Spider Web
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“You know,” he told Gabe. “There are too many people in positions of power who need help and aren’t getting it because they are fearful of what people would say or how it will affect their job. So they suffer and their employees suffer and their families suffer.” Dr. Pete shook his head. “People still have a long way to go in their acceptance of mental health issues. I hope someday people see that not getting help is much more frightening and dangerous to themselves and to society.”
I could tell the times they touched on deep issues; Gabe came home as exhausted and depleted as if he had run a marathon. But I could also tell after a few weeks that he was feeling better, happier. Dr. Pete had prescribed some medication that helped Gabe sleep, and his nightmares hadn’t returned. That’s not to say they never would, but at least he—we—had somewhere to go now for help.
The night after his first session with Dr. Pete, after my shower, I crawled into the guest bed with Gabe and refused to leave.
“You will have to physically carry me out,” I said. “And even then I’ll come back.” Scout flopped down on the floor next to the bed. He laid his head on his front paws and stared up at us.
“See, Scout’s staying too,” I said, folding my arms across my chest.
Gabe studied me a moment, the only movement on his face the jaw muscle under his left ear. It twitched like a moth trapped under his skin.
Then he smiled. “You both are loco.”
“As loons,” I agreed. “Though I have no idea why loons are called crazy. I mean just because you sound crazy doesn’t mean you are.”
He was smart enough to know he wouldn’t win this battle. We all moved back to the master bedroom.
“I don’t trust myself,” he said, settling down next to me that night. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“How about I trust for both of us?”
Scout was relieved to have both of us back in the same room where he thought we belonged. His contented sigh as he settled into his dog bed made both Gabe and me laugh. The pack was reunited.
All of these moments swirled around in my mind as I sat on Trixie and watched the scene unfold below me. Isaac had emerged and was taking photos of the women now. Dove, Garnet, some of their friends and even Dot Haggerty locked arms, kicking their legs like chorus girls. I heard a collective whoop rise up into the air and the sound of clapping. I was struck about how lucky I was, how important it was to guard and cherish each happy moment, like my night with Gabe in Morro Bay, to save them up for the hard times that would come just as surely as the blue lupine in spring.
I hoped Yvette had some beautiful moments saved up to sustain her through this terrible time of her life. “Lord, help her,” I whispered, picturing her solemn face. “Please, give her hope.”
Would I still feel thankful one year from now? Five years? What if Gabe’s nightmares returned? What if Dr. Pete couldn’t help, what if Gabe unintentionally hurt me again? What if things got worse? A lot worse? What if Gabe had to quit his job? What about the stress of being Tessa’s guardian? Of Lin’s eventual death? What if the stress of all this broke up our marriage? What if . . .
Faith, said a voice in my head, a voice that was a combination of Dove and Aunt Garnet and Father Mark and Pastor Mac and all the women in the Coffin Star Quilt Guild—all the wise people in my life who had helped form the woman I had become. Have faith. Have hope. But what if faith wasn’t enough? What if hope seemed in vain? What was left?
Of course, I knew the answer. It was as simple and complex as a blade of grass. Then you love. Whom we love, why we love, when we love—all so incomprehensible. But it was the answer.
“You know what’s crazy?” Yvette had said. “I still love him.”
“The heart has reasons that reason cannot know.” One of Gabe’s favorite quotes by Blaise Pascal, a mathematician who understood about faith and hope. A mathematician and a philosopher who understood about love.
Beneath me, Trixie shifted impatiently, telling me we needed to move this stubborn cow down to the rest of the herd, telling me she was ready to get back to work.
“C’mon, sweet mama,” I called to the rebel cow. “Everyone’s waiting on us. I promise, it won’t take that long. Before you know it, we’ll all be back home.”
Titles by Earlene Fowler
THE SADDLEMAKER’S WIFE
LOVE MERCY
The Benni Harper Mysteries
FOOL’S PUZZLE
IRISH CHAIN
KANSAS TROUBLES
GOOSE IN THE POND
DOVE IN THE WINDOW
MARINER’S COMPASS
SEVEN SISTERS
ARKANSAS TRAVELER
STEPS TO THE ALTAR
SUNSHINE AND SHADOW
BROKEN DISHES
DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS
TUMBLING BLOCKS
STATE FAIR
SPIDER WEB
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgements
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
EPILOGUE