Ivy laughed. ʺI guess the counselorʹs kind of hairy.ʺ
ʺAnd very mean, at least to a ten‐year‐old. He assigned the boys their buddies.
Philipʹs buddy threw up on him.ʺ ʺOh!ʺ ʺThat was after the other kids bet the buddy that he couldnʹt eat four hot dogs in four minutes.ʺ
ʺI see. I guess summer camp is where boys train to be frat brothers.ʺ
Will grinned at her, and she slipped her hand in his. ʺPhilipʹs group is called the Badgers. Heʹs the best pitcher and hitter of the Badgers.ʺ
ʺOf course heʹs the best. Heʹs my brother.ʺ Will laughed. ʺHe likes rowing. I canʹt wait till he comes for vacation — I want to take him kayaking on Pleasant Bay.ʺ
Ivy turned to look at Will. His dark hair whipped in the breeze. He had the longest lashes, which softened his intense brown eyes. ʺIf I remember right,ʺ she said, ʺyou promised him that you two would dress up as pirates.ʺ
ʺRight, well, maybe heʹll forget about that part.ʺ Ivy shook her head, grinning.
ʺPhilip doesnʹt forget that kind of promise. I hope you two donʹt terrorize girls sunbathing on the beach.ʺ Will laughed and put his arm around her shoulder.
They walked on, talking about Philip, then shifting their conversation to some of the week‐end’s quirky guests. ʺThe people in the starfish room,ʺ Will said, re-ferring to the suite decorated in a scallop and starfish motif. ʺWas that woman his wife or mother?ʺ
ʺThe only thing Iʹm sure about is that she wasnʹt his younger lover.ʺ
ʺMaybe he is her younger lover,ʺ Will suggested. Ivy laughed out loud. ʺBernʹs going to be filling up her notebooks with characters.ʺ
They found the easy rhythm they had known for nearly eight months, walking and talking together.
Strolling back to Willʹs car, Ivy gazed up at the lighthouse, its double beacon turning against the starlit sky. ʺIf s beautiful,ʺ she said. ʺSo are you,ʺ Will replied softly, pulling her toward him.
Her arms slipped around him. He lowered his head. She would have known Willʹs kiss blindfolded — gentle, loving, asking, giving. She knew the curve of his upper lip, the place between his neck and shoulder where she often rested her head, the space between his knuckles that she liked to trace, and the way her hand fit into his. Ivy knew and loved these things, as much as she loved Willʹs kiss.
But she could not stop thinking of Tristan.
AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER, IVY STOOD ON THE cottage doorstep, watching Will as he whistled his way back to his; room in the renovated barn, where he hoped to get in some painting. Needing time and space to think, Ivy walked around to the ocean side of the inn. With just two couples staying on until Monday, the Adirondack chairs on the porch and lawn were empty. Shrubs edged the lawn, then gave way to scrub trees and brush that covered the steep side of the bluff down to sea level. At the end of the yard a vine‐covered arbor led to wooden steps, fifty‐two of them — Ivy had counted — running down to a narrow boardwalk that connected to a path through grassy dunes.
Halfway down the steps was a landing, a small platform with facing benches built into it. Ivy sat down, facing north. During the day, the view was spectacular, the ocean sweeping in behind a sandy point, making a sparkling inlet where lobs term en and pleasure boaters moored. On a moonless night like tonight, the boundaries of land, water, and sky were nearly indistinguishable; the dunes and beach were so deep, Ivy couldnʹt hear the waves break. But the ocean was present in the salty tang and damp breeze. It was like that when Ivy thought of Tristan — she couldnʹt see or hear him, but still, she sensed his closeness.
Ivy swallowed hard. What was wrong with her? She had dated Will much longer than she had known Tristan, so why couldnʹt she stop thinking of Tristan?
She remembered what Tristanʹs mother had once said to her: ʺWhen you love someone, itʹs never over. You move on because you have to, but you bring him with you in your heart.ʺ
Ivy had thought sheʹd succeeded in moving on. What pained her even more was that Will thought so too.
Ivy loved Will. But did she love him enough if she didnʹt love him the way she loved Tristan?
Maybe her idea of love was too lofty; maybe she expected too much of herself and Will.
Ivy descended to the sand, then walked to the edge of the water, finding release in the ceaseless rush and draw of the sea.
She had no idea how much time had elapsed, but when she finally returned to the cottage, she saw Beth standing on the front step, cell phone in hand. ʺIvy!
