Living at 40 (Lakeside Cottage Book 1)

by L. B. Dunbar

  Logan’s warm hands return to my upper arms, squeezing lightly. “Hey. It’s not a joke to me either.” Our eyes meet, but I can’t read his thoughts.

  “Logan, you love Lorna, right?”

  “Of course.” Surprised by the question, he blinks.

  “And you’d do anything for her, right?”

  “Definitely.”

  “She gives you purpose.”

  He slowly smiles. “Well, most days, yes.”

  “That’s what I want. I want to love someone unconditionally. Someone I’d do anything for.” My hands clasp together, coming to my chest as if I’m praying. I don’t believe a child will replace that inner need to love someone as my equal, but a baby would still fill a hole. I don’t want to miss my chance to have a little person because I don’t have a bigger someone permanently in my life.

  “I get that,” Logan says, still rubbing my arms while looking over my shoulder at the darkening sky.

  “Then let me do what I want and quit making a mockery of it.”

  His eyes draw back to me. “I’m not making a mockery of it.”

  “This thing between you and Mason is ridiculous. You guys are Ben’s best friends. You’re too close to him, to me. I’m not sleeping with either of you. I’ll just find someone else.”

  Slipping around him, I attempt to cross the landing, but his hand catches the crook of my elbow and spins me to face him.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s not just find a random dude to hook up with. You want someone who has good genes. A brain not just super sperm and brawn, and you should have someone who can step in if you eventually need support.”

  I shake my head. “I have Ben and Anna’s support. That’s all I need.” I don’t need anyone’s permission to do what I want to do, but I do want Ben and Anna to be behind my decision. Anna has questioned the timing, but I’ve assured her it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I’m not getting any younger like my mother reminds me, and this is something I want. I’m financially secure. I run a successful business. I own my own place. Ben and Anna have their own issues with the move but just knowing they’ll be closer to me makes a world of difference. And of course, my mother might eventually come around to the idea.

  Logan’s gaze roams my face as if he’s trying to read me, but I don’t have answers to give him. Mason is a player with a solid reputation for sleeping around, not to mention his accidentally impregnating Lynlee’s mother. But Logan? I just don’t understand his motive. He already has a child, and he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to walk away easily from a responsibility. What I’d really like is someone to love me, so I don’t want someone feeling beholden or obligated to me. I only want a baby.

  “Good night, Logan,” I say as we seem to be out of words, but I’ve only taken another step before he catches me again, tugs me forward, and crashes his mouth to mine once more.

  His kiss is like a hit of something sweet and forbidden. It’s raspberry jam smothering granola and drizzled with chocolate for an extra touch of decadence and naughty under oatmeal crumbles. Instantly, I’m intoxicated by his mouth on mine like I was when he first kissed me.

  I want all your kisses.

  Heavy words mixed with heady kisses could make a weaker woman swoon, but I’ve been given pretty promises that fell flat before. I don’t want to give in to a lingering crush and a lusty apology years later for a hurt caused when I was young. We’re both adults. Baby-making is serious business.

  Still, the warmth of his lips and the weight of his tongue stirs my insides up good. It’s high-speed on a Kitchenaid mixer, and my hips thrust forward once as if my inner channel wants what’s hidden behind his shorts buried deep within me. The idea of slipping over Logan, who is probably just as hot and firm down there as the rest of his body, has my hips rocking against him again. His hand slips under my hair, cupping the back of my neck as he’s been doing all evening while his arm wraps around my back, placing a hand where my backside begins to curve. He presses me tighter to him, deepening the kiss, like he’s afraid to let me go. I give in for another second, sucking at his tongue, drawing courage from his lips, and then I gently push back from him.

  “Don’t push me away,” he mutters, but Logan once pushed me, and maybe it was a warning to my adolescent brain that Logan Anders could be very dangerous for me. He’d mess with my head and make my heart want more than he could give.

  His mouth fights for mine, but I press once more, tugging my body free from the temptation of his lips and the thick length in his shorts. We both breathe a little heavier than normal. Lifting shaky fingers for my lips, I mumble against them.

