The 2084 Precept

by Anthony D. Thompson

  Jeremy's eyes were pretending to be chapel hat pegs again.

  "So there are 500 hundred million of you behind bars at any given point in time," he repeated, looking at me as if he suspected me of intentionally trying to deceive him, or of trying to pull his leg, or of taking the piss, or, if you are German, of trying to pull him over the table.

  "There certainly are," I said. "We are the only species on the planet which is mentally sick enough to have to adopt such a system for to protect ourselves."

  "What surprises me about you, Peter, is that none of this seems to trouble you. For example, you keep saying 'that's the way things are'. Nothing seems to upset you."

  "Well…it doesn't upset me. That doesn't mean to say that I necessarily respect or have a fondness for the human species, of which, of course, I am myself a member. No, I do not like how we treat ourselves and I do not like how we treat our animals and I do not like how we treat our planet. But I can't do anything about it, we are the products of nature and evolution. The majority wins. I merely observe."

  "But doesn't anybody try to do anything about it?"

  "Hah, Jeremy, not the first time you have asked that question. The answer is yes indeed, some people do, they always have and they presumably always will. We have rebellions, we have revolutions, we have civil wars, martyrs die, but in the end it doesn't change anything. Let me tell you about a short story I read once. There was a town in the Middle Ages, surrounded by high walls, manned watch towers at regular intervals, and the populace was more or less imprisoned inside. They were only allowed out under armed supervision to plough the fields, perform the harvesting and so on. Well, one day they rebelled, they stormed the watch towers, they killed the guards, they tore open the city gates and they ran out into the countryside shouting 'we are free", 'liberty at last', and so on and so forth. And free indeed they were. Their leaders and others had died martyrs' deaths and those remaining were as free as flying elephants in a zero-gravity universe. But after a while, one began to notice that they were forming into groups. And in each group, there was a man standing on an orange box. 'Now that we are free,' said one of them, 'I would like to explain to you how I think we should organize ourselves…'. 'We now have our liberty,' said another, 'and I believe that I should propose to you the best way in which we should proceed…'; and so on and so on throughout all of the groups. And the point of the story? The point of the story was that everything went back to being more or less the same as it had been before."

  "The same as it had been before?"

  "Yes. Various groups of humans listening to various other humans telling them what should be done, how everything should be organized, who should be in charge, who should have what powers, and so on. It's the only way we know how to operate, Jeremy. The problem of course was that the proposals in each of the groups were different to the proposals in each of the other ones. And so the arguments started up, the humans’ favorite hobby. And to resolve that problem, they decided that the best thing to do would be to start voting. The masses should decide for themselves. And the most powerful group, the one with the most votes, would rule. The obvious anomaly in all of that is that only 10% of the human race is really intelligent, but…it's the majority vote which gets to decide who is going to run things. And if the victorious party received only 51% of the vote versus 49% for the other, then so be it. It’s obvious that the two or more sides are going to spend most of their time arguing. And of course, the really funny thing is that the clowns who receive the votes and the power to govern us are also part of the human race.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning that only 10% of them are intelligent as well.”

  "Haha, I get it. But back to arguing. Arguing is one of your species' favorite activities."

  "Indeed it is. We just cannot agree. Ever. It's in the nature of the beast. And sometimes we do our disagreeing with weapons—but we've dealt with that already—and sometimes we do it without. We only need to listen to the politicians on any given day, in any legislative body in any of the countries anywhere on the planet. Or to the television talk shows. All they do is argue, argue, argue. Century after century after century and on into infinity, infinity being an exaggeration, needless to say. All of them trying to force their own views onto everybody else and, while I'm about it, that goes for our religions as well. And, if you will forgive me for repeating myself, Jeremy, it is just the way we are. As I have said, I merely observe—usually with a mild and cynical interest but also from time to time with a metaphorically open mouth."

  I paused. Jeremy just sat there, trying to take it all in. I decided to continue, to complete the picture for him, give him his money's worth.

  "And because of all the arguing,” I resumed, “in addition to the soldiers and the police and the secret police we also have to employ vast numbers of human beings as lawyers to resolve our non-violent disputes, or to try to."

  "Vast numbers of lawyers?"

  "Yes. There are about 11 million lawyers worldwide at the last count. Our species could not exist without them. There is a firm belief that if we start a nuclear war, there will be only two surviving life forms—ants and lawyers."

  "And, according to my research, cockroaches as well." Jeremy grinned. "Well, at least non-stop dissonance is one weakness you recognize in yourselves."

  "Yes, Jeremy, but at the same time, the lawyers themselves disagree with each other. And therefore we have to employ a lot of people we call judges.

  "You'll be telling me soon that even the judges disagree," said Jeremy with a chuckle.

  "Don't chuckle, Jeremy! The judges do indeed also disagree, and so we have to employ even more human beings to constitute what we call higher courts and appeals courts."

  Jeremy might have chuckled before but he didn't chuckle again. He looked despondent. It was clearly proving difficult for him to absorb and understand this confusion, the ghastly, chaotic, revolting mess that I was describing.