Thank God youʹre back!ʺ ʺIs something wrong?ʺ
ʺWeʹve got to get to Kelsey before she does something stupid. Stupider,ʺ Beth corrected herself, grimacing. ʺGet your car keys. Iʹve got the address, sort of.ʺ
ʺWhereʹs Dhanya?ʺ
ʺWith Kelsey. And only a little more sober than she is.ʺ
ʺWhereʹs Aunt Cindy?ʺ Ivy asked. ʺOut still.ʺ
Bethʹs cell phone rang. ʺHere we go again.ʺ After a moment of listening, she said, ʺDhanya, I told you before. Take the keys away from her. Throw them in the ocean if you have to. No, no! If s not a good idea for you to drive!ʺ
ʺBack in a sec,ʺ Ivy said. ʺShould I get Will?ʺ Beth called after her.
ʺNo, heʹs painting, and itʹll take too long for him to clean up.ʺ
Ivy returned with her keys and wallet, and they sprinted to the car. ʺWhere are we going?ʺ Ivy asked, starting the engine. ʺTo a road somewhere off Route Twenty‐eight.ʺ
ʺBeth, three‐quarters of Cape Cod is off Twenty‐eight!ʺ
ʺShe said Marsala Road. But Iʹve never heard of it.ʺ Ivy entered it into the GPS, with Orleans as the town, then Brewster, then Harwich. ʺNothingʹs coming up.ʺ
ʺShe said they passed a lighthouse. Try Eastham and Chatham — they have lighthouses. Chatham first My cousin always goes where the money is.ʺ
ʺMarsala Road, come on, Marsala Road,ʺ Ivy said
ʺMorris Island Road!ʺ Beth exclaimed suddenly. ʺI bet that was it. She was slurring her words. I think thereʹs a place in Chatham named Morris Island.ʺ
Ivy typed it in.
ʺI have an idea for a new app,ʺ Beth added, ʺone that interprets directions from drunken party girls.ʺ She pointed to the highlighted route on the screen. ʺThere it is, south of the lighthouse.ʺ
Ivy pulled out of the crushed stone driveway and onto Cockle Shell Road. ʺI know the way as far as the lighthouse. Will and I walked that beach tonight.ʺ
Ivy wound her way through the community. Once they got to Route 28, she pushed the speed limit, glad it was 11:50 p.m. and the weekend crowd had departed.
ʺI could strangle Kelsey,ʺ Beth said. ʺI could just strangle her.ʺ
ʺTry to get her on her cell.ʺ
ʺI did — I couldnʹt.ʺ
ʺThen try Dhanya again. We need an address.ʺ
As Ivy drove, she thought about Will. Heʹd be upset with them for not asking for his help. But Ivy couldnʹt ask one more favor, knowing all that he had already done for her, knowing that while she was kissing him, all she could think ofʺSheʹs not picking up,ʺ Beth said. ʺKeep trying.ʺ They drove through the commercial edge of Chatham and passed the lighthouse. Beach houses lined both sides of the road, most of their windows dark. ʺStage Harbor should be coming up on the right,ʺ Beth said, looking at the GPS screen. ʺThere it is. The road weʹre on goes directly to Morris Island. ʺ
A minute later they entered the islandʹs wooded community. Ivyʹs headlights showed a narrow, winding road and stripes of trees. ʺWant me to keep going?
Itʹs not that big of a place, just a few streets,ʺ she said, glancing at the map.
ʺMaybe we can go slowly and listen for the party.ʺ
They rolled down their windows. Ivy slowed to a crawl whenever they saw lights through the trees, and listened intently. The road ended with a pair of driveways. As Ivy turned the car around, Beth tried to call Dhanya again.
“I’ve got her! Dhanya, listen to me. Weʹre close. Whatʹs the address?.. Well, ask somebody! Who th
e heck is giving the party — they must know where they live!ʺ
Beth turned to Ivy. ʺUnbelievable! Sheʹs trying to find the person whose booze theyʹve been drinking.ʺ Ivy shook her head, and drove slowly down the road they had just scouted. It wasnʹt going to be a fun ride back to the inn, she thought.
ʺIvy, look out!ʺ
Headlights came out of nowhere. The person was driving crazily, as if no one else was on the road. Ivy stepped on the brake, then saw that stopping wouldnʹt help. She had to evade, but the road was too narrow. She accelerated, trying to get to a driveway and pull in.
ʺOh my God!ʺ Beth screamed. Ivy yanked the wheel hard to the right. One moment she could feel the road under her car, the next, it was gone. Two wheels rose in the air as the car rolled, the world of night and trees turning around her and Beth.
ʺBeth? Beth?ʺ Dhanyaʹs voice sounded small and far away as the cell phone bounced around the car.
The driverʹs side slammed into something solid. Steel crumpled inward. Before she could cry out, Ivyʹs world collapsed into a black hole.