  “I can’t do this with you.”

  + + +

  After running off from Logan and disappearing into my room, a soft knock comes on my bedroom door. It’s late, and I’ve been trying to do everything to distract my thoughts from Logan’s kiss.

  “Come in,” I softly call out.

  “Hey.” Anna steps through the door, leaning her back against the wood once she closes it. “You disappeared.”

  An unspoken question hangs between us. She wants to know details, but I’m not ready to share that Logan kissed me.

  “Mason wondered what happened to you.” And there’s the reason. While Anna means well, she has her eyes on the wrong guy. Despite the hurt Logan inflicted when I was young, he always lingered in my heart, and I still found myself attracted to him. He dated countless girls who didn’t seem right for him, and when he married Chloe, I got drunk at the wedding because I felt he’d missed an opportunity with me. They were the forever match when I wanted to be his. When they divorced, I was already wrapped up in Kevin or maybe it was Kenneth by then. I hadn’t given much thought to Logan once I crossed thirty. We saw each other in passing at weddings and a few funerals. I’d accepted he wasn’t for me.

  “Anna, Mason is not interested in me.”

  Stepping toward the bed, I pull up my feet so Anna can sit at the end of it.

  “You don’t need someone interested, though, right? You just want his . . .” Anna waves at her lower region.

  “His dick. You can say it. His dick.”

  Her face heats, and she giggles like we’re teens. “I know. I was just trying not to be so crass.”

  We’re silent for a second, fighting smiles. “I bet he has a nice dick, though.”

  Her pinkened face turns a brighter shade. “I don’t think about those things.”

  Chuckling, I say, “Come on. Not once have you wondered about someone else besides Ben?”

  Straightening her shoulders and sitting a little taller, she’s adamant as she says, “Only Ryan Reynolds.” Then she falls over on the bed like she’s revealed her darkest secret, and I’m laughing even harder as she covers her face in shame.

  “You wild thing,” I tease. Anna was quiet when Ben met her, shy even. While my brother wasn’t necessarily a deviant, he wasn’t innocent. He was outgoing, and he pulled Anna into him. They were opposites in some ways but mirror images in so many others. If she ever had considered Mason, she’d never admit such a thing, especially to me. I was still Ben’s sister.

  Sobering up a bit, she sits back up, leaning on one arm. “I just want someone decent for you.” We stare at one another a second before we both break into laughter once more.

  Another knock occurs on my door, but this person doesn’t wait for an invitation. Popping his head inside, Mason appears with his model-worthy smile. “Sounds like I’m missing a slumber party.”

  Anna chokes, struggling to contain her laughter, as Mason helps himself to enter my room. He leaves the door partially open and steps up to the bed, waiting for only a heartbeat before tossing himself down next to me. With his back pressed against the pillows at the headboard, he crosses his legs, dangling his feet over the edge of the bed.

  “What are we discussing? Our periods? Boys? Sex?” He drops his voice to sound like a young girl while each word rises an octave in excitement.

  “Yes,
our periods, so get out,” I say, shoving at his shoulder, but he stretches his arm around me and tucks me into his side.

  “Tell me all about it. Actually, tell me if you’re ovulating. Is this a good time for you?”

  “Oh my God,” I blurt, pressing at his chest to release me, but Mason tightens his hold, and Anna chuckles. I’m not answering his question, but actually, now is a prime time if I were to calculate. I’m roughly two weeks out from having my period, and the signs will soon begin—bloating, swelling breasts, daylong headache. Chocolate will jump to the top of the food chain along with salty products.

  “You know, these are things to consider. The timing will have to be just right with whomever you select,” Mason states, almost sounding like a doctor.

  And we’re back to discussing all things pertinent and personal for Autumn-makes-a-baby.

  “Guys, I think I can figure this out.”

  “I can figure it out for you. I’m good at examining the female body,” Mason decrees, and I groan. Anna squeals his name, and my door opens wider to reveal Logan. The smile on his face instantly slips away as he takes in my position with Mason. I’m on my bed, tucked under his arm with my hand on his chest.

