Any Way We Want

by Grey Cole

  He could feel Royce’s beaming smile against his skin. “There’s an old wives’ tale that a man with a more pronounced Adam’s apple is more virile. So, basically, it’s like a sign to others that you are stronger than most, and you have an insatiable sexual appetite.” Shea found himself laughing at this, but then he swallowed hard because the movement caused Royce to shift inside him. Maybe it was true, because he’d be damned if he didn’t want to go again. “You should love everything about yourself. You're incredible, Shea Shepherd. And I love you.”

  Shea felt tears in his eyes, but he didn’t blink to make them go away, and he didn’t utter a single word for fear of breaking the spell that had settled over them. He let the tears gather there as he contemplated just how crazy-lucky he was. Sure, his father had kicked him out just hours before and forbade him from seeing his siblings. And all because of a sweet, heartfelt message from the man he loved—Miss you. Love you. Can’t wait to feel you against me again.

  When his sister thrust the message in his face like it was something he should be ashamed of, Shea lifted his head higher and owned it. As much as he loved his family, they weren’t the ones he would spend the rest of his life with, and living without all that was Royce Edward Thornton III was simply unacceptable.

  Shea cringed a little when he recalled the vitriolic comments his father had hurled at him and the hideous things he’d said about Royce, about them—perverts … abominations … faggots—then, he said the thing that had Shea finally snapping out of his stupor to defend himself and the man he loved. His father had accused Royce of corrupting him and damning his soul to burn in the eternal fires of hell. Shea raged inside because there was nothing ugly or evil about what he and Royce shared, and no one would ever get away with saying those things about them, even his father.

  “That was designed to get you out of your head. Stop obsessing. I can literally feel you thinking.”

  Shea grinned. “So, all it took to get you to fuck me finally was being outed in front of my bigoted father and entire family and being disowned, huh? Why didn’t I think of that before?” He sobered when he remembered another painful detail from the day from hell. “He said more than likely my defect was what had twisted my thinking and made me a pervert.”

  Royce pulled back and met his eyes. Anger and compassion fought for top position. His thumbs came up to graze his cheeks. “I love you. I’ll love your family if they ever give me a chance. That being said, your father is not only a bigot, but he’s also ignorant. You have Asperger’s, and that has nothing to do with who you are attracted to or who you love. You are not defective. You’re strong. And beautiful. And kind. And smart as hell. Regardless of what anyone says, you will always have a place with me. You will always be mine. Just as you are. Without exception.”

  Shea wanted to speak, but again he couldn’t find the words. Instead, he gripped Royce closer and tighter and sighed into his skin.

  Royce shuddered, placing a lingering kiss on his shoulder, and braced himself over his body as he gently removed himself from Shea. He eased himself from the bed and grabbed Shea’s hand, dragging him along to the bathroom. Shea gasped when he entered the massive room.

  “Yep,” Royce agreed when they paused outside the huge shower stall that held a bench and an oversized shower head.

  Royce wrapped the condom up for disposal and fiddled with the taps to get the water temperature right before he guided them under the hot spray. There wasn’t any soap or anything, so Royce just ran his hands over him, cleaning him with friction alone. Shea leaned his head back on Royce’s shoulder as those talented hands glided over his front, washing away the traces of their lovemaking. Then he scooted back and did the same to his backside. When Shea felt clean, he turned in Royce’s arms and returned the favor. He leaned in and kissed his way across Royce’s hairy chest. He loved how different Royce felt. Rough and supremely masculine.

  When the water started to run lukewarm, Royce turned the faucets off and shook his head side to side, spraying water over them both. Shea laughed, did the same, and wrapped his arms around Royce, hugging him tightly.

  Their spent cocks lay on their thighs, but when they brushed against each other, they perked up considerably.

  Shea’s curiosity finally got the better of him. “This is a really nice place.”

  “You like it?”

  “I do.”

  “What do you think about a place like this for us?”

