It seemed there was something missing from my education—how to be a normal modern young woman. I had no idea how to flirt. Rihanna was so comfortable with her gang that she had no need to flirt, so I wasn't learning. If my relationship with Justin was going to go any further, I had to know how to let him know I was interested. Yet, I couldn't tell Rihanna my problem. I solved it by asking her if we could go out dancing that weekend, where I would watch other girls flirt with boys and learn from them. Never one to miss a party, Rihanna was down with that.
Saturday night found us dressed in our sexiest bar scene outfits, drinking Long Island iced tea with a few of her peeps and surveying the crowd. Surreptitiously, I picked out a couple of girls whose appearance was similar to mine; that is, medium height, long blonde hair and a curvaceous figure. I watched how they cut their eyes at the boys who picked them out of the crowd, how they touched an arm lightly, or tossed their hair over their shoulder and the expressions on their faces. Later, whenever Rihanna wasn't in the dorm room, I would practice these gestures until they became natural.
It felt a little awkward, as if I were an actor playing a role, the next time I was in class and began to practice my new flirting technique. What I didn't count on was that boys in the class would also notice my flirtatious behavior. I had to wade through several unwanted advances to get to Justin's desk that day, which I wanted to do to let him know I wouldn't be able to go for coffee. This was a technique I'd learned about called "playing hard to get".
I was nervous that it would backfire on me and that Justin would just find a different girl to go to coffee with, but coffee wasn't all I wanted. I had to shake things up to advance the relationship, or simply let it go on as an innocent friendship.
Later, it occurred to me that I could have used those other boys to my advantage. Next class, if any of them approached me, I'd invite him for coffee. I didn't have time before Thanksgiving break to make many missteps, so from now on, I would carefully plan my strategies.
Meanwhile, Rihanna said she was dying to introduce me to her best friend from high school, who turned out to be a junior and a boy. That he was also the point guard of the varsity basketball team went right over my head, since I knew nothing about basketball. Because he was always at practice for the upcoming season, I hadn't met him yet in our group outings. Truthfully, I wasn't interested. I had eyes only for Justin.
As it turned out, my plan worked perfectly. I could see from the corner of my eye that Justin had his eyes on the boy I picked to make him jealous. At the Student Union, I sat at the table with the hapless boy and watched Justin pass nearby several times. Justin was waiting outside the Student Union doors when I left. I had my head turned in the opposite direction, so when he seized my upper arm it startled me. I gave a little shriek, and dropped my backpack.
"Oh, Janey," he said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I'd like to talk to you, can we go somewhere?"
"Wow, Justin, I'm sorry, but I promised to meet my roommate, and I'll be late if I don't hurry. Maybe I could catch you later. I'll be back here for lunch in an hour or so."
He frowned slightly, but he agreed to meet me then.
At the time we'd set, there was no sign of Justin. I got my lunch and sat down at an empty table. A few minutes later, an unsmiling Justin sat down at the table with me.
"Janey, what's going on?" he asked. "I thought we had a nice friendship going."
I raised my eyebrows, pretending I didn't know what he was getting at. "I thought so too. What makes you think anything is going on?" I said.
"You seem to have been avoiding me this week."
"No, I just thought it was time to broaden my interests," I said, tossing my head so that my hair flipped backward over my shoulder.
"What kind of interests are we talking about?" asked Justin, his eyebrows raised now.
I gave him the little half smile that I had been practicing in the mirror since last Saturday, allowing my eyes to half close as well.
"A girl has… needs," I said with a wink. At that, Justin's eyes widened, dropped to my chest and flicked back up to mine. This was the second time I had noticed him checking out my assets. That's what Rihanna called them. What Justin didn't know, what no one on campus knew except Rihanna, was that I was the mother of a two-year-old. Rihanna had asked me once if I had the same figure before I got pregnant with my baby, but I truly didn't know. The last thing on my mind at that point was being physically attractive. As far as I knew, I had always had a large bosom, but before now, I had never considered it an asset.
"An attractive girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend yet?" Justin asked now.
