looks great, but he also looks tired. He’s holding his side like he ran a mile instead of tossing a ball, and he falls into a beach chair on the sand.

  “You okay, man?” I ask, still holding the ball in my hands.

  “Of course. Go play.” He flicks his wrist like he’s dismissing one of his kids, and I look up to meet Mason’s eyes. He’s been watching our friend as well, but in true guy form, we don’t push it. I set up to hike the ball to Bryce, who sends it sailing through the air to his brother yards away.

  “Holy shit. He has an arm,” I say to no one and everyone. Turning back to Ben, I see him watching his son, pride in his face, but something’s off in his eyes. “He going to play for the green and white one day?”

  As alumni of Michigan State University, we’ve often joked about our kids attending college there and following in our footsteps. Anna’s family is from Chicago, and although Ben moved to Illinois to be with her, his heart bleeds green and white.

  “Hopefully,” Ben whispers, his fingers coming to his lips and curling into a fist. He taps the side of his fist against his mouth a few times before he quickly stands. “I think I’ll check on the girls.”

  We all seem to pause in our place as Ben gives us his back and walks the sand until he reaches the decking that leads to the one-hundred and fifty stair climb up the cliff.

  “Is he alright?” I ask Zack, who is nearest me.

  “He’s been acting strange, but I figure it’s just stress. This house is a lot to maintain from a distance. Although Autumn is nearby, she has her own business now and lives in town. Plus, it really should be Archer and Amelia picking up the slack. They’re Anna’s siblings.” Archer McCaryn is kind of a vagabond, and Amelia is younger than Autumn with a high-pressure job in marketing in Chicago.

  “Ben still doing okay with his business?” Ben is a landscape designer, and he could have taken over his father’s business when he graduated college. Instead, he followed Anna to Chicago, where she got a teaching job, and he set up shop there, like an extension of his father’s company. When his father died, Ben tried to remotely run both companies. His sister had been the office manager at the time and quit to start her business. It was a shit show for a while, but Ben found a new manager with his mom as point person to check on things.

  “I think business is good.” Zack pats my shoulder and calls out for his boys. “Trevor, Oliver, time to clean up before dinner.” Yeah, good luck with those monsters.

  Mason and I remain on the sand, tossing the ball with Calvin and Bryce a while longer, and all concerns for Ben dissipate as us older guys pretend we’re teenagers again.

  7

  [Autumn]

  After Logan’s temple kiss, I sense Anna’s eyes boring into the side of my head.

  “What was that all about?” she asks when we both have our backs to little ears who could be listening. Mila and Lorna are miniatures of Anna and me, and it’s been fun to have little girls around wanting to help. Still, I don’t want to discuss Lorna’s father and his strange behavior—and even stranger words—before her.

  I want all your kisses.

  “We had a little disagreement earlier. It’s nothing.” I shrug, stirring the pasta in the oversized pot while Anna sets wheat pasta in a smaller pot to boil.

  “So.” The word hangs between us, and I brace myself for whatever trouble Anna has brewing in her head. “What are your thoughts about Mason?”

  “What about him?”

  Anna glances over her shoulder to check on the girls. “He’d be perfect for baby-making.”

  Following her lead, I glance over my shoulder as well before answering her. “I am not making a baby with Mason.”

  “Why not? He’s single with no commitments and no attachments. He’d be in, out, and out of the way.”

  I laugh. God love my sister-in-law, but that’s not exactly how I want to think of this process. One and done is all I need, but truthfully, I wanted to share this experience with someone else. I’m more than capable of raising a child on my own, but I’d always hoped I’d find someone to be the other half of me, and as a couple, we’d raise a child together.

  “Mason is hot, I’ll give you that.” He certainly is and always has been, but Mason also knows this about himself,
and if personality is genetic, I don’t want a child of mine being so self-centered. “But I just don’t see myself with Mason.”

  I pause a second, adding sarcasm to my next comment. “And thanks again for yesterday. I blame you that Mason blurted out this baby-making business to Mom.”

  “What’s there to see with Mason?” Anna ignores my sarcastic gratitude and checks over her shoulder once more. “It’s only sex. I’d definitely put Bert the vet on your list. What about the hot guy who owns LickIt, the ice cream parlor?”

  Ah, no.