  Shea chuckled at Royce’s lack of subtly. When Royce wouldn’t answer him earlier, he kind of had a feeling it was their new place. “I think it’s perfect. Were you gonna ask me to move in with you or just move my stuff and tell me later?”

  Royce leaned back, a smile shining in his eyes. “I was gonna ask. I swear. But, then …”

  “Then I blew the surprise.”

  “You know I love it when you blow.”

  Shea rolled his eyes at the thinly veiled innuendo. “But, how are you affording this? What will we fill it with? Not that crappy futon, I hope.”

  “Demanding, aren’t we?” Royce waggled his eyebrows. They both cursed that futon each and every night of the last four months. They were too tall to be sleeping on it, but it was the best option available to them since they refused to sleep apart after that first night. “I used my trust fund.”

  Shea reared back. “You said you didn’t want to touch that. I don’t want to be responsible for making you do something you’re against. You wanted to make it on your own.”

  “And I still do. But I want this more. More space with you. More time with you. Uninterrupted. Unfettered.”

  “God, that sounds good.”

  “So, I’ve got your yes?”

  “Yes, I’ll move in with you. First order of business? Towels.”

  Royce laughed and literally swept Shea off his feet. His big hands were clasped under Shea’s butt, holding him tight against him. “You can fill it with whatever you want. We have plenty of money left over to furnish this place. I only bought a bed ‘cause I wanted a big, comfy one for us to lose ourselves in.”

  “You know we’re not gonna get crap done our senior year.”

  “I don’t know. I’m pretty good at withholding until I’ve got what I want.”

  That he was. Shea had been ready for them to make love for forever. But, Royce wouldn’t do it until it felt right.

  “And do you have what you want?”

  “Better fucking believe it,” Royce growled, his fingers digging into his cheeks.

  Shea felt his eyes glistening again. He found himself thanking the powers that be for the fact that Royce didn’t find his inability to mask his emotions a turn off. “I love you, Royce.”

  Royce let him slide down his body but kept him pinned tight. “Love you, too.” He paused and furrowed his brow. “You know, you could’ve played it off like I was joking or denied the text was meant for you. Not that I’m complaining,” he tacked on. “It means I got you a couple of months earlier than I expected.”

  “Yeah, I could’ve, but they were trying to shame me into agreeing that we’re wrong to want each other, wrong to be together. And as much as I wanted to come out on my own terms when I had more stability, I just couldn’t do it. You. Us. Neither are a joke to me, and it’s nothing I ever want to lie about.”

  Chapter Six

  Past: Playing Well with Others

  Shea’s fingertips picked at the fraying hole in his jeans. Then they drummed with a nervous intensity that had Royce grinning. When he began popping his knuckles, Royce had to put a stop to it. He slipped his hand from the steering wheel and threaded his fingers through the other man’s. Royce tossed him a smile that was supposed to be reassuring, but it only served to make Shea throw his head back against the seat and groan.

  “It’s going to be fine, Shea,” Royce promised. His father was extremely open-minded, and he was entirely used to Royce throwing him curve balls. He wasn’t a highly regarded and successful negotiator for nothing. Yes, he might ra
ise an eyebrow, take a deep breath, and chew on the news for a few moments. But then he would give them that half-smile, murmur his acceptance, and ask one of them to pass the bread. That is how Royce saw this playing out, and that was how it was going to go. If he feared his father would react anything like Shea’s, he would never bring Shea along to tell them about their relationship, because he would never allow Shea to be subjected to a hell like that again.

  His Volvo sports coupe growled as he punched the accelerator to tackle the winding, uphill driveway of his childhood home. The silver hood still glistened with the early morning dew that just begun to burn off. Royce reached the top of the hill, cut the engine, and turned in his seat to face to Shea. He remembered how Shea had been fraught with nerves the first time they’d come here when they’d just been friends. Shea’s eyes had flashed with annoyance as he took in the Italian-style mansion that towered above all the other real estate on the Seaside Estates hillside. When the exited the car, Royce watched as Shea had taken in the breathtaking view that included the San Francisco Bay, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Alcatraz before he spun to stare daggers at Royce.

