by Nancy Adams
“Mom, that's who,” Kylie replied. She was still snickering, but was getting control of it slowly. “And the worst part was that I spilled the syrup right across her upper lip, so it kind of looked like a maple mustache. I think that's what made mom so flustered, because it kind of looked like I did it on purpose, even though I didn't.”
The two of them chuckled about it for a few more moments, and then reminisced about other childhood and adolescent memories. They sat together for a while, even after they had finished eating, and then worked together to clean up the mess.
“So,” Kylie asked when they finished, “what do you want to do today? I mean, it's Monday, and there isn't a whole lot to do. You said Rob wasn't going to open this morning, right?”
“Yeah, he said he's going to be working on the funeral arrangements,” Katie said. “I told him I wish there were some way I could be helpful. I just don't know what it would be.”
Kylie shrugged. “Yeah, I understand. It's going to seem kind of weird, not taking you to your appointment today. It's kind of like eating breakfast—physical therapy is just part of our normal daily routine now.”
Katie nodded, and then got up and started clearing the table. She stacked dishes on the little seat on her walker, and then pushed it over to the sink so she could rinse them off before putting them in the dishwasher.
“So,” Katie Lou said, glancing over her shoulder at her sister, “who's the new guy?”
Kylie turned pink. “You'll laugh,” she said. “Remember Pete Jackson—he used to come hang out at the garage when his dad worked for our dad? Well, I saw him at church yesterday morning and he asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner and a movie.”
Katie turned to look at Kylie, her eyes wide. “Greasy Pete? Isn't he a little too old for you?”
“Katie, stop it!” Kylie said. “He's not that much older than me, he's only twenty-seven.”
Katie nodded, grinning. “And you're what, twenty? Just be careful, okay? I don't want my baby sister getting hurt.”
Kylie grinned back. “Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. And besides, he’s not nearly as greasy as he used to be. He actually cleans up pretty nice, if you want to know the truth. He took me to the new Italian place for dinner, and we went to see the new science fiction movie over at the triplex. It was pretty good.”
Katie made it back to the table and sat down. “Okay, well, I guess you're a big girl, now. Just don't be afraid to say no. Sometimes you have to say it pretty emphatically, so you ought to practice. Just make the meanest face you can, and say, 'No! No!' Do that about a hundred times in the mirror, and you'll probably get it down perfect.”
Kylie laughed and threw a napkin at Katie Lou. “Trust me, I know how to say that word. I've got lots of practice already.” She stuck out her tongue at her sister and then smiled. “So, what do you want to do today?”
“Well, I was thinking about going to look at some office furniture,” Katie said. “You're welcome to come along, if you want to.”
“I probably should, you've got the taste of a troll. At least if I'm there, you might not end up with a desk that looks like a school bus.”
Both of the girls were smiling, and Katie realized that it felt good. Sometimes, a sense of humor was one of the best ways to deal with stress and sadness. “Okay, fine, you can be my office decorator. I'll even admit that you usually have better color choices than I do, but if you tell anyone I said that, I'll kill you in your sleep.”
The two girls went to their rooms to check their hair and faces, and then met back in the kitchen a moment later. “My car,” Katie Lou said. “I'm trying to look professional.”
“Hey, there's nothing wrong with my Riviera,” Kylie shot back. “There are an awful lot of professionals who drive classic cars, I just want you to know that. There's no shame in being seen in a classic Buick.”
Katie smiled at her, all innocence. “I didn't say there was anything wrong with it,” she said sweetly. “I'd just prefer not to be seen in a car that was already classed as an antique before I was even born.”
“Whatever,” Kylie said as she followed her sister out the door, pulling it shut behind them. “So where are we going?”
“Well, there's an Office Depot in Maxwell, and that's where the office is, so I guess it would make sense to shop there, first.”
Kylie rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah, sure, and I'm certain that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you might want to be close to Rob if he were to give you a call. Right?”
