Love My Crazy

by Rachel Medhurst

  I looked at my phone. We’d been in the chippy for two hours. Where the hell had the time run off to?

  Jack had been drinking a shot every ten minutes for two hours. He’d be rat-arsed, if not unconscious. I turned to Scott.

  “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.”

  “I’m coming with you,” he said, taking Tiff’s arm and linking it through his.

  I grabbed her other arm so we could steady her as we walked back to the park. She led us to Tommy, who sat on the ground near the woods, smoking a cigarette.

  “Why aren’t you looking for him?” I let go of Tiff and grabbed the fag from his mouth. “Why does everyone else suffer around you?”

  I was well angry. I couldn’t believe that he’d sent Tiffany to find us, instead of calling an ambulance, or coming himself.

  “Natalie, come on. Let’s go and look for him.”

  Scott took my hand and pulled as Tommy went to get up. He couldn’t get his feet under him, falling back down when he tried. He laughed as he looked up at us. I almost smashed his face in. It was only the pressure of Scott’s hand that stopped me.

  “Tiff, call the police, will you?” I shouted over my shoulder as we ran towards the woods.

  “Have you got any idea where he might be?” Scott asked as we entered the woods and started to call for Jack.

  It was almost pitch black. I kept tripping on the rutted ground. What if he was unconscious? What the hell would we do? I hoped Tiff had called the police. I took out my phone, but there was no reception.

  “He might be nearer the other end. There’s a couple of trees that have big holes in the side of them. Maybe that’s where he hid.” I grabbed Scott as we tried to get our bearings. He was struggling to stay on his feet too.

  “Would it be better to go back to the field and go in nearer those trees?”

  I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. It really was fun. Why did they always do stupid things? Just for the sake of alcohol.

  “I’m glad you didn’t join in,” Scott said, steadying me as I tripped again.

  “Why?” I snapped at the judgemental whiny boy.

  Hello! You’ve just been thinking how stupid it was! Why was I getting so cross with him?...Because you would’ve joined in if it wasn’t for him.

  “Because I’d be terrified if I knew you were out here alone in the dark.” He ignored my sulk.

  Aw, he was actually being sweet. Bloody pain in the arse. Why did he have to be so nice all the time?

  “I’m harder than Jack, I would’ve been fine,” I said, pulling him back out of the woods and into the field. He stopped and turned me to him.

  “Why do you have to be so defensive all the time? It’s okay not to be okay.” He brushed my hair away from my face.

  His touch had me going all goosey bumped again so I walked off, leaving him standing there. It was not the time for sweet words. I had to find Jack.

  I started to jog and got to the end of the field quickly. We went back in the woods. I swore as I fell over something big. Throwing out a hand, I felt around to see what I’d tripped over.

  “Jack!” I exclaimed when I felt material.

  Scott pulled me to my feet. We bent over the shape to make sure it was him. It was, I could smell the alcohol. I shook him, but he was unconscious.

  “Please go and tell the police that we need an ambulance.” I sat on the floor, pulling Jack onto my lap.

  “I don’t want to leave you,” Scott said, trying to get a signal on his phone.

  “Please, Scott, just go. It’s not far. I’ll be fine.”

  I cried as tears allowed themselves to fall out of my eyes, little gits. Scott heard that I was crying and did as I asked. I felt for Jack’s pulse in his neck, sighing when it beat weakly against my fingers.

  I could smell vomit nearby. It was lucky he hadn’t choked on it. It looked like he’d given up hiding and tried to come out of the woods. Being so drunk, he must have tripped over and passed out. I seriously would’ve joined in with the dangerous game before I’d met Scott. Apparently, I was thinking about stuff more now that Twinkle Toes was in my life.

  It didn’t take long for Scott to come back with a policeman and a paramedic. I stopped my tears and wiped away the evidence of them. We walked back with the policeman as the ambulance stretchered Jack out. I wasn’t allowed to go with him as the police wanted to question us. Tiff and Tommy had already been taken to the station.