  "What a system," he sighed. "What a society. What a species. And please don't tell me again that it's just because it's the way you are."

  "Understood, Jeremy, understood. Would you like me to stop or continue?"

  "Continue, Peter, if you would please. It's all information that will assist me."

  "O.K., Jeremy, here goes. Talking about lawyers leads me on to the subject of politics again. This is because the pin-striped clowns, to use another variation of my friend's aphorism, are the so-called law makers. Needless to say, the laws they create differ from country to country. And the job of the lawyers and the judges in each country is to apply these laws, or to try to. And so we have criminal lawyers, divorce lawyers, property lawyers, tax lawyers, international lawyers and a whole host of other kinds of lawyers. The lawmakers create thousands and thousands of new laws, and in true clown fashion they make them extremely complicated as well. Also in true clown fashion, they continuously discover that a lot of their laws are bad or inadequate and they are therefore constantly modifying untold thousands of them. And as no-one can keep up to date with the vast morass these clowns create and continue to create, flap, flap, specialist lawyers exist who spend their lives trying to stay on top of everything and unravel all of the non-stop modifications. No ordinary person could do it."

  "I have changed my mind, Peter. I don't think we need to go into detail on this. What a huge waste of potentially productive energy on your planet. I think just one example would suffice, if you don’t mind."

  "O.K. No problem. I’ll take tax law. It is as good an example as any, and I’ll keep it very brief. Just to remind you again, this is the human race we are talking about, so the laws are different in every country. I'll just take one country: the United States of America. Vast documentation is required, 70,000 pages to be precise, merely to cover this single branch of law. And because many of these tax laws are ridiculous or unfair or both, or simply because some of their elected clowns happen to disagree with what their predecessors had decided, flap, flap, huge number
s of changes are made to these laws—a never-ending state of affairs as I have already explained—in addition to the never-ending creation of new laws. Non-stop.

  This requires enormous quantities of administrators, tax lawyers, judges, accountants and economists to administer. Unproductive and very expensive labor for the sole purpose of administering this swamp of complex stupidity created by the birdbrains, flap, flap, whom the birdbrain masses have voted into power in the first place."

  "Yes, Peter, the level of intelligence of your species is already clear to me from the way you slaughter yourselves and everything else," said Jeremy. "And this example of socio-economic activity merely confirms it. But hopefully at least your intentions are good. I assume, for example, that the poor pay less taxes than the rich?"

  "I'm afraid not, Jeremy. The laws themselves, assisted by the impossibly intricate quagmire of birdbrain-created complications and exceptions, permit many very rich people and many very large corporations to pay lower taxes than the rest of us."

  "So…not even that."

  "No. Nothing equitable results. And of course, as the clowns can never properly control their own ludicrous inventions, there is a lot of corruption and fraud as well, the human race—begging your pardon Jeremy—being as it is."

  "But couldn't you at least start to simplify these laws?"

  "No, Jeremy. I am afraid not. I hate to repeat myself, but you have to try and remember that these are human beings at work here, disagreeing with themselves on just about everything, day and night, you name it. Arguing and arguing their way through the eons of time until they self-destruct or their solar system collapses."

  "And this is just one of hundreds of branches of law that you people need in order to exist as an organized society?"

  "Yes."

  "Then I don't think I need to hear more about your socio-political organizations, Peter. It would probably take days. Months. Years. I think I prefer just to do the additional research myself. Keep it to the salient points required for my dissertation. But it would be helpful to me if you could please just summarize your different types of political organization…provide me with a brief overview."

  "Certainly, Jeremy. None of them work of course. As I have already mentioned, democracy doesn't work because the majority of the citizens decides who is going to be given the power, and the small intelligent minority is hopelessly outnumbered. And, as I have pointed out, that same mix applies for those who are elected. And so they spend most of their time arguing with each other anyway. And in any case, it doesn't much matter much who wins an election. They all promise a kind of Utopia, better schools, full employment, no poverty, no national debt increase and so on and so forth. But they never keep their promises. Or what they implement never really works. Or it is impossible to finance. And so the arguing continues. And then the masses start complaining again. But they shouldn't. They should keep their mouths shut, because they decided who they wanted to run things. And for a cynical observer such as myself, that of course is the big laugh. The masses actually believe they can influence events on their planet, or in their own particular section of the planet, by voting. But—needless to say—sooner or later they become disillusioned and they vote a different person into power the next time around. And with the same results as before of course. Actually, Peter, the masses are not actually allowed to vote for whomever they wish—they are instructed as to whom they may choose from. And finally, this system can be fairly undemocratic. In the world's best known democracy, the USA, a lot of political power has been in the hands of families for decades. The Kennedy family, Bush father, Bush son, Mr. Clinton, Mrs. Clinton. Families! And they call it democracy."

  "This is what they call a democracy."

