by Nancy Adams
“And you'll get it,” Darren said. “I swear to you, you'll get it.”
2
Katie Lou got home late that night, and had to admit to herself that her left leg felt like she had put it through a serious military obstacle course. By the time she managed to get into her bedroom, it was actually throbbing. She hadn't used her walker in a couple of days, and while it felt good to be free of it, her left leg was still not all the way up to par. Sometimes it hurt pretty badly, and this was one of those times.
The house was quiet, so she moved as softly as she could into her room, skipped the shower because she didn't want to wake anyone, and just slid into bed in panties and a shirt. She thought she'd be out like a light, but she found herself going over the entire evening again in her memories.
It had felt nice, she admitted to herself, being with Darren again. She had so many wonderful memories of their time together that even the horrible circumstances surrounding their breakup couldn't destroy all of the pleasure she had known. Being with him again that night for dinner, it was almost like all of the last few weeks had never happened.
What if they hadn't happened? She asked herself what life might have been like, if it hadn't been for the accident that had nearly killed her.
Well, she would probably be getting married, shortly, at least officially. She and Darren had discussed the possibility of a small, private ceremony with just their parents present, and a larger, public one to be held later. That was because he was expected to start work in St. Louis before their planned wedding date, and she didn't want him to be that far away for that last few months. If they went ahead and got married quietly, then she could be with him as their new lives began, and still include all of the family and friends in the official wedding.
She also would never have met Rob Christopher, so that quiet voice in the back of her mind that was telling her to ignore Darren wouldn't even exist. She wasn't sure if it was her own subconscious desires, or something down deep inside that honestly knew what was best for her, but if she was going to give Darren at least the benefit of the doubt, she had to ignore that voice.
She drifted off to sleep while trying to think about other things that might have been different if the accident had never happened, and woke to see the sun shining in through her bedroom window. That surprised her, because she rarely got to sleep in, lately. She got up and got dressed, noticing that her leg was feeling quite a bit better, then made her way down to the kitchen.
Kylie was sitting at the table, on the phone and talking animatedly to someone. Katie Lou smiled at her, sure that it must only be Pete that could get her into such a good mood that early in the morning. Pete was Kylie's latest boyfriend, or at least that was how it appeared. They had known him for years, ever since he was a teenage apprentice in their father's automotive shop. Back then, they had both called him “Greasy Pete,” a nickname that had spread throughout school and stuck with him all the way to college. Katie thought it surprising that he and Kylie would have hit it off the way they had.
Of course, that reminded her that many people had been surprised when she and Darren had ended up dating, and even more so when he proposed and she accepted. The Allsips were probably as close to high-society folks as you are likely to find around Ralston, while the Brennan family was about as down-home as you could get. Katie's mother, Judy, often joked that they were related to the Beverly Hillbillies on her mother's side.
“Okay, well listen, Katie Lou just came in, so I gotta go,” Kylie said into the phone, as her sister poured herself a cup of coffee. “I'll call you later, okay? Okay, bye-bye!” She hung up and set the phone down on the table, then looked at Katie Lou. “You were out pretty late last night,” she said. “I know you tried to be quiet when you came in, but I was still awake. Let me guess, you were out with Darren?”
Katie's eyebrows went up. “How did you know? I didn't tell anyone.”
“No, you didn't, but Darren told Dave, and he told Pete, and you can guess who told me. Katie Lou, are you nuts? You almost lost Rob over this mess with Julie, are you really stupid enough to risk it over Darren?”
“Hey, back off. It's like I told Rob, I can't help it if there are still some old feelings there, but I want to be certain of what I'm doing before I just walk away from him forever. You weren't there last night—I'm convinced he really is sorry for what happened. And while yes, it still sucks, Darren is human, too. People make mistakes; we all do. Maybe we shouldn't throw away two years of loving each other over one screw-up.”
Kylie rolled her eyes. “A screw-up is what happens when a guy lets an old girlfriend get too close, like happened with Rob. Throwing you through a windshield and then abandoning you when you end up crippled, that's not a screw-up, that's a betrayal. Katie Lou, look at yourself. A week ago, you couldn't even stand to hear Darren's name. Maybe you need to really think about why you're doing this.”
“Do you think I haven't thought about it? Maybe you should think about the fact that this is my feelings we're talking about, not yours. What makes you think you have any right to judge? Oh, let's see, I guess it's because you have so much experience with romance, right?”
“Oh, come on Katie, I'm not…”
“Yes, you are! You're sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong, just like you always do! Don't you think Darren and I have both suffered enough over this? Maybe this is just a test of how much we really love each other; maybe we had to go through this to make our relationship stronger.”
“Maybe so,” Kylie said, “but then where does that leave Rob? Do you think he deserves to have his heart broken over this? It seems to me, if this was some kind of test of your love, then maybe both of you would have been drawn to someone else. If you go back to Darren, you're sacrificing whatever you might've had with Rob; what is Darren sacrificing? The only thing he's giving up is his guilt over what he did to you.”
