The Lost Hearts

by Maya Wood

  Alexis let out a happy sigh and laughed. “You know, I remember the first day in Port Moresby when I arrived to this place. I was…well, slightly disillusioned.” She surveyed the room with different eyes. The room before had appeared as a barren wooden box. Now its simplicity and cleanliness seemed luxurious, not to mention the queen-sized bed in its center. “It’s a five-star hotel as far as I’m concerned. Even the bed feels softer now.”

  Trevor erupted with a low rumble of affectionate laughter. “And I will never forget the night you walked into The Anchor.” He shook his head at the image. “Wearing your button-up dress. You looked so out of place. Terrified, but ridiculously headstrong. I enjoyed toying with you.” Alexis slapped him on the shoulder and giggled when she saw a devilish twinkle flash in Trevor’s eyes. He wrestled her against the ample surface of the mattress.

  “I’m so happy you’re here with me,” she breathed heavily in his ear.

  Trevor pulled back, his face hard and his eyes burning. Half of his mouth pulled into an adoring grin. “I couldn’t agree more.” He watched her beneath him, her small frame so delicate and perfect. He grazed her chin with his thumb and traced the line of her collarbone. Alexis closed her eyes as she felt that clawing heat pull her against him. Her hands reached up around him. She wanted to touch him, every part of him, and it still wouldn’t be enough. Trevor fell onto her, his mouth brushing against her lips. “I want to make love to you, Alexis,” he whispered, his voice breaking from desire.

  Alexis moaned feverishly into his neck. “Yes,” she said.

  Trevor cleared his throat and stabbed at the greens on his plate with a fork. They had averted their eyes all night, dinner punctuated with wells of heavy silence. Alexis fidgeted nervously with the pleats of her burgundy dress under the table. “Trevor,” she finally said.

  He slowly met her eyes. It was torture to behold the thing he was about to lose, and he swallowed hard as he tried to steady his breathing. He reached his hand across the table, and Alexis curled her fingers under his. They squeezed each other, an acknowledgment of finality.

  “So,” Trevor started awkwardly, “would you like me to come with you to the pier to meet your father tomorrow?”

  Alexis’ eyes fluttered dramatically in surprise. “Of course! What did you think?”

  Trevor laughed uncomfortably and shrugged his shoulders. “I just meant…I mean, you two will probably have a lot of catching up to do. I don’t want to get in the way.”

  Alexis leaned forward, her eyes hard and sober. “Trevor. You…” She shook her head in frustration. “You belong with me on that pier. Not just because of the part you’ve played in this whole expedition…but,” her voice trailed off, and her cheeks burst with pink warmth. Why did she feel so uncertain now? After two weeks sewn at the hips in Moresby, how could they have reverted back to that timid waltz of second-guessing?

  “But what,” Trevor asked, his voice soft and insecure.

  Alexis slumped in her chair. It was now or never. “Because of what you mean to me, Trevor.”

  Alexis lifted her eyes to him. He sat up straight, and the solemn crease of his brow unfolded. “Oh,” he said, his voice pinched.

  Alexis felt her throat close. She didn’t know what she expected him to do, but his reticence wounded her. She rushed to self-defense. “If you don’t feel the same-”

  “You mean everything to me, Red.” His voice was serious and gentle. “It’s just we haven’t really…we haven’t really talked about what happens next.”

  Alexis nodded slowly. “I know,” she moaned.

  “I don’t want you to change your life for me,” Trevor lied.

  Alexis coughed in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? I am different because of you. Everything is different.”

  “So what do we do with that? I mean…logistically speaking, it wouldn’t be easy for either of us.” He hadn’t wanted to say it. It was the elephant in the room, the thing that couldn’t be ignored despite the enormity of love.

  Alexis pulled her hand away. She gored the untouched food on her plate with a fork. She couldn’t measure the emptiness that would swallow up her life if she left Trevor, and yet what could she ask of him? She couldn’t ask him to leave everything for her. New Guinea was his home, just as Boston was hers. How could they fit together outside of this story?

  “I don’t know, Trevor. I don’t know.”