Four
FOR A MOMENT, IVY WAS AWARE OF NOTHING BUT darkness. It felt as if all of the nightʹs weight bore down on her, then, unexpectedly, the pressure eased.
ʺBeth? Beth, are you okay?ʺ Her friendʹs eyes fluttered open. ʺBeth. Thank God,ʺ
Ivy said with relief. ʺWeʹve got to get out of this car. My side is smashed in. Weʹll have to use yours, okay?ʺ Beth gazed at her wordlessly. ʺYou with me?ʺ Ivy asked, uncertainly. Beth continued to stare at Ivy. ʺIʹll help you,ʺ Ivy said, trying to pull herself up, but she couldnʹt move. ʺOn second thought, you may need to help me. Iʹm caught somehow.ʺ
Beth looked at Ivy as if she couldnʹt comprehend what she was seeing. ʺWhat is it?ʺ Ivy asked. Beth began to shake. ʺBern? Answer me.ʺ
But it was as if her friend couldnʹt hear or understand what she was saying.
ʺAnswer me! Beth, please!ʺ
Beth opened her mouth. She screamed and screamed.
ʺIf s okay, itʹs okay,ʺ Ivy told her, trying to calm her. But Beth started to sob.
ʺWeʹre going to be okay. Oh, angels, help. Tristan, help. Tristan, we need you,ʺ
Ivy called out.
At last she was free of the thing that restrained her. ʺAll right, now.ʺ She touched Beth, then pulled back, surprised. She couldnʹt feel Bethʹs shoulder. She reached out again and gazed in disbelief as her own hand passed through her friendʹs.
Then Ivy began to understand why Beth had screamed, why she was sobbing.
Free of her body, Ivy was light, as weightless as a moonbeam and floating steadily upward. Looking down, she saw her body in the mangled car, the airbag deployed, and the metal frame of the windshield bent inward. She saw her head against the crushed frame, blood darkening it.
The only pain Ivy felt was an intense yearning for those she loved. Below her, a night mist enveloped Beth and the twisted car. Along the narrow strip of road, another car raced away. The land and sea merged in darkness.
The longing to say good‐bye was all that tethered Ivy to the night below. She spoke the names of those she loved, asking the angels to watch over them: ʺPhilip, Mom, Andrew, Beth, Will, Suzanne..
Tristan. Tristan.ʺ
ʺMy love.ʺ
Ivy held still, suspended within a cathedral of starlight. The old world that turned beneath her grew still, as if time had stopped.
ʺTristan?ʺ
ʺMy love.ʺ
ʺTristan!ʺ Ivy closed her eyes, so that his voice would become stronger in her.
ʺCan I really hear you? Is it possible? Oh, Tristan, even in death, I want you near me.ʺ
ʺEven in death, my love.ʺ
ʺAlways, Tristan.ʺ
ʺAlways, Ivy.ʺ A gold shimmer enveloped her. ʺYou told me I had to move on,ʺ
Ivy said, half crying for the loss of him, half laughing with the joy of finding him.
ʺYou said I was meant to love someone else, but I couldnʹt.ʺ ʺNor could I.ʺ
ʺEvery day, every hour, I have held you close in my heart.ʺ
ʺAs I held you,ʺ he said. ʺDonʹt leave me, Tristan,ʺ she begged. ʺPlease donʹt leave again.ʺ She felt his warmth wrap around her. ʺI need you.ʺ
ʺIʹll always be with you, Ivy.ʺ
She felt his kiss on her lips. ʺDonʹt let go!ʺ
ʺI promise you, Ivy, Iʹll always be with you,ʺ he said again. His love reached into every part of her, his pure heat burning within her. Suddenly, she felt her heart beating — beating wildly, like a caged bird, against her ribs.
Five
ʺWHAT ELSE DO YOU REMEMBER?ʺ THE WOMAN police officer asked.
Ivy gazed out the window of the hospital room at the pale yellow clouds of early morning. ʺThatʹs it. The car — the vehicle,ʺ she corrected herself, since that was what they were calling it, ʺcame from the other direction straight at us. Braking wouldnʹt help. He was going too fast. I had to avoid him.ʺ
ʺHim?ʺ
ʺOr her. Or them. Head‐on like that, and in the dark, all I could see was the headlights.ʺ She remembered looking down on a vehicle and assuming it was a car — but the perspective of someone floating above her car and the road on which the accident occurred wouldnʹt make sense to the police. It barely made sense to Ivy — she knew rather than understood what had happened.
The moment Ivy had become conscious again, her spirit had felt extraordinarily light, while her body had seemed a heavy and clumsy thing to her. She had clung to the memory of being with Tristan, afraid it would slip through the grasp of her earthbound fingers.