  “What am I missing?” Logan asks, but the suggestive playful tone he could have is devoid of any teasing, unlike Mason’s when he entered my room. With Logan’s eyes focused on me, the question admits he wants a different answer than girl talk.

  10

  [Logan]

  To say my heart stopped when I see Autumn leaning into Mason is an understatement. My blood runs cold. Oxygen ceases to exist. I don’t want her with him. I want her with me. It’s primal in thought, but my Neanderthal roots beg me to stalk across the room and drag her from the bed.

  She’s mine. She had a crush on me when we were kids. She kissed me on the landing. She belongs with me, and everything in me is screaming of possession.

  However, Mason curls his fingers against her arm, holding her to his chest even when she’s pressing her hand to the tight tee he wears to show off that he’s fit and has man nips. No one wants to see that business. My eyes narrow, and Mason tweaks one brow at me. He knows he’s pissing me off.

  Mason and I have competitive spirits, but deep down, I could never compete with him. He’s got that cool hair and seductive swagger about him that draws chicks like magnets. He’s a dick, but women love that shit, and nice guys finish last. Fat guys don’t even cross the finish line. My solid stature and winning personality didn’t beat savvy flirting and a slim stature. Although flirty humor could catch a girl’s attention, I worked extra hard to prove I was worthy of keeping. Most times, it didn’t work in my favor. The game has changed a little with my weight loss and a healthier lifestyle, but I’m still me, and it upsets me that with my outer shell improved, my gooey insides aren’t seen as good enough.

  Why would she sleep with me? It’s a question I can’t answer for myself. While I want to give her all the reasons—I’m loyal, dedicated, and I’d be good to her—that’s not what she’s looking for. She wants a means to an end, and maybe I’m not that guy. Maybe Mason is better. He can love ’em and leave ’em like no one else. He’s been single his entire life. Still, I don’t like the idea of Mason fathering another child and not being devoted to said kid in some manner.

  As I stare at Autumn, asking my question—“What am I missing here?”—my meaning is twofold. What the fuck am I witnessing, and what’s wrong with me?

  Shaking my head to snap out of my thoughts, I change tactics like I always do. “Just came to say good night to all the pretty girls.” I cross the room to kiss Anna on the top of her head. Stepping to the side of the bed, I lean over Mason and cup Autumn’s face. With two hands on her cheeks, I lower and kiss her like I did earlier, claiming her with lips and tongue and the determination that Mason will not have her. She almost chokes at the eagerness I put into the kiss, swiping over her lips, stroking her tongue, and then quickly releasing her. With her eyes closed and her lips swollen, I’m satisfied I’ve made my statement.

  Then I turn to Mason, who watches me. “Six point three-four for effort,” Mason mocks. “If that wasn’t so sloppy, it might have given me a semi.”

  Cupping his cheeks, I lean in as if I intend to kiss him the same way, but he’s quick to remove his arm from Autumn and push me back from him.

  “What the fuck, man?” he says, scrambling from the bed to get me away from him.

  “Just wanted you to dream of me tonight,” I tease, lifting my hand just under my chin and wiggling my fingers.

  “If you kissed him, I’d never unsee that,” Anna admits.

  “If you kissed him, I’d dream of you both,” Autumn states, and I turn to her, uncertain if she’s serious or joking. Her wide eyes and lips still-moist from my kiss tell me she’s teasing. Nipples peak through her thin sleep shirt, hinting at how turned on she is, and I want to tackle her to the bed, tug up that tee and suck at those breasts like a starved child.

  “Jesus,” Mason huffs while swiping a hand through his hair several times, mussing it up.

  Take that, pretty boy. I turn my attention back to him until the corner of his mouth curls. He knows he’s getting to me. He also knows I’m not giving up. I am more than just that funny fat guy. I’m more than a sweet personality. I can be everything to her, and with that thought, Autumn Kulis becomes a quest.