  Trevor’s face pulled into a frown, and he cast a blank gaze on the veranda. He wanted to be alone suddenly, to retreat into the shadows. He couldn’t string two coherent thoughts together ever since the eve of her father’s arrival loomed as a distinct reality. He had weighed what he was willing to sacrifice in order to be near Alexis. New Guinea had always been his home. But Alexis had uprooted this sense of belonging and had put the stakes in her heart.

  The old innkeeper shuffled by and clucked disapprovingly at the mounds of food merely pushed around the plates. Trevor assured her the food was fine and that they were both feeling unwell. The woman lifted her shoulders and removed the dishes from the table. ‘Why don’t we go to bed?” Trevor said finally. “I just want to hold you.”

  Alexis offered a weak smile. She couldn’t bear to think this it might be the last time they lie together.

  Neither slept a full minute. Trevor held Alexis as though she were a life raft, and she clung to him desperately, fearful that the slightest shift would compel them apart forever. She wept silently against his chest, and he stroked her forehead as the hours passed achingly to sunrise. They watched the light change unblinkingly, and the feeling of dread which they had fended off through denial curled around them. Finally when the sun began to climb over the tree tops of Moresby, Trevor squeezed Alexis. He knew she was awake. “We should get showered. If you’re hungry, we can get some breakfast, but the boat should arrive in two hours.”

  Alexis lay unresponsive in his arms. She wasn’t ready. Trevor shifted upward, pulling Alexis with him. He cradled her face in his palms and pressed his forehead against hers. “It’s going to be okay,” he promised.

  When they emerged from the hotel, the sun seemed to illuminate every shadow in the city. Trevor looked at Alexis as they waited for the old truck driver to pick them up. She looked beautiful in her baby blue summer dress, and he reached to caress the thick braid that encircled her flaming crown of curls. She smiled up at him. Her face had tanned in the Highlands, and her lips gleamed pink against the dewy bronze of her skin.

  Alexis waved at the driver as the truck sneezed to a stop at the edge of the platform. “Ready?” Alexis asked anxiously.

  The pier swarmed with activity, and for a moment Alexis returned to the instant she descended the plank the morning after the treacherous storm. It was truly a moment of reconciliation between everything she’d ever learned from books and the tangible reality that only her senses could understand. Now she felt so at ease among the foreign sounds of language, the bustle of men, women and children. Nothing had changed save the trepidation bubbling feverishly in her veins.

  As they approached the edge of the pier, Alexis brought a hand to her brow. She spotted a boat plugging forward less than a mile out at sea. Trevor rested his arm over her shoulders, and Alexis leaned into him. “Just a few minutes and you’ll see your father,” he said, a genuine smile of happiness spreading over his face.

  Alexis squealed inwardly as the row of expectant faces lining the boat’s rail pulled into focus. Now she could make out the short stature of her father sandwiched between New Guineans. Alexis hopped up, her arms flailing in a wild greeting. Trevor chuckled at her side, and they exchanged excited glances. Lawrence returned the wave, the crowd around him suddenly parting. Standing tall and virile behind him was Philip.

  Alexis’ face froze and her heart seized in her chest. Trevor took note, and now his gaze lay heavily on the handsome figure behind her father. “Who is that?” Trevor asked, his throat tightening around the words.

  Alexis cleared her throat and wiped her brow. “It�
��s Philip.”

  Trevor’s jaw clamped down like a steel trap.

  “Trevor,” Alexis said in a hushed whisper. “I didn’t know.”

  Trevor shook his head slowly and watched her under the shadow of his hat. “It doesn’t matter, Alexis.” He put a hand on her shoulder. She suddenly felt so far away, even under his touch.

  “Trevor, I…”

  “They’re almost here. Let’s move to the dock so we can help your father.”

  Alexis watched him turn his back to her. The ecstatic anticipation she had felt as she spotted her father had curdled into a gut wrenching twist at the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t ready to see Philip. Not only unprepared, but unhappy to deal with a reality which had all but dwindled to an isolated memory from some past life. He had nothing to do with her now, nothing to do with her father, or New Guinea. He had no place on that dock with the men in her life.

  Alexis chased Trevor through the huddling crowd of greeters and vendors. She grabbed Trevor’s hand. He squeezed her. “It’s okay, Alexis,” he lied.

