Honor

by Jaxon, Andi

  I peel off my wet shorts, dropping them to the floor, I can see Katie trembling from the cool air against her skin, so I grab a towel to dry the droplets on her skin. Once she’s dry, I quickly wipe myself down before laying on her.

  I am careful to support my weight as I lean down to slowly nip at her lips. I kiss her slowly, thoroughly, taking my time to savor everything about her. I can’t help but think of every moment we have spent together, every touch, every caress of her skin against mine.

  Please, don’t leave me.

  She cups my cheeks and wraps her legs around my waist. The feel of her wetness bringing me back to the present.

  “I love you so fucking much, Katie,” I say against her lips.

  I roll my hips causing the head of my cock to brush her clit before slipping easily between her folds. She wraps her arms around my neck and moans into my ear.

  I roll us over, she shrieks at the unexpected movement, her cheeks flushed. Lying on my back, I look up into her beautiful smiling face, branding this moment into my memory.

  I watch as she grinds herself on my cock bringing herself closer to the edge. I grip her hips tightly slamming her down against me to ensure we both get the relief we both crave so desperately.

  Stay with me, please.

  “Oh God,” she cries out above me.

  I plant my feet on the bed and thrust deeper inside her. I grit my teeth to keep from fucking her like an animal. Dropping my hips back to the mattress, she slams back down, repeatedly until her breathing is ragged.

  I will love you forever.

  Rolling us again, I pull out of her and slide down her body until my mouth is once again at her pussy causing her to arch her back, seeking the release she craves. I thrust my tongue into her, in, out, in, out, knowing that I’m working her up but that she can’t get off without her clit being involved.

  “Please, Logan. I want to cum!” she shrieks at me, making me chuckle.

  No, not yet. I don’t want this to end.

  I can’t deny her anything, I scissor her clit between my fingers and continue to fuck her cunt with my tongue. It takes seconds before she moans loud and long, as her body tenses and contorts as it tries to process the pleasure.

  Without giving her a chance to recover, I climb back up her body and slam into her pussy. My desperation is getting the better of me, I am no longer in control. I need to possess Katie, to ensure that she understands she is mine. I fuck her hard, desperately seeking the comfort only her body can give me. I slam into her like I have never fucked her before, all sounds in the room are drowned out by my need.

  I need you, Katie.

  She wraps her legs around my waist and holds me tight with her arms around my neck as if she can feel my desperation.

  Mine.

  In my crazed state, I turn my head and bite her neck and hold on as I cum. Groaning around her flesh still in between my teeth, I pump my seed into her, marking her with myself in everywhere possible. My legs give out, and I collapse onto of her soft, welcoming body. In a half-awake state, I roll to my side and bring her with me, then immediately pass out.

  22

  Katie

  I roll over searching for Logan’s warmth, but nothing is there. I ache in places I didn't even know possible from our lovemaking session, but I still can’t shake the feeling that something was off with him.

  You're just paranoid, get a grip!

  I’m drifting back to sleep when I hear voices coming from down the hall, checking the time I see that it is still kind of early in the evening, so I figure I should go and hang with my friends before heading back to bed. Maybe I can even convince Logan to go another round with me.

  As I near the den, the voices grew louder, and I can tell that it’s only Logan and Charlie talking. Not wanting to disturb their private talk I turn to leave until I suddenly hear my name.

  “Man, you can’t put this off any longer. Katie, needs to know.”

  Charlie slams back another shot as he pours himself and Logan another. What is so important that Logan needs to tell me?

  “I know she needs to know. I have been trying to find a way to tell her all day, but the timing is never right. I love her so damn much, and this is going to change everything.”

  “There is no right way to tell someone that their dead husband was your best friend who asked you to protect and love his wife for the rest of your life in his dying breathe because you already did.”

  What? I can’t control the gasp that leaves my lips at that very moment, causing both men to immediately turn and see me standing in the hallway.

  “Katie.”

  The anguish in Logan’s voice is only mirrored by the pain I feel lancing through my heart at this very moment.

  He knew Ryan. They were friends. It was all just a game after all.

  The tears begin to run down my face as I sink to the floor.

  I feel arms wrap around me, and I want to be comforted by them, but they no longer feel like my safe haven.

  “Don’t touch me,” I whisper.

  I open my eyes to see Logan as he withdraws his arms and tears begin to pool in his eyes.

  “Let me explain,” he begs me, but I can’t bear to listen.

  I begin shaking my head back and forth and curl into a ball on the floor. I sob in anguish as I put my hands over my mouth in an attempt to remain silent, but it’s no use.

  “Kit Kat? We got you.”

  I open my eyes to see my best friends, Avery and Amber, my rocks in every situation. I can no longer hold the pain in, I throw myself into Avery’s arms and begin to let all the pain and heartbreak out. I cry for the loss of my first love, I cry for the loss of the love of my life, and I cry for me because I will never be the same again.

  “Tell us what you need Katie, anything.”

  Amber whispers in my ear as she strokes my hair to help me calm down. I look up at my two best friends who also have tears in their eyes, I feel horrible for causing them pain yet again.

