Liquid Regret

by M. J. Carnal

  Della used to always tell Harley that life was not meant to be wasted. Then when he took another drink, she’d pick him up and tell him that it was time to take a deep breath and start again. She was a stunning reminder of all the good in the world. A reflection of something perfect that was ripped from our lives for a reason we’ll never fully understand. Every day I take a breath on this Earth will be a day closer to having some answers. All we can do is try to find our way out of this nightmare and start living again.

  As Max folds his tall frame into the driver’s seat of his Mercedes, a sense of peace settles over me. He smiles and I can see Della reflected back at me. Her smile, her enthusiasm, her zest for life. Max has had it all along. Maybe he’s our gift from her. Maybe he’s our reminder of the good in the world. I can’t believe I haven’t seen it before. No wonder they were drawn to each other. They have that same joy that radiates off of them.

  The breeze picks up as Max drives away. I know its Della telling me I’m right. She’s proud of me. I can’t keep the smile from my lips. I know that whatever happens from here, we’ll be alright.

  Chapter 24

  I sobbed for about an hour after the press conference. It was the most romantic thing he could’ve done. I know my life is about to change. Any freedom I might have had is over. But in its place is a relationship that I’d be willing to die for.

  “Hey Mia.” Harley stands in the doorway holding his guitar. He looks exhausted. “Last night here, huh?”

  “Yeah. Back to work tomorrow. I’ll miss being here with you guys though.” I smile at him and he returns it.

  “Want to sneak down to the beach with me? One last time?” His red eyes plead with me.

  “Of course.” I grab my sweatshirt and tiptoe behind him, out the back door and down the steps.

  I’m giggling as we run out onto the beach. Lex would have a stroke if he knew we were down here. It’s so dark and quiet. My giggle is contagious and Harley laughs.

  “It feels good to laugh.” He sits down on the stump and sighs. “I gave Lex the night off. The guys know we’re down here. My face is my money maker. Better to not have my ass kicked for sneaking off.”

  “Your face is, huh? It must be a slow year. Let me know if you need to borrow any money.” When his jaw drops, I belly laugh. I’ve been tiptoeing around him for so long that it’s time for him to smile a little.

  “Wow. I did not expect that.” He laughs hard. It’s a beautiful sound and I haven’t heard it for so long.

  “Get used to it, Griff. Haven’t you heard? Laney and I are going out on tour with you for a week next month. Busting balls is her forte. Better wear your steel cup.”

  He just shakes his head, the smile bright on his face. “I’ve been working on a new song. Care if I play it?”

  “I’d love that.” When Harley starts playing the guitar, the wind picks up. I’m convinced that’s Della. It happens every single time.

  His fingers stop and he points at the water. “People suck. Who would throw out a beer bottle down here? Can you pick that up? You know I can’t or..”

  I walk over to where the water kisses the sand. I pick up the clear bottle and squint. “It’s not a beer bottle. It looks like there’s a message in it.”

  Harley laughs at me. I know I get excited over stuff that men don’t get. But a message in a bottle? How romantic is that?

  “What’s in it?” Harley flips on the flashlight on his phone.

  “I don’t know.” I giggle while I try to get the cork out of the top. “When I was a little girl, I saw the movie Message in a Bottle. It was heartbreaking but it’s my favorite movie ever. I always wanted to find one of these. Maybe a letter to a long lost lover. Damien makes fun of me but I can’t help it. I should have been a Disney princess. I want the whole fairytale.”

  The cork gives way with a pop and I dig for the paper inside. There’s sand in the bottle and it spills out on me when I pull the scroll out. Harley holds the light over the paper as I unroll it. I just stare at it. I think I’ve forgotten how to breathe.

  Harley strums his guitar while I stand frozen in place. The words ‘will you marry me?’ stare back at me. Damien’s voice breaks through the darkness and my tears rush down my cheeks. My hands shake as I turn around and see Laney holding hands with my sister, both of them in tears. The men of Liquid Regret surround me and Damien takes a knee.

  I listen to the words of the song and I know. I finally have my fairytale. I finally have my Prince Charming. I finally have the glass slipper. Everything I’ve ever wanted is laid out in front of me.