“Get in the car, Kylie.”
* * * * *
Rob woke up and went to the kitchen, but that took him past the door to Linda's room, and he found himself sitting on her bed a moment later. His eyes roamed around the room, taking in her doll collection and the many games and coloring books that filled her bookshelves. A casual observer would have recognized it as a child's room, despite the large clothing that hung in the closet or rested in the drawers of the dresser.
Crayon drawings decorated the walls, and most of them showed a man and two little girls. One of the girls always had red hair, which meant that she was Anna, while the one with brown hair must have been Linda. The man had brown hair, as well, and was taller than the girls, and Rob knew that it represented him. Linda had done as children often do, drawing the scene that signified home, love and security to her.
She had drawn her family. How ironic it was that she didn't even know what their true relationship was. The man who took care of them, the man she saw as her father figure, was in reality her own son, and her red-haired “sibling” was her daughter.
They had tried, more than once, to explain it all to her, but she never was able to grasp it. Rob was saddened by that fact, forced to realize that she would never know the truth, but even sadder was the knowledge that the sweet child she had become was now also gone, and this time, forever. Linda had no longer been their mother, but she had been one of the brightest and most beautiful parts of their lives, and now that light had been put out.
“You just gonna sit there all day?” Anna asked, from the doorway. Rob turned to look at his sister.
“No,” he said. “I was on the way to the kitchen to make some coffee, but I couldn't get past this room.” He shook his head. “I just can't believe she's gone.”
Anna came in and sat down on the bed beside him. “Rob, I tried,” she said. She fought back a sob, but it still came out as a sniffle. “When I realized she wasn't breathing, I started CPR right then, but nothing—I couldn't get any kind of response. The paramedics tried, too, but even when they shocked her heart they couldn't keep it going.” She gave up fighting, and the tears began to roll down her cheeks again. “It was almost like she just gave up, like maybe she just got tired and wanted to quit. Do you think that's possible?”
Rob shook his head. “She wouldn't have done that to us, not voluntarily,” he said. “No, I'd have to just say that God said it was time, and that was that. For whatever reason, after Mom was gone, He gave us Linda, but it was only for a while.”
Anna sniffled hard, and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but they kept falling. “Then God is cruel,” she said. “Linda was the sweetest thing, and it just isn't right that she had to die like that. What did she ever do that was wrong?”
Rob put an arm around her and pulled her close, and she laid her head on his shoulder. “She didn't do anything wrong, and God didn't take her as a punishment. Anna, having Linda in our lives the way we have since the accident, that has shaped a lot of who we are, both of us. I believe that God gave her to us for a reason, to help us become the people He wants us to be. I think maybe He just decided that her work here was done, and so He took her home to be with Him.”
They sat there together in silence for several minutes, but then Anna looked up at her brother. “Bubba, do you—do you think, up there in heaven, do you think she remembers who we are, now?”
Rob smiled. “You know, after the accident, I used to wonder if Linda was reall
y Mom at all, or if she was a whole different soul that God put into our mother's body. I mean, sometimes it seemed like Linda couldn't possibly be the same person, but maybe that was just because I never knew Mom when she was a little girl. The thing is, there were times, every now and then, when she would seem like Mom for just a second. It only happened once in a while, but there were little signs that Mom was really in there.”
Anna nodded her head, and smiled softly. “Yeah, I remember once, when she and I were playing a game, and I didn't really want to play. I tried to quit, but she looked at me and said, 'Anna Marie, that is no way to treat your sister,' and I just about fell off my chair. I mean, I barely remember Mom at all, but for that split-second, the voice that came out of her was the one I remember Mom using when she scolded me.” She leaned her head back onto Rob's shoulder. “Mom was in there, I know she was. I think maybe she just couldn't always connect with the outside world. When she said that to me, I think that was the Mom part forcing its way out in order to protect the Linda part. Does that make any sense at all?”