  Chuckling again, I respond. “I’ve never known you to be so cavalier like this.” It’s a fact that Anna and Ben were each other’s first and only, and I admire that in a hundred ways, but I’ve always wondered if they were curious about others—how it might have been if they had at least one other experience to compare to. I’m the wild child between Ben and myself, and I’ve had enough sex to make up for the both of us, I guess. I’m no longer a one-night stand kind of person. There have been opportunities, but I’m more dedicated than overnight. However, I can count the number of committed relationships I’ve had on one hand.

  “I’m not being cavalier. It’s just . . . Ben and I want you to be happy.”

  “Who says I’m not happy?” I have a great life. I live in a condo overlooking the water. I own my own business. Life is good. It’s just missing a few elements.

  “I understand you’re a perfectly capable, independent woman, but we only want what’s going to make life better for you. Better than happy.” Anna and I had a long discussion a year ago about my singlehood status. While I was living with Rick, there was no ring in the foreseeable future. I hadn’t pushed for more from him because he wasn’t capable of giving me more. It was my place he lived in. It was my business he worked at when he decided to show up. It was my livelihood he lived off, and I’d enabled all of it. I made excuses and believed him when he told me I needed him.

  Anna also doesn’t understand that not everyone can have what she and Ben have. No marriage is perfect, she’d tell me, but I doubt my sister-in-law has a sense of difficulty. She and Ben are a true partnership of responsibility and devotion on top of loving one another.

  “You know it’s important to Ben now more than ever.” Anna’s words hang between us, and I understand what she’s not saying, but it’s my life and my decision. Mason Becker is not the answer. Nor is Bert the vet or what’s-his-name who owns LickIt.

  “I appreciate your concern for my well-being, but let’s leave me out of this for two weeks.” I lower my voice hoping she doesn’t hear the edginess inside. Since telling my brother and sister-in-law about my desires, the constant chatter around my plans drives my determination to accomplish it but on my own terms. “I’ll figure my own life out, please.”

  Anna sighs, and we stand in silence for another second before she bumps my shoulder.

  “I love you,” she whispers. The words have become more important than ever to be said, and I blink away the sudden prickle to my eyes.

  “I love you, too, you pain in the ass,” I mumble under my breath, but it’s loud enough she hears me and chuckles.

  “What are all my beautiful girls making in here?” Ben says, startling us and pulling us from our conversation.

  “Spaghetti!” Mila calls out as if shouting surprise at a party.

  “Pasta. My favorite,” Ben teases. It’s not really one of his favorite meals, especially lately. The tomato sauce does a number on his stomach, but it’s an easy meal for a large gathering, satisfies the kids in the mix, and Anna just modifies Ben’s portion. Plus, there’s always salad, as Logan pointed out.

  This reminds me I want to ask Anna more about Logan’s diabetes. My understanding of the disease is limited, but I know enough that people can live with diabetes. It just involves discipline and education to understand how to manage the disease.

  “Alright, ladies. Go ring the bell for me,” Anna says, and the girls scramble off their stools for a dinner bell in the yard near the cliff. It signals for the boys to come up for dinner. I step back to the island while Ben walks to Anna and wraps his arms around her from behind. Her head tips to his shoulder, and I allow them this moment of privacy, keeping my back to them.

  “You okay?” Anna says behind me.

  “Yeah.” Ben’s muffled voice says he’s either got his nose buried in his wife’s neck or his lips pressed to her hair. Either way, the love surrounding my brother and his wife is sickening and lovely at the same time, and I’d love just a drop of whatever they have.

  Within minutes, doors are opening, and loud voices fill the large family room-kitchen combination. Anna calls out for people to wash up for dinner, and chaos follows with serving bowls filled and dishes set in the dining room. At one point, Logan hands me a glass of wine before I’ve even asked for one. His hand finds its way up my back again as it did earlier, and he squeezes the nape of my neck as if this is normal for him, as if this is what we do. A shiver ripples over my skin, but I hold still, melting under his touch.

  “Sit by me at dinner,” he suggests as though we’re teenagers needing seats saved at a cafeteria table. My face heats at the request, and I bite my lip.

  “Sure,” I whisper because my voice cannot be found.