  One week was all, one week of time.

  But in that week, you were all mine.

  Free from pain, drugs and vice.

  Free from grief and bad advice.

  I know you’re scared, my past is dark.

  But the light you shine has left its mark.

  Mia, not for a week, but til the end of time.

  I want your heart, your soul, your mind.

  To walk with me, to hold my hand.

  to make with me, our fairytale land.

  “Marry me, Mia?” Damien’s hands shake as he holds the black velvet box. Inside, there is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. The center diamond is square and full of fire. Tiny rubies are sprinkled around the band. It’s breathtaking. But not as breathtaking as the man on his knees in front of me. He’s my whole world.

  I smile as I remember our first week together. I was captivated by his endless blue eyes. My fingers traced his tattoos, memorizing every colorful line. His dark hair was soft like silk and stuck up on top like he’d just gotten out of bed. I’d gotten lost in his bright smile. His laugh was music to my ears. And when he sang, my world was at peace. He was the sexiest man I had ever seen.

  Now this incredible man was on his knee, asking me to be his wife. Asking me to share the rest of my life with him. Handing me the world. Giving me his heart. Letting me have the future I’d always dreamed up.

  My hands cover my mouth as a sob escapes. I nod my head and jump up and down. “Yes. Yes, yes, yes!”

  Damien pulls me to my knees and slides the ring on my finger. “I love you, Mia Avery Lee. I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know that.”

  His lips meet mine as the rest of the world disappears. His kiss is soft and gentle. My hands hold his cheeks, anchoring him to me. Afraid if I open my eyes, this will all be a dream. He kisses my forehead, my cheeks, the tip of my nose.

  “Look at me, princess. Let me see those beautiful green eyes.” When I do, he smiles at me. “I don’t want to spend one more day without you. You’re the happily ever after I never thought I deserved.”

  I’ve never been so happy. I look down at the ring and back up at him. “You’re really going to be my husband?” I bite my bottom lip.

  He leans forward and sucks my lip into his mouth. I giggle and he groans. His voice is a whisper. “I’d like to start the honeymoon right now. But, I’m afraid I’d get my ass kicked. I’m not sure you’ve noticed your dad is right behind me.”

  I snap my head up and make eye contact with my parents. “Daddy!” I jump into his arms and he spins me around. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  My mom rubs her hand over my hair. “We’ve been waiting forever for the call. When he left to go on tour, he told us he was going to marry you some day. We saw how you looked at each other. We had no doubt it would happen eventually.”

  I’m shocked. I look at Damien. “You told them that?”

  He just shrugs. “I’ve always known it was you. I knew the first time you kissed me.”

  Harley laughs behind us. When I turn around, Laney slaps him on the shoulder. “What?” He rubs his shoulder and smiles at her.

  I stand on my tip toes and kiss Damien again. Who says Prince Charming can’t have spacers, tattoos, and a body made for sin?

  Epilogue

  We’ve been back out on tour for two weeks. Life is the new normal. Everything keeps going and th
en bam! Something reminds us of Della and we’re thrown back into darkness. Mia took a leave of absence from work and has been on the road with us. Having her here has been good for all of us. She’s the one we all lean on. She keeps us in line and helps us keep going.

  Laney has been on and off the bus. She spends weekends with us if we’re near LA. She spent a week on the East Coast with us. She makes Harley laugh and that means everything. I think Chance likes her more than he’s willing to let on. It’s going to be a wild ride, no matter what happens.

  Oksana’s popularity soared after the announcement. Her face is everywhere. She’s spent some time on tour with us too. She and Harley seem to have a strange connection. Maybe he’s still trying to save her. It was Della’s quest and he seems to be honoring her memory by doing it. He’s got good days but the bad seem to outnumber them. I know he’s trying to start living again. But in those quiet times, when the bus is rolling to its next city and the rest of the world is asleep, I hear the nightmares and wish there was something I could do to make it better.

  The grief counselor that was hired by the label has been a constant. Rachel’s cool. And talking to her definitely makes me feel better. Harley has pushed her away but she continues to try to reach him. Max’s life has brightened since she’s been around. I know they’ve spent a lot of counseling sessions dealing with his unresolved feelings for Dell. His healing is evident every day. I envy him for being able to move on and still be a whole person.