"I haven't been looking for a boyfriend," I said, emphasizing the word boy. I gazed steadily into his eyes so that he could not mistake my meaning.
"I see," he said. "And just what are you looking for?" He had taken on a lazy drawl that I wanted to eat with a spoon. I watched his face for cues to his mood, until I realized that if I didn't look away, I'd start drooling. I didn't want to be forward enough to just baldly state that I found him desirable, so I lowered my eyes and didn't answer his question. After a few seconds, I looked up again, to find him staring avidly at my face.
"You're a very attractive girl, but very young," he said. I got the feeling he was fighting with himself, concerned about the difference in our ages. Maybe I was wrong though, because next he asked if he could take me to dinner that night.
"I'd like that," I said
"Where shall I pick you up?"
I thought quickly. It would be just my luck for Rihanna to see me getting into his car if I had him pick me up at the dorm.
"How about here?" A look I didn't understand passed across his face.
"Sure. About 7 o'clock?"
"7 o'clock is fine," I said. "How shall I dress?"
His beautiful, sexy smile stole slowly across his face. "I'll take you somewhere nice," he said.
At 6:45, having evaded Rihanna’s return to the dorm, I stood in my sexy bar scene clothes shivering outside the student union building. Normally, I would've been wearing jeans and sensible shoes along with my warm winter coat in the unreliable November weather. Instead, I was bare-legged in a short skirt and ultrahigh heels and no coat, because my warm one would not have looked good with my outfit. Vanity was going to get me a case of pneumonia, I feared.
Fortunately, Justin was early too. He left his car running at the curb, got out and strode swiftly to me, wrapping a warm arm around my bare shoulders.
"You look amazing," he said. "But what were you thinking, not wearing a coat?"
There was simply no other answer, so I just said, "Vanity."
By then he was tucking me into the passenger seat of the car and he took time to throw his head back and laugh loudly. He was still laughing when he got into the driver's side and put the car in gear. I didn't pay much attention as we drove off campus and down Foothill Drive, until Justin entered the freeway traveling west. Familiar with this route because it led eventually to Wyoming and the ranch, I nevertheless wondered aloud where we were going.
"Since it's a special occasion," Justin answered, "I thought I would take you to Park City." I knew that Parley's Canyon between Salt Lake City and Park City could be treacherous during the winter months, but the weather was clear tonight. I began to anticipate an adventure.
Justin took me to an Italian restaurant called Grappa, where I almost panicked because I had never eaten Italian before, except what Janet sometimes prepared at the ranch, spaghetti and meatballs. I didn't need to worry, though, as Justin took charge of ordering without consulting me. I loved everything, from the flatbread appetizer to the seared red snapper entrée and especially the tiramisu dessert that we shared. Justin also took charge of ordering the wines, and was only momentarily put off guard when the server asked for my ID. I calmly produced the fake one, as Justin smothered a snort in his napkin.
"God bless you sir," the server said. I waited until he left before giggling into my napkin
.
"You're quite a little bundle of surprises," Justin said, smiling.
"Blame my roommate," I said. "She insisted I get this the first day I was on campus."
"You must tell her thank you from me," Justin said. At the time, I didn't know what he meant, but I was soon to find out.
After our lovely dinner, Justin again put his arm around me for warmth as we went back to his car.
"What shall we do now?" he said, with an intent look into my eyes.
"What did you have in mind?" I countered. I was a little tipsy, I realized, but not shitfaced. What I hoped for was unclear in my mind, but it involved kissing Justin, whose masculine scent overwhelmed me in the warm car. I leaned over the console to rest my face against his arm as he drove, and promptly went to sleep.
~~~
When I awoke, we were pulling into a driveway in front of a house of charming architectural design, made of stone and artistically lit on the outside.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"I thought I'd better sober you up a bit before taking you back to your dorm," Justin said.
"Oh, thank you. I'm not shitfaced," I added, puzzled a little at his sharp bark of laughter. "You can't take me to the dorm, my roommate might see you."
