ERIK
To knowing this is what matters, right here . . . ’cause lemme tell you, coming down these streets, thinking about how far the Blakes’ve come . . . even seeing that candle store / was . . .
BRIGID
It’s not a candle store, it’s a boutique that sells, like, one candle—
ERIK
. . . hey I’m just appreciating how, you see all these rich people walking around New York, God knows where their money comes from, but . . . end of the day, everything that anyone’s got . . . I don’t care how many candles you have . . . one day it goes . . . whatever gifts God’s given us, in the end, no matter who you are . . . everything you have goes.
Small beat.
DEIRDRE
Well that’s the positive way of looking at things.
Erik smiles.
ERIK
Sorry—I love my family . . . / that’s the short version, I’m glad we’re together.
AIMEE
BRIGID
We love you too . . .
Love you guys . . .
DEIRDRE
RICHARD
Here here, amen . . .
Cheers . . .
ERIK
And a special thanks to Richard for making this meal possible, since we know what a lousy cook Brigid is . . .
BRIGID
AIMEE
This is true . . .
Amen.
They all ad-lib “cheers” and toast.
RICHARD
Okay, five minutes and everything will be out and ready to go . . .
(Setting out more food)
Here’s some more munchies, here . . .
DEIRDRE
Yum . . . thank you . . .
They all settle in. Erik looks after Momo.
AIMEE
So how are you, Mom?
DEIRDRE
I’m good, I’m good . . . I was—did you get the text I sent about—Bridge, this girl who played basketball for Dunmore, she was bullied for being gay . . . her mom found her dead in her room on Tuesday . . .
BRIGID
AIMEE
Whoa . . .
Oh man . . .
DEIRDRE
. . . yeah, suicide with some kinda pills . . . it’s all over the news . . . I texted you, / I wasn’t sure if you got it?
AIMEE
This week was crazy . . . no, yeah I got it, I’m just behind with my messages . . .
Deirdre picks at the crudités platter.
BRIGID
You don’t have to text her every time a lesbian kills herself.
DEIRDRE
AIMEE
I don’t.
She doesn’t do that—I appreciate what / you’re meaning . . .
DEIRDRE
I get enough annoying forwards myself, so—I don’t wanna clog up your guys’s inbox—
AIMEE
You’re not, Mom. You’re good though?
DEIRDRE
I am, yeah . . . my bosses are—I’m an office manager, Rich, I’ve been with the same company since right outta high school . . .
ERIK
Whole place would fall apart without her—
DEIRDRE
. . . yeah, well my salary doesn’t reflect that, and these new kids they hired, I’m working for two more guys in their twenties, and just ’cause they have a special degree they’re making five times what I make, over forty years / I’ve been there, Rich . . .
RICHARD
BRIGID
Wow, forty years . . . ?
Well . . . hey . . . focus on the lake house, you’ll be able to unwind soon . . . you gotta take care of yourself.
ERIK
AIMEE
They’re lucky to have you . . .
Are you breaking ground this summer?
DEIRDRE
No . . .
RICHARD
I think it’s smart to wait for the sewers to be put in, the value of your property will skyrocket.
BRIGID
AIMEE
Thanks, Professor.
When are they gonna be installed?
DEIRDRE
[I don’t know . . . ] Erik . . . ?
ERIK
That’s up to the Department of Public Works, when the sewers get put in.
Small beat.
AIMEE
And how’s Aunt Mary?
DEIRDRE
She’s hanging in there, God love her . . . they got this contraption now to help load her into the pool but—Rich, this is their aunt who had both knees replaced, / I drive her to her physical therapy . . .
ERIK
(Indicating the crudités platter)
Pass the . . .
DEIRDRE
. . . and did I e-mail you that—Kay Hoban has ovarian cancer . . .
AIMEE
BRIGID
Oh man, how’s she doing?
She does? Yikes . . .
DEIRDRE
Yeah, I’ve been taking her to her treatments ’cause her and her brother, they don’t speak anymore, so . . . that’s a whole mess, but . . . she’s being tough, so . . .
(Takes a bite of food)
. . . what else . . . oh, Tuesdays I’m now—
BRIGID
Mom, you’re talking with your mouth full.
Beat.
DEIRDRE
. . . I, uh, started volunteering for—Father Quinn told me about, and don’t roll your eyes, Erik . . .
ERIK
I’m not saying a word.
DEIRDRE
. . . right in Scranton there’s a whole community of refugees from Bhutan . . .
Aimee stifles laughter.
DEIRDRE
What? / It’s not funny . . .
BRIGID
Let me guess, Saint Deirdre is coming to their rescue?—
ERIK
(Smiling)
You have / no idea . . .
DEIRDRE
Be quiet—you have no idea—these people have nothing . . . they’re all just looking to learn English, to find work—we think we’ve got nothing, but man . . .
RICHARD
That’s great you’re volunteering . . .