  + + +

  The next morning, after a long run, I finally settle down a bit from the night before. After a quick jerk in the shower and a second time in bed, I fall asleep restless and unsatisfied. It isn’t that I want to claim Autumn, but that I want the chance to get to know her better. As my best friend’s younger sister, it’s as if she’s been in my life but not really a part of it. I know things about her, but I don’t know her outside of the café owner and the desire to be a mother. I’m pulled to her in a way I can’t understand but want to explore.

  Still, there are so many questions. Why does she want to go it alone? Why is she alone? From the things I know of Autumn, she’s loyal as hell to her family and a natural nurturer to her niece and nephews. My own Lorna couldn’t stop talking about her when I went to say good night. Autumn apparently promised the two girls she’d take them on a special girls-only day trip this week. She’s also capable of running her own business, making her self-sufficient and independent.

  This quandary about her finds me in line at the Crossroads Café again, impatiently waiting my turn to approach the counter and greet her good morning. To my surprise, Mason’s voice wafts over the subtle chatter in the crowded space, and I glance around to find Autumn standing beside him near the cream and sugar bar. Stepping out of line, I cut through the waiting people to edge closer to them.

  “Hey,” I greet, looking from Autumn to Mason. He lowers his head, shaking it side to side, while Autumn returns my greeting.

  “Good morning.” I watch her chew her lower lip, and my mouth waters for another taste of her. She’s the cream and sugar supplement I’m no longer allowed in my coffee goodness. “Out for another run?”

  My sweat-soaked tee gives away the obvious, and compared to Mason’s untucked polo and khaki shorts, I’m a hot mess. Swiping a hand over my hair does nothing to improve my appearance.

  “Mace, you’re up early,” I comment. Slowly glancing at me, he nods.

  “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and satisfied.” I don’t bother to correct him that the last word should be wise. He tips up a brow, insinuating his morning wood, and I’m grateful I’m not drinking coffee yet as I might puke.

  “I think it’s—”

  “Don’t bother correcting him,” I interject over Autumn and direct another glare at Mason. “What are you doing here?”

  Lifting his cup, he answers the obvious.

  “Logan, let me get you a coffee, too.” Autumn reaches out to touch my bicep and then slides her hand down to my forearm before releasing me. With a satisfied grin, I thank her and turn back to
Mason.

  “Dude, do you need to be so obvious? If you get any closer, you’ll piss on her, and that will probably just piss her off,” Mason snaps as soon as Autumn steps away.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, knowing it’s more than just the coffee in his hand.

  “Look, not everything is about you or her, okay?” The sharpness to his tone surprises me, and I lean back a bit, staring at one of my best friends in a battle of strong wills. Autumn interrupts our linked glare when she hands me a coffee.

  “I remembered you ordered the dark roast yesterday.” She smiles up at me, and I swear my heart flips over like a happy pup wanting his belly rubbed.

  “Thank you.” Stepping forward, I lean my cheek next to hers, brushing my scruff along her soft skin before pressing a kiss to her jaw. She blushes as I stand straighter, and Mason shakes his head again.

  “I’ve got to get back to work,” she says, hitching a thumb over her shoulder, and Mason and I lift our to-go cups in tandem, saluting her.

  “We’ll talk later,” Mason states, and I wonder what he means, but Autumn’s eyes flick from him to me, and she fights the curve of her lips. Yeah, I definitely want to kiss her again, and something tells me she might want me to kiss her, too.

  Following Mason’s lead, we exit the café.

  “What was all that about?” I snap as we turn to the side street, and Mason stops beside his sporty car.

  “As I said, not everything is about you.” He opens the driver’s door but sets the to-go cup on the roof and rests his elbow on the doorframe.

  “Okay, then talk to me. What’s going on?” The shift in my voice has him leaning over the door, open as a barrier between us.

  “I just have this weird feeling about Ben.”

  The mention of the man who brought us together has goose bumps rising on my sweat-coated skin. “What about him?”

  “Something’s off.”