Justin's quizzical look further puzzled me. Maybe I was drunker than I thought.
"Are you ashamed of me, Janey?" asked Justin.
"No, but she said it was unethical to sleep with a professor." Oh, shit. Now I'd done it. I had said 'sleep with a professor' right out loud and he had to know I meant him.
"Why would she say something like that?" asked Justin, being deliberately obtuse, I thought. I mumbled something in reply, and he stepped close to me.
Justin used a gentle forefinger to tilt my chin up so that we were looking into each other's eyes, and bent his head to kiss me. The gentle kiss was almost chaste, but it only served to make me want more. I didn't blame the wine. Hadn't I been visualizing a moment like this since I first laid eyes on the dreamy Professor Mackey? I closed my eyes and swayed toward him, his arms encircling me as he pressed his lips firmly against mine. After an eternity of drinking in Justin's intoxicating lips, I stumbled a little as he broke the kiss off. It was only to lead me to the nearest sofa, where he seated me gently, guiding me so that I wouldn't tumble into the sofa like a rag doll.
Before he joined me there, Justin knelt and removed my shoes. I stared dreamily at the top of his head, reaching involuntarily to thrust my fingers into his soft, wavy hair. When he sat next to me and pulled me into his arms again, I was near to swooning with desire. It was a heady feeling that eclipsed my earlier, girlish stirrings whenever I was in his presence.
A shiver washed through me as his hand cupped my cheek, and then swept back through my hair to capture my head and pull me even closer for his kisses. His breath tasted like the dessert wine we'd had at the restaurant; rich, fruity and sweet. When his tongue pushed against my lips to invade my mouth, I instinctively opened to him, though no one had kissed me in such a way before.
When he drew back, I almost cried out in pain at the loss of his lips and the agile tongue that teased me to a state of euphoria. He only wanted to look at me though, before lightly kissing me again on the forehead.
"I can't figure you out, Janey," he said. "You're a brilliant student, far beyond your peers in my class. You seem so young and naïve in some ways, but at the same time, whenever I'm around you, I get the feeling that you're deeply sensual. Tonight you seem ripe with desire."
There was nothing to say to that; he had described me perfectly, but I couldn't explain. What would he do, what would he think of me, if he knew of my background? At that moment, I wasn't thinking far enough ahead to consider that, if this became a long-term relationship, my lie by omission about my daughter would be a huge problem. Since I couldn't answer him, I stayed silent, but leaned in for more kisses.
Apparently accepting my decision not to discuss my naïveté or my sensual nature, Justin stopped talking, and resumed kissing me passionately. I don't know how long we just kissed. Eventually, I realized that I was laying back against the cushions, with Justin's body half-covering mine. I could feel his erection through our clothes, the hard length pushing into my groin, which was pulsing to the beat of my heart.
I knew exactly what that firm protrusion was. However, I had never experienced pleasure from the act of intercourse. In my aroused and impaired state, all I could think of was that it was my turn at last. Watching Russ and Charity, and later Annalee and Cody, go about their normal business every day, it was easy to see when either couple was anticipating lovemaking that night. Furthermore, it was easy to see that both Charity and Annalee found it very pleasant to say the least. Now I thought that if these delicious feelings of excitement washing through me accompanied sex, I would like to have it as often as possible.
Justin's hand had strayed from the back of my head as he pressed into me, and was now brushing lightly over my breast and down my torso. As he passed my breast with his light touch, my nipples sprang to attention, causing a sweet ache that I remembered as the need to nurse Gracie. That couldn't be it though, since I had weaned her more than six months before.
All logical thought ceased as Justin's hand cupped my backside and pulled me into his aroused groin. I gasped as his erection dug into my pelvic area. Suddenly, I could think of nothing but feeling his skin against my skin. That wouldn't happen unless we shed our clothing. That thought was in my mind as I began to fumble at his shirt buttons. Justin groaned and captured my hand.
"Janey, I have to ask this. Is it possible that you're a virgin?"
"Why?" I gasped. I was breathless and shocked by the question. What had I done to make him believe that or even question it?