  “We wasn’t even there, man, we just came to help,” I said.

  My mum wouldn’t be able to handle the news that I’d been down the station. There was no use in fighting, they wanted to hear everything.

  Scott took my hand as we sat in the back of the car. I couldn’t believe that I did it, but I shuffled over and rested my head on his shoulder.

  Just another day in the life of Natalie.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Where the hell have you been?” my mum ordered when I walked through the door in the early hours of the morning.

  “You should be asleep. Why are you still up?” I snapped, glaring at Dick when he came in the kitchen.

  I’d tried to sneak in through the back door, but it hadn’t worked.

  “I was worried about you. You’re usually home by now.” She fiddled with the ring on her finger. I knew she would freak out. Anything different from her normal routine made her feel weird.

  “I’m eighteen, mum. I can do what I want.”

  I’d had enough for one evening, I needed my bed.

  “Don’t speak to your mum like that. She was just worried about you.”

  I had to bite my tongue, and yes, it did hurt. Dick jumped on my nerves yet again, but it wasn’t their fault. The fact that he was still up with her…well, I couldn’t fault him for caring for her, could I? Bloody Dick.

  “I’m sorry. It’s been a stressful night, that’s all. Jack’s in hospital with alcohol poisoning and before you start, I wasn’t with them. I just helped to find him.” I looked at them both.

  Richard glanced at my mum, his eyebrows raised. She shook her head. She knew me well enough to know when I lied. There’d been no point in lying in the past. I could basically do what I wanted.

  “Want to talk about it?” Mum asked as Richard went up to bed.

  I sat down at the kitchen table. We hadn’t had a daughter to mother chat for years. When mum was well, we’d always chat, but since Richard had come into the picture, I wasn’t up for it no more. It was good that she had him. I wouldn’t be hanging around forever.

  “I’ve met a boy,” I started. Mum ducked her head when I caught her smiling. “No, seriously, this boy is pretty insane, Mum.” I clamped my hand over my mouth when I realised what I’d said. Nice one, Nat, the wrong person to say that to.

  “What’s he like?” she said in a soft voice.

  “Smart, confident, too good for me…” I let the words trail off.

  I hadn’t ever thought them, let alone said them out loud. Yeah, that’s how it felt. He was too good for little old me, and now he was showing serious interest…cue bright red face…I needed to face my feelings.

  “No one is too good for you, love, you are beautiful and special. I just wish you could see it yourself. You have so much you could do, yet…” she sighed, “…you choose to hang around with your group.”

  She didn’t need to say anymore. She’d never outright said that she didn’t approve of what we did, but I could see it now. It was like my eyes had been opened…very bloody wide.

  “I know, I know.” I stood and kissed her cheek.

  It was the first time I’d been able to go near her for a long time. She must have been feeling much better.

  Climbing the stairs, I went into my room. I looked around at the stuff I’d collected over the years and realised that it meant nothing. What good were material things when there was no one to share them with? What good were friends, when someone always got hurt? Could I choose to live a different life?

  Chapter Thirteen
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  “Jack, how you doing?” I asked as I went into the hospital room.

  He didn’t respond so I sat in the chair next to his bed. His gaze stayed fixed on the ceiling above him.

  “How long til you get out…?” It was like talking to a brick wall.

  “What would’ve happened if Tiff didn’t find you?” It was the first thing he’d said to me all week.

  He’d suffered from bad alcohol poisoning and had a seriously messed up stomach. It definitely affected his mood, considering how bloody miserable he was.

  “I don’t know…” What did I say to him? I didn’t even want to let my brain think about such a thing.

  “He’s bad for us,” he said, turning his head towards me.

  Tears dripped down his face. I leant forward and took his hand. I’d never seen my friend cry. He was tough as stones. We all were. I didn’t know what to say to his crying, either. Tommy was the head of our group. He was like our father, in a weird sort of way.