  Dinner is a cacophony of tales from the guys. Some stories are appropriate, and some are not so appropriate about their days together in college. Slowly, we lose the kids, and Anna and I pick up the dinner dishes.

  “Girls cook. Men clean,” Ben announces.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Anna states while I’d like to interject that they most certainly do need to do something.

  Ben intervenes. “I told you, you don’t need to take care of us.”

  “If I don’t, who will?” she teases, leaning down to presumably give him a kiss on the temple. However, my brother cups the back of her head, and the kiss lasts longer than proper for a dinner party.

  “On that note,” I mutter, continuing into the kitchen to relieve my hands of plates and return for more, only I find Mason directly behind me.

  “We got this,” he says, keeping his voice low, and I nod to accept his help. Starting the faucet, I rinse dishes for the dishwasher as the piles build. Mason steps up beside me, and we work as a team to load the dishwasher. With a hip check, he nudges me out of the way to wash pots and pans, and Logan takes over to dry.

  “This really is such a great house,” Logan says. The kitchen is now full of adults. As an architect, Logan appreciates the layout of this sprawling home with a large easy sitting room and kitchen combination but a formal living room and dining room for entertainment. An expansive stone patio runs the length of the open concept rooms, and Anna wanted to move the party outside later for the sunset. As it’s late summer, the sun still hangs in the sky until almost nine. Today’s been a clear day, so it’s going to be a spectacular view from the patio.

  “I’m so glad you think so,” Ben states. “Because I have something to tell you.”

  I’ve been returning cookware to their proper place but drop the pot in my hand, and it clatters to the floor.

  “Easy there,” Mason teases, glancing at me over his shoulder while he is elbow-deep in the sudsy sink. With shaky fingers, I bend and retrieve the pot, handing it back to him to wash a second time.

  “You’re making more work for me, Speck.”

  Ignoring him, I hold my breath. This wasn’t the plan. Ben didn’t want to say anything to his friends until the end of the two weeks.

  “Anna and I have decided to move here,” Ben announces. Air whooshes out of me as I stare at my brother, whose hands rub up and down Anna’s arms. He’s perched on an island stool, and Anna stands between his spread thighs.

  “What about your business?” Zack asks as a strange tension builds around the kitchen.

  “I’m selling it.”

  “Why?” he questions.

  “It was just time,” Ben admits, pressing a kiss to Anna’s shoulders. “I’m going to
take back my dad’s company here. Try to restore it.”

  Zack’s brows pinch while Mason keeps his eyes aimed at the pots in the sink. Logan glances over at me and then at my brother.

  “Were you in financial trouble?’ Logan asks.

  “Nothing like that. We’re just looking for a change. Anna’s been working hard to upkeep this house from a distance, and it just got to be too much. It was either our place outside Chicago or here, and we’re happier here.” Anna tips her head to kiss Ben once more.

  Ben and I are from this area, growing up a half hour from Lakeside. We could never afford to live in this lakefront community, made up of homes owned by generations of families or the newly rich from the Chicago area, who make Lakeside a vacation home destination. Our father took pride in his independently owned business, but he was the hired help to these houses. He landscaped and maintained most of the properties, including this one, which is how Ben met Anna.

  “What about Anna’s teaching career?” Mason asks, keeping his back to the happy couple.

  “I’m ready for something new. I’m actually going to look for a position here. I can’t sit around all day and do nothing.” Her eyes catch Ben’s, and they share a weak smile. The decisions have already been made. Ben will consult on our father’s landscaping business while Anna finds a new job teaching in the immediate area.

  “That’s kind of a big change with your boys in high school.” Zack’s comment is a reminder of one of the difficulties in my brother’s decision to move. Ben and Anna didn’t want to uproot the boys from their routine, but the move was presented as an opportunity and adventure. I doubt Calvin fell for it at sixteen, but he’s been quietly supportive of the big change his parents are asking of him. He’s smart enough to know there’s something more to this decision.

  “What do Archer and Amelia think of you moving here permanently?” Logan asks next.

  “Archer doesn’t have a say as he’s hardly around and didn’t lift a finger when our parents passed. Amelia is too settled in her job near the city and doesn’t take time off to visit. I don’t want the house to go to waste, and summer weekends aren’t always enough time here,” Anna admits. “Plus, summer is Ben’s busiest season but my time off, and we want to be together here.”