  We just learned last night that there may be an eyewitness that saw something the night Della was killed. It’s the first break we’ve had in weeks. We’re all holding our breath. We want answers. We want justice. We want to be able to stop looking over our shoulders. Personally, I’ll sleep better if I know Harley is safe. If I know there’s not some psycho out there gunning for him, too. We’ll check in with the detectives when we’re in LA next weekend. They’re close to solving this. I’d love to be home when they do.

  “Why are you awake?” Mia stretches and turns the lamp on. “Another nightmare?”

  “If I say yes, will you help me forget?” I smirk at her. I’ll never get enough of her.

  Her nails scratch across my chest and she bites my nipple. I’m instantly hard. It doesn’t take much with her. My cock has a mind of its own. She’s cooking breakfast? Yep, that’s hot. She’s painting her toes? Damien Jr really likes that. It doesn’t matter where we are or what she’s doing. I want her constantly. It’s impossible to walk around in tight jeans when your cock insists on standing at attention anytime she’s in the room.

  Last week, she sucked me off in between sets. Knowing she was backstage cleaning up what her mouth had demanded from me was so fucking hot, I wasn’t sure I’d make it through the whole show. When it was over, I slammed her up against the wall in the bathroom and fucked her hard. When I pulled out and saw both of our orgasms pouring down her legs, I was ready again. Joshua had to come looking for us so we didn’t miss the bus. I couldn’t stop. I needed her over and over again.

  Two nights ago, we checked into a hotel on our night off. She stripped for me and demanded I jerk off watching her. When I was finished, she got herself off with a vibrator and I was hard again before she came.

  Her body is a temple and I want to worship her every night. Every day. She was made for me. We fit together like we’re two pieces of one whole. I’m fucking exhausted. I rehearse every morning, make love to her every afternoon, perform for the world at night and then fuck her brains out until the sun comes up.

  We’re getting married in a few months and I can’t wait to start our life as husband and wife. I want to have a huge family. Xander has spent a few nights with us and Mia’s in love with him. The feeling is completely mutual. Claire has been pretty cool now that she’s getting married to a man that treats them both really well. I’ve talked to Xander about having a brother or sister and he made me promise to give him a bunch of them. Challenge accepted.

  “What are you thinking about?” Mia rubs my back and I pull her on top of me.

  “Kids. Lots of them. I want to have a big family. I want to see you pregnant with our baby. Do you think ten is too many?”

  She laughs, her eyes sparkling back at me. “I think we can negotiate a number we’re both ok with.”

  “Want to start right now?” I wink at her.

  She rubs her body against me. I can feel her nipples harden against my chest. I squeeze her perfect ass then run my fingers through her soaked pussy. She moans as she presses her body back into my hand.

  “You want to come?” I whisper in her ear and she shivers. “That’s it, baby. Take what you need.”

  She rides my fingers like her life depends on it. Her breathing comes in short spurts and I know she’s close. I’ll give her this one but the next one, she’s going to ride my face. Her pleasure is too good to go to waste.

  “Oh God.” She arches her back off me and explodes on my fingers. As she’s coming down from her high, I put my fingers in my mouth and lick them clean. My eyes roll back. Her flavor is a drug. I’m greedy and I need more.

  “Climb on my face. I need more.” I pull her sexy body to me and lick her from ass to clit. Her legs shake. “Ride me baby.”

  She rolls her hips as I lick and suck. She’s so responsive and it doesn’t take long before her thighs are squeezing my head and her scream echoes through the bus. I get so much shit from the guys but I can’t help it. Let her wake them up. It’s sexy as hell knowing I make her scream.

  “I want you.” She pants and grabs my cock.

  “Take me.” I hiss when she slides down my erection and squeezes me with her pussy. I feel her juices slide down my shaft. “Fuck that’s good.”

  She pulls me up to sitting position and hugs me as her hips roll against me. Her lips nip at mine, her tongue explores my mouth. As her orgasm builds, she whimpers against me. I grab her hips and pick up our pace. I need her to come. I need to let go. I feel my orgasm building. It roars down my spine and as she yells my name, I explode into her.