DEIRDRE
Thanks, Rich.
BRIGID
And how are you, Mom. Aimee didn’t ask how the Republic of Bhutan was doing—
ERIK
DEIRDRE
Hey, hey . . .
I’m good, smart-ass, I said that already . . . Now why don’t you open your gift . . .
BRIGID
AIMEE
Mom, I was just teasing . . .
(Getting up, registering a cramp)
Hey guys—no one be alarmed if I’m up and down these stairs a million times to use the . . . facilities . . . so . . .
DEIRDRE
Godspeed . . .
You want me to go with you?
Aimee shakes her head no as she goes up the stairs.
Brigid opens her gift, it’s a small shiny pink pig.
BRIGID
. . . ah, it’s a peppermint pig! Rich, check it out . . .
AIMEE
DEIRDRE
Amazing . . .
Hey, holler if we can do anything, okay?
AIMEE
(Going up the stairs)
I will, don’t smash that pig without me . . .
ERIK
DEIRDRE
We won’t . . .
Poor baby . . .
BRIGID
And what is this other . . .
(Opening the other wrapped object)
. . . ah, a Virgin Mary statue—
BRIGID
DEIRDRE
—complete with a serpent under her foot . . .
Okay, before you tease me, I know you guys don’t believe, but she’s appearing everywhere now not just in Fatima but in West Virginia and—just keep it for my sake, in the kitchen or even if you just put it in a drawer somewhere, okay?
BRIGID
Mom, I will abs
olutely keep this in a drawer somewhere, / thank you.
DEIRDRE
Yeah, well . . . I feel better knowing you have it.
Small beat.
RICHARD
I thought maybe Brigid was making the pig-smash up, but—
ERIK
Oh no, it’s real . . .
RICHARD
BRIGID
Can’t wait to see how it works . . .
It’s not Thanksgiving without it . . .
(Hugging Deirdre)
. . . thank you.
DEIRDRE
You’re welcome.
MOMO
(Quietly, tapering to silence)
. . . why’m I hereson. Go warson herror truh. / Do the glassor comes blag . . . sezzor black . . . why’m I hereson. Go warson herror truh. Do the glassor comes blag . . . sezzor black . . . . . . why’m I hereson. Go warson herror truh. Do the glassor comes blag . . . sezzor black . . .
DEIRDRE
(Massaging her hand)
You wanna go for a ride, Mom? Let’s go for a ride . . .
UPSTAIRS: Aimee nurses a cramp before she proceeds to the bathroom.
DOWNSTAIRS: Deirdre wheels Momo around the apartment.
ERIK
(To Brigid and Richard, referring to Momo)
She had a good day yesterday, you know? It’s hard to predict now how she’s gonna be . . . this is definitely her last big trip . . .
BRIGID
How are you doing? Is that why you aren’t sleeping?—
ERIK
RICHARD
I’ll sleep tonight—
Oh yeah, sorry Erik, we got sidetracked before—you were talking about your dream?
DEIRDRE
Oh, so you’ll tell him details / about your dream—but you won’t tell me?
RICHARD
ERIK
He didn’t tell me details . . .
No—guys, I don’t even remember it, there’s nothing to tell . . .
BRIGID
DEIRDRE
Well, now I don’t believe you . . .
I saw the way you woke up, don’t tell me you can’t remember something—
RICHARD
ERIK
(Defending Erik)
(Smiling, to Brigid)
Hey, no I forget mine if
[Man, you’re a piece of work.]
I don’t write them down in the morning . . .
ERIK
See? . . . there you go . . .
DEIRDRE
Well whatever it was, couldn’t a been scarier than the—
(Laughing)
—I made him watch this—what was it called, Erik? . . . / the movie . . . ?
ERIK
What?
DEIRDRE
. . . the Lifetime movie about the housewife who got AIDS, / guys—it was so cheesy but really terrifying . . .
BRIGID
ERIK
Mom, you’re steamrolling
She made me watch that . . .
the—
(To Brigid)
Worst two hours of my life . . .
DEIRDRE
You loved it.
RICHARD
What was scary about it?
DEIRDRE
This housewife cheats on her husband, right?—and he comes home from work and asks her how her day was and—I mean what can she say? “Today I cheated on you and contracted the HIV-virus, honey, how was your day?” . . . can you imagine?
BRIGID
You’re trying to be a comedian . . . / no more wine for you—
RICHARD
No, she’s fine—be nicer to your mom, babe.
DEIRDRE
Thanks, Rich.
Brigid goes to the kitchen, frustrated. Richard follows her. We can glimpse them having a controlled-but-heated conversation. Erik raises his eyebrows, tries to make light of this.
DEIRDRE
Anything I say makes her [annoyed] . . .
ERIK
Yeah? Well who does she remind you of?
DEIRDRE
You.
ERIK
DEIRDRE
Me? She’s all you, my friend . . .