  “Make him go away, just make him leave. I just need the pain to stop.”

  I bury my face back into Avery’s chest and feel it rumble as she begins to say something to someone. I feel a tap on my shoulder, causing me to turn my head. Charlie is kneeling beside me, I want to apologize but I don’t have it in me right now.

  “Is this what you want Katie?”

  “I told you to get his ass out of her sight!” Avery hisses through her teeth.

  Charlie gives her a vicious glare before looking back down at me, I can’t do anything but nod my head in the affirmative causing him to sigh.

  “Alright, I’ll get his stuff and get him to his truck. I’ll make sure he’s gone.”

  Charlie gives my shoulder one final squeeze before getting up and heading toward the last place I remember seeing Logan.

  “Come on man, you heard her. Let’s get your stuff together. I can give you a ride home if you want.”

  “Katie, please let me explain.”

  I can hear the anguish in his voice as he begs for me to listen to him, but I just can’t. I don’t want to hear more lies, he has been lying to me this whole time. He was Ryan’s friend, what does that even mean? It doesn’t matter, he got what he wanted. No one cares what happens to the fat girl right? I thought he was different, I thought he loved me for me. I thought I was finally allowed to be happy, but it turns out that I was nothing more than a pawn to be used in someone else’s game.

  LOGAN

  I can hear her sobs as I follow my best friend out the front door. I don’t even want to go grab my stuff. Charlie hands me the sweatshirt off his back,

  “Amber is grabbing all of your stuff out of the room. Do you want to wait for it?”

  I can’t even look at him, there is nothing left for me here. I already know what I am going to do when I get back to San Diego, and so does he. Neither one of us speak the words, but I am going to run. She doesn’t want to ever see me again, so I am going to run off to the next war zone I can get to and
pray that it will be my last.

  “Don’t do anything rash, you hear me?”

  Charlie punches me in the shoulder to get my attention, forcing me to look him in the eye.

  “You know I can’t stay here. I’ll finish the mission, and then I’m gone. I was here for one reason and one reason only.”

  I respond before turning to open the door to my truck. Amber comes out the front door carrying my pack and drops it on the ground in front of me. Without turning around, I pick it up and throw it in the truck.

  “I warned you, but you didn’t listen.”

  “I know, Amber. I know.” I sigh in defeat.

  “You ruined the whole weekend! Everything is not about you and your bullshit, Logan.”

  Charlie grips her by the hand and pulls her into his arms. I watch as she buries her face in his chest and begins to sob. I can’t help but feel jealous of my best friend. He deserves nothing but happiness in life, but right now I want to make my girls pain go away, but I’m the one who caused it.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Damn right you are! This was supposed to be a happy weekend, for all of us. She will never be the same, nothing will be the same again,” Amber yells.

  “Sugar, you don’t mean that.”

  Charlie rubs her back to calm her down, but she continues to cry.

  “Yes, I do, I have never seen her like that. Ever. Not even when Ryan died. It is as if a piece of her has died tonight, Logan. You did this, you did this to her.”

  “Yea, I planned to ruin my life and have her overhear me talking to my best friend.”

  Amber wrestles her way out of Charlie’s arms and gives me a hard look.

  “You broke her with your bullshit, now you’ll figure out how to fix this or I swear not even death will protect you from Avery and me.”

  She must have said her fill because she swiftly turned around and headed back inside.

  “Maybe death is what I want,” I mumble to no one in particular.

  As I walk around the truck to the driver side and unlock the door, Charlie slams it shut and gives me a hard look.

  “Look, ass, this sucks, but it is no one’s fault but your own. Own it. If anyone is going to help you get your girl back it is going to be Avery and Amber, so I suggest that you start kissing some ass.”

  I know he is right, but right now I hate everyone, including myself. I give him a stiff nod and wait for him to let go of my door before slamming it shut. As I pull out of the driveway, I don’t dare look back, that won’t help anyone. One thing I know for sure, I just left my heart back in that house, and I’ll never get it back.

  23

  Katie

  Time passes, and pain fades, right? Wrong, the pain is even more acute now than it was before. Hours, weeks, who knows. I know that I am still at my parents’ house lying in bed. This is where one of the guys left me when I finally stopped sobbing long enough to let one of them touch me, only to begin again once I entered the room. He may physically be gone, but I can still feel him here. He is everywhere, a part of me that will remain empty forever. It’s strange how someone you knew for such a small amount of time could become so important to your survival.

  I should be ashamed of myself for acting this way. When Ryan died, I was sad, borderline depressed, but this gut-wrenching agony I am feeling right now is nothing close to how I felt then. I can’t help but continue to curl into myself in hopes of holding it together long enough to start moving again.

  After what seems like days of sobbing, I can’t continue to let myself do this. I have done it before, I will pick myself back up and learn to live my life again. There will be reminders, yes, but I can move on from this. This is not the end of the world, it might seem like it now, but time will keep moving forward.

  With new determination, I sit up and head toward the bathroom. First order of business, a shower. After turning on the shower as hot as I can stand it, I strip off my clothes and climb in hoping the water can wash away a little of the pain.