  “I get some days when I don’t want to live like this no more.” Jack squeezed my hand and looked deep into my eyes. I couldn’t move.

  “I know. I’m sure Tommy didn’t mean nothing. You know what he’s like.”

  “That’s the point, he never means anything, but people get hurt. Don’t you remember the guy he stabbed?”

  He let go of my hand and turned to stare back up at the ceiling again.

  “Shush, what if someone hears you? Of course I remember. How could I bloody well forget? The thing is, we don’t have to go along with everything he does, do we? In fact, it was your idea to do the game in the first place.”

  I wasn’t sticking up for Tommy. He wasn’t right doing the things he did, but Jack had a choice to go along with it. Jeysus, I sounded like my boyfriend now. Boyfriend…? Since when had I started seeing Scott as my boyfriend?

  “Yeah, I know. I got to change something. This can’t go on.”

  He turned his head away from me, dismissing me like a boss dismisses his employee. Well, maybe…I wouldn’t know about that, I hadn’t ever lost a job.

  “Then change it,” I whispered as I stood and walked out the room.

  Maybe it was time for all of us to see that life could change.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “What’s your problem?”

  I heard his voice before I realised he was even behind me. When I turned, he glared down at me. He flicked a cigarette, a cocky expression on his face.

  I sat on a bench in the park on my lunch break. The small area was quite crowded because the sun was showing its happy head for a change.

  “I ain’t got a problem, Tommy,” I answered, turning back to my college prospectus. I’d even learnt how to say the word properly.

  “You think you’re better than us, now?” He came over and sat down.

  I turned to him, tempted to knock his head on the floor, just to get some bloody sense into him. Instead I just sighed and shrugged.

  “Is Mr Know It All your boyfriend now then?”

  “Hey….You!” someone shouted from behind us.

  I turned to see who it was. The boy had a familiar-looking face.

  “Shit!” Tommy gasped, throwing his cigarette on the ground and jumping up as the boy came over. It was the lad that Tommy had stabbed. What the bloody hell was going to happen? The kid didn’t look happy and Tommy was gearing up for a fight.

  “It’s alright, I’ve got my knife,” he muttered as he turned and stood his ground.

  “You’re joking!” I tried to grab his arm.

  The anger on Tommy’s face was enough to put me on edge. How could he still walk about with a knife on him? After everything that had happened last time?

  Something in me wanted to turn away and abandon my friend. I wanted to scream for help and call the police. I’d never grassed up my friends before. I would protect them from anything and everything, but this bugger just wouldn’t stop.

  Instead of doing anything, I froze.

  “You’re the bastard that stabbed me!” The boy glanced at me and stopped dead. “And you’re the one who saved me. Why are you still hanging with him?”

  What could I say? He was right. Tommy had almost killed the boy, and there I was, still talking to him.

  “He’s my friend,” I muttered, unsure where my balls had disappeared to.

  Where was the Natalie that would’ve stabbed someone who threatened her family?

  “What do you want?” Tommy called.

  “Revenge,” the boy said, running full pelt at Tommy.

  I couldn’t watch it happen again, so I jumped between them. Tommy was about to lunge forward with his knife, but he pulled back. Screams echoed around us as the boy ran straight into me. He was a strong git. On impact, I went flying straight back into Tommy and his knife. Pain exploded in my arm as the blade sliced through it.

  A red angry mist came over my eyes as I staggered. My teeth gritted together as I threw my clenched fist towards my friend. The friend who had just cut me. The friend who had just been prepared to kill someone.

  When my fist connected to his meaty head, I felt a satisfying crunch of nose under my knuckles. The other boy pulled me away as I went to pound Tommy’s face in.

  “We need to get you to hospital.” He pushed me to the floor. “Sit.”

  The red disappeared. I looked down. Blood poured from my arm. The pain was nothing on the outside compared to what was going on in my chest. Who needed friends like him?

  A siren sounded in the background. I looked over at Tommy. He stared at me. His big gaping a-hole mouth hung wide open.