  "Yes, and those are the facts, that is what happens. And then we have tried alternatives to ‘democracy’. Communism. Large parts of the planet operated under this system: China, Russia, Soviet Union countries, Eastern Europe, parts of Asia and lesser nations such as Cuba, Albania and North Korea. But communism didn't work either. It only lasted about seventy years although, to be faithful to the facts, some vestiges still remain. Cuba and North Korea come to mind. China has abandoned communistic economics but is still being run by a single communist party. Communism operated by power, threat and fear and the masses were imprisoned within their own countries and not allowed to travel except—what else—for the élite and a few of favored comrades such as outstanding musicians, athletes and other sports heroes. But communism involved human beings and therefore was, and what remains of it still is, plagued by corruption—just as in a democracy. And also just as in a democracy, the rich and the powerful live in luxury and the weak and the downtrodden live in poverty."

  "Communism. I see."

  "Yes. And then we have had dictatorship. We have always had dictatorships, thousands of them. The Caesars, the old European kings, the Napoleans, the Stalins, the Hitlers, the Castros, the Ghadaffis, the Saddam Husseins and all the others. You may not know of their deeds , but…"

  "It doesn't matter, Peter," said Jeremy. "Everything is recorded and I shall do as I always do, acquaint myself with them as part of my research."

  "Good. And we still have dictators today, and bloody rebellions and revolts have been taking place in certain central African countries and in others such as Libya, Egypt, Syria, Yemen and so forth. With results similar to that Middle Ages story I told you about."

  "Bloody revolutions, ongoing? Surprise, surprise."

  "Quite so. Well, dictatorships don't work either because we are incapable as a species of ensuring that a dictator is one of the minority, namely one of the 'intelligent' humans. I use my definition of intelligence here, which is not necessarily the one generally understood by the human masses. The masses might say, 'but what if he is an intelligent dictator but an evil one or a corrupt one?' Failing completely to understand that real intelligence automatically embodies benevolence and incorruptibility, among other things. But as I have said, the 10% minority has no chance on this planet and dictatorship is consequently an unworkable system for us as well."

  "So…," said Jeremy, "what political system does work? Or could work?"

  "I don't know," I replied. "And I have no opinion to offer either."

  "But you do have an opinion? If so, I would be very grateful to hear it. The theories and conclusions in my dissertation are going to be difficult enough to formulate, as it is. Your view would be something for me to consider."

  Theories, conclusions, dissertations, fantasies, far-away planets. It was all becoming a bit wearying. If it weren't for the fact that this sick, deluded guy had a lot of money and I would hopefully soon be receiving some of it, or some more of it I should say, then I think I would have been resigning at just about this point.

  "Right you are," I said. "I have a view and here it is. No system can work. You couldn't invent one if you tried. Nothing can ever really work for a species of animal such as ours. There is nothing that is feasible. Certainly, we have a sprinkling of beliefs in a variety of 'gods' and these serve as a kind of preventive anaesthetic. But the only thing that these various sects and religions do is argue among themselves as well. Just like the rest of us. And so we'll just have to carry on like that until we blow ourselves apart. There is no system, Jeremy. Permanent strife is the only system."

  "Hmm…I appreciate your giving me your view, Peter. I do not, at this point, know whether I share that view. But my dissertation most definitely needs to end up with an opinion, and the input from you in your dual role as both evaluator and evaluated is of importance to me."

  "And now," he continued, "how about a short break? A cigarette break for you, I should imagine." And he smiled his moon-shaped smile, tugged at his short blond hair and added, "and to avoid us sitting here for a few more days, do you think you could select, let us say, just two more important themes on this social and organizational subject please? That should be sufficient for me to complete an overview on which to direct my research in this area
."

  "No problem," I said. "I'll be back in ten minutes." And I went down to the lobby and out into Piccadilly and I lit up a cigarette and I inhaled deeply. For a guy like me who doesn't care, who just accepts the status quo and gets on with it in his own way, these meetings were decidedly onerous. But let's face it, it was still an easy way to be earning a lot of money, so I wasn't arguing. I checked the street. I checked the passers-by. Nobody had the slightest interest in me as far as I could tell. I thought about which two remaining subjects I should choose for Jeremy and smoked another cigarette. I went back inside, visited the luxurious loo and continued on back to the conference room.

  * * * * *

  There was fresh coffee on the table and some good-looking cakes and I took some of both. Jeremy had been standing looking out of the window and he came back and took his seat at the table again. "Thought about the two subjects?" he asked.

  "Yes," I said. "I think gender relations are an important component of our social organization. And economics."

  "Sounds logical to me," he said. And he leaned back in his chair and waited for me to start.

  Which, after finishing a mouthful of cake, I did.

  "You are presumably aware of the biological differences between men and women and I will therefore exclude all sex and reproductive activities from my comments. Suffice it to say that in our species men are stronger than women and are therefore dominant in the natural way of things. However, our species never allows nature to remain as it is. We always want to change everything, pervert it if you like. Give us the most beautiful planet in the universe with wonderful forests and flowers and meadows, and we will not be satisfied. It doesn't matter which planet it is. No sir. The first thing we would do would be to start chopping it up and changing it. We would start making 'gardens'. We would destroy most of the forests. We would cover vast swathes of the planet with concrete. We would create huge mining operations to dig its guts out. And we would not stop."