  The boat inched to the dock’s side, and the crew unlatched the gate, pulling up the ramp in a single heave. Alexis returned her gaze to her father, shuffling patiently behind the bursting throng of passengers. Philip was behind him, gently cushioning Lawrence against the chaotic shuffling of traffic. But he watched her. Those steely green eyes were hard and tender all at once.

  Alexis breathed excitedly as her father descended the ramp. They were an indiscernible tangle of arms, and Alexis wept loudly into the collar of her father’s shirt. Lawrence squeezed her tightly as though anything less might not be evidence enough that his daughter actually stood in his arms. The crowd had already thinned by the time they loosened their grip and they turned to the two handsome young men watching the union tenderly, if not awkwardly.

  Alexis swallowed hard, her face bright and wild with tears of happiness. She felt a hand on her arm. Philip pulled her to him, cradling her head flat on his chest. “Alexis,” he choked against her hair. She stood stiffly in place, unable to wrench free or to give into his tenderness.

  Finally she retreated, straightening her dress. “Father. Phillip. This is Trevor.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “We can’t thank you enough for taking care of our Alexis,” Philip said, draping his arm protectively against the back of her chair. Alexis felt the surface of her cheeks break into a red heat, and she shifted unconsciously away from Philip. She had imagined the moment in which her father and Trevor would finally meet, swap tales of peril and adventure. This painfully awkward addition hadn’t factored into her magical fantasy. When she brought her eyes to Trevor she saw that his face was stone.

  He nodded, leaning back in his chair. “There’s no need for thanks,” he replied. “It-”

  “Of course we’ll compensate you handsomely for your trouble,” Philip interrupted, lighting one of his imported cigarettes.

  Trevor coughed and shook his head in disbelief. “There’ll be no need for that. Alexis paid me in full at the beginning of the trip for my services.” Trevor picked up his hat which rested on his knee. “It’s getting late now,” he said, his tone clipped, “and I imagine you three are tired and ready to start planning your trip back to America.” Alexis flinched, her composure quickly unraveling. Trevor stood and turned to Lawrence. They grasped hands. “It was a great pleasure to meet you, Mr. Scott.”

  Lawrence rose stiffly from the chair, his eyes shining. “Mr. McFadden,” he began.

  “Please call me Trevor.”

  “Trevor,” Lawrence said. “Please don’t leave just yet. I still have so many questions.”

  “I’m afraid I must,” Trevor replied, averting eye contact. “Again, it was a pleasure.”

  “The honor is mine. I’m afraid nerves and old age make it difficult for me to express myself at a time like this.” Lawrence’s eyes gleamed with tears. “I don’t know what I would have done if…”

  Trevor squeezed the old man’s hand. If her father possessed a fraction of the affection he himself had for Alexis, their minds were perfectly in sync. The loss would have been unimaginable. “There’s no need, sir.”

  Lawrence sniffed and cleared his throat. “I’d like to meet with you again, Trevor.”

  Trevor pulled down his hat and cast an uncomfortable glance toward Alexis. She might as well have already left for Boston. She was just a foot away from his grasp and yet she was untouchable now. His heart wrenched in two. “I…um…I don’t know, Mr. Scott. I have some business to take care of…”

  “Please,” implored Lawrence, “you are such an important part of this tale.”

  Trevor sighed, his hand still claimed by the father of the woman he loved. “Okay, sir. Alexis knows where to find me. Send word and I’ll pass by when you’ve rested.” He pushed in his chair and the four were on their feet exchanging farewells. When he reached Alexis, she slipped her tiny hand in his.

  “Goodnight, Trevor,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

  Trevor met her eyes and a sorrow greater than any they’d experienced in the previous months swallowed him whole. “Goodnight, Alexis,” he breathed softly.

  “Well, even if he’s a bit rough around the edges, I suppose he’s exactly the sort you’d need to get you out of a scrape,” Philip remarked flippantly.

  Alexis cocked her head, her face pulled into repulsion. “Just what is that supposed to mean?” she hissed. Lawrence observed his daughter from across the table, saw the violent response in her eyes.

  Philip flinched in surprise. He leaned forward with exaggerated conciliation. “I don’t mean anything, Alexis. Just that he was the man to have around in a tight fix.”