Rob managed a chuckle. “Yeah, it does. I think it makes a lot of sense.” He sat there for a few moments with his arm around her, then sat up straighter. “I still need that coffee,” he said. “You want some?”
Anna nodded against his shoulder. “Yeah, I do, but let's go somewhere and get coffee and breakfast. I just don't really want to be here right now.”
Rob looked around the room one more time. “Okay, that sounds good. Give me a few minutes to go get dressed, and I'll be ready to go.”
Anna got up and went toward her own room, which was next to Linda's, while Rob went to the room at the front of the house that he had always used, even back when he was in a wheelchair. He didn't have a reason to avoid going upstairs anymore, where the master bedroom was located, but he had been so comfortable in the room that he had just wanted to keep it.
Ten minutes later, he had pulled on a pair of jeans and a comfortable polo shirt, then stepped into his shoes and went out to the living room. Anna appeared only a minute later, and Rob opened the door. There was a split second of awkwardness, as each of them turned back to look for Linda, but they both smiled sadly as they realized what they were doing. Anna went on through the door, and Rob followed her and pulled it shut behind him.
Their favorite restaurant was a little place not far from the clinic, so Rob drove past to make sure the sign he had posted the day before was still clearly visible, explaining that there'd been a death in the family and so they would be closed for a few days. Anna had also logged into the clinic's computer from home and sent emails out to all of the patients who had appointments coming up over the next few days, explaining that they would have to be rescheduled. The few responses she had gotten so far expressed condolences, and were very polite.
Rob parked the car, and they walked in together. Miranda, their favorite waitress, looked up and saw them, and came quickly over to put her arms first around Anna, and then around Rob.
“Guys,” she said, “I just heard what happened. I want you to know I'm so sorry. Linda was always such a sweetheart when you brought her in; we're going to miss her around here.”
“Thanks, Miranda,” Rob said, and Anna echoed him. “We just didn't feel like making breakfast at home, this morning, so we thought we'd come on down.”
“Sure thing,” Miranda said, and led them to a table that was off by itself. “Coffee?”
Rob and Anna both answered with a yes, so Miranda hurried way to fetch their cups while they picked up the menus and thought about what to have for breakfast. The coffee appeared only a moment later, and they busied themselves adding sugar and stirring, while telling Miranda what they wanted. Rob went for eggs and bacon and toast, but Anna indulged her sweet tooth with a Belgian waffle.
“How long is it gonna take,” Anna asked, “before I stop looking around and expecting to see her? I mean, I know she's gone, but I keep looking around for her.”
Rob reached across the table and patted her hand. “I know,” he said. “I'm doing it, too. I don't know how long we'll keep it up, but you got to remember that she's been a part of our lives pretty much forever. It's gonna take a little time before we accept that she's really gone.”
Anna leaned against the table, cupping her elbows in her hands. “It just isn't fair, Rob,” she said. “It just isn't fair. Linda never hurt anyone; she should have had a long, happy life.”
“It's like I said, this isn't about fairness. It's not about what she might have done wrong, it's just that it was her time to go. I think once God says it's time, that's pretty much it.”
Anna started to say something, but her eyes suddenly darted to the right, toward the entrance, and a sad smile spread across her face. “I think you got company,” she said.
Rob turned and looked over his shoulder, and then his own smile began to spread. He was on his feet in a moment, as a pretty blonde woman came toward them. He spread his arms out, and she moved more quickly to step into his hug.
“Julie,” he said. “It's good to see you.”
6
Julie had lived with Rob and Anna's Aunt Kay when Rob had gotten out of the hospital after the accident, hired to help take care of Linda, but also to help with Rob and his disabilities. She had been only a few years older than he, and they had felt a mutual attraction that actually led to an affair in Rob's later teens. They'd always kept that a secret, but not long before Aunt Kay had passed away, she confessed that she had known.