ʺDo you remember anything about the sound of the vehicle?ʺ the police officer asked.
Jolted out of her thoughts, Ivy stared at the woman blankly until she repeated her question.
ʺNo,ʺ Ivy said. ʺBeth was screaming, telling me to watch out. Thatʹs all I remember hearing.ʺ
They had already gone over why she and Beth were driving on that road. Ivy knew that both of them had been given toxicology tests.
At that point, the nurse entered her room. Andyʹs genial face was the first Ivy remembered seeing after arriving at Cape Cod Hospital six hours ago. She couldnʹt recall anything about the ER, but had been told that Beth, Will, and Aunt Cindy had taken turns staying with her and sleeping on the waiting room sofas, and that her mother was on the way.
ʺIvyʹs had a tough night,ʺ he began. ʺIʹm done,ʺ the policewoman said, standing up. ʺIf more questions arise, Iʹll be in touch. Stay safe.ʺ Andy checked the record of Ivyʹs vitals signs on the roomʹs computer, and shook his head. ʺOur own miracle girl! I like starting the work week with a miracle.ʺ The nurse was tanned, sandy‐haired, in his early forties, Ivy guessed. The lines around his eyes crinkled when he smiled. ʺYour numbers are good. How are you feeling?ʺ ʺGreat.ʺ
ʺYou wouldnʹt fake it now, would you?ʺ ʺNo. Well. . maybe a little,ʺ she admitted. ʺIs this all I get for breakfast?ʺ
He lifted the lid and saw that the plate, like the tray, was empty. ʺI guess youʹre not faking it. You know, if word gets around, weʹre going to have religious pilgrim types flocking here, wanting to touch your head. I have no idea how that head wound stopped itself from bleeding, or how, given the EMS description of the amount of blood in your car, your hematocrit could be normal. But it is. The doctor said heʹs seen a case like yours before, but between you and meʺ—Andy lowered his voice—ʺthe guyʹs full of it.
He just doesnʹt like to admit that there are some things he and medicine havenʹt figured out.ʺ Like angels, Ivy thought. Had Tristan healed her? Had he saved her?
ʺYou have visitors. Mom and little brother first?ʺ the nurse asked.
ʺPlease.ʺ
Andy headed toward the door, then turned back to open a drawer next to Ivyʹs bed. He set an extra box of tissue on the table top. ʺYou might need this.ʺ
ʺOh, baby!ʺ her mother said, rushing in with Philip behind her.
Andy was right. A handful of tissues later, Ivy said, ʺIʹm g
lad you didnʹt wear your eyeliner, Mom.ʺ
ʺOr lipstick,ʺ Philip added. His eyes, green like Ivyʹs, were now rimmed with red. ʺOr her cheek stuff. She left it all home.ʺ
Maggie and her makeup kit were rarely parted. ʺIʹm sorry I upset you, Mom.ʺ
ʺShe even forgot her comb,ʺ Philip said. ʺThat’ s why her hair looks like that.ʺ
Maggie patted her head self‐consciously. ʺMy mind was all on you, baby. But donʹt worry, I did think to bring you something to wear while youʹre here.ʺ
Uh‐oh, thought Ivy.
ʺFortunately, the nightgown and robe I gave you last Christmas looked barely worn.ʺ
Mostly because they hadnʹt been. Ivyʹs friend Suzanne, who was in Europe for the summer, had suggested that Ivy wear the gown and robe combo to the senior prom — or a Halloween party. Of course, it was nothing compared to the bridesmaid dress that Ivyʹs mother had chosen for her when Maggie and Andrew were married. Scarlett OʹHara dropped in a bucket of glitter was what Ivy thought every time she looked at the wedding photos. But it made her smile, because among several informal photos stuffed in the back of the wedding album was a picture of Tristan, in waiterʹs garb, launching a tray of fresh vegetables over the bridal party.
ʺIvy, are you listening?ʺ her mother asked. ʺDo you want me to help you get this on?ʺ
ʺIʹll wear just the robe,ʺ Ivy replied. Like the gown, it was filmy pink and trimmed with lots of feathery stuff. ʺSee now? It puts color in your lace,ʺ her mother said.
Philip played with the feathers for a moment, then unzipped his backpack. ʺI brought you two things.ʺ
ʺA Yankees cap! Thanks.ʺ Ivy put it on. ʺThis is going to make me real popular with the doctors and nurses here among the Red Sox nation.ʺ
He held up his second gift, a coin, then dropped it in the palm of her hand. The gold piece, an inch in diameter, had an image of an angel with wings spread, stamped on each side. ʺIt came in the mail.ʺ
ʺPart of a solicitation for a religious charity,ʺ her mother explained.
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