  No such luck with the shower, but at least I am clean. Heading over to the mirror, I take a deep breath before I wipe the steam away, so I can see my reflection. Damn, I look like shit. My face is puffy and blotchy from all the crying, and my hair looks like a flock of birds has nested in it. As I reach down to grab a brush to run through my hair, I catch the reflection of Logan’s bite mark on my neck, bringing a fresh round of tears.

  The memories of that night begin to flood my mind. The desperation and need in his eyes, the way he clawed at my skin like he was trying to burrow into my soul. Logan was preparing to tell me everything, I just caught him too soon. He was afraid of my reaction, afraid that I would leave him. I did the one thing that he has always asked me not to do, I left.

  As I reach this realization, I just cry harder causing me to crumple to the floor and curl into a ball. Fresh waves of pain begin to engulf me again.

  “There is no right way to tell someone that their dead husband was your best friend who asked you to protect and love his wife for the rest of your life in his dying breathe because you already did.”

  Charlie’s words keep playing over in my head. Ryan and Logan knew each other, not just knew each other but were best friends. Ryan always spoke of his best friend, the one who loved a girl that belonged to someone else. He would never come to visit us, didn’t come to our wedding, nothing. When I asked Ryan why, he simply told me that it was too hard to see us happy when he would never be happy with the woman he loved.

  “…to protect and love his wife for the rest of your life in his dying breath because you already did.”

  It’s as if a bolt of lightning run through my entire body, causing me to sit up straight.

  “I was the girl.”

  I cover my mouth as fresh tears begin to fall. Logan has always loved me, put my wants, and needs before his own. Even back then. He knew that I loved Ryan, so he let me go. Hoping against all hope that I would be happy, but denying himself the chance to be loved in return.

  “You dumb mother fucker!” I scream into the universe.

  How can one man be so stupid and so amazing at the same time? It is time for me to let Logan say his peace, maybe just maybe we can work our shit out. Honestly, none of this makes sense to me right now. The one thing I know for sure is sitting on this bathroom floor isn’t doing either of us any good.

  With a new sense of determination, I am off the bathroom floor and back to my room in no time. I grab the first thing I can get my hands on to get dressed.

  “If he thinks that he is going to get away with this he has another thing coming. Stupid, handsome, sweet-talking cowboy making me fall in love with him and then…”

  My ramblings are interrupted by the door to the room flying open as Charlie and Amber rush in together.

  “Katie! You’re awake!” Amber screams as she gives me a bear hug.

  “Yea, you could say that. Right now, I need answers, and only one person can give them to me.” I answer before turning to Charlie, “What has you two running in here like a bat out of hell?”

  Charlie releases a breath I didn't even notice he was holding,

  “We were hoping that Avery was here with you, but she isn’t. Where the hell did she go? Why would she just leave us like that? Where are you, Sugar?”

  The pain I hear in his voice mirrors my own right now, something must have happened while I was wrapped up in my own shit.

  “Amber, what is going on? Why the hell does Charlie sound like someone just ripped his heart out with their bare hands?”

  Amber looks back at me with unshed tears filling her eyes.

  “Avery is gone. I don’t know where she is or why she left. All we have is this note.”

  She hands me a crumpled-up piece of paper, and as I read it, I am even more confused than I was before I started.

  “What the hell is she talking about you two don’t need her? I don’t know about him, but you love her desperately, Amber! Why would she think that you, fuck that
, WE would be alright without her around?”

  I begin to pace back and forth in the room. I can’t process this right now. I can feel my body trying to shut down and go back to the numb fog I have been in for too long.

  I turn to Charlie, “I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I need to find Logan. Right, the fuck, now. Where did he go when he left here?”

  “I have no idea, but he is determined to be out of here ASAP. I know he would never desert the team, but if he can get out of going or transferred to another unit, he will.”

  “What the fuck does that even mean!” I scream at him.

  He collapses on the end of my bed before responding,

  “It means that the only reason he came back to San Diego was for you, now he thinks he has lost you, he has no reason to stay here.”

  “Oh, well you could have said that in the first place.”

  I bend down to grab my half-packed bag off the bed, if I left something I can come back and get it or replace it. The most important thing right now is getting to Logan before he does something stupid.

  “Amber, I will call Avery on my way home. I’ll find out what the hell is going on with her. I am sure she is probably at home blowing off some steam because Charlie said something stupid.”

  I give her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before I leave the room and head out the front door. Once I get out the door I realize I didn’t drive my car, I rode here with Logan.

  “Shit,” I whisper as I drop my head in defeat.

  “Take mine, I can hitch a ride back with the others.”

  Danny is dangling the keys to his Corolla in front of my face. I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know him, but I am sure he knows what has been going on this weekend.

  “Thank you.”

  I respond as I stretch up on my toes and give him a peck on the cheek. I rush to the car and hop inside. I will wait a little while before calling Avery, I am sure everything is fine, and she is just throwing one of her fits. Right now, I need to focus on one thing, finding my Cowboy.