  “You could’ve told me you’re fucking loaded,” he’d snapped, shoving his hands in his back pockets and pacing the parking area filled with expensive, shiny cars.

  “I’m not loaded. My father is,” Royce had rebuked.

  “Semantics.” Shea had seethed, undeterred even in the face of Royce’s frustration.

  They’d traded a few more barbs, Shea muttering about not belonging here. Then, he’d paced and mumbled some more. Royce had just crossed his arms, leaned against the wall, and tried not to laugh. Finally, they’d gone in to meet his family, and Shea had fallen in love with them all. They had, of course, fallen right back in love with him.

  Oh, how things had changed between them since that first visit. Royce now understood that Shea was not good with the unexpected. And Shea understood that even though Royce’s family was ridiculously loaded, they were down-to-earth, warm people who loved and accepted him.

  He and Shea changed quickly into swimming trunks and made their way out to the heated pool. His father wouldn’t be home for a few hours, and Royce thought it would be good if they treated this like any other visit. So, they swam and had a couple of beers and lounged around on the sundeck.

  Looking out on a muscled Shea cutting across the turquoise water, Royce now stood in the Great Room that overlooked the pool. He had come into grab some snacks and water bottles, but then he stopped to enjoy the view a bit before he rejoined his boyfriend. Quiet moments like this usually had Royce thinking about the future. Mostly, it shone—beautiful and bright. Only one thought marred it, and even though it rarely reared its ugly head, it caused him to tremble with gut-wrenching fear each and every time.

  “Son,” addressed Royce Edward Thornton II, widely known as Roy, from his spot beside his son. He hadn’t even heard him enter the room.

  “Dad,” Royce answered without glancing over. The man was entirely too sneaky.

  “You boys having fun?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “How’s school?”

  “Excellent.”

  His father hummed his approval.

  “How’d you know you were in love with Mom?” Royce asked without taking his eyes off the gorgeous man in the pool.

  “She knew who I was, and she bought me a cup of coffee anyway.”

  Royce snickered at the unexpected answer. “What?”

  “Yep, I loved that about her first. So brave, so self-possessed. All my life I had been catered to and courted by outsiders. It was always what I could do for them—what doors could be opened—if they had my favor. Your mother was interested in me, but instead of playing silly games, she asked the coffee house owner what my order was, and the next time our schedules coincided, she skipped me in line, bought me a coffee, and told me we were sitting together. People who don’t believe in love at first sight, never met your mother. I was gone from that moment on.”

  His father laughed softly and grew quiet for a few minutes. Royce knew from experience that Roy was taking a trip down memory lane with his mother, Marilyn, and would rejoin him soon, so he waited him out.

  “I had noticed her in class before, but I, as you know, can be pretty single-minded. I didn’t date. Didn’t really socialize. Anyway, we exchanged a few lingering glances, but when things didn’t move along quickly enough for your mother, she decided to make a move. She was up front about what she wanted, and I respected that. You have no idea how many women created false pretenses to lure me into something more.”

  Royce had a pretty good idea. His prep school days were a barrage of young, willing women looking to climb the social ladder and marry the heir to the Thornton fortune.

  “So, on a scale of one to petrified, exactly how terrified were you?”

  “Honestly, I wasn’t. And unfortunately, I know why you are. But, you shouldn’t be. The odds are on your side.” His father’s large hand clasped his shoulder. “You’re not going to lose your young man, Royce.”

  Royce forced himself to keep his breathing even and his body still. His father’s perceptive nature never failed to scare the hell out of him. He still remembered the evening his mother had been brutalized and killed. The victim of a carjacking, she’d never stood a chance. So senseless and random. His father would have given the man a thousand cars to keep his wife safe. He and his father had been playing tennis when Roy had suddenly frozen in place, uncharacteristically letting the yellow ball buzz past him. He’d finally moved, but only to massage his hand over his heart.