  Alexis folded her arms tightly across her torso, her mouth pinched downward in a frown. It was just like Philip to backpedal and come up with cool words of appeasement. “I know exactly what you mean, Philip,” Alexis returned crossly. Suddenly she was aware that her father was watching her with a softness she understood. She knew that he knew. He knew that Trevor was more than just a hired hand to thank at the end of a treacherous expedition.

  “I’m tired. You must be tired, too,” she said rubbing the weary corners of her eyes. “I’m going to bed now. Father?” Alexis stood from her chair. “I’ll show you both to your rooms if you’re ready.”

  As they stood to leave the dining room, she felt the large of Philip’s palm close around her arm. He bent so that he could breathe her in. “Alexis,” he rasped softly, his tone almost beseeching. “I need to see you. I mean…I need to hold you.”

  She looked up at those eyes which had always struck her as cool and aloof. The iridescent green had warmed, and she saw that he had always hid behind their silky screens. How hadn’t she ever known how vulnerable Philip Talbot really was? Alexis gulped. It was too much too soon. She hadn’t prepared herself for this. She brushed his face with her fingers. “I know, Philip. But not tonight. I want to talk with my father. And I truly believe we all could use a solid night of sleep.”

  Alexis saw his chest rise as the defeat registered. He nodded, his eyes catching her from the side. “Alright,” he breathed heavily. “I’m going to be thinking about you all night, and driving myself crazy imagining you’re just a few rooms away.” His eyes lit up playfully, making one last appeal.

  Alexis chuckled softly and kissed him on the cheek. “Goodnight, Philip.”

  Alexis moved to the window and opened its rain-warped shutters. “There,” she sighed happily. “Some fresh air ought to help with a good night’s sleep.” Lawrence sat gingerly on the mattress and patted the empty space beside him.

  He squeezed her hand, and she could see that he was struggling to keep himself composed. “Alexis,” he almost whispered. “What would I have done?” He shook his head and his chin trembled beneath his whiskers. “I can’t allow myself to imagine. I’m just so thankful to be sitting here with you.” Lawrence eyed her through his spectacles. “I couldn’t wait to see you, you know. Or bear th
e idea of you traveling back alone. I hope you’ll forgive me for that incorrigible paternal instinct.”

  Alexis hushed him. “No father. I’m so happy you came. Sitting here with you now…well, it makes everything that’s happened almost seem like nothing but a bad dream.”

  “I um…I’m sorry about the surprise,” Lawrence admitted sheepishly and tilted his head backward at the door. “Charles was going to accompany me, but at the last minute, Philip made a rather forceful case to join us.” His brow cocked over a reproachful gaze.

  “It doesn’t matter, father. I know how persuasive the Talbots can be,” she exhaled with deep understanding. “What matters is that you’re here and we’re together. That’s all I care about.” It was a half-truth that stopped short in the air the moment it passed her lips. She hoped her father wouldn’t sense the palpable roundness of her hesitation, the heavy omission of her heart’s truth.

  A knowing smile formed beneath the mask of his beard and Lawrence pursed his lips in thought. “You know, Alexis. He’s a good man.”

  Alexis whipped her head, and her eyes darted nervously under the understanding gaze of her father. “Who? Philip? Yes, he has good intentions.”

  Lawrence chuckled at his daughter’s transparence. “No dear. I’m not talking about Philip.”

  Alexis sputtered, picking furiously at the skin around her nail. “What-”

  “Trevor’s a good man. It’s a shame we’re going so far away from him.”

  His words came down on her like the flat of a wide palm, and her eyes suddenly engorged with heavy warm tears. She knew if she spoke that she would reveal it all with the quake of her voice. Lawrence curled an arm around his daughter, and she fell against him and wept into his chest.

  Alexis stood depressed at the foot of her bed. She couldn’t help but let her eyes imagine its surface during the past two weeks. Sheets twisted and coiled. Trevor’s body all around her body. She brushed the mattress with her fingertips, hoping that she might wish him back into this room. She sat dazedly on the corner, staring blankly at the wall when she heard a knock at the door. Her heart dropped low in her chest. She lunged for the door, a smile involuntarily splitting wide across her cheeks.