  He also showed blood, which made me feel better. It ran out of his smashed nose. He would probably think we were even. Shaking his head at me, he turned and ran away. The bitch actually left me sitting with a stranger. After he had knifed me.

  “Surely, he isn’t your friend now?” the boy said.

  I shook my head as the tears started to betray me again. They ran down my cheeks. I had to wipe snot from my nose, which was really gross.

  The police and ambulance arrived. Lots of people had come over to me, but I couldn’t make sense to anyone. I sniffled and sobbed all at the same time.

  The boy stayed with me, even coming in the ambulance when I tried to make him go. It was strange, but he obviously wanted to return the favour I’d done him.

  “Thank you for saving my life,” he said as we sat in the back of the ambulance.

  I’d finally stopped my girly bawling and didn’t want to speak.

  “Thank you for helping me,” I replied, hoping he’d leave it at that.

  “You could do better, you know. With friends, I mean.”

  I looked down at my temporary bandage. The knife had sliced me on the forearm. I needed several stitches.

  “You can choose who you hang around with. You seem like you’re a decent girl.” He kept talking when I didn’t answer him.

  “I’m not so sure. Not long ago, I would’ve done anything to protect my friend. We’re a family,” I whispered the end of my sentence.

  My friend family was more broken than my real-life family.

  “Well, I’m not sure I’d want a friend like yours.”

  He turned to look out of the front of the ambulance as a surge of heat ran over my messed up body.

  “Don’t judge him, okay?”

  I turned from him, too, ignoring him as he shrugged.

  An image of a kid that had been used as a punch bag came into my mind. Tommy had been through shit a few times, and come back through it too.

  “He still has a choice,” the boy whispered, reminding me of Scott.

  I wanted to defend Tommy. I wanted to call the annoying stranger out, but I couldn’t. He was right. We were all old enough to do something about our troubles.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Nat!”

  Pausing in my slow walk home from work, I turned as Scott and Tiffany ran towards me. My arm was healing nicely. I was due to have the dressing taken off the ne
xt day. It was a right pain in the arse having a big white thing on your arm.

  “Guess what?” Tiff giggled as she grabbed my good arm and spun me around.

  I was about to push her away, but her excitement was catching. I laughed as she jumped in the air.

  “Bloody tell me, then, will you?” I said.

  Scott came to me when Tiff let go and kissed me on the cheek. I pushed him away, my face flaming up like a candle. He was such a soppy git.

  “I got into an arts school!” Tiff ran around me, making my head go funny.

  “Tiff, stop, will you! When did you even try out? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I didn’t know how to feel. My bestie had gone behind my back, but had managed to achieve something that we never thought she could.

  “I’m sorry, but what with everything going on, I didn’t want to jeopardise it. I just needed to concentrate on getting in. That’s why I ain’t been around much.”

  She stopped moving and held my hands. I squeezed them as my eyes threatened to overflow. I wasn’t as hard as I used to be.

  “Well done, mate, that’s amazing!” I said, wiping my eyes.

  Tiff hugged me, and then left, shouting that she had to go and tell everyone.

  “Wow, she really did it, Scott, you were right all along. You said that we could change our life if we changed how we looked at it. You’re lucky to know that. How did you learn?”

  He entwined his fingers with mine as we started to walk. It felt weird, but butterflies constantly lived in my stomach when I was around him.

  “Can I show you something?”

  “Of course,” I replied.

  He led me to a church nearby. We walked into the graveyard. The group had played ghost hunt there several times. All I could picture was Jack pretending to be dead on one of the burials.

  Shaking my head, I bumped into Scott when he stopped walking. He looked down at a stone. I followed his gaze and read the words on it.

  “Is that…?”

  “Yes, that’s my mum. She died in an accident when I was ten. She taught me that no matter what happens in life, we have the power to rise above it and make our own choices. There is help out there when we need it, and there’s love out there too, if we allow it.”