  We both collapse onto the bed. Our breathing is erratic and she closes her eyes. I kiss the inside of her wrist, her hand, her forehead. I don’t ever want her to forget how much I love her.

  I look around my tiny room at the back of the tour bus. Our shows are sold out. I have the woman of my dreams lying naked next to me. I’m living the life I’ve always wanted. I’m sober. I’ve forgiven my past. My tears are no longer Liquid Regret. They’re filled with a promise of what tomorrow holds.

  I’m living my fairytale, too. Mine is just a little dirtier.

  The End

  The Liquid Regret Series

  Liquid Regret Damien -2014

  Liquid Courage Harley - Early 2015

  Liquid Assets

  Max - Spring 2015

  Liquid Redemption

  Chance – Summer 2015

  About the Author

  MJ Carnal with Joshua Sean McCann, Damien Reynolds from Liquid Regret.

  USA TODAY Bestselling Author, MJ Carnal, lives in South Carolina with her husband, daughter, two dogs and four fish. If she isn’t writing, she can be found playing with her daughter, watching The Walking Dead with her husband, cheering on the South Carolina Gamecocks, or obsessing over all things Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds. She loves to hear from readers and writers. She can be reached at mjcarnalauthor@aol.com, on Facebook at www.facebook.com/mjcarnalauthor or on twitter @mjcarnalauthor.

  Acknowledgements and Thank Yous!!

  FAMILY: To my hubby, THANK YOU for giving me all the “time away” I needed in order to finish this book. And, for taking care of our princess while I was glued to the computer. To C, you are my world. I love you to the moon and back a million trips. To my mom. Thank you for being my biggest supporter and cheerleader. I love you guys very much!

  To Joshua Sean McCann. The day I saw your picture for the first time was the day I knew you HAD to be my Damien Reynolds. You were perfect and you were exactly what I pictured
when I pictured Damien. You have added so much laughter to my life. I can’t wait for all our travels together. To learn about Josh, visit www.facebook.com/joshuaseanmccannofficial

  To Golden w/ FuriousFotog. I was dying to work with you and I’m so glad we got the chance. You are an amazing man with an amazing eye. I am in awe of your talent. I can’t wait to work with you again and again in the future. You’re amazing and I’m so glad we’re friends. To learn more about Golden, visit www.facebook.com/furiousfotog

  My cover designer, Marisa with Cover Me Darling, is AMAZING. I am so thankful we ran into each other in North Carolina. You had a great vision and you absolutely rocked the cover. (And all the covers from the Liquid Regret Series) Find out more about Cover Me, Darling, visit www.facebook.com/covermedarling

  Kellie Montgomery! Thank you for editing my baby. Your kind words and encouragement always keep me going. Thank you for always believing in me.

  Nathan Coy. You inspire me. Your words are beautiful. Your poetry is a gift. Always use it. Thank you for being my “official song writer” for Liquid Regret. Your friendship is a gift! You’re amazing. (Even if you don’t realize the SEC is the best)

  To my PR reps, Angela Lane, Christine Stanley and the rest of The Hype PR family. I love you guys. Thank you for believing in me and my books. I love being part of this amazing family! And Angela, I love how hard you work for me!!

  There’s no way I could list all the authors who have made a difference in my life in the past year. Being at signings and getting to meet the people I’ve fangirled over is awesome. Rachel Van Dyken, thank you for looking over the first chapter when I had it written and for giving me advice on how to make first person work for me. Thanks for reading this early and for being my favorite author in the world. Liz King, I love our lunches and dinners and any time we get to giggle together. It’s wonderful to bounce ideas off of you. (and getting the inside scoop on your books is a major plus) Dawn Robertson, thanks for always talking me down from the ledge and for listening when I rant. Your friendship is awesome and your books kick ass. Harper Sloan, I want to be you when I grow up. Thanks for having an endless wealth of information any time I ask. And thanks for Maddox Locke. He’s my book boyfriend, forever and ever. And to all the other authors I chat with, swap books with, rant to, and laugh with – THANK YOU for being in my life.