There it was again, that little voice in the back of Katie Lou's mind that was throwing the same arguments at her that her sister was voicing. That last one was a good point, it was telling her. Just what exactly was Darren sacrificing in this?
“Darren is giving up his entire political career,” Katie Lou heard herself say. “He already quit the firm in St. Louis, which put an end to any hope of their backing. Without that, it would take him years to build enough of a reputation that he could consider going into politics again. And I already told him, I'm not leaving this area. I told him about setting up my own practice, and he says that's fine with him. If we get back together, he'll accept that we're staying here.”
Kylie seemed slightly taken aback. “Well, at least that shows he's put some effort into this. He really quit?”
Katie nodded. “Yes, he did. I gather he didn't even last very long, and he says it's because he just couldn't live without me.”
Kylie sat at the table and looked into her sister's eyes for a long moment, then lowered her gaze. “Well, then, maybe he's at least sincere. That still doesn't mean you should go running back, though, I still think you and Rob are made for each other.”
“Okay, look, there's a part of me that thinks so, too, but I'm at the point that I need to know for sure. I can't just go off half cocked, in either direction.” She shook her head. “With Darren, at least I know we were headed for something permanent, for marriage and children. Rob and I never got to that point; I've only known him a few weeks. Just because the attraction is there and strong, that doesn't mean that the relationship would really work. These are all things you have to take into consideration, when you're thinking about spending your life with someone.”
The two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes, as if each of them was trying to think of what to say next. Kylie finally broke it.
“Katie, I'm really not trying to tell you what to do,” she said. “It's just in these last few weeks, I've seen you hurt so many times and so badly that I don't want to see you get hurt again. There's something about Darren that's just not right, or no
ne of this would've happened at all. I don't mean the accident; that may have been just bad luck, but everything after that—the way he treated you, dumping you like that—a man who really loved you would never have let that happen at all. Can't you understand that?”
Katie Lou chewed on her lip before she answered. “I understand what you're saying,” she said. “The thing is, people make mistakes. If there's one thing you learn when you study psychology, it's that there are so many different types of motivating factors in every decision we make that it's essentially impossible to predict what people will do. It's quite possible that, somewhere in the back of his mind, Darren may have thought he was doing right by me when he called off the engagement. Let's face it, if we had gone on and gotten married, and I had ended up stuck in a wheelchair from now on, it would have taken an awful lot of his time just to deal with me and my needs. His backers were worried that he would get a sympathy vote that would hurt him in later elections, but I can't help wondering if dealing with my problems might have completely derailed his career, anyway. How do you think I would've felt about that? I think there was a part of me that was relieved when he called it off, because I would never have to feel guilty about my handicaps keeping him from success in what he wanted to do.”
“Well, that's a beautiful speech,” Kylie said, “and I can see how easy it is to make excuses for the things we do. Maybe you would have felt guilty about it, or maybe you would have just been thrilled that your husband loved you that much. He didn't give you that chance, though, did he?” She stood up from the table and started out of the room. “I've got to get dressed,” she said. “I've decided not to go back to college this fall, so it's time for me to go find a job.”
“On Saturday?” Katie Lou asked.
“Walmart is hiring,” she said, “and several other places. If nothing else, I can pick up applications. I'll see you later this afternoon.”
Katie watched her swish her way down the hall, then sat there with her coffee and thought about the whole conversation. She could understand why Kylie was being so protective, because if the shoe was on the other foot, she would be just as bad. The problem with that is that you have to remember whose life it is, and whose choice.
Of course, Kylie had hit one of the many nails right on the head. Katie Lou really did care for Rob Christopher, and didn't want to see his heart broken, but she felt it necessary to be honest with herself in this situation, regardless of the consequences. If she came to the conclusion that she and Darren truly did have a chance, and that she wanted that chance for herself, she knew she would have to steel herself to the guilt and recriminations she would feel over hurting Rob.
She put her head in her hands, and sat at the table just trying to sort out what she really felt. Unfortunately, she was so confused that there was no way to reach any conclusion. On the one hand, she had a history with Darren that was filled with wonderful memories; on the other, she had been so taken by young Doctor Christopher that she almost felt as though she were in a Disney movie, with him as a handsome prince and herself as the lucky girl who caught his attention.
Darren was willing to throw away everything he had planned on in his career, if it meant another chance with her. That had to mean something, didn't it? Didn't that speak to how much he truly loved her?
Rob, alternatively, had essentially offered to share his career with her, suggesting that they team up. By combining her counseling practice with his physical therapy practice, he seemed to believe that they would both benefit. Wasn't that just as big a commitment, even if somewhat different?
Oh, it was so confusing. She got up and went back to her room, trying to think of something to do for the rest of the day.
Over in Maxwell, Anna Christopher was trying to get her brother out of his own doldrums.
“Let's go out to breakfast,” she said. “It's a beautiful day, let's go do something.”
Rob was sitting at their kitchen table in his pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. “I don't really feel like it,” he said, “at least, not right at the moment. Maybe later.”
“Oooh! Come on, Rob, snap out of this. Katie Lou will come back to you, you know she will. Don't let it get you down like this.”