  “Royce,” he choked, “I think it best we go in for a while.”

  Eight-year-old Royce had assumed the worst. He’d thought his father was having a heart attack, so he’d scuttled around the net and encouraged his father to lean against him. Ushering him inside, young Royce had propped the large man onto the sofa and called for help. His father’s breathing had become shallow, and his color had waned. And Royce had prayed that God would not take his hero. Turned out he should have been praying an entirely different prayer that day.

  Their butler had rushed in and taken charge while Royce sat wide-eyed, rubbing his father’s hand and whispering platitudes.

  Then, the shrill ring of the phone decimated any chance at peace they would have for quite some time.

  Royce snapped himself out of his dreadful memory to ask, “How did you know?”

  “Probably knew before you did.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Royce demanded, finally looking at the near identical copy of himself.

  His father raised his brow and studied him. “When you’ve been love, you recognize love. At first, I thought you two were just close. I was thrilled, since you never had a brother of your own, but then I saw it for what it was. Don’t worry. He’s just as crazy about you as you are him.”

  The fact that Royce’s father saw all of that so clearly, settled his nerves entirely. Even though he was confident that he and Shea were meant to be, the old nagging feeling of something disastrous on the horizon had still haunted him. “So, it doesn’t bother you that I’m … bisexual? You’re not disappointed?”

  His father seemed to think that over for a moment before stating very plainly, “I’ve never been disappointed in you. And I could never be disappointed in you. You were, after all, my reason for being able to get up in the morning for many years. I’ll never forget those big blue eyes of yours, staring up at me and needing me. If it hadn’t been for you, I would either be a raging drunk or dead.” His father shook his head, determination steeling his blue eyes. “Bothered? No. I’m thrilled that you found someone to share your life with. Someone who feeds your soul. No matter the package.”

  Royce bit his lip in effort to keep from laughing out loud at the unintended double entendre. But, as his shoulders started to shake with laughter, recognition registered in his father’s eyes. Their unfettered laughter filled the opulent space and shook off the maudl
in turn their conversation had taken.

  “Boys …” his father sighed. “Let’s go retrieve your young man. I’m sure he’s worried himself sick over my reaction.”

  “He has, even though I told him I had faith in you and that you wouldn’t be a bigoted asshole.”

  “Thank you for that. I do hope his father comes around.”

  “Me too, but I don’t see that happening.”

  “Well, he’ll always have me. Perhaps I will make an adequate replacement.”

  “More than adequate,” Royce praised.

  For the next three years, Shea and Royce lived in euphoria, even though they both worked harder than ever to build their dream and their empire. There was only one thing which seemed to open a chasm between them. That one issue wasn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but it strained an otherwise perfect relationship. The more Royce tried to overcome the problem, the wider the gap seemed to grow. Still, Royce vowed that nothing would come between them, even if he had to enlist outside help.

  ***

  “For the love of cock, why can I not find a top who is willing to boss me around a little and fuck me through the mattress? Is that too unreasonable to hope for? Then, he called me a twink! A fucking twink! Do I seem like a fucking twink to you, Shea? I’m in the most rigorous PhD program on the planet, not to mention I’m self-actualized. Anything about that say twink?”

  Joshua’s here! Royce thought as he closed the door of their apartment behind him. He couldn’t help but let out a roar of laughter at the heated diatribe their friend had just let loose. Both men tilted their heads against the back of the sofa to peer at him. He laughed again at their upside-down twin gazes of exasperation.

  “I would be shocked if the neighbors didn’t hear you, Joshua. I was standing here for the whole bit, and you never even heard me.” Royce kicked his shoes off and made a beeline for the sofa that held two of his favorite people. He delighted in the way Shea spun himself around on his knees and leaned on the back of the sofa to offer him a welcome kiss. He’d been coming home to him for over three years now, and that little habit never got old.