Julie had moved on after that, though, and had married a man named Jerry. They’d had a total of three children, and eventually moved up to Kansas City. She had kept in touch with Aunt Kay until she died, and Rob had emailed her the night before about Linda's death.
“I got your email last night,” Julie said, “and I just wanted to come and see if I could be of any help. I remember when Mom died, and Dad and I needed a lot of help during that time. I was just about to pull up at your house when I saw you drive away, so I followed you here. I'd've gotten here sooner, but I got stuck at the light across the road for a while.”
Rob pulled out a chair for her at their table, and invited her to sit. She took the seat, and leaned over to give Anna a hug, as well.
“I'm surprised Jerry let you come all the way down here,” Rob said. “The last I heard, he didn't like you getting out of his sight.”
Julie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, that's why we got a divorce a year and a half ago. He's got the kids right now, and I gather they're spending the next two weeks getting to know their new stepmother. Imagine my surprise when, a month after our divorce is final, he suddenly started dating his secretary. Go figure.”
Rob's eyes went wide. “Holy cow,” he said, “I never knew. If you told us about that, it went right over my head.”
Julie patted his hand, and shook her head. “Don't worry about it, I don't think I ever told you. I was in kind of a dark place around that time, and I didn't want people I cared about to see the way I was acting. But we're not here to talk about me, we're here to talk about how I can help you through this time. What can I do?”
Rob's shoulders slumped. “I'm not gonna lie,” he said, “I can use all the help I can get right now. This was such a shock; we just weren't expecting anything like this to happen. She was doing great, just being her normal self—even her latest physical came back perfect.”
“We were watching Disney movies,” Anna said. “She was acting normal, just like always, so I got up and went to the kitchen to get us something to drink. I was only gone like a minute or two, but when I came back she looked like she'd fallen asleep. I tried to wake her up, but I couldn't.”
Anna began to cry again, and Rob reached across to hold her hand once more. “I don't know what to think,” he said. “The doctors said it was an undiagnosed arrhythmia, that she had some kind of sudden heart attack. The only good thing is that it probably happened so fast that she didn't even know it.”
Miranda came over to ask what
Julie would like to drink, and she ordered a coffee, then said she'd just take a waffle, like Anna. She turned back to Rob and reached out to caress his shoulder.
“It's hard to try to figure out which is easier on the family,” she said. “Sometimes, you know that someone you love has a health problem, so you know in advance that it's coming. I wonder if that would make it any easier to deal with? With my mom, she died in an accident at a nursing home, because one of the nurse's aides left her alone in the bathtub for a couple of minutes. By the time they found her, it was too late.” She shrugged. “Of course, by then, we weren't taking care of her at home anymore, but it was still a shock. We’d been going in to visit her pretty regularly, me and my dad, so nobody expected it, but it wasn't like this. She was senile, and didn't even know who we were most of the time, so we had already started saying our goodbyes.”
Rob shook his head. “I know it still hurt you; I remember you telling me about it years ago.” He looked up at her and grinned. “You know Linda never forgot you, right? She had a terrible memory, couldn't remember a lot of things that we take for granted, but she had about a dozen dolls who were all named Julie.” He laughed softly. “For almost six months after you left, she kept asking when you were coming back.”
“I should have come to see her,” Julie said. “Jerry was kind of a whirlwind romance, he swept me right off my feet. I didn't mean to run out on you, not any of you, it just happened.”
“Well, you did come around sometimes. Linda just couldn't figure out why you weren't living with us anymore. Then you were pregnant, and we hardly ever saw you after that, except for special events.”
Julie smiled. “Your graduation? I was there, with Jerry and the kids.” She leaned close to him and winked conspiratorially. “Do you know, he and I had a huge fight after that. He thought I was looking at you 'too affectionately,' and got all pissed off about it. That's why we didn't come around a lot after that, and probably has a lot to do with why he took the transfer to Kansas City.”