You, yeah you, my friend . . .
They smile at this disagreement.
DEIRDRE
Don’t wait until after dinner.
Erik drinks his beer, thinks.
DEIRDRE
(Getting up)
Your call, Big Guy . . .
Deirdre heads for the stairs. Brigid returns from the kitchen alley.
BRIGID
Where’re you going?
DEIRDRE
Gonna check on Aimee—
BRIGID
I’ll do it, stay down . . . stay down . . .
ERIK
Are her shakes in the fridge?
BRIGID
Yeah—Rich’ll get it, sit down. Rich can you bring out an Ensure shake? The straws are in the bag.
RICHARD
No problem.
ERIK
Thanks.
Brigid goes upstairs. Richard returns with an Ensure shake. Erik opens it, prepares the drink for Momo under the following. A bit awkward with just Erik, Deirdre and Richard.
DEIRDRE
So how’s school, what is it a, a master’s in social work you’ll get?
RICHARD
Yeah, I have one more year . . .
ERIK
You like your classes?
RICHARD
I do, yeah, very much . . .
UPSTAIRS: Brigid knocks on the bathroom door.
BRIGID
You need anything?
AIMEE
(Offstage)
An air freshener . . . ? Matches?
BRIGID
Just stink the place up. We’ll deal.
AIMEE
MOMO
(Offstage)
(Barely audible)
I’ll be out in a few.
I’m I here’m I. / why’m
I heresuh blag sezzor why’m
I sezzor . . .
ERIK
You’re here ’cause it’s Thanksgiving, Mom, that’s why you’re here, Brigid invited us . . .
DOWNSTAIRS: Richard continues dinner preparations during the following conversation.
RICHARD
Brigid said you guys went on a cruise last summer?
DEIRDRE
Yeah, we’ve gone on four of ’em now, to Halifax and Mexico . . . you ever been on one?
UPSTAIRS: Brigid pauses at the top of the staircase to listen . . .
RICHARD
Uh, not on one of those big ships, but . . . I sailed with my family growing up.
ERIK
We try to get the girls to come but they think it’s pretty lame, you know?
DEIRDRE
Yeah, we know it’s cheesy but we like it ’cause they take care of everything, you feel taken care of . . .
RICHARD
Yeah, I get that. Are you able to avoid all of the touristy stuff when you dock? / Or do you—
DEIRDRE
All of the . . . well, they let you off in good spots usually / . . . where there’s a lot to do . . . ?
RICHARD
Oh, cool . . .
DEIRDRE
. . . yeah . . .
(Small beat)
. . . the spots are pretty good usually . . . where they leave you off at.
UPSTAIRS: Brigid is still listening to this conversation. It makes her sad.
RICHARD
Cool, cool . . . I tend to be more of a . . . I like to wander off the beaten path . . .
DEIRDRE
No, I hear you . . . Brigid’s the same way . . .
RICHARD
Can I [pour you more wine] . . . ?
DEIRDRE
Thanks . . .
(Beat)
There’s usually decent entertainment options on the ship, lotta the singers have professional credits. Lotta stuff going on all at once . . .
RICHARD
ERIK
Sounds awesome.
Yeah, yeah, so at night she can go see a show and I can go, you know, go do / something else . . .
DEIRDRE
Gamble. You gamble.
ERIK
Or whatever else I feel / like doing . . .
DEIRDRE
Well c’mon, don’t act like you play shuffleboard on the lido deck.
UPSTAIRS: Brigid finally heads downstairs. Erik passes her, going upstairs.
ERIK
(To Brigid, ascending the stairs)
Just gonna check the score of the game . . .
UPSTAIRS:
DOWNSTAIRS:
Erik climbs the stairs, struggles for reception by the window.
DEIRDRE
(Pushing her Ensure shake closer)
He sees some falling ashes.
Mom, you’re not hungry? Just
It looks like light flurries.
finish drinking your—
Perhaps the smallest suggestion of a moving shadow in the alley.
Momo overturns her Ensure shake, splattering it everywhere. She mumbles under the following:
Erik’s a bit unsettled by what he sees, he steps away from the window, takes a few calming deep breaths . . .
MOMO
Sorn it all / . . . sorn it all sezzor dollen black? Homeran sinitz inner therell . . . sornitz says . . . it allinners . . . sorn it allinners . . . sorn it all . . . sorn it all . . . sorn it all . . .
DEIRDRE
Oh man . . . I got it, you’re all right, Mom . . .
(Calling up)
Erik . . .
BRIGID
Mom, let him go, I got it—we have loads of paper towels . . .
RICHARD
Where are they?
BRIGID
They’re in the shopping bag upstairs, Rich can you—I got it, Mom . . .
MOMO
(Tapering to calm and quiet)
. . . its allinners . . . sinnin . . . sahn . . . airywheres . . . itsen . . . senna . . . sahn . . .
The Humans Page 4