"What I said before," he said. "Sometimes you seem so naïve, and it's clear you're inexperienced."
I was devastated. If he thought I was a virgin, would it mean we wouldn't do this? If I told him I wasn't, but that I was in fact inexperienced, would he be disappointed? Was he disappointed already because I wasn't doing something right? I was paralyzed with indecision.
"No," I answered, having paused long enough that I expected him to question me further. But, he simply sighed and began to nuzzle my neck.
"Carry on," he murmured, taking my hand and placing it back on his buttons. I wasted no time in undoing each one and pushing my hand inside his shirt, finding an undershirt, to my disappointment. I had to tug at the undershirt before I could run my hands across his warm, taut abs. My fingertips danced over his smooth skin, eliciting a hum of appreciation from Justin. They burned, my fingers, with the electricity drawn from the tension in the air as I waited for Justin to touch my skin as well.
Justin paused shortly to shrug out of his shirt and peel the undershirt over his head. The sight of his smooth chest inflamed me more and I began kissing it, even being so bold as to flick my tongue over his nipples. That pulled a groan from him, and he started fumbling with my clothes. I wanted nothing more than to press my bare breasts against him, so I struggled out of his arms long enough to remove my top and reach behind me to undo the bra. Justin brushed my hands aside, expertly unhooking the bra, which I allowed to drop away from my breasts.
Freed from my clothing above the waist, I moved back into his arms, wanting to merge our bodies as I'd thought of before. Justin had other ideas, though. Holding me by the upper arms, he moved me far enough away that he could gaze at the parts of me that I had bared to him. His eyes on my breasts burned my skin, puckering my nipples. Another moan escaped him as he lowered his head to them, and began to suckle one, sending a thrill to me below. Electricity danced along the backs of my arms, down my legs, and back up to tease my core. Time stopped as I reveled in the sweet pleasure his lips on my nipple gave me. I didn't realize I was writhing with pleasure, until his hand gripped my hip.
"You like that," he stated. I had no time to respond, as he turned his attention to my other breast and continued his thrilling assault
. After a few moments though, he stopped.
"Don't you want to touch me?" he said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Justin stared at me in confusion, and then simply unzipped his pants and freed his erection.
"Touch me," he demanded. Oh, that's what he meant.
Tentatively, I reached to obey his command, lightly brushing with my fingertips. The sight of it was fascinating; standing proudly, the top a shiny mauve color, a bead of moisture at the tip. The rest of it was a paler color, but with prominent blue veins tracing all over it.
"Squeeze," Justin said. I grasped the shaft with my whole hand and squeezed as requested, feeling with surprise a responding clench of my internal muscles as it leapt in my hand.
"Oh," I breathed.
"That's it," he sighed, "now stroke up and down." He must have known by now that I had no idea what I was doing, but he seemed willing to teach me. I was certainly willing to learn.
I lost myself in delirious sensation that night. I didn't know what to do with my intense physical response to his every touch. His hands, creeping up my leg and under my skirt; his fingers slipping under the leg of my panties and over the moist center of me—each new sensation sent me whirling through space, falling endlessly as I strained even closer to feel more.
By the time he unzipped my skirt and pushed it down my hips, sweeping my panties with it, I had thrown caution to the wind and was ready for whatever new experiences Justin was willing to give me. He seemed determined to explore every inch of my body. When he kissed and licked his way down my stomach and over the light thatch of hair that covered my sex, something that felt like fear swept through me, but it wasn't fear. I didn't know what was coming, but I sensed that it would be magical and I wasn't wrong.
His lips found the most sensitive part of me, nibbling and teasing, followed by the flick of his tongue there. I couldn't suppress the scream of pleasure and surprise. Startled, he held me with a hand on each side of my hips and looked up. Greedy for more, I clutched his hair and pulled him back to me, where he dutifully lapped until a shattering explosion took me. I was still shaking when he moved back to lie alongside me, wrapping me in his arms and holding me until the trembling had nearly stopped.
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