“It's not just about Katie Lou, Red,” Rob said. “It's everything over the last week, with Linda dying, and all this mess with Julie—I'm just not sure how much more I can take, that's all. I'm starting to feel like I'm overwhelmed, like I don't even have control over my own life.”
His sister sat there and looked at him for a moment, then smiled. “You know something I learned from taking care of Linda? I learned that none of us have control over our own lives, because in a split second, something can happen that you can't avoid, and you can't predict, that turns your entire world upside down. I don't remember a lot about Linda when she was Mom, but I remember enough to know that she was good at it and was always ready to do whatever it took to take care of us. I can't help but think that she would've done anything to come back to us if she possibly could, but that was taken away.” She reached out and put a hand on her brother's shoulder. “Rob, yesterday is over and done with. Tomorrow hasn't happened yet, so all we've got is today. Don't beat yourself to death thinking about what might happen; just take one day at a time, and deal with the things that do happen.”
Rob grinned at her. “That's some pretty profound stuff, coming out of you. You been hanging out with Katie Lou, lately? That's more down her alley than yours.”
The look Anna gave him almost passed for genuine anger, but the twinkle in her eye proved that it wasn't quite real. “What? You think I don't have a brain inside this head? Just because the hair is red doesn't mean the brain is dead, okay, got that?” She playfully smacked him on his arm, then got up to pour herself another cup of coffee. “You want another cup?”
Rob picked up the cup in front of him and finished the last of his coffee, then shook his head. “No, thanks,” he said. “I think I'm just going to take the day off and relax. I'm hoping Katie Lou will call, later, but I don't want to put any pressure on her. Maybe it's a good day to catch up on some old movies.”
Anna sat down at the table again. “Okay, now you're starting to make some sense. That sounds like a great way to spend a lazy Saturday.”
3
James Allsip was waiting when his son walked into his study. He wasn't happy about the confrontation that was about to take place, but felt it was a necessity. The boy was throwing away one of the greatest opportunities that would ever come his direction, and James couldn't sit by and let it happen without trying to reason with him.
“Darren,” he said, nodding.
Darren nodded back. “Hello, Dad. Mom said you wanted to talk to me?”
James inclined his head, and pointed at the chair beside him. “Have a seat, Son.”
Darren groaned inwardly, knowing what this had to be about. He took the chair his father had indicated and tried to appear relaxed. He waited for his father to speak first.
“Darren,” James began, “I spent part of yesterday on the phone with Matthews, trying to get a handle on what happened up there. He seems to think that your resignation isn't necessarily final, and he wants me to encourage you to come back. He says you haven't burnt any bridges, and he doesn't want to see that happen.” He sat there and looked at his son for a moment. “Darren, what is going on?”
Darren shrugged. “Dad, it's just like I told you the other day. I made a mistake, walking away from Katie Lou. I had to come home and try to fix that mistake.”
“So, that's what you were doing in Ozark last night? Trying to fix it?” He looked directly into Darren's eyes.
Darren's eyebrows lowered. “Okay, we're going to skip right past the part where you know I was in Ozark even though I didn't tell you. What I want to know is why you think it's something you need to be worried about. Dad, I've tried to accept the decision to walk away from Katie Lou, I tried very hard to convince myself that it was the right thing to do, but no matter how ma
ny ways I look at it, it was nothing but a cowardly decision. I put my feelings for her and all the promises I made to her aside, in order to try to cling to some political ambitions that I never really even wanted in the first place.”
“What do you mean, you never wanted them? Darren, politics is all you talked about since you were a sophomore in high school. I remember the essays you wrote about your plans to become a congressman; have you forgotten about those?”
“I haven't forgotten anything, Dad,” Darren said, “unlike you, who seem to have forgotten that all of the political dreams were yours. I never wanted to go to Congress, I just wanted to please you. All I ever heard out of you was how much I could accomplish if I set my sights on a political career, so I tried to do what you wanted, I really did. But, Dad, I can't throw away my own feelings to try to make you happy, and it's…”
“You just stop right there,” James said. “You're not going to try to blame this on me. Yes, I encouraged you to seek a political career, because I believe you are intelligent enough and honest enough and good enough to make a difference in this country, but you are the one who started talking with Matthews about it. You can't tell me that was just to please me, not when you were pitching them for a spot with their law firm at the time.”
Darren shook his head. “Was I excited about it? Sure, who wouldn't be? I had all these big-shot lawyers and politicians telling me what a great future I had ahead of me, so, yeah, I got excited. I'm not trying to claim that I never felt the pull of fame and power—of course I did. What I am trying to tell you is that what started it all was that desire to please you.” He looked at his hands for a moment, then looked back up into his father's eyes. “I'll tell you a secret, something you never knew. Take a wild guess on what it was I really wanted to do with my life, can you do that? No, never mind, I'll just tell you. I didn't want to be a lawyer, I didn't want to be a politician, what I wanted was to be an actor. Don't you remember, all those years in high school, I was always in the drama club? Even came to every play I was in, and sat up there and bragged about how your son was such a great actor, do you remember that?”